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What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 1:21:39 PM
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W.O.F.
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if, hypothetically, you brought a child home late....and the parents responded by physically taking the child by the shoulders, pushing the child into a chair, yelling at them the whole time.......and you know these parents to have some yelling/anger issues?
Would you be concerned about possible abuse?
Would you ignore it and figure that what happens behind closed doors is none of your business?
What would you do?
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 1:25:30 PM
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mary0965
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I would mind my own business unless I knew the WHOLE story!
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 1:30:59 PM
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W.O.F.
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What if you had had experience with similar situations...and in one of them..the child was being abused? and you had said nothing?
Even if in this situation there is no abuse....what would you do?
My business, as a Christian, is to defend and protect the defenseless....which to me would mean at least trying to explain to the parents the situation.
I don't know that I would call social services on them....but I would try to work with them....because if they, at any time, put their child into my care...then it does become my business.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 1:32:15 PM
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kohls356
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If I knew how the parents were I would try my best to have the child home on time. I do know things come up and people can run late so I would be calling and talking to the parents ahead of time apologizing for running late and explaining why we were late. Hopefully that would help to diffuse some of the anger. I would also try to go into the house before the child so I could once again talk to the parent and apologize for being late.
Other than that I don't know what I would do. I guess one thing would not take the child anywhere again just in case we would run late again.
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 1:33:18 PM
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W.O.F.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kohls356
If I knew how the parents were I would try my best to have the child home on time. I do know things come up and people can run late so I would be calling and talking to the parents ahead of time apologizing for running late and explaining why we were late. Hopefully that would help to diffuse some of the anger. I would also try to go into the house before the child so I could once again talk to the parent and apologize for being late.
Other than that I don't know what I would do. I guess one thing would not take the child anywhere again just in case we would run late again.
exactly.....
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 1:35:53 PM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: W.O.F.
if, hypothetically, you brought a child home late....and the parents responded by physically taking the child by the shoulders, pushing the child into a chair, yelling at them the whole time.......and you know these parents to have some yelling/anger issues?
I'd find it very distressing, and would at the very least make sure the parents knew that it my fault the child was late home, not hers.
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 1:38:48 PM
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mary0965
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Yes, thank you - either the child should of called - she had a cell phone plus she was not supposed to have anyone bring her home except for the person that she went with which didn't happen either.
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 1:42:55 PM
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W.O.F.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mary0965
Yes, thank you - either the child should of called - she had a cell phone plus she was not supposed to have anyone bring her home except for the person that she went with which didn't happen either.
what are you talking about? this is a hypothetical question about if what would someone do if they were the reason someone was late and got yelled at?
It isn't about the child...it is about the transporter.
It is not about a specific situation really either.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 1:45:06 PM
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mary0965
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The transporter was not the problem and never was the problem - it was the child!
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 1:52:14 PM
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kohls356
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I am really confused, doesn't take much sometimes though lol. It isn't the hypothetical child in the op that is at fault. They have no control over why they were late, unless they caused them to be late but that doesn't sound like the situation. The child, or transporter for that matter, can't control traffic. What if there was an accident or stuck in traffic, that happens. They should, however, be in contact with child's parents to keep them informed on where they are and when they think they will be back.
Now if a child came home with someone else they were not suppose to be with, then I can see that being a problem but that wasn't the hypothetical situation.
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 1:55:24 PM
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W.O.F.
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It is written in love to try to figure out what anyone of us would do IF we were in a situation where we were at fault for a child being late and that child being grabbed and yelled at. HOW would we handle it?
What are the lines for concern? What actions would we take or not take?
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 1:56:41 PM
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manda59
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kohls356
I ... am strictly answering based on the op.
Precisely.
And besides, since it's WOF who started this GENERAL thread, I can assure anyone here that whatever she writes, she writes in love.
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 1:56:52 PM
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W.O.F.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kohls356
I am really confused, doesn't take much sometimes though lol. It isn't the hypothetical child in the op that is at fault. They have no control over why they were late, unless they caused them to be late but that doesn't sound like the situation. The child, or transporter for that matter, can't control traffic. What if there was an accident or stuck in traffic, that happens. They should, however, be in contact with child's parents to keep them informed on where they are and when they think they will be back.
Now if a child came home with someone else they were not suppose to be with, then I can see that being a problem but that wasn't the hypothetical situation.
The problem is that this thread is hypothetical...and one poster is assuming it is about specifics.
which it truly is not....
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 1:58:56 PM
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W.O.F.
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Perhaps I should revise the OP a bit....so here goes:
What if you were, directly or indirectly, the cause of a child being yelled at? What if that yelling also included some physical force of some kind (not blows though)?
HOW would you try to handle that situation? Would you step up and apologize for being the cause? Would you just walk away?
What if you had been the victim or observer to abuse that may have started out this way? Even though you don't KNOW This is going to go down that path....what would you do?
< Message edited by W.O.F. -- 7/13/2009 2:08:17 PM >
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 2:11:21 PM
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kohls356
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Ok I saw the other thread and remember why I never read it, I just could not get past that long paragraph.
I stand by what I would do in the hypothetical situation of the op.
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 2:19:39 PM
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bolt.
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When I was a school bus driver, I once mentioned to the grandma who met a 5 year old getting off, that he had had trouble staying in his seat that ride (I'd had to tell him half a dozen times over a short ride). She began shouting aggressively about why and such, and the boy began to cry. I answered that he just gets caught up with the older kids and gets a bit bouncy. She responded to me normally, then tried to get the boy to come along with her, grabbing his arm and swatting him on the shoulder when he resisted her.
I found it severely agitating. I prayed; I finished my route; I rehashed it in my mind; I went home and looked up the definition of abuse in my area. I assessed that she had done nothing that did actual physical harm to the child, and that I had no reason to consider it a pattern of inappropriate fear/control etc. -- so I chose not to make a report to our protective services.
I wrote an excruciatingly detailed and impartial account of what I saw as a letter to the boys parents, and concluded saying that it was not abuse, according to the definition, and that I would not report it, but that I considered it a "particularly harsh way to treat a young child" and that I wanted them to be aware of the situation that may be developing when he spends time in his grandma's care. I included my phone number if there was any need to talk it out.
The next day the dad met the bus (not unusual) and kind of gave me a sort-of sheepish look like he knew he would have to talk to me about it. I just calmly told him that I had a letter for him, and behaved normally. They never called or anything. I don't think the grandma met the bus again though.
I considered reporting it to the bus company, for their records or something, but I decided against it. I kept a copy of the detailed letter myself, though.
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Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 2:26:58 PM
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Ps103
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MODERATOR'S NOTE :: ATTENTION PLEASE
The OP has stated that this thread is about a hypothetical situation, so please stop trying to make it about a specific one.
Further posts disregarding this message will be deleted and a report filed against the offender's account.
Please do not reply to this message within the Community. Please do not send me PMs regarding this message.
Please email Community@salemwebnetwork.com with questions, comments, or concerns.
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 2:31:29 PM
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W.O.F.
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We had a similar situation at VBS 2 years ago....a little boy was just having a hard time in his class...was probably a little young...and couldn't stop crying. We did what we could to sooth him.....but after 8 minutes of continual crying...we called mom to come and get him. She couldn't come...and sent grandma.
Grandma was verbally rude to him....she talked over his head as though he wasn't there...never tried to calm him down....and told us how he'd have to spend the rest of the morning in the chair at home till his mom came because she (grandma) just could not abide this sort of thing, and how he was so much trouble, etc. To be honest...she was verbally abusive....but because she did not say it TO him...we could not report it. We all wrote a letter to mom telling her what happened and how grandma handled it, and that we, in good conscience, would not be able to hand him over to grandma again if a similar incident ever happened.
Mom not only thanked us...she removed grandma off the list of safe people to pick her kids up ever from our church daycare and other church events.
It techinically wasn't abuse...but it was damaging....and heartbreaking.
I know that some thought we were overstepping what was our business....but how could we turn our backs on that?
I think the best route is to always try to deal with the parents first....
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 2:36:23 PM
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stellaluna
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If it was my fault a kid was late and the parents started yelling at the kid, I would definitely say something. If I was able, I would call ahead of time to let them know we were running late. But there's no way I would stand by and let a child get in trouble for something they had no control over. If they parents want to yell, they can yell at me.
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 2:40:02 PM
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W.O.F.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stellaluna
If it was my fault a kid was late and the parents started yelling at the kid, I would definitely say something. If I was able, I would call ahead of time to let them know we were running late. But there's no way I would stand by and let a child get in trouble for something they had no control over. If they parents want to yell, they can yell at me.
my thoughts exactly!!!
WHAT if they wouldn't let you explain? what would you do then?
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 2:42:28 PM
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bolt.
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Because emotional abuse is a pattern of behaviour, I would be on the watch out for more of this physical intimidation style of interaction as I continued to be involved with the family.
With an older child I might invite confidences and try to set myself up as a safe person to talk to.
Knowing the law in my area, I would keep notes, so that if I had to report, I would have the data to back up the idea that such things were happening often enough to be a concern.
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 2:43:37 PM
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stellaluna
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quote:
WHAT if they wouldn't let you explain? what would you do then?
Stand there until they did. If they're going to be unreasonable, I can counter that with stubborn.
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 2:44:18 PM
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W.O.F.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stellaluna
Stand there until they did. If they're going to be unreasonable, I can counter that with stubborn.
LOL...me too!
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 2:46:50 PM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1652
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bolt.
Because emotional abuse is a pattern of behaviour, I would be on the watch out for more of this physical intimidation style of interaction as I continued to be involved with the family.
With an older child I might invite confidences and try to set myself up as a safe person to talk to.
Knowing the law in my area, I would keep notes, so that if I had to report, I would have the data to back up the idea that such things were happening often enough to be a concern.
excellent advice...and something to definitely take note of in so many different situations where these "flags" might be present.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: What would you do....... - 7/13/2009 4:09:27 PM
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Auben
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I would involve myself in the discussion and accept the blame that was obviously mine. If that didn't work I would refuse to transport the child and give the reason why (in nice terms).
For me, its really hard to find the line on this issue. I have at least one friend who's normal speaking voice is loud/booming and who is a 'yeller.' She's also not afraid to do sudden physical corrections (reorienting a child, grabbing a child's arm, sitting a child down physically) and she's physically tall and intimidating (well over 6 feet).
I've been on the opposite side of the fence comforting her when CPS came to her door because someone thought her correction of her 3 year old adopted daughter too vigorous. Her daughter has CF and she often verbally and physically corrects her hand or foot placement...because she knows if she allows it the hip socket will continue to erode and she will need multiple surgeries at a very young age. Frankly, she's just loud. That's her personality. She pours love on those kids loudly. She corrects them loudly. She expects a lot of those kids. She makes mistakes. Someone made a judgment and she spent a few hours crying, beating herself up for her personality and hoping the government wasn't going to come and take her adopted children.
Now is she a bad mother because she yells and expects more than I do of my children? I don't think so. But I know her. I see her with them good and bad and in between. I see yelling as one of her faults, but I also see her overwhelming love. The 2 special needs children came from neglectful homes and I can see they are much better off where they are now. Their response and growth in her home is nothing less than miraculous.
I have another friend. We all know each other. She comes from an abusive home. She has to withdraw from the first woman. She tries not to judge her, but her own memories of her abusive family are too strong. She literally winces standing next to her.
Two people. Two different raisings. Two Christians. Both struggle to understand and honor each other. Both struggle to be better people.
Frankly, I would have to know someone well or to see fear from a child in repeated instances to judge a yelling mom or dad as abusive. There is a wide latitude of personality and reaction among human beings. If their children are unafraid, if they are healthy and growing I'm not sure I can make that judgment. It might not be what I would do, but that doesn't necessarily make it abusive.
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Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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