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Sexually Abused - 8/15/2009 11:27:25 AM
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SteveyP
Posts: 28
Joined: 11/20/2007
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Okay men; I know when I bring up about being sexually abused and raped, most men respond either in disgust because I wasn't man enough to protect myself, or in befuddled silence. I was abused, in order, by a neighbor girl, then her younger brother joined in followed later by her older brother. Later a close female family member, then a male cousin, then a few years later raped by a male cab driver. (It certainly is a crazy world out there!  )
It is my observation that the experiences of the abuse never leave the mind, even after the Lord God's healing. I still struggle in how I look and think about certain women, both from my past and in my present, and the desire for sexual promiscuity. Further, I have my wife using her radar to help me recognize dangererous situations in this, and other areas as well, with the freedom to ask hard questions. I'm sure there are other things I struggle with that I am not remembering which are related to the abuse.
One experience that reinforced the assurance of my healing and forgiveness of the abusers was being able to proclaim the Gospel to my abusive cousin while he was dying. We had a great talk about his life and his feelings of failure and inadequacies as well as some of his accomplishments. We also talked about God, sin and forgiveness. He then asked the Lord for forgiveness, not of being an abuser (we didn't even talk about it), but of his sinful life.
I am wondering about other men's experiences with the healing process and the consequences of the abuse. One of my resulting consequences is my "polyanna" outlook and approach to life. I think I subconsciously chose to live this way at the time I became a follower of Christ, because I was tired of being angry and aggravated all the time. It has served me well so far, but I have started growing to wonder if this is the best way.
Any takers? 
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RE: Sexually Abused - 8/15/2009 1:05:11 PM
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Gluelin
Posts: 13
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You acknowledge most men are disgusted or silenced by your type of story,then ask for response from those who have been abused. Well, most have not been abused in the same way you have, but everyone has some sort of abuse, or been pained by someone. The event may be different, but the emotion and ability (or lack of ability) to forgive is the same. And the struggle to forgive is the same.
As you might guess, your story does create lots of questions in the reader's mind. Like how can this sort of sexual abuse happen so many times to one person, from different people. and who is the close female family member. Why do you identify everyone else,i.e my cousin, my neighbor, her brother, etc. But eh female family member stays much more generic.
But to your point, we all struggle with forgiving when someone we love or who we trust betrays us in a harmful way. The Bible talks about forgiveness--I think--because God understands its difficult for us to do in many situations. And you're also right that even if we forgive, we can never forget. Our behavior and responses to the forgiven is never really the same. If you read some of the posts in the Marriage forum about peoples struggles with infidelity, you'll see its very common to forgive but maintain a suspicious heart.
I guess I would say, continue to do what you're doing, that is, stay focused on God and on your Christian walk. We'll be perfected in paradise, but for now, we know we'll face our struggles. But we've been washed in the Blood of our Savior, so our hope will always be in our salvation and our sights will be on our heavenly home.
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RE: Sexually Abused - 8/17/2009 12:08:07 AM
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Chrio
Posts: 227
Joined: 6/25/2009
From: INLAND EMPIRE, CA.
Status: offline
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Greetings in Jesus
SteveyP, Blessings and continued strength is my prayer for you.
I think it is good that you are finding the strength in Jesus to bring this topic to the table. I believe it is a sign of your continued healing, so I applaud you and give God Glory for His marvelous work in your life. There are many men (young & old) that have never spoken it and are still holding it in because of the flawed description of what a man is. One of the young men of our church recently brought his own experiences to the table and his father initially had a very hard time accepting the truth of his son's abuse (also at the hands of a relative & friend).
I am hopeful others in this forum will take this opportunity to express their hurt and pain in hopes of receiving the same healing you are now growing in. Thanks for the courage to open the discussion. A supportive wife is evidence of God's Love and concern for us.
Live Freely, Love Deeply, Laugh Loudly
_____________________________
Be A Blessing
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RE: Sexually Abused - 8/19/2009 12:53:45 PM
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SteveyP
Posts: 28
Joined: 11/20/2007
Status: offline
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Thanks Gluelin and Chrio for your encouragement.
I didn't give more identifying details to the close female relative because it doesn't really matter. I have what my wife and I feel are good reasons for not doing so.
How does it go on so long? I didn't understand nor know how to respond to what was going on. I can't really explain it any differently or any better. It is very easy for me to understand people who have a chance to escape bad situations but don't for bizarre reasons that most people don't understand. Sorry.
Anyway, I appreciate the opportunity to tell a piece of my story and the encouragement that comes from telling it.
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RE: Sexually Abused - 8/19/2009 3:54:54 PM
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Simway
Posts: 173
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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Have your considered seeing a Christian Counslor? This person maybe able to help you with all this, and it is a very heavy burden to carry. I can understand why you don't want to go into details, we don't need to know, however a counslor, is most likely going to want to know and this maybe the best way to deal with all this pain. I'm sure you will ever forget all that is happend, but there are ways to deal with the past. I encourage you to make the effort to get help with this, it will be well worth the time and money it will take.
Simway
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RE: Sexually Abused - 8/20/2009 12:16:37 PM
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rayofson
Posts: 10247
Joined: 4/11/2005
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Yes, I was abused by a family member.
Forgiveness is something that I have found to be easy, and now have a very good relationship with my former abuser.
The things that have been difficult though, are figuring out what a normal family relationship is supposed to be and what love really is. Learning to be a good husband, and more specifically, raising two daughters and being a good father were things that didn't come easy.
While I was successful at keeping my daughters safe from abuse, that came at a cost of emotional closeness that I would assume most children have with their father.
_____________________________
Please don't feed the Ogre.
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RE: Sexually Abused - 9/2/2009 10:48:18 PM
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jn1010lf
Posts: 493
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline
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Hello SteveyP
I can sympathize with you to a degree. I was never physically bused but had to endure years of verbal abuse from my dad. I spent much of my life wanting to beat the man till he couldn't say anything. But in later years, the Lord healed our relationship and turned my dad into a fine gentleman that I loved.
You know, of course, that Satan was behind every incidence of your abuse. It might be helpful for you to study the book of Job. It describes quite well how Satan loves to harass God's sons. Yet, no matter what he did Job could not be destroyed. Satan admitted that to God but did his fiendish stuff anyway.
It seems that the Lord has moved you beyond the sting of your abuse. It may be time to forget and move on in Christ. Like Job, you were not destroyed because God was with you all the time..
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