|
|
|
|
|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
How long - 9/7/2009 12:16:57 AM
|
|
|
single4now
Posts: 22
Joined: 9/2/2009
Status: offline
|
How long should people date before getting married? Is 3 years too long?
< Message edited by single4now -- 9/7/2009 12:22:59 AM >
_____________________________
"When you know better, You do better"
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How long - 9/7/2009 3:15:47 AM
|
|
|
Redjasper
Posts: 344
Status: offline
|
My uncle and aunt got married after knowing each other for 3 weeks. They have 3 adult children and have been together for some 40+ years. No divorce.
My mother and father dated for 8 years and have been together for 40+ years. No divorce.
No recipe, it's God's timing. One will know when it's time to get married. If in doubt, don't do it.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How long - 9/7/2009 7:20:28 AM
|
|
|
herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1467
Joined: 3/13/2009
Status: online
|
I think it can depend on your age. Three years if you are18 or 19 isnt that long, but three years if you are 30 is probably pushing it.
personanlly I would be concerned if I had been going out with a man for three years and marriage wasnt on the cards unless I was very young. if you dont know after three years then maybe you arent right for each other.Especially as if you are Christians you arent supposed to be having sex so it is a long time to wait.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How long - 9/7/2009 9:21:44 PM
|
|
|
jaimestarcross
Posts: 539
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline
|
It depends upon the people involved...
how the relationship is going etc.
There's no set time limit for all.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How long - 9/7/2009 10:59:07 PM
|
|
|
deermousie
Posts: 2217
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
|
Depends. How long does it take to find out if the person is spiritually and emotionally mature and healthy, and has training to know how to "do" family. Then all you have to do is see if it's a match. Ask God and ask godly people who've known you or the other person enough years to discern character.
------------------------------------------
You didn't ask for this but it might help (people are deleting all over the place - they've seen this a time or two thousand):
Dealbreaker List:
- Does he have a reputation as a godly man with his pastor and other mature Christians who've known him for years? Does he get in to his Bible daily, act on what he learns there and deal with his sin quickly? Is he free of habitual or besetting sin? Does he let his understanding that God loves people drive him to love people, too?
- Does he have the skills and knowledge necessary for marriage - leadership skills, conflict resolution skills, social skills, life skills, financial skills and knowledge, knowledge of how marriage works, and a fairly good idea of how the opposite sex's mind works,? Or, is he willing and determined to become so (and willing to wait until he's got a good handle on it before asking for her)? Is he finished with his education and have a career that can support a family?
- Is he emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually healthy, or willing and determined to become so (and willing to wait until he's got it before asking for her)? Is he teachable?
- Is he available? (no previous relationships that still have an emotional or legal hold on him, either in God's eyes or the law's eyes)
Which boils down to:
Is he godly?
Is he ready?
Is he healthy?
Is he available?
For a woman, substitute submission for leadership, and domestic and childcare skills for career. And she for he, of course.
_____________________________
"Through Gates of Splendor" by Elizabeth Elliot
"Federal Husband" by Doug Wilson
www.biblegateway.com for online concordance (I use it daily)
"Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot
And I think chickens are really funny
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How long - 9/8/2009 12:18:56 AM
|
|
|
dnp200450
Posts: 398
Joined: 5/30/2009
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: single4now
How long should people date before getting married? Is 3 years too long?
Ah, good question! Best to wait tell the Lord makes you feel you are ready. Sorry, I am not trying to be vague or give a lawyer answer but God individualizes his timetable based on when he feels the couple is ready. Hence you see wide varying dating durations in successful marriages (40+ years). In my parents case my mother said she knew my father was the right man within 2 weeks of meeting him! They were happily married almost 55 years until the Lord called my father home.
I have seen another couple date for 5 years before marrying because they were called on missions work in different parts of the world. There cannot be a set human rule for how long one should date. Only God has the ability to see in to the future and fully understand time lines.
A dangerous thing to do is try to rush the time line because one or both parties feel they can't control their urges. That can be a receipt for disaster because in essence you are forcing the time line due to a lack of physical, mental and spiritual control. You may end up marrying a person that God was going to later reveal to you that they are not the right one. No good!
A couple should not marry prematurely becau
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How long - 9/9/2009 1:02:02 AM
|
|
|
deermousie
Posts: 2217
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Redjasper
Deermousie, I love your list, I've seen it in your other posts and saved it into a word document. I hope I'll be able to use it with my own kid(s)! 
Thanks, RedJasper! Feel free to take it and change it however you see fit.
DH and I wrote it for the time when some bozo asks for our daughter... oh, wait. I didn't mean that... we don't want to be bozos with our brains hanging out and no clue what to do when the time comes.
I turned down future DH's offer of a first date because I was at a very busy time of my life... and I was tired of jerky guys. I figured only a non-jerk would wait, and he did wait. He also had a sterling reputation with mature Christians (I wasn't so busy I couldn't ask around, you see).
When we started dating, he was soon convinced I was The One, and being a smart guy, didn't tell me but went to his pastor (did I mention he's smart?). The pastor told him to cool his jets and just see how things went for a number of months. Meanwhile, we spent time together (never alone but always in public), did things together, and we got to see each other's character. When the months of waiting was up, he was still convinced I was The One, so he went to my widowed mother and asked permission to marry me. Ha! She would have paid him to marry me! Then he proposed, which took me totally by surprise. I had to quick go through my mental check list (not as thorough as the one we use now, but adaquate) to see if there were any deal breakers. There weren't. We got along great and I'd like very much to spend the rest of my life with him. That whole process took... oh... 1.5 seconds.
Having a list is a great time saver. 
_____________________________
"Through Gates of Splendor" by Elizabeth Elliot
"Federal Husband" by Doug Wilson
www.biblegateway.com for online concordance (I use it daily)
"Passion and Purity" by Elizabeth Elliot
And I think chickens are really funny
|
|
|
|
|
RE: How long - 9/9/2009 8:14:56 AM
|
|
|
ctpruitt
Posts: 399
Joined: 4/25/2009
Status: offline
|
I don't know that there is a time requirement; my wife and I dated for 4 years before we were married. My probem is with couples that have been engaged for years.
There is one young lady I know (who is finally married now) who back in 1991 got engaged; 3 years later they still are engaged. She was engaged to the same guy 5 years. Everytime I saw her I would ask when they were marrying and she would always say,
"Just as soon as (something in the future) was done, we are..." She woun up marrying a different guy altogether.
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
