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Am I a bad friend? - 8/3/2009 3:59:38 PM
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Darla219
Posts: 2
Joined: 8/3/2009
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Where do I begin? It's a long story but basically it boils down to me and my best friend and her 18 yr old son and his girlfriend who is also 18. J (best friend for 25 yrs) calls me and tells me her son and his girlfriend are on the way to an abortion clinic to have an abortion done. She had already told me they made this decision on their own and was not going to tell the girls parents for fear they would throw her out of the house. I chose to stay out of it at that point even though I did not agree. She was urging him and her to do this as well. As I heard her myself saying this over the phone. She also at one point called her son "A baby killer" as well. Then the morning of the procedure they got to the clinic and there were protestors out front so the son called home crying saying that he didn't want to kill a baby. But J was in her truck on her way up to the clinic to make them go through with this and threatened to kick him out of his home and not pay for his college if they didn't go through with it. No, I did not hear her tell him this myself but these are her very words to me on the phone that morning. Not until he told her that they were going inside and going through with it did J turn around and go back home. Can you imagine these kids up there crying and not wanting to do this but being threatened if they didn't? So we hung up from one another and I sat here in front of my computer and just started shaking and thinking what can I do? The only chance I had was to try to contact the girls dad on facebook because I knew he had and account on there from a msg he left on her sons page a while back. So I sent him a msg asking him to contact me about a matter concerning his daughter. I really didn't even think he would get it quick enough to make a difference, but not 10 minutes later he calls my cell. I am shaking again and can barely tell him this but I manage to tell him that his daughter is pregnant and not only that but is about to have an abortion done.
I tell him where and he says he's going to try to get there as quickly as possible. Meanwhile, the mom calls me about 10 minutes later and tells me oh they won't even let me talk to my daughter at the abortion clinic on the phone and is really upset saying that she has always taught her daughter that abortion is murder. And she also mentions that she is the head of the pro-life group at their church and can not believe her daughter would even think of doing this!
We hang up and then she calls back a second time saying "Oh he got there in time!" and thanked me over and over for doing what I did. Later that afternoon she sends me a msg on facebook and thanks me again telling me how much God used me today and that they would not let J or the kids know who told them. I write back, and say your welcome and (being still mad at my friend for putting me in this situation and those kids) I say some things about their family that aren't so nice but nothing that wasn't true about how disfunctional their household is over there. Something I know now I should have left out of the situation because it was not necessary. The next day I sign on to my Myspace and get a msg from the daughter that just simply says "Thank You". I respond and say she is welcome and to not let my friend intimidate her. (because J was saying to me that she would beat up the girl if she ever step foot at her house again) That she is one of those moms that thinks no one is going to be good enough for her son!. And that's it.
Now a few days later I start feeling this terrible guilt over not being honest with my friend. I end up telling her the truth and she says she has already heard some bits and pieces of this from her son and one of his friends. (Apparently the mom told them all it was me and what I had said about my friend and then made up stuff I didn't even say!!!! ) And said she can not fathom how I could do such a thing to her family! Deleted me off FB and MySpace. I sent her a msg explaining how sorry I was for saying some of the stuff I did but she has come up with all this other stuff that I didn't even say! Like her being overly medicated on xanax a lot of the time (which is totally true, she was at this very time, but I did not tell them that and the only ones who could have would have to be the boy or the girl!) and that now they won't let the girl have anything to do with the boy for 30 days for a cooling off period and is blaming everything on me! Even the boy wrote me a nasty msg saying don't think you "saved the day" because we were about to walk out of there anyway!. And you ruined my life!!
I know this is a lot to take in and there is still a lot I didn't explain but I really need to talk to someone about this. Yesterday after reading their msgs I got physically sick all day long! And could not stop crying. What do I do now?
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RE: Am I a bad friend? - 8/3/2009 4:08:33 PM
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Jhud
Posts: 4481
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Lake Wobegon
Status: offline
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What you did was what appears to be the brightest light in a dark situation. I am sorry you lost a friend; but if she did what you said she did, I am not sure she is someone you would want as a friend anyways (or even, based on what she said to you, was ever really the friend she seemed to be).
At this point you could apologize for not being honest right away, but beyond that you did nothing wrong, and much that was good.
God bless.
_____________________________
Jack
I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
- C.S. Lewis
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RE: Am I a bad friend? - 8/3/2009 4:23:06 PM
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LastofAll
Posts: 126
Status: offline
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A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.
Prov 11:13
He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.
Prov 17:9
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RE: Am I a bad friend? - 8/3/2009 4:46:13 PM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 4924
Joined: 4/4/2005
From: Formerly Jesus Land
Status: online
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You did the right thing in telling the girls' mom. I'm sorry you lost a friend, but it doesn't sound as if you and your friend were truly on the same page anyway. I think you should let her friendship go. You've apologized for what you did that you felt was wrong, and that's the best you can do. When you think of her, say a prayer for, and then just give it over to God. Ulitimately, He knows what happened, He knows your heart and what was said and what your motives were, and He's the only One you have to answer to.
_____________________________
"A faith that can be destroyed by suffering is not faith."--Richard Wurmbrand
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RE: Am I a bad friend? - 8/3/2009 4:51:50 PM
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Darla219
Posts: 2
Joined: 8/3/2009
Status: offline
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Oh my. Yes, I know I shouldn't have gossiped about her family. I apologized to her and her son for that. I felt in that moment, knowing what she's said about that girl in the past and the threat, that I needed to let the woman know what she was dealing with. I wasn't doing it out of malice or just to be mean. I failed to mention that my friend also professes to be a Christian and had the gaul to write Christian? woman in the msg she sent me. I can't believe the parents of the girl threw me to the dogs like they did as well after just saving their grandchild. Sometimes I think it would have been best for me to have just stayed comepletly out of it. Then again, I know the Holy Spirit moved me that day to contact those parents.
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RE: Am I a bad friend? - 8/3/2009 4:56:47 PM
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Sophie11
Posts: 604
Joined: 1/24/2008
Status: offline
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Hi Darla.
What an awful situation to be in the middle of, I feel for you!
My first response is that you did do the right thing by alerting someone who could stop the abortion. No matter what the boy says afterwards, that he was going to leave anyway, no one will or can ever be sure of that, and you certainly had no knowledge of that when you made the call to the girl's parents. The most important thing is that the abortion never happened, and now that little baby has a chance at life.
It had to have taken a lot of courage to do what you did, I'm sure you knew when you called that what you were doing was probably going to cause hardship between you and your friend, but you made the right choice don't forget that.
The betrayal your friend is feeling can not be any more than the betrayal you probably feel learning that your friend was willing to try to force a young girl into having an abortion, when you thought your friend was against abortion. It's surely just as harsh a thing to learn about a friend as is learning a friend has said something bad about you in an emotional moment.
Maybe over time both of you can get together and talk this through and save the relationship, maybe you can't I don't know. She might even be more upset over the fact that you went against her wishes for her son, and not about the fact that you said bad things about her. That is why you would need to talk about it.
My advice is that you call your friend or leave her a message and let her know that you are sorry and you would like to talk to her about it when she is ready. Let her know you want to remain friends if that is the case. If you think it is better to part ways, I would still apologize but then move on, and know that you did do what was right.
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RE: Am I a bad friend? - 8/3/2009 4:57:03 PM
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WesP
Posts: 1440
Joined: 11/28/2005
From: Where God needs me to be
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LastofAll
A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.
Prov 11:13
He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.
Prov 17:9
It seems to me that I recall God saying a lodestone around the neck was better than hurting a child. I sincerely believe that sitting back and allowing someone else to do it makes you culpable. I applaud the actions taken by the OP.
_____________________________
Peace,
Wes
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RE: Am I a bad friend? - 8/3/2009 5:05:28 PM
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toryjoe1109
Posts: 50
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline
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I was reminded of what I heard on tv the other day when I read your post.
When you are offended, do not offend back. Love one another. You might not see the blessings from that person but you will see the blessings from God.
You absolutely did the right thing. Just pray that your friend sees the truth(Gods words). She will eventually see and maybe she will call you later down the line (when she is clear headed) and thank you for saving her own grandchild.
_____________________________
Love covers all sin.
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RE: Am I a bad friend? - 8/3/2009 5:07:27 PM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 4924
Joined: 4/4/2005
From: Formerly Jesus Land
Status: online
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quote:
Sometimes I think it would have been best for me to have just stayed completely out of it.
Absolutely not. What is that old saying, about evil prevailing when good people do nothing? Kudos to you for being willing to do the right thing even though it meant suffering personal loss. God will reward you for that.
_____________________________
"A faith that can be destroyed by suffering is not faith."--Richard Wurmbrand
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RE: Am I a bad friend? - 8/3/2009 5:20:55 PM
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Jhud
Posts: 4481
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Lake Wobegon
Status: offline
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This reminds of the rule I teach my children about tattling; I ask them if what they are telling me about their brother or sister is to get them in trouble or keep them out of trouble? If my child is about to jump off a bridge I want their siblings to ignore all promises of confidentiality - I think the same considerations should apply in this situation, and wise Christians should recognize that.
_____________________________
Jack
I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.
- C.S. Lewis
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RE: Am I a bad friend? - 8/3/2009 5:31:10 PM
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navyblueret
Posts: 1971
Joined: 11/29/2008
From: S/W Nebraska
Status: offline
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Darla219, Shalom.
It isn't easy being a LIFE Guard. The once friendly sharks in the water, may not thank you, but Jesus sure will.
Keep the Watch, and thank you for taking the right action. You saved a life, and you can never apologize for that.
In Messiah. Arley
_____________________________
In the name of 'THE' Mashiach, Man the wall, set the watch, sound the Shofar. Our redemption draws nigh.
Messiah, my Captain, and Helmsman.
(Joh 14:6 KJV) ... I am the way, the truth, and the life: ...
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