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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or squashing their creativity?
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/29/2009 12:21:56 PM
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stampinlady
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quote:
It's an important brain training skill.
Wow, that it good.
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/29/2009 12:49:49 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
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We do require that DD sit in her chair until the meal is over, and then I don't mind if she gets down and walks around our table quietly. We went out to dinner with BIL/SIL and our niece who is 6 weeks younger then DD. The kids ate their meals and then played nicely by our table while the adults finished. At one point they were spinning in circles but because it was Sunday evening and the restaurant was pretty empty we didn't worry about it... it was only Panera, so not like we even took them to a real sit-down place.
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/29/2009 7:32:18 PM
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Consecrated2God
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quote:
However, in public, my discipline options are limited. And he was/is smart enough to know that.
That's a good point.
Yes, kids can learn to sit still, and it's important for them to know how, because there are times when they need to. Overall, kids are wired to move, and it's important to let them to that, too, but they need to know how to sit still when necessary. HOWEVER, in today's culture, where spanking often is looked upon as abuse, and public discipline can get your child removed from your home, it can be very difficult to do that.
Recently one of the older gentlemen at our church talked about how his dad would discipline him at church when he wasn't sitting still, and how he'd pinch his thigh as punishment for talking. He laughed and talked about the bruises his father left. Nowadays, that dad would be considered an abuser for leaving bruises on his children. So young parents are left with a problem--everyone complains that children aren't as well behaved as the children from previous generations, but should a parent dare actually do anything about it in public, tey risk losing their children to the state. Most parents would rather have children that misbehave a bit than lose them altogether.
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/30/2009 2:53:07 AM
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timzagain
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Squashing their creativity? I fail to see how teaching a child to conduct themselves appropriately is squashing creativity.
As my mother reminded us constantly, there is a time and a place for everything. As parents, we are expected to raise our children to be respectful of others and yes, that will, from time to time, include being required to sit still, use your inside voice etc, so as not to be a nuisance to others.
Having said that, I must add that I have 2 daughters who were both raised with the same expectations of behaviour in public settings. I could take DD#1 out to nice dinners from the time she was 18 months old. DD#2, now that was a different story! She's been diagnosed with ADHD - so sitting still for long periods was certainly not one of her strengths when she was little. I never allowed her to become disruptive in public places - instead I'd take her outside for a little break, or as she got older gave her crayons, paper and pencils to amuse herself quietly. (She's very artistic) She's 11 now and to this day, she still travels everywhere with a notebook and a pencil for drawing/ doodling! I have made some allowances for DD's ADHD but I still expect her to at least TRY to act appropriately, whether in public or in private.
I have also worked at a school, with a combination of mainstream and special ed classes. I have learned to accept that God has blessed some children with a lot more energy and movement than others! I'm not as quick to judge when I see a child not sitting still or apparently "misbehaving" in public - there may be underlying factors!
I remember, with embarassment, an episode that taught me a valuable lesson about the error of jumping to conclusions. I was in the narrow aisle of a store, where a child of about 8 was blocking my path. I said excuse me to the child about 10 times; he apparently ignored me completely. I was becoming "righteously indignant" about the child's apparent complete lack of manners when an adult came around the corner, tapped the child on the shoulder and starting signing to the child. The child was actually deaf, not an "ill-mannered brat" as I first thought.
I guess the old saying, "Don't judge a book by the cover" might be applicable here!
< Message edited by timzagain -- 9/30/2009 3:08:03 AM >
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/30/2009 11:50:46 AM
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stampinlady
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quote:
I have also worked at a school, with a combination of mainstream and special ed classes. I have learned to accept that God has blessed some children with a lot more energy and movement than others! I'm not as quick to judge when I see a child not sitting still or apparently "misbehaving" in public - there may be underlying factors!
This give me alot to think about. We have a friend who's child has high functioning Aspergers and it's alot to get use to at first, but then as you get ot know him you're more comfortable with him. BUT are some parents using their childs disabilities as an excuse for poor parenting?
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Deb
"When the fufillment comes the types and shadows cease."
Author unknown
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/30/2009 12:10:11 PM
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CoeurdeLeon
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quote:
BUT are some parents using their childs disabilities as an excuse for poor parenting?
I would never want to attempt to make this call.
There is no end to the second guessing of oneself when one has a child with a disability. My son has a learning disability, you'd never know it to look at him or talk to him. But there are many times when I'm not sure whether he's being willfully disobedient, childishly forgetful or he really did not process what I told him. I'm afraid I err on the side of assuming he's being disobedient because I truly do not understand what or where the "holes" are in his mental processing. I would certainly never assume that I know whether a parent is doing a poor job, especially with a child with a disability.
Edited to add ~ That's also one of those times when we don't know for sure what our parenting would look like were we in another parent's shoes. I have it very, very easy. I don't have any idea how effective I'd be or what it would be necessary *for me* to let slide if my son had a more serious disability. The priorities for those parents are necessarily different.
< Message edited by CoeurdeLeon -- 9/30/2009 12:26:20 PM >
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/30/2009 12:40:48 PM
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W.O.F.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stampinlady
quote:
I have also worked at a school, with a combination of mainstream and special ed classes. I have learned to accept that God has blessed some children with a lot more energy and movement than others! I'm not as quick to judge when I see a child not sitting still or apparently "misbehaving" in public - there may be underlying factors!
This give me alot to think about. We have a friend who's child has high functioning Aspergers and it's alot to get use to at first, but then as you get ot know him you're more comfortable with him. BUT are some parents using their childs disabilities as an excuse for poor parenting?
In response to the part I bolded and underlined.....I would have to say yes...some do. MOST do not however. It is about the same percentage of parents who let their child's gender excuse certain unfavorable behaviours as well.....
I also have a friend whose son has Ausperger's....he and my son were playmates practically from birth. They had the same expectations of the OUTCOME of his training as they did for their other children.....yes...it took him longer and they had to break the milestones up differently...but at 16....he is no different as far as behaviour goes as his non-hindered friends. Does he still have "glitches" or "quirks?" YES...but the misbehaviour that was truly misbehaviour was never allowed. Did he sometimes make socially unacceptable remarks as a result of his Ausperger's? Yes...but they were done in innocence...and everyone understood that.
Some parents do use their children's disablity as an excuse not to train or parent, but again MOST do not. Their children just get to the point of training at a different time.
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Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 9/30/2009 10:52:26 PM
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CMT8808
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stampinlady
BUT are some parents using their childs disabilities as an excuse for poor parenting?
I do not think all parents do this. I have a friend whose child is autistic and she conforms to ome of her daughter's ways understanding, but never allow for disobedience.
For myself, my son is super hyper-active and refuses to take naps @ 3 y/o. He is clearly tired and I am clearly stressed, however I do not allow him to slide through his disobedience.
I do find however that if I sit him on my lap and read him a story of his choice, he will sit through the duration of the story. But when we sit at the kitchen table to do our studies he tends to stand and linger over me, but is still somewhat still.
I am hoping for him to be in school next year and he has days where he will sit perfectly still, but then he has days he will not. I do not believe there is a perfect solution, since each child has their own personality.
CMT
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 10/1/2009 12:55:57 AM
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Covaan_Meshuga
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It never occurred to me, until this thread, that I just don't see children misbehaving in public -- at restaurants, stores, the rest. And this is the "great Northwest," which is supposed to be full of stinkin' liberals & nuts & inconsolables & weepy-wimps & well, you name it! I just hadn't thought about this, because I am not having to deal with it. And it's not like I don't get out much . . . !
I shop, eat out at least twice a week, etc., but what is going on? I see plenty of children! It's not like they are all angels here, I am sure!
Last night, we went to a major el-cheapo grocery store, and it was full of families with lots of little bitty people around. The only children who stood out to me were two little girls who were playing drama queen, and they were not together -- each with their own family. But they weren't naughty! They were each teasing someone with fake attitudes and grins ready to break through any second.
Oh, yes, and there was the one little boy in one aisle who kept saying over and over, "Can we buy bananas?" . . . "Can we buy bananas?" . . . "Can we buy bananas?" until his mother turned to him and merely said, "Just because you keep asking does not mean that I will buy them." End of story. He put them down and walkedtoward her quietly.
But I always thought that teaching a child how to be quiet and how to sit still for certain things was part of learning. My children learned it wonderfully, and from what I observe, their children have, too. Sure, they need a little verbal correction once in a while in public, but nothing major.
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 10/1/2009 2:04:47 PM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1653
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CMT8808
quote:
ORIGINAL: stampinlady
BUT are some parents using their childs disabilities as an excuse for poor parenting?
I do not think all parents do this. I have a friend whose child is autistic and she conforms to ome of her daughter's ways understanding, but never allow for disobedience.
For myself, my son is super hyper-active and refuses to take naps @ 3 y/o. He is clearly tired and I am clearly stressed, however I do not allow him to slide through his disobedience.
I do find however that if I sit him on my lap and read him a story of his choice, he will sit through the duration of the story. But when we sit at the kitchen table to do our studies he tends to stand and linger over me, but is still somewhat still.
I am hoping for him to be in school next year and he has days where he will sit perfectly still, but then he has days he will not. I do not believe there is a perfect solution, since each child has their own personality.
CMT
Exactly right.
MOST parents understand the difference between disobedience and a child's temperament or ability/disability.
Some do however use it as an excuse to check out...but then ...they are the kind of parents that would check out of discipline no matter what the reason.....
BUT MOST parents just have to adapt what that obedience is at what level/age is appropriate for their child.
Life is all about adaptation and compromise.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 10/14/2009 8:40:19 AM
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DaveW
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stampinlady
After watching a family last night at dinner and over the last few months I get the impression that some parents feel it's not good to teach their kids to sit still nor is it worthwhile. Is this common amungst todays parents? Today's parents? I would say so.
As to whether it stifles creativity or not, depends on a variety of factors: the personality of the child, how the parents train him/her and what exactly is the expected outcome.
For me, 50 years ago, I was expected to sit absolutely still, sometimes for hours on end; not to speak or ask a question unless spoken to, and was beaten severly if I did not comply.
Did I do it? Yes. And so did most of my friends. Today that form of dicipline would be considered illegal and child abuse in most jurisdictions.
Did it "stifle" me? Perhaps, perhaps not.
CMT8808 wrote: quote:
For myself, my son is super hyper-active and refuses to take naps @ 3 y/o. He is clearly tired and I am clearly stressed, however I do not allow him to slide through his disobedience. I am told that even at 1 yo I did not take naps (was an insomniac as a child) but laid quietly in the crib until nap time was over. That can be taught.
WOF wrote: quote:
MOST parents understand the difference between disobedience and a child's temperament or ability/disability. That was never considered relevant when I was a kid. All temprement or disability issues were considered disobedience.
< Message edited by DaveW -- 10/14/2009 8:46:19 AM >
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RE: Is teaching a child to sit still good behavior or s... - 10/15/2009 12:12:16 PM
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heremainsfaithful
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First I have to say I have never taught in a school where six year old boys are forced to sit for six hours. I will say this, it's pretty tough to teach a room full of kids who do not feel they have to listen, sit, follow directions, etc. I will buy that a 15 year old has learned NOT to do those things (I have a teen now). But when a nine year old boy looks you in the eye while standing in front of his chair and says "I don't have to" after you have asked him nicely but firmly to have a seat, something is wrong somewhere.
As the parent of a squirmy son, I remember getting "those" looks when we went out to eat, and believe me, I understood them. He didn't really learn to do ANYthing sitting still until second grade.
I do think there is a pervasive attitude that came from somewhere and has now infiltrated schools saying kids should be completely unfettered to just let learning happen. In our school, we are no longer allowed to use anything punitive. No name on the board, no taking away a sticker or pulling a card. Everything must be warm and fuzzy. If I were a rebellious kid, I wouldn't care much about discipline either.
So about sitting still. I think it is good to teach kids to sit still. Their teachers, their classmates, and their future bosses will thank you. 
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