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help! unwanted images - 8/6/2009 1:14:21 PM
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justjake
Posts: 14
Joined: 8/6/2009
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i need help. it has been over a year since i have looked at pornography. i have had a revelation of what christ did on the cross for me and i desire to be like him.
i truly regret everything i ever looked at and the depth of the things i used to watch, and for the most part can't really recall everything i used to indulge in. however, i will find during the day that just randomly thoughts of sex will pop into my head at an alarming frequency. over the last couple months, the images have gotten worse and are scaring me because i keep feeling that i am going to turn into what i used to watch. ever image that pops in fills me with more and more guilt. most of the images are things i know i've never seen before, so at i first thought the enemy was attacking me with these things, since i wasn't looking for them or trying to think them up. but now, i seem to walk with this constant worry of it, and my only prayer is that god would breakthrough.
last night, i had a dream where i was looking at the porn i used to be involved in and no longer want to be a part of. i woke up, heavy with guilt feeling like i had just surrendered to temptation and indulged in shameful stuff, but not knowing what to do because i hadn't really done anything. what's worse is that it was in a dream that i'm not really in control of.
this is distressing me, because i don't want this and i'm not looking for it. is this making sense, and am i panicking?
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RE: help! unwanted images - 8/6/2009 6:04:05 PM
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AnalystsAreUs
Posts: 186
Joined: 4/12/2005
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You reap what you sew. It's still in there. It took time to get in in, it will take time to get it out. You will need to spend HOURS (2+) per day just reading God's word to cleanse your brain. Start in Gen and keep reading. No one can do this for you. You looked at porn, now you have to look to God's word. If it worked with porn to get it in, it will work with God's word to replace it. But takes time. Lots of time.
If you do not spend lots of time reading God's word, you will loose this battle. Worry and frustration will be part of it. Sucks, but that's the way it is. No other easy way. Start to memorize it too. Start with PS 1.
Your are not alone: Rom 7:14 -
For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? I thank God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.
And what did Paul find out what the answer was?
Rom 8:5
For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.
So you set your mind on the the Things of the Spirit. If it gets off track, reset it. If it gets off tack again, reset it. If it gets off track again, reset it. Get the idea?
When you read God's word, you are retraining your brain to think differently. And remember, when you train for anything, it takes TIME.
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RE: help! unwanted images - 8/8/2009 4:39:28 PM
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ampilot
Posts: 3
Joined: 8/8/2009
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JustJake, I was just passing through the crosswalk forum for the first time, intending just to glance at what was going on. I saw your posting, and immediately connected with it and registered as a user so I could respond. I know what you are experiencing: the dreams, waking up in a panic of fearing I've masturbated or looked at porn again, the sporadic and heavy thought-images throughout the day (sometimes at the most humiliating and inappropriate times), feeling myself wanting to stare at random women, the frustration with the state of my mind. Where are the promises of God in all of this???? That Jesus is in us? That His Holy Spirit guards us and purifies us? What about, "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom"???
As much as I am just a name in a column with an opinion beside it (my name's Christopher), know this: I believe so so strongly that all these promises are true, and true for us now, and true for you and me. Contrary to many people's approach, we do not have to burden ourselves with our own cleansing. Yes, the Bible is an absolutely vital part of cleaning out our brains (one could also say, "souls"), and daily reading is one of the heavy-hitters against post-porn fallout - daily reading should not to be forgotten! But burdening yourself with "HOURS" of Bible reading a day sounds a lot like works and less like the everyday, spiritual faith we are called into. To a degree I understand where SavedToo is coming from: holiness is persistance when the heat is on - the thoughts, dreams, and more. Holiness is becoming passionate about purity and hating what is sin. Purity takes time.
I packed my brain with porn for nearly 8 years as a teenager/young adult. God broke my compulsive slavery to it one day where for 45 minutes I paced my house, alone, wrestling with temptation to look at porn and masturbate. I am so so so so thankful that that particular struggle ended with victory, and it was as if the hold of my unhealthy sexuality over me had its wrists broken... unfortunately, it could still speak to me... Call to me, tell me I wanted it and needed it... Stir me in my dreams to see awful things and to fill my brain with crude sexual images, no matter where I was. It has been four years as of this September since God and I won that wrestling match with my will. But here is my point: it was God and I... God who calls me and enables me to pursue holiness. And there is also the "and I"... which is God revealing who I really am, my true identity, the things I was built to live for and be used for.
This is getting long, so let me say this: Romans 7 (posted above) is great... but for the love of pete (who is pete anyways?) read it in the context of Romans 8!!! God is victory, Christ is victory, our ugly nature is strong and wretched but God far stronger and smarter and is bringing about a new nature in us to replace the old! Trust in Him, He will take care of you, He is not embarrassed of you, He would and will parade you around all of Heaven's population to show you off... because He is proud of YOU! And He'd do that right now! Where you are! In fact, if you were the only human to have ever lived, Jesus still would have resolutely headed to the cross... just for you - that is how much your God is in love with you, and that is how much your God hates the sin that counters His holy image.
This is what I recommend, if I may put it out there: like SavedToo's recommendation, memorize scripture, perhaps start with Proverbs 3's "trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord and shun evil, this will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones." And instead of trying to pile on as much scripture as your day will allow (and your brain), read a chunk of scripture (could be half a chapter, or a chapter, a chapter and a psalm... depends where you are at) and spend time thinking about it, imagining it, applying it to your life, contemplating what it reveals about God's character... then WRITE IT DOWN! Get a note book and write a little each day of those meditations from your Biblin'. This is a way of meditating on God's word so it sinks in and affects you - changes who you are, the way you see God, and the way you think. Reading in itself is not enough, no matter how much - nor is memorization... it has to have meaning to you, revealed to you by God. Otherwise, its just words.
Secondly, find a same-age friend or an older man you look up to who would be eager to spend time with you regularly (a couple hours every week or two) to talk about life, keep you accountable to purity (and for you to keep them accountable to something), or for the older man, as a mentor. Is there a guys' group at your church?
Next, what is it you love to do? Art? Building stuff? Math? Nature? Cooking? Creative writing? Bike riding? Acting? Figure it out, and do it! God made you to love doing this thing for a reason - to do it and honor Him as you do it! It will get you doing something you love, it will expend some energy, and you will learn about God while you do it - He'll meet you there too, like in your Bible, prayer, ministry, and fellowship times. God doesn't want only to remove sin from your life, He wants to replace it with an actively growing relationship with Him, an understanding of who you really are, and a passion for what He made you for.
Keep your time spent on stuff like TV, random internet browsing (like youtube), video games, magazine reading, etc minimal, or even choose to avoid it for a time. Reason? I find that stuff keeps my brain stagnant and lazy, and it becomes harder to fight temptation, especially since sexual stuff slips its way into all these things. I'm 23 years old, so I'm pretty familiar with what's out there.
Reading a book like "Pure Desire" by Ted Roberts helped me so much; my pastor gave it to me when I started a guys' group for men in their 20s. Despite the cheesey name and cover-picture, it was more than good... it was fantastic. It gave me understanding and insight into the cycle of sexual sin/addiction and the affect of it on both me and the population of Christian men. It is authored by a man who lives with great integrity and approaches it from the clinical/counselling and spiritual perspective. One of his main points is that "tying the belt buckle another notch tighter" and just trying harder to stay pure never works - it's as effective as pulling against a noose, which gets tighter. Instead of relying on our own efforts to purify ourselves, we need to let God show us how to be freed by Jesus, along with efforts directed in the right ways. It's never as easy as "read your Bible more."
There are a ton of things that could personally help you, which can't be listed here... everything that is part of a healthy spirituality. Examples? Obeying the Sabbath, tithe-ing, getting involved in ministry, praise and worship, honoring leaders, etc... But one more I will officially add: prayer. I believe that God wants to break the kind of prayer that is routine and e-mail style (sending a message to God) and in its place He will teach us to pray WITH Him, in His presence, enjoying Him, and it being more of a conversation. There are books out there on prayer that would be great (Prayer by Richard Foster was recommended to me), and better yet, there are people God will put in your life to teach you. Best yet, you have the Holy Spirit - He will teach you to pray, just ask Him persistently and step into unknown territory in His company :) Prayer is an area in my life that I have so much room to grow in, its hard but it is more than worth it to learn how to really pray so that prayer becomes a joy - something in our day to look forward to.
I would love to hear what you think of this! If you find any of this weird/offensive/confusing let me know! I'll do my best to be more clear. If you have more questions but you want it to be personal, tell me and I'll give you my email.
Peace!!!
Christopher
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RE: help! unwanted images - 8/10/2009 3:56:37 PM
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justjake
Posts: 14
Joined: 8/6/2009
Status: offline
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Hi Ampilot,
No, it was not weird or offensive at all, and I thank you for your response. To be honest, the images have subsided a little in the past few days. I agree with you whole-heartedly. I think that too often we just throw out the blind answer of "Read more" or "do more of this," reducing the power of God to nothing more than a religious practice we use to make something happen. I didn't agree with the answer of reading my bible for 2+ hours a day. Some would say I'm expecting God to do everything, which in a way I am but at the same time I'm not. I don't believe it requires the burden of a religious excercise. That sounds more like jumping through hoops than anything else.
Secondly, I very clearly stated that I pray constantly and diligently seek God. I have been involved in numerous aspects of ministry and still am. Now don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that my involvement in ministry says ANYTHING about my relationship with God. I'm simply addressing something that was written in your post suggesting that I should get involved in ministry. The thing is is that I already AM involved. My struggle now isn't with going to porn or anything like that. My struggle is against the FEAR that these unwanted images are driving in me. While I appreciate SavedToo taking the time to respond, the answer they provided was not helpful because they did not take the time to address the root of what I was talking about - the FEAR. The only reason I know the enemy is throwing these images at me is because he knows the fear it strikes at in me. These images are things I've NEVER SEEN BEFORE. Plus, I mentioned that I genuinely have no desire to go and watch porn - especially what I came from. I do not need to justify that statement because I know it is true and I know the measures I have taken to ensure that I never fall to it. As a result, I don't agree at all with the statement that "It's still there," because my base desire has changed. Is it a temptation? Yes, as I believe it is with any man. However, it truly is not a desire. I desire these images to cease. THAT is why I posted this. I don't know if I'm panicking over nothing and should stay the course trusting God or if there is something else I can do to help that isn't a needless practice.
So yes, i understand what you are saying, and I hope it is clear what I am trying to communicate.
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RE: help! unwanted images - 8/10/2009 7:36:05 PM
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AnalystsAreUs
Posts: 186
Joined: 4/12/2005
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Reading the Bible is not a religious exercise. It’s an engineering approach. Why? God’s word has a supernatural cleansing effect.
Eph 5:26 says,
“that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,”
The more you read it, the more it cleans.
I doubt that the enemy is throwing the images at you. The brain is totally capable of creating new information all by itself. It’s called creativity. It’s a very human trait. You lay down porno path ways in your brain and it will think porno thoughts, even inventive ones.
The only way to deal with fear is with trust. What is God saying to you when you cry out to Him?
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RE: help! unwanted images - 8/19/2009 12:32:07 AM
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ampilot
Posts: 3
Joined: 8/8/2009
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"Plus, I mentioned that I genuinely have no desire to go and watch porn - especially what I came from."
"I very clearly stated that I pray constantly and diligently seek God. I have been involved in numerous aspects of ministry and still am."
I think these are evidences that God is bringing about the answer to your fear: a confidence - a TRUST - that these desires are out and that God is in and at work. I learned something while traveling when I happened to make a friend from New Mexico while in New Zealand :) His very simple recommendation was this: when the images/ideas start coming at you, say (in your own words) something to the effect of this: "You ain't talkin to me, I'm a son of God! Get lost!" Imagine it with a downsouth accent, and you'll see why it got stuck in my head! :)
I think the essence of those words really sums up what is effective against the fear of sexual sin: trust in God, confidence in the pure and holy identity He is builiding in you, and added to it, the command for that stuff to take off! I started using it, and found that it was very effective as it became habit and I meant what I said as I said it.
This hasn't been a solve-all, but it has been a part of the progression of stepping up against sexual sin and the fear thereof, and seeing it back down. I still feel like I go through cycles (my fiancée laughs at my use of the word "cycles") where for a number of days I feel like the temptation-pressure is on. These are typically triggered by a build-up of gunk: seeing pictures and images in magazines, newspapers, movies, commercials, etc. or catching bits of conversations on the bus...
Anyway, I apologize for writing my post without basing it more on the words you used to describe your current spiritual life. Its a relief too, knowing that you easily identified the legalism in SavedToo's post.
"The more you read it, the more it cleans."
Savedtoo, this formula is unscriptural. The Ephesians scripture is talking about a powerful SPIRITUAL truth that does not follow our modernist interpretations. The spiritual is not the physical, and it is not governed by our simple formulas - that is legalism, rules made by men, not God. Legalism leads away from the knowledge of God. Our God and our faith in Jesus - which is Christianity - is much more unconventional, personal, spiritual, mysterious and powerful than this. You call it "supernatural" then apply physical principles, then you say "trust God" (?) - very problematic.
I am having to wrestle out my propensity towards legalism in my understanding of what my daily Christianity should look like. I found it very useful to do a word study on the word "Word". Jesus was called the Word of God, as you know, yet He wasn't a giant book that came out of the sky, rather He was the Truth of God - a complete revealing of the Father's very perfect nature in Jesus' daily life... this truth can burst our paradigms! And His nature wasn't revealed through simple formulas or concepts. Instead, Jesus was unpredictably unconventional in every way... spit and mud to heal one person, a simple vocal command to heal another... weird! The Word is not limited to writings - God reveals His Word to us in our lives in many ways - the Bible is one of those ways.
Just reading words cannot cleanse anyone. Allowing God to reveal His word in the Bible matures us, but this is not just a matter of filling a 2 hour time slot with page flipping and rote memorization
from dictionary.com
rote /roʊt/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [roht],
—Idiom2. by rote, from memory, without thought of the meaning; in a mechanical way: to learn a language by rote.
We need to let God speak His word to us, and this will happen in a variety of circumstances, through a variety of means. When it comes to the Bible, which absolutely should be part of our daily walk, its not the time spent reading that matters nor the amount memorized, rather it is whether or not we've received the truth of God and we've allowed it to permeate us and change us. As I said in my first post, the amount of time spent reading doesn't matter - we need to think about what we're reading, visualize it, see God's nature in it, apply it to our lives, and more.
It is an insult to the sacrifice of Christ to say that the Cross was not enough, and didn't cover all sin - that it isn't capable of cleansing us of all our transgressions. What your theology is saying is that our cleansing is incomplete because it requires our effort to be complete. This is dangerous. Jesus had harsh words for Pharisees over such things, likewise did Paul for the legalistic believers in the letter to the Galatians. It bursts our brains to try to understand this Grace... it even feels weird for me to type it, to be honest... but Jesus has taken all our sin, and it is faith in Him that releases this purification over our souls, not our efforts to apply it and "get it in there". We stand blameless before God as we are NOW, so long as we truly have faith - which in itself is a gift!
Yowza... what a God!
"the only way to deal with fear is trust"
Yes that's one of the key ways, but it is trusting in His Truth, His purification of us, His efforts - not ours. And the practical, daily expression of that trust is going to look different for different people in different circumstances in different cultures. And like JustJake said, we've got to let God reveal the roots and invite Him to change us from the inside out.
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RE: help! unwanted images - 8/20/2009 7:27:05 PM
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AnalystsAreUs
Posts: 186
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
Savedtoo, this formula is unscriptural. The Ephesians scripture is talking about a powerful SPIRITUAL truth that does not follow our modernist interpretations. The spiritual is not the physical, and it is not governed by our simple formulas - that is legalism, rules made by men, not God. Legalism leads away from the knowledge of God. Our God and our faith in Jesus - which is Christianity - is much more unconventional, personal, spiritual, mysterious and powerful than this. You call it "supernatural" then apply physical principles, then you say "trust God" (?) - very problematic.
You apparently have no idea how the human mind works. It will think about what ever you feed it. Given the bio-chemical pleasure bonus you get with porno, feeding your mind that stuff will make it extremely hard to undo.
The Bible is not just a collection of words on a page but the very power of God. Can’t you sense God’s power just leap of the page when you read his word?
Isa 55:11 says,
“So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth; It shall not return to Me void, But it shall accomplish what I please, And it shall prosper [in the thing] for which I sent it.”
In Jhn 18:6, several troops came to arrest Jesus. When he announced who He was, they “drew back and fell to the ground”. Note that Jesus just spoke 3 words: “I am He”.
When you drench yourself in the Bible, your thinking literally resonates with the power of God.
The Ephesians scripture is plane and simple as is 99% of the Bible. The word of God cleanses you.
John 15:3 says,
“You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you.”
What is the cause in the above passage? The spoken word of God. What is the effect? You are made clean. Cause and effect are fundamental engineering principles. They are also spiritual principles. You reap what you sew.
The Christian life is very simple and easy to understand. Acts 4:13 says,
“Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated and untrained men, they marveled. And they realized that they had been with Jesus.”
Although the Christian life is simple, it is not easy. Mt 7:14 says,
“Because narrow the gate and difficult the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.”
Mt 16:24 says,
“Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.”
Mar 8:34 says,
"Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.”
The meaning of the cross is an obvious death of self on an ongoing basis.
The short term intense Bible reading was a practical suggestion, not a legalistic commandment. It is based on sound Biblical and engineering(after all, the human mind is a bio-chemical machine) principles.
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