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RE: I need your thoughts - 10/5/2009 12:22:08 AM
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CMT8808
Posts: 246
Joined: 9/4/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bolt.
I'd also suggest that you consider training him to keep his pants on all day in the home sometime in the next few months. It's not a sexual issue, but it is a propriety issue, and at 3 he's plenty old enough to learn that some things you just have to do as far as clothing.
Hi Bolt~
Yes I have started doing this with him, explaining when he starts school he can not take his pants or shoes off. The shoes are going to be a trick, because those he reufses to keep one!
Every thursday I have a coffee date and when we arrive, that is the first thing he does, no matter what I try.
quote:
Also, are there any mirrors in your home at a height where he can see himself and what he is wearing? That should really help. Then you could look in the mirror with him and say, "Do you have all your clothes on?" and tell him how good it is when he is fully dressed.
I will have to get one of these, eventhough the bathroom mirror is large, it doesn't help if you are small.
I'll give it a shot. Thanx for your advice
CMT
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RE: I need your thoughts - 10/5/2009 8:42:45 AM
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bolt.
Posts: 1756
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Canada
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quote:
Yes I have started doing this with him, explaining when he starts school he can not take his pants or shoes off. The shoes are going to be a trick, because those he refuses to keep one!
Every thursday I have a coffee date and when we arrive, that is the first thing he does, no matter what I try.
It sounds like you have tried plenty of things that have to do with talking. At 3, the 'all talk no action' plan is not very effective.
Try thinking of it like this: words don't 'make' a 3 year old (or anybody really) do anything. Always make sure there is a plan in your mind of what to do if he does not listen. I don't mean a plan to be mean, or to immediately punish him, I just mean a plan that will have real physical tangible meaning, so that he understands that he can make his decisions (refusing an instruction to leave his things on) and then you will do what you have to do, and nothing's going to stop you.
And in this situation, by far the simplest thing to do is to pick him up, take him and his pants to your host's bathroom -- put them both in the bathroom, explain things, then leave and close the door. He can come out when his pants are on his body (or if someone else needs the facilities). If he does not want to do so, he can stay in the bathroom until the end of your date. It's his call -- he feels the control factor, which will be empowering to him.
No negotiation. No anger. No fight. Just plain bald authority based on the fact that you can carry him and close doors that he can't open (take a child proof knob cover with you, if knobs don't challenge him). It's not a talk and it's not an option -- if you see him pant-less, no matter where you are, you always do the same thing, and you never relent.
Do work on this at home first for a week or so -- so that it won't be so stressful doing it away from home, and do warn your host of your plan. Work on pants first, then when you start working on shoes, he will know what you will probably do if he refuses, so he will go along more easily.
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RE: I need your thoughts - 10/10/2009 1:50:40 PM
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peculiar_lady2
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quote:
I spoke to him about being dressed during the day and as he says his gpajamas in the evening, but it doesn't matter. He takes them off (shoes and pants) regardless. I've made progress though at least he will keep his undies on, where before, that was a no go.
Maybe get him some thin cotton shorts and call them "House shorts", then he will associate them with being worn at home. Plus they are very thin and not much more then undies. This is totally normal for a 3yo to undress though...this age they are learning to be more independent and dress themselves fully by themselves. They are also learning to make their own decisions with regard to clothing. It is definitely time to set some "house rules" though. Maybe hubby talking to him about what is and is not appropriate for a boy/man would be good. About that age, my hubby starts implementing his "shirts always worn" rule with our boys. Before 3yo, he pretty much calls him a baby still, but at 3yo they can learn to dress appropriately for what is acceptable in your household. I would definitely say, hubby needs to help in this department though, since this is your son. (We do the same thing with our girls too...3yo is when they have to be in a shirt all the time too, and we focus with them at that age and beyond on wearing shorts under dresses, sitting appropriately in dresses, etc).
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RE: I need your thoughts - 10/10/2009 2:55:00 PM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1652
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
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I would ask him to show me HOW she scared him....and let him know that if she told him not to tell, she didn't mean to not tell YOU...because mommies can always be told anything!
I am concerned about his statement "I am ready...", but as manda pointed out...it is simple to find out without putting pressure on him. IF it happens again, just as him "ready for what?" and leave it at that.
Just mostly let him know that you love him, and that no matter what anyone else says, he CAN and SHOULD tell you everything...that it is okay to keep surprises (like presents and cake for birthdays) but secrets are not okay.
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That way you won't overwhelm him. I have a son with sensory issues, the pants and shoes being removed may be a sign that he has some sensory issues. DS had to be "trained" to deal with his issues (we had to have therapy for some of them) but at 13 he obviously does now.
