|
|
|
|
|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/4/2009 7:11:47 PM
|
|
|
serenitynow123
Posts: 82
Joined: 1/16/2009
Status: offline
|
Okay, this is typical of WAY OLD School parents and child raising. Ever have parents or knew of parents that were highly judgmental if you were were their daughter, you weren't allowed to wear make-up, because you were considered a......well, you know.
I am trying to think of a good example here, apparently a daughter of a parent had gotten pregnant out of wedlock...and the grandmother's remark was this...(please forgive me for typing this) Well, if she knew how to keep her <finish the sentence> this wouldn't have happened.
(Trying to speak euphemistically and cryptically as possible here.
The younger more liberal parent gave her mom what for for that remark.
Typically, the parents of "old school", when they raised their kids, they struck the fear of God in them, with judgmental remarks, and you were considered scum if you partook in minor vanity and what-not.
Basically, the old school Christian way of raising kids, must've been a nightmare for some.....
Was it really Christian the way parents raised some of us...or no?
Was it wrong up bringing or no?
Thing is, the older generation, who are very set in their ways, think they are in the RIGHT, too.
Any feedback on this?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/4/2009 7:52:40 PM
|
|
|
sharonjef2007
Posts: 2302
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Harvie
I am not sure what you're asking.
But do I think it's "elitist" for christian parents to have high moral standards when raising their children? Nope.
Agreed! When I raise my children, I want to teach them morals and values that are Christlike. And, Christ is pretty elite in my very honest opinion. LOL! Kinda wierd to type that. As christians, our lives are going to look different from the world or at least they should look different.
_____________________________
my blog......Picture This.......
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/4/2009 7:56:40 PM
|
|
|
BlessedMamaofmany
Posts: 1709
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Just north of nowhere
Status: offline
|
I'm rather unsure of what you're getting at.
Can you clarify some more?
I have high moral standards for myself and my kids...but I won't be cruel should they sin like everyone else. Jesus loves me even though I am nothing. I want better for my kids than what I am, that's for sure.
_____________________________
Atheism: The belief that there was nothing, nothing happened to nothing, then nothing magically exploded for no reason, creating everything, then a bunch of everything magically rearranged itself into self-replicating bits that then turned into dinosaurs
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/4/2009 9:48:30 PM
|
|
|
boolee
Posts: 76
Joined: 8/17/2009
From: smyrna, Ga
Status: offline
|
of course every generation has their on way of doing things and the grandparents are right they didn't have alot of unwed ladies or if they did you never heard of it . It seems like today people are more willing to openly discuss things that were unmentionable then. But no matter what one generation things or believes children are never a mistake. True what their parents done might have been wrong but don't take it out on the children. They are always sent from God and HE makes no mistakes.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/4/2009 11:15:12 PM
|
|
|
betterisoneday
Posts: 405
Joined: 1/10/2008
Status: offline
|
I'm also not quite sure what you're asking.
Do I think comments like that are helpful? No. There is a lady at church with that type of opinion. Her granddaughter, whom she raised, is now a young women, unmarried, and pregnant. When her granddaughter says she doesn't know how to be a parent, rather than answer any questions this lady tells people that she is praying G-d kills the baby before it's born. And that her prayers are the morally right thing to do.
Personally, I think it would be much better for her to sit down with her granddaughter and say 'Yes, you sinned, we all mess up. You need to confess and ask G-d's forgiveness and I will help you through this. I (or someone else if she doesn't feel up to it) will teach you how to care for this baby, or support you through the adoption process and am willing to be an accountability person for you in the future.'
Then it's up to the girl/woman whether she takes that to heart and accepts someone helping her stay accountable and supporting her with the child or not.
Should one have high standards for their children? Yes! Should one also make sure not to let their pride push their child out when he/she sins (whether an 'obvious' sin or not) but to encouragingly keep the child accountable? Yes!
_____________________________
No reserves. No retreat. No regret.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/5/2009 8:55:08 AM
|
|
|
W.O.F.
Posts: 1653
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
Status: offline
|
I find it funny that the older lady is getting pegged for this....
A few years back a young lady in our church got pregnant out of wedlock. The "grandmothers" of the church (and keep in mind this was a VERY conservative church...elitest if you will) were the ones who took her under their very LOVING wings and had a baby shower for her, offered to be there with her at the birth, etc. It was the 30 to 40 year olds who were making the rude remarks (thankfully she never heard them).
Many people are RUDE....no doubt about it.
Most really strongly conservative Christian families I know do NOT use sharp remarks to train or "put the fear of God" into their children. They train them by teaching the scriptures and how to apply those scriptures, and by doing their best to help avoid tempting situations. Not by belittling,etc.
Usually, in my experience, people who have nasty mouths like that are guilty secretly of the same sin. My dad's mother was that way....and we just assumed she was a nasty old lady...then when we were getting ready for her 50th wedding anniversary we discovered her wedding certificate.....it was dated only 7 months before my dad was born (he's her oldest). Considering that he weighed nearly 11 pounds....I doubt he was premature. Turns out it bothered her everytime a girl messed up like she did....so she made nasty remarks, instead of taking her experience and turning it to compassion.
Rather than getting bitter at these kind of people, pray for them. Pray for healing for them from whatever pain they are carrying.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/6/2009 8:10:28 AM
|
|
|
serenitynow123
Posts: 82
Joined: 1/16/2009
Status: offline
|
Right, dont' forget there were Christians who ACTUALLY believed that Hurricane Katrina was sent by God to kill the gays off in that city.
I'm trying to figure out where these Christians are getting these ideas from?!?!??! And they think they are in the RIGHT by saying this??
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/8/2009 10:57:12 AM
|
|
|
W.O.F.
Posts: 1653
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: serenitynow123
Right, dont' forget there were Christians who ACTUALLY believed that Hurricane Katrina was sent by God to kill the gays off in that city.
I'm trying to figure out where these Christians are getting these ideas from?!?!??! And they think they are in the RIGHT by saying this??
People are people regardless of the condition of their souls...and Christians say and do really stupid things sometimes.
The biggest of which is to judge each other when we screw up one way or the other.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/11/2009 8:20:59 AM
|
|
|
DaveW
Posts: 3812
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
Status: offline
|
Serenety - you are being a bit too euphamistic and vague for me to really know what you are trying to say.
If you are asking where they got the idea to shame young people into obedience, then it goes back to the early church fathers of the 2nd and 3rd centuries.
If you are asking where they got the idea to be judgmental and legalistic, we inhereted that from the Pharasees. IOW, there is an uninterupted thread of legalism going back to the intratestamental period. Actually, i think there is legalistic streak in all of us. It is a product of lack of relationship with our Father/Creator?God.
_____________________________
Avatar is my daughter Laura and SIL David on their wedding 9/20/09 ====================================
Our CD is now available here:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/dswaggoner
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/11/2009 5:05:35 PM
|
|
|
Sunnymom
Posts: 1521
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
|
It isn't acceptable to be rude and crude about sinful behavior or its results, but sin should still be shameful. It seems today that we are being pressured to be tolerant and even embracing what God calls wickedness. Being compassionate and kind does not require patting someone on the head and saying "Oh you poor thing". It's OK to address the sin if the situation calls for it, but we should also give folks the solution- Jesus Christ.
_____________________________
Susan R
Sunniemom's Survival Guide
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/12/2009 9:57:42 PM
|
|
|
bolt.
Posts: 1762
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Canada
Status: offline
|
quote:
You mentioned make-up...is it elitist to say that so and so at age 10 wearing full make-up looks like a street walker? Is that old school or wisdom? ... I even told her she looked like a streetwalker!
No, it's not 'wisdom' of any kind to casually discuss the sex trade with 10 year olds of your acquaintance... far less to actually identify them with a defiled woman that invites men to have intercourse with her in exchange for money... that's if she even understood what you were saying. Let's hope she didn't. That's a big scar to get over.
(Far better for her if she thought it odd that anybody would walk on the street rather than the sidewalk, and to be confused as to why you would mention it to her. I hope it was not something that caused her much thought though, or she will put it together later when she does learn what the term refers to.)
I expect that (if you said this at school) if anyone heard you, you would have been reported to the office and banned from school property. I don't send my girls out in to the world to be exposed to vile comparisons about their sexuality at 10! 10! No matter what they wear, no one should be subject to such despicable and deep personal harassment.
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/12/2009 10:18:57 PM
|
|
|
bolt.
Posts: 1762
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Canada
Status: offline
|
OK, I re-read, and it was your own daughter you said this to, in a parenting interaction, not a public acquaintance one. I was so outraged that I did not read carefully.
So I take back the part about talking about the sex trade with random 10 year olds, and harassing children at school etc.
However, I am more deeply outraged that, with the deep relationship and dependence of identity that a girl has with her own mother, that you would use that power to damage her identity so severely -- in a way a comment from a stranger never could.
If she knew what you meant, she will carry those words with her forever. She is most likely to respond by believing herself incapable of choosing purity for herself, or not bothering to do so -- since her own mother thinks she has the heart of a whore.
If you want her to choose virtue, she has to think of herself as strong and virtuous deep inside. Instead, she thinks she is already dirty. Oh! How I hope she didn't understand... although there is little chance that she will forget the incident, so she will eventually know what you thought of her that day.
If you must discuss the sex trade and the visual signals of availability in our culture, there are far better ways to do it than leveling a personal attack about something she probably isn't even aware of. Sit down, talk about sex in the details, then, another day, move on to the despicable way some people buy and sell it, and then to how women signal men that they are open to do so by the way they dress and do their make up.
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/12/2009 10:35:00 PM
|
|
|
DeliveredDarling
Posts: 1782
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
If she knew what you meant, she will carry those words with her forever. She is most likely to respond by believing herself incapable of choosing purity for herself, or not bothering to do so -- since her own mother thinks she has the heart of a whore.
If you want her to choose virtue, she has to think of herself as strong and virtuous deep inside. Instead, she thinks she is already dirty. Oh! How I hope she didn't understand... although there is little chance that she will forget the incident, so she will eventually know what you thought of her that day.
If you must discuss the sex trade and the visual signals of availability in our culture, there are far better ways to do it than leveling a personal attack about something she probably isn't even aware of. Sit down, talk about sex in the details, then, another day, move on to the despicable way some people buy and sell it, and then to how women signal men that they are open to do so by the way they dress and do their make up.
ETA: This was supposed to have been apart of the post.
No need to be concerned. I have worked for years ministering to prostitutes and drug addicts alike. She has seen them and been around them too. She knows what they do. She knew exactly what I was talking about. It gave her a different perspective. And, no, I don't believe it damaged her at all. I think she totally understood that it gave her appearance a different meaning as explained through the eyes of a male.
Bolt, thank you for your concern about my daughter. When you take yours out to minister to the prostitutes and addicts, you can certainly educate your children however you feel necessary and I'll thank you to leave my educating my daughter to how I see fit. Your opinion was not asked for in the matter concerning my daughter. I was relating to the OP not asking others what they thought about it.
< Message edited by deliveredarling -- 9/12/2009 11:02:38 PM >
_____________________________
"Now no one after lighting a lamp covers it over with a container, or puts it under a bed: but he puts it on a lampstand, in order that those who come in may see the light."
Luke 8:16
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/12/2009 10:47:43 PM
|
|
|
SurpassingPeace
Posts: 830
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline
|
Well, I think words carry a great deal of weight and should be considered wisely. Remember, we are told that our words should be season with salt and grace. My mother said some pretty harsh things to me during my early adolescence and teenage years. That sure stuck with me but not how she thought they would. They stripped away my self worth and made me feel dirty. For a long time I did not think that I was worthy of respect or love. Praise God, God has worked not only on my heart but on the relationship with my mother.
This is not specifically in response to Delivereddarlings post but in general. Remember a gentle answer turns away wrath. Words can be like daggers that rip into the heart and do far more harm than good.
Kaern
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/12/2009 10:48:30 PM
|
|
|
bolt.
Posts: 1762
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Canada
Status: offline
|
I can see now that your question of "Is that old school wisdom?" was only meant for the OP, not the general readership of the thread. Usually, for the sake of clarity, if people want their questions answered only by one person, they would address that person by name. Most other questions are considered to be generalized.
Somehow, now that you mention it, I'm finding that I also wonder if serenitynow123 thinks that openly, verbally identifying our own pre-adolescent girls with sex trade workers, using euphemisms without context, is 'wise' -- or not.
I don't have 10 year olds yet, so I'm not sure when I will explain the sex trade to them... but I certainly would not introduce it in a backhanded way that implies my daughter is like one in any way. I don't think that would be a 'wise' plan, myself, in my case.
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/12/2009 10:54:19 PM
|
|
|
DeliveredDarling
Posts: 1782
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline
|
Well, I suppose that most moms don't take their daughters with them ministering to prostitutes and drug addicts. However, I did. Seeing her at school all made up and looking like one was a prime opportunity to explain to her why it was a bad idea. She has seen some of the prostitutes I worked with beat up. She has heard of them being raped..... At her age, she does need to know that make up can certainly give males the wrong impression.
I said earlier that I used the term streetwalker, I actually used the term hoochy momma. Streetwalker gave a better visual of the point I was trying to make.
No damage done-just an understanding came about that day.
_____________________________
"Now no one after lighting a lamp covers it over with a container, or puts it under a bed: but he puts it on a lampstand, in order that those who come in may see the light."
Luke 8:16
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/12/2009 10:56:14 PM
|
|
|
bolt.
Posts: 1762
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Canada
Status: offline
|
No. Guys. deliveredarling has a right not to recieve unsolicited advice on this thread. She simply asked a question of serenitynow123, and we have no business registering random opinions on her parenting choices. It was my misinterepretation of the question that lead me to make the first mistake.
If we want to discuss the power of a parent's words in situations like this, we are free to start another thread on the general topic... but I don't think I'll bother, since it would be pretty much unanamous anyways.
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/12/2009 11:00:39 PM
|
|
|
bolt.
Posts: 1762
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Canada
Status: offline
|
quote:
Well, I suppose that most moms don't take their daughters with them ministering to prostitutes and drug addicts. However, I did. Seeing her at school all made up and looking like one was a prime opportunity to explain to her why it was a bad idea. She has seen some of the prostitutes I worked with beat up. She has heard of them being raped..... At her age, she does need to know that make up can certainly give males the wrong impression.
I said earlier that I used the term streetwalker, I actually used the term hoochy momma. Streetwalker gave a better visual of the point I was trying to make.
No damage done-just an understanding came about that day.
deliveredarling: Was that post intended as discussion of my posted ideas? Because I would like to respond, but I'm not sure what's acceptable to you as a personal topic, and what is unwelcome. It would help me if you could be more clear.
Others: for my information, do any of you know what the term 'hoochy momma' means, and whether or not it is derogatory or sexual in nature?
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/12/2009 11:09:59 PM
|
|
|
DeliveredDarling
Posts: 1782
Joined: 8/30/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
deliveredarling: Was that post intended as discussion of my posted ideas? Because I would like to respond, but I'm not sure what's acceptable to you as a personal topic, and what is unwelcome. It would help me if you could be more clear.
I was really clarifying why I said that to her her. It seemed to bring up concerns of some and I felt that more of an explanation was in order-that's all.
FYI- a hoochy momma (slang term, I don't know if it is even used up in Canada) refers to women, young and old who dress provocatively for the sheer enjoyment of the shock and awe factor they get from males. Could be teen idols or the girl next door.
_____________________________
"Now no one after lighting a lamp covers it over with a container, or puts it under a bed: but he puts it on a lampstand, in order that those who come in may see the light."
Luke 8:16
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/14/2009 11:50:22 AM
|
|
|
sharonjef2007
Posts: 2302
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
Others: for my information, do any of you know what the term 'hoochy momma' means, and whether or not it is derogatory or sexual in nature?
LOL.....sorry to laugh but I think that is the first time I have seen that term spelled out.
Anywho, in my experience, it is normally derogatory. However, between "hoochy mamma's," the term does not always need to be derogatory. Also, the way I understand it, yes, it is sexual in nature but not normally used to describe a person who is being paid for services.
quote:
At her age, she does need to know that make up can certainly give males the wrong impression.
I fully agree with this statement! I would have gone about giving that message to my child differently than how it was described here. But people parent in different ways and there is not always a right or wrong way to do it. As children grow they do need to understand that their physical appearance will have an impact on how people see them. It can also effect a person's testimony. As parents, we need to give our children the tools they need to eventually make these kinds of decisions on their own. Some ways of delivering a message are better than others in that ultimate goal, IMHO.
I remember growing up in a church where I was seen by many as "the golden girl" in that I was always working and active while they lost most of the other kids my age. And yet, I remember being told at one point that I was getting fat and needed to go on a diet. I remember being told that if I was going to go to church, I needed to wear my Sunday best and that basic slacks or nice jeans gave the wrong impression. I remember when as an adult I was leaving the church to move to another state for a job, and I overheard some of the "elite old ladies" of the church talk about how I must be pregnant or looking for a man in order to leave. Earlier, I got the "she must be having an abortion" talk when my mom asked for prayer because I was recovering from a minor surgery. If they had asked, she would have told them what really happened (diagnostic laproscopic surgery), but they came to the house as an intervention instead. I mean after all, I was running the youth group and must be teaching them that premarital sex was ok and abortion was ok.   
We should speak the truth in love to people. Simple as that! Sometimes a message needs to be given a tad more strongly than others. However, always have the full story before jumping to conclusions. Also, don't speak to others in a way you would not want to be spoken to.
_____________________________
my blog......Picture This.......
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Elitest Christian Parents? - 9/17/2009 10:21:39 AM
|
|
|
coolfamily6
Posts: 672
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
|
I am not sure what the question is here either but I am going to chime in.
I am an Elitest Christian Parent:
My dd was not allowed to wear make up until she was 14.
She can only wear lip gloss, light blush, light eye shadow and mascara now.
She cannot date until she is 16 and even then she cannot "single date" unless it is chaperoned but with distance ie they can sit at a different table at the restaurant and in the theatre etc. She has decided ON her OWN that the guy has to call her dad and ask permission because if he really is interested he will ask her dad.
She has guy friends, they have been to the house to hang out in groups.
She cannot watch movies that are over PG without our permission, even at friends homes she calls and says we are watching X is that ok?.
She cannot go off with friends without us knowing them and their parents; knowing not just meeting. This has gotten harder in high school but so worth the effort.
These rules will apply to all of our children but my son just doesn't venture far yet. His friends are the ones he has grown up with and our other is still in the stage where her friends are my friends children.
_____________________________
If your bible is a mess; your life won't be.
~Encouragement a mom gave to our children at our First Grader's Bible Ceremony!
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
MARRIED TO A MILITARY PILOT ~ PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR TROOPS! 
