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New here, and needing some help. - 7/27/2009 3:50:24 PM
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jenn1356
Posts: 1
Joined: 7/27/2009
Status: offline
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Hi, I just joined crosswalk after I found this forum. I am married and we have one child, who is almost 2 yrs. old. Both me and my spouse were married before, but no children in either previous marriage.
I made a lot of bad decisions and choices that led up to my relationship with my husband. But, those are now gone and I am dealing with what is current.
I have always been a Christian, although not always made the best choices, as I said earlier. I was quite far away from God when we had a child and then later decided to marry. Our child really seemed to make the choice on marriage, since we both felt that it was for the best to have a somewhat normal family for our son.
Well, after these 3 years of a relationship and 1 yr. of marriage, things just aren't so great. Not that I thought it would be, but I am struggling, as is he.
I suffered from PPD after giving birth. Yet our marital relationship still seemed to be okay and lived through it. Yet the last 6 months or so, especially recently, we have disconnected. He doesn't touch me anymore. We don't have talks...except about our son. That's it. We have no personal identities nor a marriage. We are roomates with a son in common. He works from 6 pm til 6 am, and I stay with our son at night, get him ready in the morning and I work from 7:30 am til 5:00 pm. So, I see my husband about 5 minutes each day. On weekends, we do our own things.
I cannot remember the last time we had any close contact or even interesting conversation. My heart is hurt.
He doesn't see a problem, as I figured would be the case.
I woke up this morning to find that there was a strange bottle of liquor in the fridge. It was obviously a female type of drink since it was pink in color and had a pink label. I asked him about it, in which he told me that a friend at work gave it to him.
This has bothered me all day. He is very sarcastic, and has always been very synical and has always questioned me about where I go, what I do and who I'm with in very indirect terms. That's just his personality. He used to have issues with pornography. I called him out on that several times, especially while I was pregnant, because it really hurt me. He always had an excuse and never admitted to it being a problem. I never got an apology. I'm sure he is still viewing pornography, although I have given up the fight to argue about it any more. I don't argue about anything now. I just try to do my best to raise our son, spend time with him and go to work each day.
I'm feeling like my marriage (and my life) is relatively meaningless. I don't know how to fix my marriage. I have prayed and had others to pray for months and months...and I'm sure years. I'm slowly losing my grip. I can feel it, just like I did in my last marriage that fell apart.
I need help...and prayer. Any advice will be greatly appreciated. BTW, he doesn't see a problem and will not agree to any counseling.
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RE: New here, and needing some help. - 7/27/2009 8:17:14 PM
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still4gvn
Posts: 2656
Joined: 12/28/2005
From: just north of Seattle, WA
Status: offline
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I am sorry this has happened to you. Perhaps the first thing you need to do is get some kind of support group around you - friends, women from church, a Mom's group - whatever. You can't fix your marriage by yourself, but you can become stronger so that you will be happier and make the right choices. Whether your husband responds or not is up to him. Abused women tend to become isolated and feel unable to make choices. Silence and disconnect are a kind of abuse although it's probably unintended.
Your schedule is a real killer. What happens if you invite him to do something with you on the weekend?
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RE: New here, and needing some help. - 7/28/2009 1:45:32 AM
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keithyhuntington
Posts: 814
Joined: 7/7/2009
From: Tulsa, Okla.
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: jenn1356
I woke up this morning to find that there was a strange bottle of liquor in the fridge. It was obviously a female type of drink since it was pink in color and had a pink label. I asked him about it, in which he told me that a friend at work gave it to him.
don't take this the wrong way, because i'm not trying to funny. but if your hinting at wondering if he is with another woman while your gone, based on the beverage, i would prefer the girly drinks over the manly drinks any day. they taste ALOT better than a bud... he may just not want to admit that he drinks a pink drink...
but as the other person responded, your schedule is a killer. big time. i too was working 6p-6a... and it was just... lame. i have a new job working 11p-7:3a and it has made all the difference in teh world. i have time to spend with my wife, we can do things in teh evening before work... it just made all teh differnce in the world. she only works on the weekends PT, so the weekdays is when we can spend time together... i would first suggest that he get an 8hr a day job (if you can afford that)... because teh 12hr a day jobs are just killer for relationships... unless he's onlyw orking 3 days a week...then i would say he should keep teh schedule and quit being selfish with his time. unless hes crazy... i can't see why he would PREFER to work 12 hours a day over 8... so maybe he just needs encouragement to lower the work load? i dunno. i'd at least suggest it.
_____________________________
Jesus Christ please help me 'cause i'm lonely. Whats the use in living, if you can't make a good living?
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