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Has Your Marriage Soured? Because It Will! - 9/25/2009 11:46:19 PM
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Dr.JuliaChicken
Posts: 20
Joined: 9/16/2009
From: Funny Advice with Dr. Julia
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First let me start with, I am nobody. I have no special qualifications. I am hardly a know it all (I am really, but I can't just admit that, can I?)
I have been married for a bazillion years, have six children (ages 26 down to 6years old) and few grand babies. I am a Christian and am thankful to the Lord for whatever drop of understanding that he has given me.
I am going to write to whom it may concern based on the above preface - grain of salt, if you will.
As I was looking through some of the topics here I felt sad for the troubles that we have in our married lives. Some troubles are really not that big of a deal (although we may do our best to see them as such) while some truly are hardships.
I wanted to offer some food (and drink) for thought - I hope you have the appetite for it.
Fresh milk is loaded with cream... especially in the spring. Should we leave the milk undisturbed for a spell, cream rises and settles on the top.
Eventually, we use the cream. It is the sweetest part, but it is also the smallest part of the milk.
Soon we are left with good, whole milk. We enjoy it for a time, but milk is short lived. Even though we may do our best to keep the milk at a proper temperature, the milk will sour.
Now a days, most folks are of the mind to pour the spoiled milk down the drain at the first unpleasant whiff. Some may not even notice that way back in the refrigerator sets milk that has curdled long ago.
Who wouldn't be shocked when clumps of smelly chunks come plopping into their glass instead of that white, creamy milk they married? Our first thought is that it's over. It's no good anymore. There is no way it ever could be a delicious glass of milk again. And we are absolutely right.
I think it may be that we go into this milk thing with unrealistic expectations. Oh sure, we understand that there's only a small portion of cream. We expect that to go quickly. What we didn't expect was the milk to sour.
We heard that it sours in some people's refrigerators, but we still had hope that some how, if kept cold enough, it had no real expiration date.
Fact is, new milk drinkers, milk does and WILL sour. It's called life. It's what happens. Question is, are you patient enough to find out what will become of that smelly milk?
If you hold your nose and resist the urge to pour that spoiled milk down the drain, as time goes by, several interesting transitions occur.
After some time (and it indeed may feel very long) you may find yourself with curds that, although not the most scrumptious on their own, they are quite good with peaches.
Then something scary starts to happen... bacteria! Mold! This is the time to toss it, no? It seems pretty hopeless. What can possibly be done with it now?
Well, if we're brave enough to hold out a little longer, we end up with some pretty good cheese.
Cheese... hardy, nourishing. Good on sandwiches, crackers, fruit, wine. Enjoy alone or share at parties.
Cheese is pretty good, I gotta tell ya. And if you knock it over, it doesn't spill - it's just not as messy as that fickle milk.
I guess what I'm saying is, understand - milk does spoil, you will cry when it's spilled, and hold your nose and wait for cheese!
< Message edited by Dr.JuliaChicken -- 9/26/2009 12:18:02 AM >
_____________________________
Nothing ventured - Nothing failed
http://www.advice-with-dr-julia.com
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RE: Has Your Marriage Soured? Because It Will! - 9/26/2009 1:29:06 AM
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spotnapp
Posts: 53
Joined: 7/19/2009
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Thanks for such Godly wisdom! I saved this and am going to print it up to continually refer to. God bless you for sharing this!
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RE: Has Your Marriage Soured? Because It Will! - 9/26/2009 9:20:55 AM
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BelleWeather
Posts: 725
Joined: 7/29/2009
From: New York City
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I like cheese.
I hope my future marriage will be the equivalent of a Danish Blue.
_____________________________
We think we fathom the depths
when we are just skimming the surface with our finger.
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RE: Has Your Marriage Soured? Because It Will! - 9/28/2009 2:26:30 AM
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Sekira
Posts: 5
Joined: 7/14/2005
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I really liked this post, but I also want to add something.
Don't just "hold your nose" and wait. To get good curdles to eat with peaches you can't just ignore the milk, you can't just leave it out, right? (I know nothing about curd or cheese making... just guessing here) I'm sure you still have to put some kind of effort in, even though for the moment you can't enjoy it at all... So be sure to "hold your nose" but also "take care of the curds and cheese" It might be difficult and tiring to put effort into something you won't be able to enjoy for who knows how long, but I think it is worth it... That is my story, my milk is sour, it soured pretty quick after I got it, actually. Some might say (and a few actually have said) that the milk was bad to begin with. I'm fighting the desire to throw it out. Please pray for me and my wife. She has given up. I'm close. Three small kids are so hard to raise alone, and that might be the main reason we are still together today. Please pray for us.
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RE: Has Your Marriage Soured? Because It Will! - 9/28/2009 6:56:33 PM
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Dr.JuliaChicken
Posts: 20
Joined: 9/16/2009
From: Funny Advice with Dr. Julia
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I am so thankful for the responses here! And you men, you may not believe it, but you guys are the brains behind your marriage. Yes, it takes two to tango, but the man has to lead... so stick a rose in your mouth and practice dipping!
BTW, although I was inspired to write this post based on what I read on these forums, I'd like to adapt it and place it on my website (even though my site is slanted towards humor) with the hope that someone may be helped.
BUT... I am so moved by the powerful responses that I want to add them (as anonymous of course).
I wanted to run this past you good folks here so that my intentions are known. Any objections, please tell me.
_____________________________
Nothing ventured - Nothing failed
http://www.advice-with-dr-julia.com
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RE: Has Your Marriage Soured? Because It Will! - 9/29/2009 11:25:05 AM
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moon_mouse
Posts: 435
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I understand the point behind your analogy, that troubles come to all married couples and if we wait and let it develop, positive times will return. However, any analogy breaks down at some point and no analogy represents every member of a set. I don't really think it represents my marriage well. Hubby and I have had difficult times, but our marriage was never at a point where it was "undrinkable". There was always some element that was delicious and nourishing, even if it wasn't all sweetness.
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RE: Has Your Marriage Soured? Because It Will! - 9/29/2009 11:40:17 AM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1479
Joined: 3/13/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: moon_mouse
I understand the point behind your analogy, that troubles come to all married couples and if we wait and let it develop, positive times will return. However, any analogy breaks down at some point and no analogy represents every member of a set. I don't really think it represents my marriage well. Hubby and I have had difficult times, but our marriage was never at a point where it was "undrinkable". There was always some element that was delicious and nourishing, even if it wasn't all sweetness.
yes I agree with this. Every marriage is different and some marriages are just made in heaven. I know a few like this that have never had a really bad patch and the couple are still so much in love after 15, 20 and 25 or more years. It is so good to see that. On the other hand some marriages arent good and are a struggle from the beginning and never even get near to that cheese stage.All different and no 'one size fits all'.
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RE: Has Your Marriage Soured? Because It Will! - 9/29/2009 10:42:51 PM
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cavemun
Posts: 8
Joined: 4/26/2005
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I was talking to my dad recently, and he told me about some really rough patches he and my mom had. As far as us kids and everybody around knew, they had a perfect marriage. Would have been 59 years next month, but my mom died recently.
What I'm saying is EVERYBODY has some sort of problems. It DOES reflect all relationships. Maybe not as drastic as it sounds, quote:
There was always some element that was delicious and nourishing, even if it wasn't all sweetness. (thus the curds), but we are IMPERFECT PEOPLE so don't anyone say they know wonderful marriages that aren't like this. Sometimes folks do know to look for the good, just like you would have to taste the curds to realize they taste good on peaches. I even have a couple recipes that call for sour milk!
NO ONE knows what goes on behind closed doors. My dad never spoke of any of it till it was helpful to me and not till after my mom passed away.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Harvie
Milk doesn't magically turn into cheese just by letting it sit there.
Milk transforms into cheese with the introduction of rennet.
"Soured" marriages don't magically turn into good maerriages by just letting them sit there.
Marriages, and indeed married people, are transformed by the power of Christ.
Now THERE's an analogy we can all agree with! 
Also, yes Christ transforms, I STRONGLY agree with that , but what about people who aren't christians who pull out of terrible circumstances or who have wonderful marriages?
Thats an analogy I just can't totally agree with. It just sounds like 'christian snobbery' (PLEASE, NO OFFENSE MEANT). We need to watch how we come across to the unsaved. God isn't just a big bandaid. My wife and I are both committed christians, and christians have the same rate of divorce as the rest of the world. This is very Godly advice, without the 'christianese'. We don't need to 'own it' but we DO need to recognize where it's from. PLEASE NO OFFENSE MEANT!!! We could show this to anyone, and they wouldn't roll their eyes and think "oh boy, some more of that christian ****" It can be used to open up conversation about Christ to a person in a bad marriage situation without thumping them over the head with a bible (though I have been tempted to do that!)
OOPS! I'll get off my soapbox now! 
< Message edited by cavemun -- 9/29/2009 10:49:58 PM >
_____________________________
"We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams." - Gene Wilder in 'Willy Wonka'
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RE: Has Your Marriage Soured? Because It Will! - 9/30/2009 4:03:31 AM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1479
Joined: 3/13/2009
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cavemum
You cent tell me or anyone else that we dont know marriages that have not been through really bad times, or that have soured in such a way. yes all marriages have challenges and things to work through but not all marriages have these really awful times.that can be described as 'souring'. In your case, children can be the last to know about their parents mariage.
I happen to know several couples very well who have amazing marriages.I am close to these people in church and cell group and also there are people in my family and husbands family who are like this also. My husbands brother has a brilliant marriage despite them having to deal with a very controlling mother on law. Yoy can see it when they interact, after 30 years they are so in love still. I have a very close friend who got married when they were both in their late 30's, and 18 years later they are still as happy as they were then (actually even more so). She speaks of him with so much joy and happiness and they are so perfect together and so right together.She thanks God every day for God bringing them togather and for how perfect they are together. I alos have close friends who have
difficult marriages and believe me you can tell the difference so easily.
My marriage while only a few years old now is also amazing. We had a word form God about 2 years ago through a very godly Christian lady I know (who gets many accurate words from God) that our marriage will be like a second honeymoon,and it certainly is.
yes my husbands first marriage was like soured milk for much if its 23 years, but some just arent.
They are all different. Some are good some arent. Some go through terrible times, occasionally ending in divorce and some dont.You cannot generalise.
< Message edited by herestoresmysoul -- 9/30/2009 4:23:03 AM >
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RE: Has Your Marriage Soured? Because It Will! - 10/1/2009 8:27:30 AM
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buckifn
Posts: 1744
Joined: 5/23/2006
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quote:
My definition of a "wonderful marriage" would BE a "Christ-centered marriage."
AMEN. Having a relationship with Jesus Christ BEFORE asking someone else to enter a relationship with me has made all the difference.
In Christ there is honor, love, and respect in marriage just as HE ordained it to be. PTL!! God's way is perfect.
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RE: Has Your Marriage Soured? Because It Will! - 10/1/2009 9:27:19 AM
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cavemun
Posts: 8
Joined: 4/26/2005
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I still agree with the beginning of the post. herestoresmysoul- sounds like your husbands brothers MIL is a real curd... Nuff said.
_____________________________
"We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams." - Gene Wilder in 'Willy Wonka'
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RE: Has Your Marriage Soured? Because It Will! - 10/1/2009 4:40:45 PM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 536
Joined: 11/28/2005
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What happens if one lactose intolerant?
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RE: Has Your Marriage Soured? Because It Will! - 10/1/2009 10:19:07 PM
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myka
Posts: 981
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quote:
What happens if one lactose intolerant?
 The fermentation (souring process) breaks down the lactose in milk, oftentimes making it more digestible.
I think that we as Christians have bought into the idea that marriage is to make us happy. God doesn't care so much about our happiness as he does about our holiness. Sometimes, our spouse is 'giving us a chance to grow in holiness'.
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RE: Has Your Marriage Soured? Because It Will! - 10/2/2009 2:11:36 AM
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jaimestarcross
Posts: 536
Joined: 11/28/2005
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To Myka:
I'm not drinking sour milk lol!
Sorry but even cheese can be a problem... and we all know it's goes through an aging process.
Property of US ARMY Soldier:
I couldn't believe no one else hadn't picked up on that one! LOL!
CMT8808: Not everyone can just take a pill - some just have to totally avoid the offending products.
Chill? oh, one can chill quite well in fact lol!
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RE: Has Your Marriage Soured? Because It Will! - 10/5/2009 6:51:40 AM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1479
Joined: 3/13/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cavemun
I still agree with the beginning of the post. herestoresmysoul- sounds like your husbands brothers MIL is a real curd... Nuff said.
sadly it isnt my husbands brothers mother in law but his mother(her mother in law), as in my husbands mother also, as in my mother in law!! Happily for us, she lives the other side of the world and is too old to come and see us Phew.
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RE: Has Your Marriage Soured? Because It Will! - 10/6/2009 7:04:04 AM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1479
Joined: 3/13/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CMT8808
quote:
ORIGINAL: herestoresmysoul
quote:
ORIGINAL: cavemun
I still agree with the beginning of the post. herestoresmysoul- sounds like your husbands brothers MIL is a real curd... Nuff said.
sadly it isnt my husbands brothers mother in law but his mother(her mother in law), as in my husbands mother also, as in my mother in law!! Happily for us, she lives the other side of the world and is too old to come and see us Phew.
Heresto~
I always thought they (MIL) when the relationship is let's say not kosher were called *Outlaws* and not "in"laws
CMT
Good point CMT. When we went to Australia four years ago. part of the reason for going was see her and the family.We had been married less than a year(a second marriage for both of us). She managed to ruin our visit entirely and went on and on at my husband (behind my back) that I wasnt good enough, and that he should leave me, and that second mariages never work etc etc. This made our time there worse than ever and we couldnt WAIT to come home. needless to say we WONT be going back, at least till she is no longer around. After that I understood why my husband has NEVER been back bafore that and why he didnt want to go then either.So yes, definately an outlaw, (to be polite) Some mums can just never let their sons go (and my husband is 52!!!)
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RE: Has Your Marriage Soured? Because It Will! - 10/10/2009 1:34:16 AM
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mbgb
Posts: 54
Joined: 12/18/2007
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This is beautiful! I love it! I 100% believe it too!
Marriage is tough. But it's not supposed to be all peaches and cream (no pun intended). Somehow we are taught that it's smooth sailing all of the time. This awesome post reminds us that there is hope. My marriage was all curds for a while...a long while. After getting ready to pitch the whole jug out SEVERAL times, I'm glad I waited around for the cheese. And now we have all of these hilarious stories about things we've thrown at each other. :))))
The cheese is VERY very good too....worth the wait. Thanks Dr. J.
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RE: Has Your Marriage Soured? Because It Will! - 10/15/2009 12:20:13 PM
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Bubbles5
Posts: 828
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Wisconsin
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Thanks Dr. J cool outlook on marrage.
Think I wil keep my hubby...curds and all
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Just married 31 years ago
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