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Need help finding a support group for parents of adult children turned atheists
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Need help finding a support group for parents of adult ... - 7/27/2009 3:04:49 PM
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sparrowlover
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Recently our 24 yo son announced that he is an atheist. He was raised in a Christian home and has been in church since nine months before he was born. I have done a lot of research and just know there must be lots of other parents dealing with much of the same that is grieving us, especially when the statistics state that more than 66% of all Christian young people turn from their faith. I have googled everything I can think of but can't seem to find anything. Thought maybe some of you ministry leaders might be aware of something or maybe have a suggestion as to how I could contact other churches in the area and ask about the existence of such a group.
Thank you for your time and God bless
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RE: Need help finding a support group for parents of ad... - 7/27/2009 5:50:52 PM
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bolt.
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I'm sorry you are finding your Church undersupportive of your challenges and pain in this situation... As far as finding a group, though, I think this is one of those situations where people who are going through the same sort of thing might be nice to know, but that real ministry is going to come through people who care about you within your own community. People who hurt for you, because you are hurt, and they love you. They may not 'understand' your issues intimately, from experience, but that kind of understanding is not the only source of comfort.
I encourage you to pour out your soul to the Christians that are already within your circle of friends, and see what the Lord brings out of that.
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RE: Need help finding a support group for parents of ad... - 7/27/2009 6:18:31 PM
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TMeeks
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If we are willing to meet our children where they are... which is currently proclaimed atheists, there are some excellent books to address the question of God as they see it.
First, we have to ask them why they chose that belief system for themselves. Was it their percieved view that science has done away with God? Or was it, in their view, that they didn't see it working in the home or church. Before we can communicate with someone we have to know their motivation and as much of their thinking processes as possible.
For instance, if he uses science as his excuse for his decision, then I'd suggest Francis Collin's book, "The Language of God: A Scientist Presents Evidence for Belief." You will probably not like it at all because he is an evolutionist. But, he is a born-again Christian that sees God's hand in the design of DNA and for an atheist, his arguments for the existence of God is compelling. And, he was the man in charge of the entire Human Genome Project. No slouch when in comes to serious science.
Then there are the researchers at the University of Pennsylvania that have concluded that man's brain is built to worship God and that faith is vital to a healthy brain. "How God Changes Our Brain" by Andrew Newberg and Mark Robert Waldman. Again, YOU might not like these books. But, for an atheist they certainly challenge their assumptions about God and the existence of God from a scientific point of view.
If they've rejected God on basis other than scientific things are a bit more difficult.
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RE: Need help finding a support group for parents of ad... - 7/27/2009 6:39:36 PM
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RJR_fan
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quote:
I have done a lot of research and just know there must be lots of other parents dealing with much of the same that is grieving us, especially when the statistics state that more than 66% of all Christian young people turn from their faith.
Actually, the numbers I've seen suggest that more than 90% of evangelical young people walk away from the church soon after leaving home.
Well, there are two subsets of the Christian family that keep more than 90% of their kids on track. On the one extreme, the Amish see to it that their kids are not equipped for life in the "English" world. On the other extreme, another specific demographic, which I will not name, see to it that their kids are equipped to excel in life.
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RE: Need help finding a support group for parents of ad... - 7/27/2009 7:31:05 PM
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still4gvn
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remember that he is young and may go through several cataclysmic belief and life style changes before he settles into a permanent belief system. This may be a step along the road from just following his parents to actually finding a relationship with Christ for himself.
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RE: Need help finding a support group for parents of ad... - 7/27/2009 9:51:29 PM
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jn1010lf
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Hello sparrowlover
I should think that the church you attend could be a support group: Help you pray prayers of faith in which you challenge the spiritual attitudes that tore your son away from the Lord.
But don't let this get you down. It may seem as though you've lost this round but there are many more to go. Your son has to make up his own mind as to what he believes. He must come to God himself. But your prayers can have a lot to do with his coming home, so to speak.
There is one scripture that you might claim as you pray. "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6
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RE: Need help finding a support group for parents of ad... - 7/29/2009 10:07:37 PM
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deborlie
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Dear Sparrowlover,
I know your pain. My own son went that way also. He doesn't claim to be an atheist, but he is very upset with God. He doesn't take in the Jesus story. He is 50 years of age, with two small children being raised without the benefit of knowing God, very well anyway. His wife is also of the same belief. Both he and his wife had a Christian upbringing. Her mother would state her disappointment to me. They don't live close, so there is not enough contact with the grand kids. But it would probably lead to war anyway. The oldest one knows I believe differently than they do. He used to bring it up, but I am sure he has been silenced.
Your son is still young with his life ahead of him. The others are right, he has time to try things then decide to return to his upbringing and God later. Especially when the kids arrive on the scene. Don't give up. Stay firm and strong to his challenges.
I know of no support group, but then I haven't looked into it. Never thought about it. I guess, I felt too alone. Perhaps, it is something that needs to be started up for every mom and dad who are experiencing this same thing. I do wish I had some encouraging answers.
Thanks for your bravery in stepping out and searching for help.
My heart goes out to you.
bj
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RE: Need help finding a support group for parents of ad... - 8/8/2009 9:54:50 PM
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sparrowlover
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Hi,
I am really rather disappointed that no one seems to know of a group. There are all kinds of support groups these days, DivorceCaRE, gRIEFsHARE, mops, MOMS IN TOUCH, AA AND SO ON. I appreciate the suggestion to turn to my church, but I have not joined the church I am presently attending and don't think anyone even knows my name. I did email the pastor and asked that he pray for my son. I never suggested that they are under supportive as Bolt assumed. I do not have a circle of friends either.
RJR-fan you're telling me that it's actually 90% of young people that walk away from the church was not very encouraging and that was what I was hoping to find here, encouragement.
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RE: Need help finding a support group for parents of ad... - 8/9/2009 9:32:48 AM
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bolt.
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I'd definitely consider a Church where nobody knows your name to be undersupportive... since they have no idea who you are or what difficulty they might be supporting you in.
If they are not making the effort to be inclusive, perhaps you would be wise to take the initiative and introduce yourself to a select few persons that look promising as supportive friends. Perhaps they have smaller groups (or Bible studies or classes) that would be a more manageable way for you to begin making real caring friends.
Is there a reason why you have chosen to attend but not become a member of this particular Church?
I hope that your desire for encouragement is not going to end up making this harder on you. Having a prodigal kid is a hard thing to endure, but nobody who cares about you is going to tell you that it's going to all be OK. It might be OK, and it might not be OK, and that's the truth of it. Only your child has the choice of life or death in his own journey.
You can trust God to pursue him with His love and the persistent patience that only an eternal God can show -- but you had better not believe that God will force him to return to faith as a favour to you. I hope that belief not a myth that some 'encouraging' person will try to foist on you, because it will break both your heart and your faith if you fall into the trap.
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
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RE: Need help finding a support group for parents of ad... - 8/9/2009 5:51:56 PM
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RJR_fan
Posts: 1168
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From: RTP, in sunny NC USA
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quote:
RJR-fan you're telling me that it's actually 90% of young people that walk away from the church was not very encouraging and that was what I was hoping to find here, encouragement.
Well, one subset of the American evangelical church sees 90+% of their kids stay on track. This demographic includes people from nearly every denomination, and comprises millions of people. So there is hope out there. The picture is not uniformly bleak.
I will pray for you and your kids.
_____________________________
Blogging my way through the Turkish New Testament
Meet my beloved mentor, RJR
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Need help finding a support group for parents of adult ... - 8/15/2009 11:14:13 AM
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PinkCarnations
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My heart goes out to you. I know this has to be very hard for you.
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Thank you Veterans.
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RE: Need help finding a support group for parents of ad... - 10/22/2009 8:16:24 PM
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sparrowlover
Posts: 25
Joined: 3/24/2009
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Since no one seems to know of such a group, can anyone suggest how I can find other parents who have adult children that have turned their backs on God? A relative suggested that I email some of the local churches and ask if they know of church attenders or members in my situation. I feel very strongly that God may want me to start up such a group, but I'm not sure I would know where to begin.
Thanks
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RE: Need help finding a support group for parents of ad... - 10/22/2009 8:25:53 PM
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bolt.
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From: Canada
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You could find out who your son's friends are, then look up their parents...
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
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RE: Need help finding a support group for parents of ad... - 10/27/2009 9:08:17 AM
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housewifeanon
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Hi Sparrow,
I wanted to show you this link that your son might find interesting: http://www.existence-of-god.com/
It looks at the existence of God debate from both sides and then recommends books by ministers and theologians, categorized by topic, on each individual issue. I think atheism seems "logical" to young people and they falsely think it's a choice between being dogmatic vs. being thoughtful. I think this website puts that illusion to rest.
Also there is a parenting forum, perhaps the Admin would consider letting you setup a sub-forum for this topic for ongoing threads and discussions. That might serve as a source of support and comfort for you. I am quite sure a lot of folks here are experiencing what you are going through. Have you posted this question to the parenting forum yet?
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RE: Need help finding a support group for parents of ad... - 10/27/2009 1:35:24 PM
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allisonbrett
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Sparrow,
Many of us have grown children who have turned their backs on the faith they were raised with. I suspect that your son may not be atheist as much as agnostic. He may be angry at God or even caught up in the "science is the only proof" senario that is so prevelant on college campuses. Even so, it's still heartbreaking to watch. My son has walked away from all he was brought up to believe. He's very angry and bitter at a father who abandoned him at a young age. As a teen, he had a very liberal, compromising SS teacher whose actions spoke much too loud to be ignored. My son saw this man, a youth leader, deacon and family man lead a double life. He spent years pursuing young girls 14 - 16 yo and even had affairs with more than just a few. (He is now dead.) Today, my son wants nothing to do with God, church or religion of any kind. He believes he's good enough to go to heaven when he compares himself to those he works with (inmates). Right now, prayer is all I've got.
You said you attended a church but that no one knew your name. Maybe you would find other parents in the same boat if you commit to taking the time to get to know people and get involved. Since you said that you weren't a member them maybe consider joining. You may find Bible studies, ladies groups, etc that you can get to know people one on one. The support group you seek may be right under your nose but not be officially organized like AA, NA, and many others. I've never heard of an outside group addressing adult church who have left the faith.
There is a man referred to as Dr. Dino who had a video series about disproving science in a way that contradicts scripture. Sorry to say Dr. Dino is now in prison for tax evasion but his message was very good at showing how scientific theories are destroying faith all in the name of "proof". You may be able to google his name to find the videos. They were very enlightening.
< Message edited by allisonbrett -- 10/27/2009 1:42:39 PM >
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Allison
A work in progress so please be patient, God is still working on me. Ouch, it sure is painful!
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