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Life and Love, Trials and Testing - 7/29/2009 10:40:23 AM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
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Newbie blogger here. Is blogging the ultimate in narcissism like I think it could be, I don't know. To think my thoughts and experiences are worth anything to others seems a tad conceited, but on the otherhand there are times others blogs have encouraged or inspired me.
Right now I am smack in the middle of an experience that has almost wiped me clean of every notion I ever had about faith, life, justice, fairness and love. In some ways I feel like I am totally starting over.
I'm not alone in this journey. My soulmate is with me and in the same place. My kids it will be interesting to see what happens. We raised them, in the best of intentions, by the notions we held to be true. Now, we know better. There will no doubt be a rub often between the old way and the new truth.
Through this new walk, this new way of life, three things have been steadfast; the love of Christ, the love of my family, the compassion and devotion of people praying for me on the prayer forum. When there is crisis things simplify. We are really blessed if we have these things.
I just want to share what we've been through so people never have to feel alone. Alone is a scary, desperate place and somewhere I never want to be again. And I don't want you to be there either.
Heavenly Father, I am aware of my sin, my shortcomings, my own shame. Why I should be saved by Your Son, why I should have breath, why I should have my family, my friends and my prayer partners remain a mystery to me, but I am so grateful for them. Please bless my words here. You know how alone the months have been for us, so I pray whatever I speak here is through You and draws people to you. I just want to help others. In Jesus' Name I pray these things. Amen
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RE: Life and Love, Trials and Testing - 7/29/2009 1:22:40 PM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
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Unconditional love. Do you think it is possible for people to do this? I do.
I've seen it mostly in parental love.
How many times during the penalty phase of a trial has the mom or dad of a convicted murderer gotten up on the stand to plead for the life of
their convicted child or for leniency in their sentence.
I have told my kids all of their lives "no matter what you do, I'm gonna love you anyway." This is really important to me. With that part of their lives secure, I feel they are free to live and discover what life
holds for them.
My daughter may choose to never have children because her stay-at-home, homeschooling mom always had a house full of kids, which drove her crazy.
My son may decide he wants to live in Alaska because his parents dragged him to the beach to soak up the sun all summer long and would barely step out of the house in winter.
It could be really messy. They might do drugs, drop out of college, lose their jobs, commit a crime, have an abortion, get a divorce or worse.
Will I love them any less?
Nope. Do I want these things for them? No way. Will I suffer pain and worry for them if they choose these things or they happen to them? You bet. But the truth is, no matter what they do I am going to love them anyway. And I want them to know it. Not just think it, hope it, wish for it.
And I believe they do.
I have had the blessing and misfortune of getting to live out what my love for them looks like.
More tomorrow.
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RE: Life and Love, Trials and Testing - 7/30/2009 8:42:55 AM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
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What is the difference between knowing and believing? To me, believing is very esoteric. Kids believe in Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, tooth fairy...etc. BUT they aren't real. Knowing is experience.
I used to believe if I was every attacked in my home I'd be ready and on guard to fight it. I'd punch and kick, scream and bite my way out of it.
Then one day my son, I think 3 or 4 at the time, came downstairs while I was searching in the closet for something. He came down so quietly and walked up right behind me, yet I didn't hear him. When I turned around and realized someone was there I threw myself backwards into the closet and screamed like a cat with it's tail stepped on. No punching, kicking or biting though. I now know anyone breaking into my house has no reason to fear me. (I'm not giving out my address)
Last Fall, my husband came home from work early (never good) and admited to me he was on the verge of having an affair with a co-worker.
He was hardly able to stand, hunched over in grief, crying, and in a state I had never seen him in before. He shared with me how two days earlier he expressed to his co-worker he didn't want to be in a relationship with her and that their behavior was wrong(she is married as well) and it couldn't go on nor go any further.
He was covered with shame and saying how sorry he was and how he understood if I wanted to leave him.
I always believed I loved my husband unconditionally. Married at just 19 and just 20 years of age, we have basically grown up together. I knew the core of this man. The tenderness and grace and love and generosity I have seen him live out is who he really is.
So when he came home to tell me, my heart and mind welled up with
compassion, a desire to scoop him up in my arms, embrace him and tell him how much I loved him and I wasn't going anywhere. I did just that.
I forgave him that moment...why wait? In those moments I didn't know what was coming, the hell we would face. All I knew is I loved this man and everything I believed about my love for him in those few, horrendous moments when you instinctually react, tells me that I now know I love him unconditionally.
The next hours and days and weeks and months have been brutal.
The co-worker filed a false police report against my husband, possibly out of fear her husband would find out about the inappropiate behavior between the two of them.
My husband was arrested outside of our home.
While it's true I trusted all my husband told me, I have other reasons to trust him.
The co-worker filed a civil suit against my husband's employer claiming harrassment by my husband (this is the 2nd time she's sued their employer for something like this).
We are privy to alot of the civil case evidence and testimony of other co-workers contradicts the accusing co-worker often. There's much more too. I'm not some dunder-headed wife blindly following her husband without using her brain.
So when I say I have had the blessing and misfortune of living out unconditional love before my children, I mean it.
Why it mattered to my kids, I will share tomorrow.
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RE: Life and Love, Trials and Testing - 7/31/2009 9:29:16 AM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
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There was no way to hide this from my 13 year old daughter. My parents stepped in to watch the kids while I made bail.
My husband confessed what he'd done when we picked up the kids. My daughter did not want to come home with us and she said some terrible things to her dad. Terrible, hurtful things.
I went and embraced her. I told her I loved her and I had made a similar mistake before I was a Christian and that her father forgave me. I told her I forgave her dad and love him with all my heart. When that didn't calm her down, I said to her that if there is ever a day in her life when she needs this kind of forgiveness, she will have it, without a hesitation and even though she thinks she will never do anything like this,
never is a long time. I then asked her how she would want me to respond to her if she was in her dad's place.
She didn't say anything.
She came home with us. And that very night she spoke forgiveness to her dad. She obeyed God.
Taking care of that business that night was huge. I believe it is part of why our family has hung on all this time. I pray it goes a long way to healing us for good.
Sadly, the situation in terms of the legal persists, therefore we can't close this chapter yet. And that is awful. But at the core, we love each other.
At a minimum, my kids know that when they mess up, I will put my gloves on and help them clean up at their side. As a mom, that's what I want them know...for better or worse, I love them always.
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RE: Life and Love, Trials and Testing - 8/1/2009 4:51:23 PM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
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Love and Mercy
"Christians can string together clichés and at the end of the day have said nothing" I read this on a website today.
Let that roll around in your head for a minute.
Can you think of any cliche or list of expectations that stops a person from hurting when they are facing a struggle?
In our personal current crisis, most of our friends have either distanced themselves from us, opting for others who can spend carefree times with them, or they have conditions and expectations on us and how we should deal with all this.
Mercy doesn't say :“When this is behind your or when you do what we would if we were in your situation, we can be friends again."
Saying “You just need to trust Jesus” or “Let go and let God” doesn't stop the tears, doesn't halt the pain, doesn't change or improve a thing the way a simple hug will or coming over in the middle of the night when you just need a friend will.
Mercy is always ready and willing to walk into your loved one's pain and love them right there in the middle of it.
I also read this
"Not only are these trite phrases void of meaning, but they also serve to further distance us from those who are hurting and can often add insult to injury. If we came across a gunshot victim who was bleeding all over the sidewalk, we wouldn’t think about simply saying, “You just need to give that to God.” We would all do whatever necessary to ensure that they got the proper medical attention as quickly as possible."
I've often thought if we were able to wear the pain our sufferings cause on the outside of our bodies, the world would be a much more merciful place.
As a consequence, our group of family and friends has downsized. And, I was shocked to see in the end who has stuck by us and how they have helped us. This is part of that "ground zero" stuff I mentioned in my first blog. I am now asking God to show us who our true and faithful friends are. An enormous blessing of friendship has happened through this forum. These brothers and sisters who don't know me from anyone faithfully pray for and encourage me. They are like manna. God's provision in a miraculous way of something I need to survive. Thank you so much, my friends.
I hope I am one of the people someone in crisis comes to first. I want to love them through whatever they are enduring. I know I can't fix it, but I want to help them carry it.
I'm ashamed to say I've spit these cliches out before. EWW! Shame on me.
Thankfully I learned not to do it very early on in my walk, so I hope I never react that way again.
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RE: Life and Love, Trials and Testing - 8/2/2009 10:11:24 AM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
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How would you fill in this sentence?
If it hadn't have been for _______, I would never have________.
Easy ones...
Christ's death, salvation
God's love, life
I suppose one could read that and fill in the blanks with
crummy boss, been fired
spoiled meat, thrown up (forgive me if your eating right now)
I see that sentence as a chance to recognize a miracle or at least a surprising gift from God. Here's just a few of mine...
a creepy highschool boyfriend, met my Matt
an unmarried girl's pregnancy, been gifted our Anna
a corrupt adoption agency, found a new one who lead us to our son
our terrible year, known how much my husband and I love each other
While I am not yet strong enough to feel like this every day or even for a string of days, today I am. And today I am feeling strong enough to admit, whether I admit it or not, as long as I live, God will work my life out this way. Also, the second half of the answer in no way makes living through the first part easy or even bearable. So here's one more....
our current crisis, the gem of my wonderful marriage and family!
So, thank You God.
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RE: Life and Love, Trials and Testing - 8/3/2009 10:27:27 AM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
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I joined the new millenium today. In our "starting at zero" phase, we have been praying for God to show us our true friends. This also includes family that we haven't been in touch with in years. I joined facebook.
In a sad way, our faith kept us from being with these family members much. Let me explain.
We were raised one very traditional and family historical faith, but converted to another after we became born again. Right there is a giant wall. The problem is we immersed ourselves in chuch so much (relationships and service) that we sacrificed our extended families. The whole unevenly yoked thing.
But what I ask myself now is, what if God gave me these people as family so that I could be in their lives and live out a witness for Him that way. Maybe I don't need orchestrated, contrived spiritual witnessing opportunities. Maybe I just need to love these people He chose to place in my life, some before I even breathed air, whenever and however I can in the process of daily living. Isn't that a legitimate ministry?
I think you can end up with someone being written off or maybe just neglected because they aren't saved.
Don't get me wrong, I know it is necessary to not "avoid the fellowship".
Avoiding it is one thing, making yourself so busy in it you can't rest nor find time for your family is another. Especially when those family members may not know The Savior.
I am really looking forward to getting back into the lives of these people.
I will be able to pray for them, encourage them, love them and serve them. New eyes....New Prize!
So while I usually hate the idea of facebook and twitter....I can see it as another chance to love my family. Do Your work Lord, and if I can be a part of it...Yeah!!
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RE: Life and Love, Trials and Testing - 8/4/2009 9:22:43 AM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
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From: Midwest
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Music is a huge part of my life. Ever since I was a kid I sang songs. It's what I would do all the time. My grandparents had a band and my parents sang and played in it, so I guess it's not that surprising.
Singing has always brought me an unspeakable joy and seems as natural as breathing. I love lyrics and the idea of being able to say something in a song that it would be difficult to say in person.
My husband made a comment to me the other night that blew me away.
He said "I love to watch you enjoy music and the songs you pick out. The lines in them are all things you would say".
God often uses songs to speak to me. I suppose because it's a language I understand. So sometimes I might on the blog share how a song is speaking to me and maybe it can minister to you too.
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RE: Life and Love, Trials and Testing - 8/4/2009 9:34:54 AM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
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Amy Grant was a link in the chain that lead me to the Lord.
It started in 1986. I had been through a tough time and her song "Find a Way" found me. It started my path to Jesus. Her songs, no matter how you feel about her personal life, have often given voice to how I feel....about God, about life, about love.
In 2000, the music director at church asked me to sing a song on Father's Day. It wasn't a typical song. It was a love song. She had been our friend forever and knew how much Matt and I love each other. The song is called "Our Love".
It had been a particularly trying year for us (happens alot..only God knows why) My parents who had been married for over 30 years were on the verge of a divorce, and my grandmother was dying of cancer. To say tears were my friend was an understatement. But everytime I cried, was scared, unsure, lonely, my Matt was there to comfort me. I didn't know then that this song would continue to describe us so well for all that was coming in the future, but it has become our anthem. It's our version of
"You and Me Against the World". I am so grateful to God that I have someone in my life to love this way and who loves me that way.
I dont know what to say to you
Tears are on your face
You don't know how well make it through
Such a lonely place
But if you could read my mind
Then you'd understand
Even in times like these
I'm wanting nothing other than
Our love
You and me together
Our love
Ill stay with you
Our love
Our love our love is true
I'll take every tough time sent my way if I have this kind of love in my life. Thank you Heavenly Father.
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RE: Life and Love, Trials and Testing - 8/5/2009 9:10:27 AM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
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Okay, you've probably all seen it or at least read about it.
(link is below if you haven't seen it)
The wedding video posted on youtube of the couple and their wedding party doing a choreographed procession to the alter.
Generally two camps on this....some hate it and think it's distasteful and disprespectful, other's love it.
Most of you probably know I love this. Did you write me off your "good Christian list"yet? I'll tell you why I love this.
After a year of living through hell like we have and having the one thing God gave us to hang on to being each other, I want to celebrate like this.
My husband and I watched this and cried. We could relate to the absolute joy of loving each other and wanting to dance in gratitude to God for the gift of each other. Who would you enjoy giving a gift to more, someone who would celebrate like this at receiving it, or someone who somberly eeks out a "thanks"?
The love and support this couple has with friends and family being willing to work so hard to memorize a routine this way reveals they have a great support system which will be a great rock when the newlyweds hit a bump in the road. So many weddings today are filled with crazy, angry bridezillas, right? Plus, I know in today's culture more and more couples are choosing not to marry in church. They did it with bells on. This is one of those "feel good" stories.
Isn't it when we struggle, we need to remember the good times, the times to laugh and celebrate that we've had? They will have this to look back on.
See, we, my husband and me, had forgotten about the fun that can be had. This video made us cry because we saw ourselves, pre-crisis. The us we'd forgotten under the weight of the past year. We were living the survival part of marriage. Don't get me wrong, that part is necessary and the good news is it is strong (Praise God). But the thriving part is just as important. It was like "permission" to feel good and to celebrate our marriage again.
Biblically speaking, I think of David and his wife Michal with this too.
I will watch this video often, for inspiration and hope. I would love to be able to bring inspiration and hope like this to people.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CnjxQRKmhUk&feature=PlayList&p=37CBBC6D82B4E28A&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=5
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RE: Life and Love, Trials and Testing - 8/6/2009 9:40:35 AM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
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From: Midwest
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Why. Now there's a question.Pretty loaded too. Why is really important to humans. I think it's important for a million reasons. Why is the question that when answered leads to....understanding. Is understanding important? To a human it is. When it comes to those terrible situations in our lives this question comes up alot.
Last winter my cousin passed away of cancer at the age of 37. She was married, had three children, the youngest of whom was only 2. She was diagnosed less than a month before she died. Her funeral was one of the saddest I've ever been too. Jenny was sunshine. She always saw the sunny side of things and sought to help you do that too. I can't remember not seeing her smile.
That same week of her funeral my husband was formally charged with a crime he didn't commit. It was without a doubt a bad week.
Someday I will write about our justice system because, after seeing it from the inside I know it's more about the system than it is about justice. Surviving it takes one strong constitution. You have to be okay about knowing the truth, and having people with all the power not care one bit about the truth. It's like screaming while a vacuum cleaner is on. No one hears you, and unless they bother to look, they have no idea you are screaming.
The reality of living with injustice can drive a normal person to suicide. I actually had to stop driving my car for a week because of the thoughts I was having. There was a lot of "what difference does it make, no one cares about the truth" moments.
But in the most ironc ways, my cousin Jenny kept me alive.
When I considered that her husband would rather have her at his side and be facing what Matt and I were, than be a widower raising three kids and when I remembered all the grief I saw at her funeral, my whole family bawling and some barely able to walk, I just couldn't intentionally bring that on people.
I am in no way saying Jenny lost her life for me and I'm not implying anything of that nature. But God did use that circumstance to show me some things. I hope I never need a lesson at someone else's expense again.
Why's are so complicated and can be very costly. But they are important. There is one "why" God wants people to ask for certain....
Why did Jesus die on the cross? That kind of question can lead to understanding that will change a person forever, no?
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RE: Life and Love, Trials and Testing - 8/7/2009 5:28:08 PM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
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Did you ever notice that kids don't have a problem making sure they have fun? In fact, they squeeze everything else in, making fun a priority.
While I'm not a supporter of slacking off, I think it is very easy to let the simple things we enjoy get pushed to the back of the closet because of all the responsibility that hangs out front.
We have lived in our home for 12 years. This summer for the first time we have actually spent entire days hanging out in our backyard. We bring our coffee out there, have our quiet times, then transition into magazines and sodas and eventually turning on the tunes. We return inside around dinner time, browned and relaxed. It's awesome.
Because of our busy work and church service schedules we were left to try to eek out as much fun as possible out of the two weeks of paid vacation we had from work. Even then it was abbreviated because we would spend at least two days traveling.
No wonder I didn't want to live in the midwest anymore and wanted to move to Florida. I associated relaxation with being far, far away.
Rarely would my hubby and I get away for overnights. There was no time for him to work on his Fiat, take pictures, watch a baseball game.
And we were such in the busy mode that even if we did stay home, we found a maintenance project to fill the time with. Crazy. I cry over the
11 summers I neglected to make sure the rest and refreshing we needed was a priority. NO MAS!
We should have seen the red flags two years ago. In 2007 we took a honeymoon for the first time in our lives. When we married we were 19 & 20, so we had no money. We took a once in a lifetime trip to Mexico at an all-inclusive resort. IT WAS FABULOUS. We literally got up, had breakfast, spend the day at the beach, went to a romantic dinner and got up and did it over again for 4 days. The scenary was gorgeous and I was with the love of my life...It was like paradise.
When we came home we both said how nice it was to be anonymous. We felt so free. No one expected anything of us, knew us from anyone. And we literally were free to be us and no one else for 4 whole days.
It was this feeling that we found ourselves continually expressing that should have indicated something was amiss. When you have to go to another country so you can relax, it's time to change something.
I'm no theologian, but I do find it interesting God wants that Sabbath routinely, weekly and He wants us to "keep" it. So I guess there is the lesson and the "permission" to make sure I am resting and refreshing.
To not do this can lead to some very serious weakening of our ability to resist temptation and to get our priorities totally out of whack.
Don't believe it? Email me, I'll tell you some more stories.
Just make sure to rest and refresh and take time to say no to things for the sake of relaxation. Go do somethings you haven't done in years and analyze why you haven't done them in so long. Change what you need to. It's seems that God says that's okay.
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RE: Life and Love, Trials and Testing - 8/9/2009 5:17:50 PM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
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Yesterday we had a small family reunion. People are beautiful creations of God. There are moments when you get to see the beauty God created in individuals....the differences in appearance, voice, personality, humor all become wonderful colors on a tapestry of life. Almost like a puzzle, you can see each person playing this beautiful part in completing a family.
I think unconditional love might be this....
seperating the shortcomings of someone from who they really are at their core. Letting the beauty of that person outshine the failures. This no doubt is easier to do with some people, but it can be done with all.
My heart was full of joy at spending time with these people yesterday.
I am so grateful to God for making this beautiful set of humans to live and share my time with me on this Earth. I thank you for the heart and the mind to appreciate it. Too bad it came at the awful expense of my shortcomings. May it never be again.
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RE: Life and Love, Trials and Testing - 8/10/2009 2:17:02 PM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
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I just read an amazing story about a premature baby who was pronounced dead waking up at it's own funeral.
http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?rn=3906861&cl=14973817&ch=4226714&src=news
I always wished I could have one more time with a loved one who has passed. So I could say what I had never said before or say again what I wanted them to hear.
My 2 grandma's were as opposite end of the spectrum as you could get.
1 was mother to 9 kids married all her life to the same man and strong in her faith.
The other had a terrible life with an alcoholic father who killed himself after killing her mother. There was divorce and secrets and well, it could be a movie. They shared one internal thing.
From the time I was a kid I always wanted to express how I felt in print.
When I became a Christian this intensified and I began to write letters to people; friends and family, whenever they inspired me or to thank them for teaching me something or spending time with me.
When my Grandmas passed away, and we were packing their things, we found something in both their homes.....they had kept the cards and notes they'd received over the years. Why would they both do that?
I believe it was their proof. Proof that they were remembered, loved, treasured, appreciated, kind, generous, valued. They could pick up those cards and read those words whenever they needed it and be reminded of their specialness.
The grandma I was most close too began a more evidant walk with God in the last 3 years of her life. I read from her Bibles often. I am so grateful for the chance to follow a prompting from God to give my grandparents a smile. It brought me more peace after they were gone.
My mom told me "if you ever feel like sending a card, or making a phone call or giving a gift and worry that you look foolish, go ahead and do your deed anyway. You will never regret it."
She's right. I don't. How can it ever hurt to say today what you might not get a chance to tomorrow?
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It's not about the truth - 8/12/2009 9:27:07 AM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
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From: Midwest
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"It's Not About the Truth" is the title of a book I read as we are going through our struggle. It is the story of some of the people involved in the Duke La Crosse case and how it damaged and impacted their lives...3 of the players, the coach and the families.
It might as well be called "It's Not About Reason" or It's Not About Reality" or "It's Not About Sanity"....maybe most fitting is "It's Not About Caring".
Facts ceased to matter. Lies continued to grow. Pressure began to build.
Families cracked. Energentic youth became silenced prey. It's sick.
This happens every day to people. And unless you have been in the legal system for any reason, you still nievely believe that justice happens.
Not always. It's a system like anything else.
Don't believe me? Ask yourself how many fathers in the divorce cases you know of end up with physical custody of their kids. I don't know any.
And the dads I know would love to come home to their kids every night.
A chapter in the book I read is called "Agendas All Around". How appropriate.
The "accuser" probably didn't want to be arrested for her prostitution and drug us. (Her version of events changed 3 times in the first 24 hours)
The officers didn't want to be accused of being racist.
The DA wanted promotion.
The Dean of the University didn't want bad publicity.
All of the people with power here had agendas and sadly none of them were working by the one thing they should have held supremely. The truth.
Because they decided to abuse their power by creating criminals, (the players) and neglect their power by doing the right thing, they actually created a wake of true victims, that started with the young men and spread to their family and their community.
Were the players morally innocent? Not on your life. You don't hire strippers because it's moral. Hopefully they see how immorality can lead to danger.
But were they rapists? Not on your life. A lie started this whole thing.
Were it not for their money and the media, they'd be in prison.
Were it not for the fact they had each other to lean on, to remind each other they weren't guilty, they'd be wrecked for good.
Not every person accused of a crime has $$, a support group and the media to help them out. Ask me. I know. This issue is so close to home.
But, the one thing the wrongly accused have, the one thing that allows them to sleep at night when the wall is caving in on them, when everyone from their accuser, to the district attorney, to the judge is calling them guilty, is THE TRUTH. It matters to them. Praise to God we have it.
Jesus said it. The truth shall set you free. Even if you have to sit in a prison cell, in your mind you know the freeing truth.
Don't ever assume everyone who gets accused or convicted or takes a plea deal is guilty. Once someone is accused of something, it becomes the job of the investigators, district attorneys and judges to cover their backsides. And sadly, it has little to do with seeking out the truth or reality. "That's not their job" "That's what defense attorneys are for".
Devastating. (to the lives of the accused and their families)
Disgusting. (to see power abused this way)
All because, you see, "someone has to pay". Really it's "anyone has to pay"
Our country, less and less, holds truth as an ultimate standard. You can even hear leadership of our country make statements back to back and they seem to contradict themselves constantly. Our world is in serious danger when we don't hold truth as a pillar of our culture. Wherever will
the boundry between good and evil be drawn then?
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RE: It's not about the truth - 8/15/2009 2:43:08 PM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
Status: offline
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Passion is important in life. I don't necessarily mean "love" passion (though that is good too!) But there is nothing like the feeling of doing what comes most naturally to you with zeal.
Last night at our State Fair we saw Rick Springfield. (recording artist most popular in the 80's and also on General Hospital). The man is 60 years old, jumps around like a 20 something on stage, plays his guitar with so much energy and thrives on being able to do so. This man is not concerned that other's might consider him a "has-been". He never set out to be a "star". He is a musician/lyricist first.
You can see that in some people you know if you think about it.
Two tellers at my bank stand out to me. They have genuine smiles on their faces and you can see that they like/love people. I'm a very shy person, but not so shy that I won't tell them how their kindness cheers me up. They need to know someone sees their joy and appreciates it.
Not all of us can use our gifts in front of audiences and receive cheers and screams of joy from the recipients.
I have a picture of my husband I treasure. He is about 8 years old, page boy haircut, standing on a beach, wearing a corvette t-shirt and he has a camera around his neck. World, you have just met my husband. That picture encapsulates his true God given passions.
I used to spend my days outside by the swingset singing all day as a kid.
My grandma made recordings of me singing from the age of 3.
I see all these beautiful things in my kids and I pray and have prayed that they find out early what those special things inside of them are and
USE THEM....PURSUE THEM.
My daughter loves sewing and gardening.
In 8th grade my home-ec project was to make a skirt. I had to turn it into a pillow. Sewing is something God put in her, she didn't learn it from me. BUT, we did gift her with her first sewing machine when we saw she was interested. I cannot stand gardening either, but guess who landscapes our yard for us.
I love watching God reveal who our children are inside and out. I just have to keep watching. I don't want to miss the chance to enable them to get the most out of what God has for them in this life.
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Comforting others - 8/20/2009 8:20:08 AM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
Status: offline
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Life is messy. Not that I just realized it, but being a person who gets joy out of what others would consider routine or boring, that is something I have to make peace with.
I always think if I am organized enough, everything will be better. Nope.
In some of the darkest days of the last year I felt so alone, isolated.
I also felt like no one else has ever been in my position, or at least not enough where I could sit down and specifically ask someone "how did you handle this?".
And while the circumstances aren't 100% the same, I learned about someone suffering from a similar event we did. Struggling with the same
sort of injustice.
I found something I am considering a "life verse", if you will.
2 Cor 1:8 For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself
I desire to see no one suffer, or at least to give them as much comfort as possible. This verse seems to say, don't hide the fact you've suffered from others.
And while I don't believe this is the only reason we suffer difficulties in life, it is at least one of the reasons...
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. [1] 6 If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. 7 Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort
There are many people on this forum who are willing to do this. Thanks be to God.
2Cor1:11 You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.
I do indeed give thanks. Thanks to God for providing you prayer warriors and thanks to you for your willingness to comfort through prayer.
I am grateful to have the opportunity to do the same thing. Thank You God. Please bless it. Amen.
< Message edited by ppodmama -- 8/20/2009 10:07:47 AM >
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It's a shame - 8/26/2009 6:16:26 AM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
Status: offline
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Evil seems to win so much. I know it is sin that has caused this disease of evil to pervade our world and I know one day that won't be anymore.
There are all kinds of verses talking about how we shouldn't be jealous when evil people pervail, because they won't have "real peace" and justice is coming their way.
But it doesn't change now. It doesn't change the pain and torment that evil causes and it doesn't stop it.
It's confusing.
Come Lord Jesus Come. I'm tired of waiting to win and be free again.
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Eye awakenings and Applications. - 8/29/2009 10:24:09 PM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
Status: offline
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In the analysis of our issue, I've come to see how easy it was to confuse my faith with church life. The distance we have had to take because of the issue did one good thing...helped us to focus on our own individual walk with God without someone else telling us how we could apply it.
Realizing that we all have our own stories with God, has allowed me to look at everyone around me almost like I am doing so for the first time, or at least with fresh eyes. I didn't see them down my nose for not going to church, or qualify life or time with them based on church, probably out of the fear of being unevely yoked.
But it wasn't just people...it is everything. Concepts like freedom and fellowship and family...all part of the evaluation.
Back to facebook, I have enjoyed connecting with my extended family again and even though it's not quite like being with them, knowing how they are doing is a joy and I love the chance to encourage them and shower them with love and to send little messages into their lives over the most normal and mundane things. A year ago I don't think I would have done this.
Not dissing the church at all, as this has everything to do with my misconceptions of living a Christian life and I'm just saying how important it has become to me to be an active participant in seeking on my own what God has for me to do on this planet, and that it's okay if it doesn't fit what someone else thinks that should be. After all, God still, though I don't know why and I certainly don't deserve it, saved me. He is capable of leading me just fine. It's very simple and it is a relief and a joy all at the same time.
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God's Timing - 9/2/2009 1:48:43 PM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
Status: offline
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Due to the stress of the last year, I decided I needed a break from homeschooling, which I did in the midst of the mess. I taught homeschool for 9 years.
We knew we wanted a Christian school for our son, who is 6, so we inquired at the school highly recommended, but they had no openings.
Our second choice was far away, but the staff was so kind, I couldn't help but say yes. It meant super hectic and meticulously time managed a.m.'s
but I was willing. In the back of my mind, I dreaded driving so far away in the winter too, but again I thought this was a great school and that made it worth it.
Yesterday, the first day of school, at 6 a.m. I received an email notice there was an opening in first grade for our first choice school.
Now I am not a person who likes to be spontaneous. I like planned events, at least as much as possible because it keeps the stress down.
Would I really even consider this on this morning, the first day of school?
Would I be crazy?
Guess so.
Hubby and I agreed that one day of chaos is worth the rest of the school year not having to deal with all that stress. And, they even shared the same uniform, which is tough to do.
Pulled him out of one school got him registered in another, ran school supplies from one to the other, dropped of meds...ugh...this is not my thing, I can tell you.
God was here. Not just because He worked out this miracle, but the timing of it was impeccible. I had the day off and with my kids gone for the first time in my life as their mom, I would have been so sad if I didn't have this chaos to focus on. As it was, I only cried once when I saw my daughter's photo on facebook as I wrote her some encouragement. I teared up only near the end of the school day a few times. That was it.
Pretty neat miracle I have to say. Thank You Lord. Nice to have a beautiful surprise for a change. Thank You for blessing me and taking care of me this way.
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So Glad there is my God - 9/14/2009 9:10:26 AM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
Status: offline
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or else, who would love me enough to make me?
who would love me enough to save me?
who would love me enough to preserve me?
who would love me enough to bless me?
who would love me enough to heal me?
who would love me enough to gift me?
who would love me enough to see me?
who would love me enough to.....
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Birthdays as a Witness - 9/19/2009 1:35:09 PM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
Status: offline
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I've come to the conclusion that birthdays can be a witness for God.
Every person over 30 I've ever met always tells me how they don't feel like they are a day over 18 in their minds. As I creep closer to middle age I feel that way too.
I think it's a testimony that the soul lives forever, so we don't feel aged in our minds. I passed that thought onto others before and they found it refreshing, so I'm sharing it here too....Hope it encourages you. Thanks God for another chance to see Your hand in our lives and our eternal souls.
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Facebook Opportunities - 9/25/2009 9:35:02 AM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
Status: offline
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I'm still loving connecting to my cousins on facebook...I've been able to pray for, encourage and stay close to them through it.
May God bless this "ministry" and I thank and praise Him for those He's placed in my life, the planning of which happened before I was even drawing breath.
Love You, Father!
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God's Grace - 10/8/2009 10:32:45 AM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
Status: offline
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My whole family has suffered with anxiety issues. Most of them have taken medication to treat them. I've come close one or two times from deciding to take meds myself, and I may need to in the future, but the two times I came close to it, God did something.
The first time was after my grandmother passed away. She was the person I was most close to on Earth who died. Unsure of her faith when I was young, after my grandfather passed, she began to attend church with my family and read the bible and we had spiritual conversations with her. I watched a faith develop in her and it was so assuring to me when she died.
My grandma had a difficult life. Her father killed her mother and then himself when she was a young adult. She married an abusive alcoholic and lead a somewhat tainted life for several years before she married my step-grandpa. Her difficult life always earned her a grace and compassion in my heart that seemed to explain her sometimes bad behavior.
In spite of her reputation, she ALWAYS displayed an unconditional, encouraging love for me. She thought I was beautiful and even tried to get me to enter beauty contests(Love is blind) . She thought I could sing wonderfully and recorded me ,even before the age of 3, singing songs on her huge reel to reel recorder. I always appreciated her gritty nature and even her unguarded tongue...she was honest about how she felt and I loved it, even if it wasn't nice. I always knew what she thought.
When she passed, it was hard. Other situations made it very difficult and I would cry all the time and disinterest in life crept in. On my way to church one morning, I told my husband I thought I needed to go to the Dr. and start taking depression meds.
While at church, I suddenly had this image of my heart as a pothole in a road and God filling up the hole that my grandma left open with His love, so it would be usable again. It was an interesting image, not one I would have expected. I also realized that, though I am a person who loves to pray, I never asked God to help me grieve. I was prompted to give Him Lordship of it.
Whenever I would want to cry I would pray "God, I give You Lordship of my emotions and grief. If I am supposed to cry, then let the tears roll, and if I don't need to, comfort me."
Things got better. Surprise surprise, right? Asking God to intervene works? Yep. Made me pray even more. About everything. I always had, but I realized how much prayer can carry me through more things.
I've leaned heavily on the people of this forum to help me through my the other time I've struggled, all this past year. What a comfort and joy and peace it gives me each time I pray and you pray for me, my husband and my family. I realize I do it often, but I just can't neglect the blessing it is and I don't want to pass up the prayers of my precious brothers and sisters in Christ.
Some have the attitude of "if all else fails, pray." I hope my attitude remains "Before all else fails, pray."
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Letterman/McNair - 10/9/2009 10:54:52 AM
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ppodmama
Posts: 374
Joined: 10/31/2008
From: Midwest
Status: offline
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When we dealt with my husband's issues this past year something amazing happened. Well, there were many things, but something showed up I never saw before from my Christian brothers....transparency.
As my husband shared with some of the men at church the details of his situation, I was surprised by how the guys were NOT surprised, and how many of them said "that could just as easily be me". Stunning.
Years of attending church, I learned that all men struggle with temptations of this nature, but it wasn't until his situation was revealed that the degree of transparency changed. That needs to change.
I realized that if the circumstances were just right (or should I say, wrong) ANYONE could give in to adultery. Even if they are Christians.
Even if they are famous (David Letterman, Steve McNair). I'm pretty sure it happens more often than we would dream of, it's all a question of who will be found out. Important to remember that Jesus said if a man even looks at a woman lustfully he has already committed adultery.
So my guess would be EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING has committed this sin, though we HUMANS make the distinction between thought and deed.
We can all pretty much admit to others we have sins, and even can dance around it...things like "I'm struggling with sinful thoughts about a neighbor." But wouldn't it be more helpful to get more to the nitty gritty?
Wouldn't it be more helpful to get specific so that those things could be specifically prayed for? Maybe just saying them to someone else in all honesty would diminish their appeal.
Maybe it would a dagger into the heart of the temptation or at least create a type of Chemotherapy that would attack the ferocious nature of it.
Possibly someone could have been in the same place and have great insight in how they dealt with it, know how to pray for you and have great ways to keep you accountable.
It could lead to insight as to why you are struggling, when you are struggling and how to change it.....
But we have to stop being so generic. I think if we all share our struggles in a more specific way, we can maybe prevent more sin and pain in our lives and possibly in the world.
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