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Should mom quit job and put faith in God to provide? - 7/20/2009 7:25:34 PM
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cartersdad
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We have newborn baby boy at home. My wife had 3 months maternity leave and started back to work last week. She so badly wants to stay home and it's killing her to send him to daycare. She just crys her eyes out every morning and evening thinking about it. If she quites her job we couldn't afford most of our bills and we already are very conservative with our money, we live within our means. However, nothing is more important than my family, the well being of our son and the happiness of my wife. Should we just put our faith in God to provide for us and have my wife stay home knowing that the numbers just don't add up for us to pay the bills. I would love to hear some opinions on this and a few prayers would be greatly appreciated.
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RE: Should mom quit job and put faith in God to provide? - 7/20/2009 7:54:42 PM
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metoo
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Congratulations on your new baby! I am sure this is a fun and exciting time for your family.
To answer your question, IMO, NO, your wife should not quit her job until you have a reasonable plan for meeting the shortfall. She is dealing with a lot right now and needs to get through this difficult period. She may also be dealing with post-partum depression which is making this even more difficult. Possible solutions to meeting the shortfall may include some combination of: you getting a second or even third job to bridge the gap, further reduce your expenses, your wife finding work that can be done at home (taking care of a couple more children comes to mind).
I think just having her quit her job is pretty irresponsible. (I am actually thinking of a much harsher word, but am using restraint.) Once you get to the point of thinking you can make it on what you make, live that way for several months to make sure and use you wife's income to supplement an emergency fund, which ideally should be 3-6 months of living expenses. Do not have her stop working until you have a good cushion. Maybe you need to downsize your home/living arrangement to cut expenses. If you have non-mortgage debt, work diligently to pay it off so that expense is eliminated from your budget.
Know how much you wife is really making (after child-care and work-related expenses) so you know how much the gap is between income and expenses. If she is working you could probably reduce your grocery bill if she were to become a stay-at-home-mom. She would have time to shop more carefully, cook from scratch and plan meals. This would reduce the cost of eating out and convenience foods you may be purchasing. Your taxes will go down, so take this into consideration (along with the extra "tax deduction" you now have.)
Unfortunately, this is something you should have been working on during her entire pregnancy. Do not do something without a well thought plan in place. If she quits her job and your family ends up a year from now in a lot of debt and she is forced to go back to work she may not be able to find a comparable job.
Find someone from the outside who can help you with your budget. There may be things they can point out that the two of you do not see because you are too close to the situation. You both need to think of making significant sacrifices to make this work. This might include getting rid of one car, if you have two. If you have car payments, it may mean selling the cars and buying a "junker" that has four wheels and gets you where you need to go. There are things like cell phones, home internet, cable TV, eating out, vacations, other entertainment, etc. that needs to be carefully evaluated.
Develop a plan for her to stay home and work your plan. Do not jump off the deep end and expect God to catch you mid-fall. He gave both of you a mind and expects you to use them.
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RE: Should mom quit job and put faith in God to provide? - 7/20/2009 8:35:17 PM
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ctpruitt
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Yeah, this is good advice; you would really need to gauge this by how much you are spending for daycare in relation to what she brings home. I have spent over $50,000 in the last 11 years for it, but my wife made $18.00 and hour too. Unless she can bring home at least a sizable amount more than what the daycare bill is, keep her at home.
If you bill is $100 a week and her net pay is $150, it aint worth the effort. I would say she needs to bring home at least $250 or more per week to justify the effort.
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RE: Should mom quit job and put faith in God to provide? - 7/20/2009 8:58:22 PM
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bolt.
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I don't advise the "just quit and trust" method -- but the "crunch the numbers and tighten significantly" method has real potential. Things like baking one's own bread (from flour and yeast etc.) is quite easy if she's at home, as well as the benefits of cooking many other things from scratch.
DO think long and hard before you consider this to be impossible. Most families can live tightly enough to make a go of one income, if they are motivated enough -- and I think your wife sounds motivated enough. We have an obligation, theologically, to our children, to raise them as well as see to their needs. If we must leave them for long stretches during prime bonding time in order to provide for their needs, that's what's got to happen... but that's not "Plan A" so-to-speak.
Plan A is for Christian parents to honour God's blessings and invest in their own children as much as possible from day 1... meaning if at all possible a baby should spend most of their waking hours with one or another of their own parents. Yes, good parents still use various avenues to find care for their children, but finding care from time to time (say, a couple days a week) is not the same as most of the hours on most of the days. Bonding with a primary care giver (which all babies do) is not something you really want to hand over to an outsider... unless you really can't provide for basic needs any other way.
Pick your finances apart. Find the pennies that are going to make this possible. It's not just that your wife is emotionally attached to your child, it's that God designed that bond into the psychology of family, and you and your wife are under a calling to both provide for and nurture the small souls entrusted to your care.
I'm not trying to lay a guilt trip on you. I know that it's not always possible. If 2 incomes are really what it takes to provide basic necessities for your household, then the very best and most honourable thing to do is bite back the tears and go and earn the bread. You will not fail as parents just because you had hard times at this point in your life...
Just so long as 'hard times' does not mean that you are under-investing in your child in order to afford things like nice clothes, electronics, favorite foods, vacations etc. Eat the cheapest groceries, buy 2nd hand, skip the entertainment, and economize by your own effort... and see how that looks on your budget paper before you make your decision (together).
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RE: Should mom quit job and put faith in God to provide? - 7/20/2009 9:16:24 PM
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truthrevealed
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Cartersdad, I've been on both sides of the equation. (No, not concerning leaving my job to stay home, although I am currently a SAHM). I've been on both sides as it concerns utilizing the seemingly obvious practical side of things concernng a decision and I've also seen God move above and beyond human logic and reasoning---far above and beyond my plan and my rationale. There are times where God will most certainly call you into something that makes no sense at all, you can't figure out how all ends will meet, and it's frightening to even think of stepping out. But you can't just take one situation/experience with God and draw conclusions for every situation.
So, you are the best person to seek God about this decision. Prayer from the saints are definately beneficial  but I suggest that you and your wife seek God together and do whatever brings you peace within (the opposite of confusion or that erring caution you feel in your belly). My advice is that you both go to God with open hearts---meaning if He places upon your heart that your wife needs to continue working, than trust Him that everything will be alright. If He tells you to step out in faith---than trust that everything will be alright, but do not base what you do on what you see and don't see--- base it on His direction!
Quick testimony-----yrs. ago our car broke down. Relatives were gracious enough to give us money, BEFORE the car broke down(mind you) and without us asking anyone for help. Credit was, uh, not pretty  so Dh and I decided we'd use the money to buy a used somethin' somethin' 10 yrs old---or better('cause we couldn't AFFORD a note---I was the one who did the bills each month---er--week and I knew where EVERY penny needed to go. Buying a car with the cash was a no-go. The one we thought was an answer to prayer began essentially breaking down by the time we did a test drive. The relatives strongly suggested that we get a newer car with a car note---I had an infant at the time. Uh-uh, no way!!!! we were living week to week! barely---NO--- NO--- NO!!!! and uh, the credit .
I'd been reading a book by Charles Stanley "How to listen to God." I'd posted on my refrigerator the 10 or so ways to test if what you're hearing is from God. One of the questions to ask according to the book was, does what you "hear" require courage? In my kitchen the night before we purchased our car  I was meditating on how impossible it was for us to afford a note and how I didn't want a "re-po" if something happened and we couldn't pay, blah, blah, blah! The Spirit asked me that question in my heart that night, Does it require courage?
We used the cash as a down payment, got a car 1 yr old and was late on the note maybe twice by 2 days . Eventually we traded it in for a truck----big testimony there too ---we'd had it over two years before we traded it.
Follow God(whatever He says) not human wisdom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
< Message edited by truthrevealed -- 7/20/2009 9:23:38 PM >
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RE: Should mom quit job and put faith in God to provide? - 7/20/2009 9:35:08 PM
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cartersdad
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Metoo, I appreciate your advice but don't appreciate your tone. What do you mean you have to "use restraint." Basically saying we're stupid if my wife quits her job right now. Is the idea so appauling to you that you really needed to make that comment? And do you think we haven't been thinking about this for a long time now? "don't do something without a well thoughout plan." You're talking like I'm a child. This isn't something we just started thinking about yesterday. Like I said in my original post we live well within our means already, and I already have a 3-4 month emergency fund. Is this Marie Barone I'm talking with by the way?...... Would like to hear some testimony from someone about how God helped them with their financial needs because he's been there for us before. Or just some sound advice without passing judgement.
< Message edited by cartersdad -- 7/20/2009 11:15:02 PM >
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RE: Should mom quit job and put faith in God to provide? - 7/20/2009 9:38:39 PM
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cartersdad
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thank you bolt and truth for your thoughtful replys... Bolt it really hits home when you say that God puts that bond in the psychology of family. My wife is such a careing mother and nobody could be better for our son. Truthrevealed I will hed your advice and keep up with my prayers and really try and see where God leads us on this one.
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RE: Should mom quit job and put faith in God to provide? - 7/20/2009 10:31:36 PM
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stampinlady
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I applaud you for caring about your wife. Do you make a good buck? Would you be willing to work a part-time job too in order to make up the differance? I firmly believe a mom needs to stay home with her babies as long as possible. You can learn to live on less and change your lifestyle if needed.
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"When the fufillment comes the types and shadows cease."
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RE: Should mom quit job and put faith in God to provide? - 7/20/2009 11:16:08 PM
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bolt.
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If you have a full 3-4 month emergency fund... would you consider depleting it and stretching it over, say 12 months? Use that as a contribution to your main fund, as if it were your wife's 'paycheck' for being a SAHM. Just using my imagination, and thinking of an average family... but there is a good chance that will actually make up for what your wife brings in as 'net' (what she makes minus what it costs to have her out and making it). If not, were back to economizing, but not nearly so severely.
When the baby is a year and 3 months old, I consider it a much more opportune time for a mother to be spreading herself between parenting and working outside the home (or even working from home). Then you could choose full or part time etc. and start building up your crisis fund again.
Perhaps you think that a 'real' emergency might come along while you are depleted. That's possible, but the world is not actually random. God does bless and protect His children, especially when they attend to His call and order their lives according to His priorities. (And maybe disaster does hit, and you end up in some debt and some trouble -- then going back to two incomes at that point does makes sense, and you dig yourselves out -- at least the baby will be a bit older ... But doing that now, and in perpetuity, just in case... is it worth what it's costing?)
This is not exactly an emergency or a crisis... but it might be a calling... which amounts to the same thing in my books.
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RE: Should mom quit job and put faith in God to provide? - 7/21/2009 7:06:10 AM
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3cappuccinosmom
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I have been home since I was pregnant with our first. At the time my husband was making $6/hour.
God has always provided for us. Sometimes it was giving us exactly what we needed. Sometimes it was a bonus or a pay raise or a different job. Sometimes it was making it possible for us to go without something we'd thought we needed. Sometimes it was teaching us to be humble and accepting an offer from someone (we never asked for help, but there were times people offered something we had been desperately needing).
That was God's part of it.
Our part of it was being frugal in the extreme. A few times where we were eating a whole lot of beans and rice. My husband has worked two jobs at times, taken awful hours, and put aside his own desires because me being at home was that important to him. We have chosen to live in older homes and not remodel or even decorate with anything beyond thrift store chic . We do a lot of repair work ourselves. For most of our marriage, our expenses have not included eating out, vacations, or entertainment that costs money.
That was our part of it.
And I personally think that a mother who has to leave her 3 month old, and who is grieving it every day, is a crisis worth using some of an emergency fund for. As a mother, I cannot imagine having to do that. I can't imagine what it would do to me. I would rather live in a shack and haul my own water and cook over a fire than have to leave my babies at that age.  If your wife feels the same way, then the two of you should be able to arrange things so that she can be with her baby for at least a few more months.
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RE: Should mom quit job and put faith in God to provide? - 7/21/2009 8:46:55 AM
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HisLamb26
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Hi cartersdad-congrats on the new baby!
I have been blessed to find off shift work, and have raised/am raising 3 kids on it. I am able to maintain full time income, and still be home for my kids. When I'm sleeping or working-the kids are being cared for buy their father-when he is working-they are cared for by me. I work primarily night shift hours-my husband works days. When our kids were little we generally only used a baby sitter 4-5 hours a week (I had one day she would come to the house, and I would get a power nap. The kids were in their own environment-and I was right upstairs catching ZZzsss)
Granted-it hasnt always been easy to come home from a 12hr night shift and take care of tots all day-but it has been worth it. Good thing my kids were good nappers! (I used to catch some sleep when they napped) My oldest is 21, and my yougest 11, and I have found swing shifting to be the best solution for our family. We've been doing it for almost 20yrs-and it has worked for us.
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RE: Should mom quit job and put faith in God to provide? - 7/21/2009 9:15:10 AM
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bolt.
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>>This<< is a helpful calculator (if you ignore what it's saying about Canadian taxes and benefits). Also the length of communte in kilometers may be a problem, and I think the cost of Gas is out-dated... but it will give you a general sense of what to think through.
If you have an idea of enconomizing, then you could fudge that into the 'clothing' box or something, or just compare it to the end figure of the calculation.
Do remember, though, that she is not going to stop driving entirely, nor stop clothing herself... so don't over-estimate those values.
It gives you, at the end, an annual figure -- it's divide it up monthly to see opportunitues for economizing on that scale.
< Message edited by bolt. -- 7/21/2009 9:29:00 AM >
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RE: Should mom quit job and put faith in God to provide? - 7/21/2009 10:47:29 AM
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sen10tious
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cartersdad
She so badly wants to stay home and it's killing her to send him to daycare. She just crys her eyes out every morning and evening thinking about it.
Your wife's spirit is talking to her. She knows she is doing something wrong for the child and for herself.
Sure, she can push it down and tough it out; but it will harden her heart a bit. Someday years from now you will wonder how your sweet bride turned into another b-word. You won't think that going back to work had anything to do with it because, after all, she had agreed that it was in the best interest of your bank account.
You seriously need to listen to God for the rest of the matter this because the first counsel has already been delivered to your wife's spirit. Something will have to change.
(I know you are trying to listen or you would not have asked. I'm just stating perspective.
I don't know the right answer for you, but it is obvious that not changing is wrong. )
< Message edited by sen10tious -- 7/21/2009 11:02:21 AM >
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RE: Should mom quit job and put faith in God to provide? - 7/21/2009 12:22:23 PM
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stellaluna
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You could work different shifts so that the baby is always with a parent. My brother and his wife did that to get them both through college. Of if your wife makes more, she could work while you stay home. There are lots of options.
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RE: Should mom quit job and put faith in God to provide? - 7/21/2009 3:18:59 PM
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coolfamily6
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I am going to share my testimony on this situation:
When my husband and I married we planned everything to be a one income family. The only issue was I brought considerable debt into our marriage. We "planned" to start a family when that debt was paid off. God had a different plan. Our dd was conceived less than a year after we purchased our home, when it was time for me to return to work I put on a brave face and went off to work. My mom picked up my dd from the sitter reducing the amount we had to pay. After a few weeks my mom realized that the sitter was putting dd into her carseat before she arrived and sometimes leave dd with her gradeschool child (4th grader) before mom arrived. Just a few red flags. At that point I started asking DH if I could quit my job. I wanted to breastfeed, pumping at work (in a file room) was not going well and I was having to suplement which was costing money that was not in the budget and my "breast is best" friends were giving me a hard time. I was in tears most nights as was DD as we battled between breast and bottle feeding. It was horrible.
To make things worse, at work within a week of returning from my maternity leave I was demoted from my Payroll position to an entry level filing position but the company did not change my job title just the actual work I was doing. They said that they had to replace me while I was gone, and they could not find a place for me now so I would have to make due with what I had. This was after five years of service with them. I had started out at the bottom and worked hard to be in the position I was in. I was miserable at work and just wanted to be at home.
Things went from bad to worse with the sitter and with my job. I found another job within 3 months of going back to work because I believe that my husband is the head of my home. I am convicted that he makes the final decisions on all matters spiritually, financially, etc. He felt that we could not afford for me to stay at home so I honored my husband as the bible calls me to do. GOD blessed me abundantly for that. Here's how:
During the 13 months that I worked:
1. God provided a job that gave me a salary that helped me payoff the debt that I had incurred before my marriage.
2. I was blessed with a second pregnancy.
3. During the duration of this job it went from full time to part-time
4. Because of that pregnancy I had a short term disability benefit: which paid off a car loan the final thing I need to be a stay at home mom
Friends who knew us during this time say that God rained money on us. I fully believe it happened for two reasons: we never quit tithing and I allowed my husband to be the head of our family.
ARE YOU LEADING or are you letting your wife's emotions lead? This is not judgement, I know from exerience it is hard. Stand strong, stand in faith. Let God lead. Everyone's testimony will be different because God will have a different plan for each of us. You need to let God show you what He has planned for your family.
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If your bible is a mess; your life won't be.
~Encouragement a mom gave to our children at our First Grader's Bible Ceremony!
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RE: Should mom quit job and put faith in God to provide? - 7/21/2009 4:44:43 PM
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bolt.
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I'm Canadian. Supports, benefits and tax breaks for families with young children are completely normal here, and I'm of the position that if you qualify for something, you should be a good steward and accept it.
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RE: Should mom quit job and put faith in God to provide? - 7/21/2009 4:46:29 PM
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cynthia
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Unfortunately my husband and I did not plan well for our family. When our first baby came there was no way I could stay home from work. I was pumping at work and then my boss transferred me to a location that increased my commute by 35 minutes each way. I was miserable to the point of quickly getting to my pre-pregnancy weight and then having trouble keeping weight on due to being so upset all the time.
We knew that quitting my job would break us, so we prayed that the Lord would provide a way for us to manage on one income. We ended up refinancing our home and consolidating our debt. I quit my job the following day and have been a sahm ever since. That was 14 years ago, but it has been very difficult much of the time. I would never recommend a wife quit her job to stay home unless there is a solid plan in place. I understand the pain that your wife is feeling, but we cannot base our decisions on emotion. We have to base it on what we are hearing from the Lord. If He is telling you she is to quit, He will help you make a plan to follow first. Alway make sure you count the cost in advance and know to the best of your ability how you are going to pull it off. If I had it to do over again, we would have sold our house and moved into a smaller home that was more affordable, even a condo or townhouse would have been better. Often times I have found that we think we know what we need when we could manage with less.
Pray and seek the Lord in this. Ask Him to show you the way. There may be streams of income you have not considered. Could your wife do daycare? Could she watch another family's children and bring her baby with her? Could she work a different shift so the baby will not need childcare? She could probably switch to part time and not lose any money due to the added expenses you are facing with daycare, if she could work when you are home.
Take a Financial Peace course that Dave Ramsey puts on. That should help you get a good handle on where you can cut back and how to properly form a budget.
ETA: I want to commend you for your concern for your wife and your family and your willingness to carry the full financial burden for your family. That has meant a lot to me with my husband doing that. We were married for ten years before our first child came along and I had worked all during that time. I had worked for about 13 years before quitting. It is a big deal for a man to agree to carry that burden. I am thankful and appreciative to my husband for doing that for our family and once you two can swing it, you will be glad you took the time to prepare and make it work.
< Message edited by cynthia -- 7/21/2009 4:55:44 PM >
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RE: Should mom quit job and put faith in God to provide? - 7/21/2009 6:28:39 PM
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ATtheCROSS923
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quote:
ORIGINAL: danas_mom
One thing I haven't seen mentioned yet (probably because the discussions can turn so nasty) is gov't assistance.
Why do people have such a problem with Govmnt assistance. Remember that God put our government in place.
If you qualify for assistance, take it. As long as you are not taking advantage of the system.
I am collecting unemployment due to lay-off at my company and my Fiance is recieving food assistance. I have been working for 20 years without ever being laid-off. I have been put in this situation by the economy, so I will accept assistance from the USA.
Besides, we both pay our 10% from my unemployment and her food assistance. We realize that it is a blessing that we can receive assistance, so we buy food for our local food bank.
God will provide for us and then we can stop receiving from the government.
Every knee will bow, every tongue confess...that Jesus is Lord of all.
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RE: Should mom quit job and put faith in God to provide? - 7/22/2009 1:49:15 PM
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GroupW
Posts: 2537
Joined: 11/16/2007
From: Up in the hills of Colorado (very BIG hills...)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bolt.
If you have a full 3-4 month emergency fund... would you consider depleting it and stretching it over, say 12 months? Use that as a contribution to your main fund, as if it were your wife's 'paycheck' for being a SAHM. Just using my imagination, and thinking of an average family... but there is a good chance that will actually make up for what your wife brings in as 'net' (what she makes minus what it costs to have her out and making it). If not, were back to economizing, but not nearly so severely.
When the baby is a year and 3 months old, I consider it a much more opportune time for a mother to be spreading herself between parenting and working outside the home (or even working from home). Then you could choose full or part time etc. and start building up your crisis fund again.
This is exactly what we did. On paper, we couldn't make ends meet when our son was born. I had just switched jobs and had excellent potential but not that much current cash flow. We needed her income for the house we had just bought. We had enough cash to get by for several months though. I figured we would dip into that cash and then figure things out so that by the time the cash was depleted we had a plan in place that we could act on.
I tend to agree with most of the folks who've offered insights. Make a plan, crunch the numbers, and see what you can actually do in a responsible fashion. I tend to fall into the camp that says God gave us good brains, so we should use them to figure out the best solution we can. Then we pray (a lot) and trust God to fill in the blanks as only He can.
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RE: Should mom quit job and put faith in God to provide? - 7/22/2009 3:13:02 PM
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Random
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From: Zipperhead
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Luke 14:28
For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?
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MARRIED TO A MILITARY PILOT ~ PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR TROOPS! 
