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What do you think about pre-nups? - 7/17/2009 8:23:45 PM
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mrtigger
Posts: 272
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I saw John_O had asked the question in She says. But us guys can't respond there so I thought I would ask it here also...
From a guys point of view what do you think about pre-nups?
I don't have one with my wife. We married young neither of us had any significant property. And at that time, I don't think pre-nups were very common except for celebrites & such.
I don't think a pre-nup is usually needed for a young married couple. Neither one typically brings much prior $$ into the marriage. Unless there is a significant imbalance in their prior wealth, I don't see the point in having one. If the marriage splits up, then it's fair to share & share alike.
I'm still married (and if I became single would likely not remarry...) but if I was to marry again, I would not do so without something in place to protect what I have. Maybe that would be a pre-nup. Or some other kind of legal instrument. Of course I would want to take care of a next wife financially but I also want what me & my current wife have accumulated to ultimately go to our kids once I and my spouse have passed on. I do not want it going to a subsequent wifes kids or, should she survive me and remarry, her new hubby. Or something like that.
I am not a great judge of women's character (although I lucked out with my current wife). I could easily be smoozed by one who was just interested in my $$. Hopefully a pre-nup would help avoid that.
And even if I married a good woman, there are still ways that things could still go wrong and my prior $$ wind up going someplace other than my kids when I pass on. I can think of a number of scenarios where I could marry a good, trustworthy woman and yet my kids get cheated out of the inheritance that I intend to leave them.
I think it's legitimate for me to want what me and my wife have accumlated together to ultimately be passed on to the kids we had together. I would be unwilling to just trust a subsequent wife to make that happen.
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mr tigger
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 7/17/2009 9:52:52 PM
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APZR
Posts: 1053
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: GA
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quote:
I don't think a pre-nup is usually needed for a young married couple. Neither one typically brings much prior $$ into the marriage. Unless there is a significant imbalance in their prior wealth, I don't see the point in having one. If the marriage splits up, then it's fair to share & share alike.
I'm still married (and if I became single would likely not remarry...) but if I was to marry again, I would not do so without something in place to protect what I have. Maybe that would be a pre-nup. Or some other kind of legal instrument. Of course I would want to take care of a next wife financially but I also want what me & my current wife have accumulated to ultimately go to our kids once I and my spouse have passed on. I do not want it going to a subsequent wifes kids or, should she survive me and remarry, her new hubby. Or something like that.
That's pretty much my opinion as well. Being older and having built some decent wealth, I would not remarry without one to protect myself and my kids. What ever wealth we build together would be ours... what ever I/she came in with will remain individually mine/hers.
_____________________________
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 7/18/2009 7:24:35 AM
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kd4hvz
Posts: 174
Joined: 11/2/2006
From: Bedford, VA
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It would depend entirely on the context. If it was written as a "just in case we decide to quit" then no, certainly not. But if it was written such as to discourage divorce, or because there was a large wealth or heritage to protect, then I don't have a problem with them in and of themselves. Unfortunetly it only take one to destroy the relationship, and no matter how Godly one side may be they can't force their partner to stay true to God and His principles. Thus, in acknowledging that a vow at the alter only last as long as the person chooses to keep that vow, a pre-nup may just be one of the precautions one takes in protecting from the future. Again, it is really a matter of intent and context in my mind.
If I were to use one, I would choose the wording very carefully. In VA, divorce is easy. A legal contract like a pre-nup is probably far more enforceable than a marrage here! 
_____________________________
-Michael in beautiful Bedford, VA
[http://www.kd4hvz.com/]
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 7/18/2009 9:46:44 AM
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APZR
Posts: 1053
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From: GA
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quote:
It would depend entirely on the context. If it was written as a "just in case we decide to quit" then no, certainly not.
Sure, but those who are interested in a "just in case we decide to quit" agreement are short on morals and ethics. It's fairly easy to discern those types and avoid any further contract or relationship.
_____________________________
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 7/18/2009 4:18:09 PM
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terryjohn
Posts: 313
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If I had to remarry, I would first give all my money away to my kids before I went looking for another wife, then all we earnt after that could be shared if we ever split. If she wil not marry me because I do not have any money apart from what I can earn that is her fault because I know of a lot of beautiful women in some very poor countries who would gladly take me richer or for poorer.
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 7/21/2009 9:55:11 AM
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Simway
Posts: 173
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I would in the event I ever got married again. I think it is a great idea. The reason being this. My Brother remarried after his frist wife died. He did do a Pre Nep. and a good thing. After only a couple months of marriage, she decided to exit the marriage which ended in devorce. Sense they had the pre nups, settlement was no big deal. Of course that didn't take care of the hurt and frustration that the devorce caused for both of them. It seems she had a anger mangement problem, don't know why he didn't see it before he married her....but who knows.
Simway
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 7/26/2009 7:23:03 AM
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serenitynow123
Posts: 82
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As sad as it may seem, with the courts siding for the women almost 100% of the time, it would be advisable to sign a pre-nup these days, so you don't wind up living in a rinky dink apartment, and she winds up getting the nice 2-story house.
Now, I'm not sure if a CHRISTIAN woman would attempt to take a man for everything he HAS in a divorce.....that's questionable.
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 7/26/2009 8:35:56 AM
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justpassinby
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quote:
From a guys point of view what do you think about pre-nups?
What's the point? A smart lawyer will find a way around it anyways just like they challenge people's wills when they die if someone does not like it. From a biblical perspective, we come in with nothing (material) and go out without anything---- we are just strangers and aliens passing by this world if one is in Christ.
_____________________________
Link to Genealogy of Christ
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 8/10/2009 1:54:28 PM
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Coffee_Drinker
Posts: 228
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Pre-nups? Although I think they're a waste of time. I will say to others to "follow your gut." If you think you need one then go for it. It's better to be safe than sorry.
Truth of the matter is: Women can be just as evil as men can.
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 8/10/2009 11:58:34 PM
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draexo
Posts: 121
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From: Saratoga County, New York
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Two things pop into my mind regarding pre-nups.
1 - Contracts are for people who do not trust one another. So... why would you marry someone you do not trust?
2- - Genesis 2:24 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." One flesh. That is a pretty heavy concept. Your wife and you are one flesh. Why would you hurt yourself? You wouldn't.
IMHO:
Christians should not have pre-nups. Non-christians (worldy people) certainly should.
_____________________________
The truth will set you free!
TRUTH
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 8/11/2009 7:55:46 PM
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trainfan
Posts: 2363
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From: The land of confusion
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quote:
ORIGINAL: draexo
Two things pop into my mind regarding pre-nups.
1 - Contracts are for people who do not trust one another. So... why would you marry someone you do not trust?
2- - Genesis 2:24 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." One flesh. That is a pretty heavy concept. Your wife and you are one flesh. Why would you hurt yourself? You wouldn't.
IMHO:
Christians should not have pre-nups. Non-christians (worldy people) certainly should.
Life is not always so simple.
For myself even though I am single and own a business I would probably not want a pre-nup if I got married.
But there are situations in business where more than just one person is effected. A guy I knew a while back from church was in the process of buying his dads business. The business was 40+ years old and had in excess of $1,000,000 a year in sales. He had worked for his dad since he was a child. Suddenly out of the blue his wife of approx. 15 years told him she didn't want to be married to him anymore. She had never worked at this business a single day yet b/c her husband would eventually be aquiring the business she and her lawyer figured she was entitled to half the total business immediately. Her said it was her intention to sell her half to a competitor making it impossible for them to continue in business. His fathers lawyers were so sure she would win they advised him to sell the business to a third party before she could get her hands on it. That is what eventually happened. A pre-nup would have prevented this. BTW all the parties involved were Christians or claimed to be.
_____________________________
Disappoints are inevitable, discouragment is a choice.
Dr. Charles Stanley.
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 8/18/2009 4:45:01 AM
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Konstantinos
Posts: 1349
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From: Greece Patra
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quote:
Life is not always so simple.
For myself even though I am single and own a business I would probably not want a pre-nup if I got married.
But there are situations in business where more than just one person is effected. A guy I knew a while back from church was in the process of buying his dads business. The business was 40+ years old and had in excess of $1,000,000 a year in sales. He had worked for his dad since he was a child. Suddenly out of the blue his wife of approx. 15 years told him she didn't want to be married to him anymore. She had never worked at this business a single day yet b/c her husband would eventually be aquiring the business she and her lawyer figured she was entitled to half the total business immediately. Her said it was her intention to sell her half to a competitor making it impossible for them to continue in business. His fathers lawyers were so sure she would win they advised him to sell the business to a third party before she could get her hands on it. That is what eventually happened. A pre-nup would have prevented this. BTW all the parties involved were Christians or claimed to be.
it is that simple. they shouldnt have gotten married
prenup is lack of trust no matter how you put it.
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eh.
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 8/18/2009 8:30:54 AM
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kd4hvz
Posts: 174
Joined: 11/2/2006
From: Bedford, VA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Konstantinos
it is that simple. they shouldnt have gotten married
prenup is lack of trust no matter how you put it.
You can say that "they shouldnt have gotten married", but that does not undo the fact that they did.
What you call a move that shows a lack of trust, others would say is a move that acknowledges the reality of sin in this world. If we trust, it is a gamble that we are right, and not all of us end up with a spouse that stays true to God. If we protect ourselves with a pre-nup, we risk sending the wrong message.
Both sides have merit.
_____________________________
-Michael in beautiful Bedford, VA
[http://www.kd4hvz.com/]
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 8/25/2009 7:47:54 PM
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knadflyer
Posts: 8
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If things go sour in a relationship women know the best way to hurt a man is by taking their money. I say protect yourself and get a prenup.
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 8/26/2009 10:35:25 PM
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nuclear_sidewalk
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"This probably won't work out anyway, so let's make sure you can't rob me blind."
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 8/30/2009 12:19:59 AM
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dnp200450
Posts: 397
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Let me take it further. I think pre-nups should be mandatory and actually a requirement for the marriage license to be issued. Also in order to apply for the marriage license the couple should have to pass a course on State family law.
Look, in order to buy a house approval has to be granted for zoning, loans, insurance, taxes, etc. To obtain a car license I have to pass both a written and driving test. Many jobs require schooling and testing. Yet marriage is taking too lightly. Well, until it fails, then it can be years of legal games.
It would seem wiser to educate/counsel people before they are married. We should be trying to prevent divorces.
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 9/6/2009 3:43:55 AM
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ekserekseez
Posts: 192
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dnp200450, I agree absolutely that prenups should be mandatory. It would save hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars a year because of the amount of litigation it would reduce.
I have family money that almost requires me to prenup, should I ever marry. And I have my own money too, that I'd just want to protect.
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 9/7/2009 12:09:16 AM
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lightbeamrider
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Well i got out of my divorce with my Dodge van, clothes and my tool box. Then i had 20 yrs of child support to pay off. As it stands my ex is entitled to my Social Security. (to some degree) I knew a guy who had maybe a year left to retire from the Navy and quit because his ex was entitled to half of his retirement because they were married for over 10 years. He believed she did not deserve it so rather than settle for half of something he settled for nothing for either.
I keep hearing of professional sports stars having to pay their ex wives millions to settle so things are not what they used to be. If u have a good future in ur hands than divorce can wipe a man out. Oh yeah Trainfan i have heard similar things. It is not that material things are important but i know i walked away feeling like i was fleeced and nobody cared. A lot of times when the wife gets the house it is not long after she moves in her new man. Then you have to sit and take it because there is nothing you can do.
So if you got money and a good career then get a pre nup. Nobody gets married with the intention of getting divorced but divorce does happen and there is no sense in walking away with nothing. When things go wrong in a marriage the wife changes and it is not for the better. Or as the saying goes...''I never really knew my wife until she divorced me.''
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 9/7/2009 12:12:49 AM
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ekserekseez
Posts: 192
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Conservatives (and I am VERY conservative, at least fiscally) should present prenups as a conservative issue. They save ZILLIONS of dollars in litigation.
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 9/8/2009 12:42:06 AM
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dnp200450
Posts: 397
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Yes it seems very odd that everything requires a test, license or at least a contract with terms/conditions for virtually any important potential life altering activities we engage in. Yet a marriage license is treated as if everyone is entitled to get one in their box of breakfast cereal. As if it is just an informality! The State should require a course on family law, rights, responsibilities and divorce law. If you don't past the test, no license is issued.
I can't operate a puny sailboat without at least taking a Coast Guard training course and passing their test. Yet the State allows you to get married as easily as ordering something off of the $.99 Value Menu. It just doesn't make any sense to me!!! At least the Roman Catholic Church makes everyone go through some type of marriage/family course before they will marry you. None of my churches ever did that. Go figure!
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 9/8/2009 11:49:52 AM
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lightbeamrider
Posts: 274
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I'm wondering if adultery can be included in a pre nup. In other words if a spouse cheats they forfeit everything seeing as how they broke the marriage contract. No excuses. That would do away with the ...''i cheated and it is all hubby's fault!'' That would even out the playing field.
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 9/8/2009 11:54:12 AM
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dnp200450
Posts: 397
Joined: 5/30/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: lightbeamrider
I'm wondering if adultery can be included in a pre nup. In other words if a spouse cheats they forfeit everything seeing as how they broke the marriage contract. No excuses. That would do away with the ...''i cheated and it is all hubby's fault!'' That would even out the playing field.
I absolutely LOVE that idea lightbeamrider!!! Yes, I would defiantly place adultery clauses in the mandatory pre-nup. It would stop soooo much of the prolonged legal nonsense. You cheap your automatically out!
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RE: What do you think about pre-nups? - 9/8/2009 12:12:17 PM
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ekserekseez
Posts: 192
Joined: 7/3/2008
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quote:
In other words if a spouse cheats they forfeit everything seeing as how they broke the marriage contract.
I think you can do this if both parties agree to it being included. I know my sister's pre-nup specifically did NOT mention adultery.
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