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Why is it so hard? - 9/23/2009 9:37:12 PM
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pbracing33b1
Posts: 359
Joined: 10/14/2007
From: Marion, Ohio
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Why is it so hard to find a girl that (or guy) that you are compatiable with? My best friend says that I am too picky, but I don't think so, I think that as I get older women tend to get pickier rather than me!!! Imo!!!
Why is it so hard? Is the ? I ask? Why does God want us to be alone? Why do we have this struggle? Why? Why, if He knows us then why aren't we able to meet the right people that would be good for us, or better why doesn't God put them in our paths?????
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I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil. 4:13
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RE: Why is it so hard? - 9/23/2009 10:21:37 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7808
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Great questions. I don't have any answers as I'm in the same boat. Not only have I not met anyone good, I've not ever seen anyone good at a distance. They've got to be out there. But where?
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Why is it so hard? - 9/24/2009 12:35:11 AM
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Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 4326
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pbracing33b1
Why is it so hard to find a girl that (or guy) that you are compatiable with? My best friend says that I am too picky, but I don't think so, I think that as I get older women tend to get pickier rather than me!!! Imo!!!
Why is it so hard? Is the ? I ask? Why does God want us to be alone? Why do we have this struggle? Why? Why, if He knows us then why aren't we able to meet the right people that would be good for us, or better why doesn't God put them in our paths?????
We're growing up in a society that's changing very rapidly. The social norms and rules are changing and the number of Christians is, unfortunately, dwindling. If we're looking for Christians, that definitely narrows the number of individuals available to us. Compounding the frustration is the advent of online dating. While it opens the door to a greater number of individuals, we also must decide if we're going to move to live with them. It used to be that women believed men would be the ones to move, but I've not found that to be true. I cannot move; therefore, I must wait for someone to move here, or for me to meet someone who lives locally. Also, we have greater access to news and start to hear horror stories (on both sides) making us extremely fearful of meeting someone new. And, for myself, I do not personally want more children, but every single male I've met wants to start a family. I could meet someone who already has a family and therefore would be satisfied with no new children, but then there's the issue of the ex, which is a little more drama than this gal with a very quiet lifestyle would like to take on right now.
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RE: Why is it so hard? - 9/24/2009 4:29:54 AM
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loxx
Posts: 6
Joined: 6/23/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pbracing33b1
Why is it so hard to find a girl that (or guy) that you are compatiable with? My best friend says that I am too picky, but I don't think so, I think that as I get older women tend to get pickier rather than me!!! Imo!!!
Why is it so hard? Is the ? I ask? Why does God want us to be alone? Why do we have this struggle? Why? Why, if He knows us then why aren't we able to meet the right people that would be good for us, or better why doesn't God put them in our paths?????
Well i can undestand hw u feel coz at times i feel that way also..however remember tht we all are imperfect...also u shld also ask urself am i tha right person?Its possible there are pple who hve met u and to them u are not "right" for them also....besides God is more interested in wht is happening in us and thro us than in wht happens to us...hence why we hve trials n drama etc...so if u asked me..i dont think its too hard when u knw in whom u trust...
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RE: Why is it so hard? - 9/24/2009 10:05:46 AM
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John_O
Posts: 7808
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quote:
ORIGINAL: loxx
Well i can undestand hw u feel coz at times i feel that way also..however remember tht we all are imperfect...also u shld also ask urself am i tha right person?Its possible there are pple who hve met u and to them u are not "right" for them also....besides God is more interested in wht is happening in us and thro us than in wht happens to us...hence why we hve trials n drama etc...so if u asked me..i dont think its too hard when u knw in whom u trust...
Hey loxx, Welcome to the forums.
Could I ask a favor? Could you translate your post above from whatever language it's written in (text messaging I think) into English so we can all enjoy it? Thanks!
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Why is it so hard? - 9/24/2009 10:59:31 AM
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coyouth
Posts: 40
Joined: 8/8/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Grace-N-Mercy
The social norms and rules are changing and the number of Christians is, unfortunately, dwindling.
i agree. i always tell my parents and my sibling, if i were to pick a chinese(coz i'm chinese, not being racist or anything here) gal from the lot, easy peasy. BUT finding a christian one, that's the challenge. most of the time, when i do find one, they're either not interested(in me), attached, already taken, etc. LOL
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Life is not a cup to be drained, but a measure to be filled.
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RE: Why is it so hard? - 9/24/2009 11:26:12 AM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1596
Joined: 11/8/2007
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Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.
19 Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good.
1 Pe 4:19
13 Do not be surprised, brothers, that the world hates you.
1 Jn 3:12-13
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty.
2 Ti 3:1
These scriptures have been an encouragement to me. They let me know that the Christian life is not supposed to be easy. Things are hard. They will be hard. They are going to get harder. Finding someone to share your life with as a Christian is going to get harder. I think that's why there are so many controversial Scriptures that suggest that maybe being single in this day and age is better than being married.
Be that as it may, it just makes me feel better that maybe being alone is not all my fault. Maybe it's just a sign of the times.
God does know us, and knows how being alone hurts. I don't know why He allows it, but I do know from Scripture that our suffering is somehow fruitful in the Kingdom.
And with that, I am trying to be content.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{loxx}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
shallbe
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has decided that the command against forsaking the assembling of ourselves together shall henceforth be considered satisfied when she wakes up each morning and finds that all her body parts are still assembled...
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RE: Why is it so hard? - 9/24/2009 12:13:11 PM
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coyouth
Posts: 40
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quote:
ORIGINAL: ShallbeRebuilt
many controversial Scriptures that suggest that maybe being single in this day and age is better than being married.
i didn't know there were such scriptures. maybe that's why they're controversial. haha...
_____________________________
Life is not a cup to be drained, but a measure to be filled.
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RE: Why is it so hard? - 9/26/2009 9:49:31 AM
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CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 4189
Joined: 12/30/2007
From: Inside my head
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quote:
Be that as it may, it just makes me feel better that maybe being alone is not all my fault. Maybe it's just a sign of the times.
I think there's a whole lot to this. An acquaintance asked me if I was "seeing" anyone and when I said 'no' she said some things that really make sense to me. Just the way I am concentrating on raising my kids and not "going out" (and I don't mean to bars, I mean pretty much anywhere) so are the type of men that I would be interested in. They either have custody of their kids and are focused on raising them or they're working 2 jobs in order to faithfully provide for them. The type of man that I would want, at this stage in life, is just as busy as I am doing the important things and putting his own wants on the back burner the same way I do. How in the world would we meet each other?
_____________________________
Everything I say is fully substantiated by my own opinion.
What have we to fear?
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RE: Why is it so hard? - 9/26/2009 3:26:03 PM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1596
Joined: 11/8/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
quote:
Be that as it may, it just makes me feel better that maybe being alone is not all my fault. Maybe it's just a sign of the times.
I think there's a whole lot to this. An acquaintance asked me if I was "seeing" anyone and when I said 'no' she said some things that really make sense to me. Just the way I am concentrating on raising my kids and not "going out" (and I don't mean to bars, I mean pretty much anywhere) so are the type of men that I would be interested in. They either have custody of their kids and are focused on raising them or they're working 2 jobs in order to faithfully provide for them. The type of man that I would want, at this stage in life, is just as busy as I am doing the important things and putting his own wants on the back burner the same way I do. How in the world would we meet each other?
This is so true. The other night I went to a high school choir concert because a young friend of mine was in it, and besides, I like good music. As I sat waiting for the concert to begin, I actually laughed out loud because the thought hit me that HERE is where I ought to be looking for guys in my demographic...
...and it was funny because I actually know one or two of the single dads there, and I wouldn't be caught dead with them.
...and it was funny because I like my own high school age children and private students, but I don't like them when they come in large groups (like at school).
Anyway. Yeah...we should be hanging out at the elementary, middle and high schools, cdl. Or in my case, I guess I should try a homeschool convention or two? Do single dads homeschool, ever?
sheesh.
shallbe
_____________________________
has decided that the command against forsaking the assembling of ourselves together shall henceforth be considered satisfied when she wakes up each morning and finds that all her body parts are still assembled...
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RE: Why is it so hard? - 9/26/2009 3:40:35 PM
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CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 4189
Joined: 12/30/2007
From: Inside my head
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And that's assuming any of us have any time to hang out. Or that the 10 minutes I have is going to coincide with the 10 minutes a single dad has.
This is a season, shallbe. I know it's been a long one but you've been doing really, really, really important work and raising a fine family under very hard conditions. The fact that you've done it and really put your needs away in the closet is so much to your credit. No one really knows what it's been like for you but God sees. And He knows how long it's been. {{{{shallbe}}}}
_____________________________
Everything I say is fully substantiated by my own opinion.
What have we to fear?
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RE: Why is it so hard? - 9/26/2009 3:42:01 PM
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Grace-N-Mercy
Posts: 4326
Joined: 5/2/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
quote:
Be that as it may, it just makes me feel better that maybe being alone is not all my fault. Maybe it's just a sign of the times.
I think there's a whole lot to this. An acquaintance asked me if I was "seeing" anyone and when I said 'no' she said some things that really make sense to me. Just the way I am concentrating on raising my kids and not "going out" (and I don't mean to bars, I mean pretty much anywhere) so are the type of men that I would be interested in. They either have custody of their kids and are focused on raising them or they're working 2 jobs in order to faithfully provide for them. The type of man that I would want, at this stage in life, is just as busy as I am doing the important things and putting his own wants on the back burner the same way I do. How in the world would we meet each other?
Yep! I've thought about this many, many times. Last night, I decided to go for my walk early, but they were still playing ball at the park (I live just up the street from a ballpark that has a walking track around it). THAT's where all the men are!! LOL!! But it's interesting to do people-watching there... the men were on one side of the fields and the women on the other. There was an awful lot of avoidance going on there.  ANYway..... I agree that the parents should be getting together in some way, shape, or form. Serving on committees (but stay away from things like "sandwich" committees that are taken over by moms only), concession stands, band trips, etc. It's too bad more parents aren't involved... I remember taking my son to Model UN meets and there were bunches of great kids, but no dads!!! (a few nice-looking teachers, though.  )
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RE: Why is it so hard? - 9/27/2009 12:57:58 PM
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broyce1981
Posts: 1160
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One thing I've wondered about is how people got together in, like the 1700's or 1800's. I mean, there were a lot fewer people around in general and their social circles would be much smaller without the ability to travel as easily, etc. And yet, people still got married and had kids. What has changed that has made it seem more difficult today? Thoughts?
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RE: Why is it so hard? - 9/27/2009 1:25:10 PM
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CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 4189
Joined: 12/30/2007
From: Inside my head
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Right. They had fewer choices but they made a decision and chose and then spent the rest of their lives committed to making that choice work. There wasn't the false concept that there might be someone "better" somewhere else.
There was, if I'm not mistaken in my history, less diversity in beliefs among people in a given geographic area so most anyone who was Christian was going to have similar beliefs and agree to similar doctrine. There were also far less entertainment choices. Any social gathering was one in which everyone was there. So they met at church or sled-riding or picnics or dances. Everyone was there, they knew who they had to choose from and they did it.
_____________________________
Everything I say is fully substantiated by my own opinion.
What have we to fear?
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RE: Why is it so hard? - 9/27/2009 9:19:31 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7808
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
Many of you may not be in the same position I'm in. But if you're in your 30s or 40s and are looking for a high-quality person of character and integrity, chances are they're a little busy right now. And if they aren't, if they aren't committed to fulfilling their obligations to the very best of their ability, you don't want them anyway - they aren't the high quality person you want.
But on the flip side CDL. I have a daughter who is 8. I am not genetically equipped to help her make the transition to womanhood. She needs a mom. So part of my obligation to her is to try to provide a mother for her. Admittedly my time to do so is very limited, but I do have to try.
On a somewhat related but humorous note: the other day she asked me why I don't have a girlfriend yet (she wants a mom badly). I told her I was looking but haven't found anyone that fits. She said I need to go to the mall because that's where all the women are. 
(Of course on the day I was able to go there there were no appropriate women in any of the stores I went to.)
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Why is it so hard? - 9/27/2009 9:22:29 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7808
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quote:
ORIGINAL: broyce1981
One thing I've wondered about is how people got together in, like the 1700's or 1800's. I mean, there were a lot fewer people around in general and their social circles would be much smaller without the ability to travel as easily, etc. And yet, people still got married and had kids. What has changed that has made it seem more difficult today? Thoughts?
For one thing they got married a lot younger. They chose someone local who was a good fit (or had someone chosen for them who was a good fit) and commited their lives to them. Life was hard, and when you were starting your own farm at about 15 or sixteen it helped to have a partner.
I truly believe for a lot of us the problem is that we wait too long. Of course most of us wait too long to grow up so it may be unavoidable. Back in teh 1800s a 15 year old was expected to be an adult and pull his weight in society. Today he's just a kid until he's 22 or so.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: Why is it so hard? - 9/27/2009 9:38:32 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 8034
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
Many of you may not be in the same position I'm in. But if you're in your 30s or 40s and are looking for a high-quality person of character and integrity, chances are they're a little busy right now. And if they aren't, if they aren't committed to fulfilling their obligations to the very best of their ability, you don't want them anyway - they aren't the high quality person you want.
But on the flip side CDL. I have a daughter who is 8. I am not genetically equipped to help her make the transition to womanhood. She needs a mom. So part of my obligation to her is to try to provide a mother for her. Admittedly my time to do so is very limited, but I do have to try.
Do be careful when stating this. Just because you aren't "genetically" equipped to help your daughter doesn't mean a hill of beans.
Geez...if I wanted to make sure there were someone "genetically equipped" to help my boys make life transitions I would have had to already do that considering Thing 1 is a teenager and already experiencing the horrors of puberty.
My job in raising my children is NOT to provide them with a father. My job is to raise them to the best of my ability to be strong G-dly men. Should G-d decide that I can do this better with a husband, then He will provide it. If not, he will provide me with the wisdom, and with the friends and family members around me to make sure I am doing everything I can.
_____________________________
When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?
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RE: Why is it so hard? - 9/27/2009 10:00:15 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7808
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
But on the flip side CDL. I have a daughter who is 8. I am not genetically equipped to help her make the transition to womanhood. She needs a mom. So part of my obligation to her is to try to provide a mother for her. Admittedly my time to do so is very limited, but I do have to try.
Do be careful when stating this. Just because you aren't "genetically" equipped to help your daughter doesn't mean a hill of beans.
Geez...if I wanted to make sure there were someone "genetically equipped" to help my boys make life transitions I would have had to already do that considering Thing 1 is a teenager and already experiencing the horrors of puberty.
My job in raising my children is NOT to provide them with a father. My job is to raise them to the best of my ability to be strong G-dly men. Should G-d decide that I can do this better with a husband, then He will provide it. If not, he will provide me with the wisdom, and with the friends and family members around me to make sure I am doing everything I can.
We all do what we can do. You may feel qualified or at least capable in handling the transition.
I do not (because I am not). I do not undertand the hormonal influenced behavioral changes she will undergo. Since I have never been there I have no way to ever understand them.
I have a huge amount of resepect for single mothers and all they do. I am amazed at what they can accomplish. But the ideal environement for rasing children consists of a family with a man married to a woman where they both love each other and the kids. If I do not at least try to obtain that for the Girl I would feel I was shirking my duty towards her.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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