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RE: You're not married? Why not?? - 10/6/2009 3:52:58 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7801
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: serenitynow123
John, _ hmmmm....okay, that means you'rel ike her, and I'm complaining about her unrealistic expectations....well, HERS seem unrealistic.
She wants a "gorgeous" man, so you want a perfect 10 woman?
Nope. I want a perfect 10 to me woman. Could be a huge difference.
As a perfect example. I met a woman lately who is EXACTLY my physical type. Phenomenally beautiful. I've found no flaw in her looks whatsoever. Thin, long hair, firely eyes, just wow.
Talked to her on the phone once. No connection. Obviosuly not perfect for me.
Ah well, Next.
quote:
She just sounds rather superficial, heck, she even ignored my email...so sometimes being Christian isnt' enough, and not being, for example 6 feet tall, broad shouldered, nice jawline is a deal breaker for some.
Just saying, they don't want any Average Joes
Would you really want a woman who didn't think she was blessed to have you?
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: You're not married? Why not?? - 10/6/2009 3:58:56 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7801
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano23
I also find it disturbing that men can say they want a woman that's whatever way physically, but if a woman says that about a man around here, she's in the wrong. Sounds like a bit of a double standard. If a man wants a skinny woman or whatever physically, I don't mind that... he might be limiting himself and never find a physically perfect-to-him woman. But if a woman wants a cute-to-her guy, it's just the most terrible thing; we are just supposed to take what comes to us I guess. Men don't have to though... they get to be picky about physical characteristics. I know people will come along and say they don't see what I'm talking about. But read John's posts, then read Serenity's.
I don't recall EVER saying, here or anywhere else, that a owman had to settle for less than what she wanted. If she wants a guy that she considers "hot" then she needs to go get her a "hot" one. Why would anyone, man or woman, settle for someone who didn't think they were great? In fact I have said many times on these very same forums that if I expect her to look good on the beach I had better look good on the beach.
Everyone gets to be picky about physical characteristics. Why wouldn't they be?
(Now I have said (and thank God for the fact) that most women are not as visual as most men. A woman many times will consider a man's inner qualities as out weighing his external looks to the degree that an average guy would look "hot" to her because of who he was. (there's hope for me yet!))
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: You're not married? Why not?? - 10/6/2009 4:05:49 PM
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solo_soprano23
Posts: 2082
Joined: 4/27/2005
From: I'm a Southern girl
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I want to say too, that physical beauty can fade in a day, and people need to make sure they're not going to drop their mate like a hot potato if things happen. Good looks are okay to want, but at a point, people make them necessities-- all or nothing.
We are not guaranteed to stay skinny, even with all the eating right and exercise in the world (or they may become disabled). We are not guaranteed to have the same hair color, or even to have hair. Something can happen to cause every physical desire you had to be gone.
_____________________________
For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: You're not married? Why not?? - 10/6/2009 4:24:16 PM
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dnp200450
Posts: 397
Joined: 5/30/2009
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano23
I want to say too, that physical beauty can fade in a day, and people need to make sure they're not going to drop their mate like a hot potato if things happen. Good looks are okay to want, but at a point, people make them necessities-- all or nothing.
We are not guaranteed to stay skinny, even with all the eating right and exercise in the world (or they may become disabled). We are not guaranteed to have the same hair color, or even to have hair. Something can happen to cause every physical desire you had to be gone.
Very true, especially with ever increasing lifespans.
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RE: You're not married? Why not?? - 10/6/2009 6:13:40 PM
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willfs
Posts: 555
Joined: 12/28/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dnp200450
quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano23
I want to say too, that physical beauty can fade in a day, and people need to make sure they're not going to drop their mate like a hot potato if things happen. Good looks are okay to want, but at a point, people make them necessities-- all or nothing.
We are not guaranteed to stay skinny, even with all the eating right and exercise in the world (or they may become disabled). We are not guaranteed to have the same hair color, or even to have hair. Something can happen to cause every physical desire you had to be gone.
Very true, especially with ever increasing lifespans.
Didn't Moses provide a way for a man to divorce his wife if this ended up happening?
_____________________________
If you're approaching Him not as the goal but as a road, not as the end but as a means, you're not really approaching Him at all. - C.S. Lewis
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RE: You're not married? Why not?? - 10/6/2009 6:18:15 PM
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willfs
Posts: 555
Joined: 12/28/2007
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About the looks. I do agree that looks can fade, which is why I think that, if looks are important to you, it is understandable that you find someone who blows you away. I have actually been around woman who I thought so beautiful that I wanted to grow old with them: see what they looked like with no make up, pregnant, their contacts out and glasses on, their hair pulled back in a poney tail, and whatever else flooded my imagination.
I guess I am saying that, while looks fade, it still doesn't take away from the fact that you find someone who you really are attracted to. As John pointed out, you also look for someone who you really click with on many other levels as well.
_____________________________
If you're approaching Him not as the goal but as a road, not as the end but as a means, you're not really approaching Him at all. - C.S. Lewis
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RE: You're not married? Why not?? - 10/6/2009 6:20:12 PM
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dnp200450
Posts: 397
Joined: 5/30/2009
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano23
Ditto about the narrowed field. My boyfriend now didn't know anything about me when he met me, but I greatly appreciate that he's not threatened by my education-- and the fact that I have more of it than he does (or whatever about it that drives men away). I know so many women in graduate school, who want to get married but don't even have a prospect to date. Sometimes I'll see people meet in grad/medical/pharm school, but if they don't meet someone like that... they barely get asked out.
I know many guys in grad/medical/pharma school that have full class loads, have to write a thesis or reports, are participating in internships or residencies AND have part time jobs. I know when I was in that situation I did not have the time or energy for a relationship. I barely had time to sleep! People may have conflicting schedules in graduate school. Class, work and internship/residencies have time and distance issues that may not be too favorable for a relationship.
Grad/medical/pharma school can be very, very expensive. The men who are the highest achievers tend to be extremely focused at getting the maximum out of their $50,000 a year education with its accompanying student loans. Class position and grade point averages are what we tend to be looking for. We HAVE to keep our eye on our demanding education/career. Under such conditions getting involved with romance and can be fiscally, occupationally and emotionally disastrous.
Women in the above mentioned higher education programs have the same demands and stress as the men. After only receiving 5-6 hours of sleep a night, a relationship frequently is out of the question for the ladies as well. Like us guys, many women I know have been warned by their families/friends/churches to avoid relationships with the opposite sex until the bulk of your education is over. While going through what I did, I very quickly realized this was wise advice indeed!!! Not that I would have had the time or energy for a relationship even if I wanted one (ha,ha,ha).
quote:
Some of them will make the comment that as they go on, the field narrows more and more. Odd thing is, many of them, like me, don't care if the person isn't in their field or if they have less education. They don't pick and choose people based on how many degrees the person has, but I've gotten plenty of earfuls about dating someone "below" me. How nice.
The field does indeed become much narrower as you progress in your studies. The people you associate with, the way you communicate and most importantly, the way you think, tend to change over time. Black and white may show more layers of gray. You may be interacting with people of different religions, races, nationalities and ethnicities than you would have otherwise. Your critical thinking skills maybe far more developed as well.
Besides, many women I know have told me that they would not date a man who does not have at least an equal education to their own. Some women do not believe they should be submitting to a husband that they feel is not up to their intellectual or socioeconomic level. I have been told my women, “Birds of a feather tend to flock together” and “water seeks it’s own level.” So yes, you will receive earfuls about dating someone “below” you. Is this an issue of being unequally yoked, of classism or both? You be the judge Solo_Soprano23!!!
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RE: You're not married? Why not?? - 10/6/2009 9:52:58 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7801
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano23
I want to say too, that physical beauty can fade in a day, and people need to make sure they're not going to drop their mate like a hot potato if things happen. Good looks are okay to want, but at a point, people make them necessities-- all or nothing.
We are not guaranteed to stay skinny, even with all the eating right and exercise in the world (or they may become disabled). We are not guaranteed to have the same hair color, or even to have hair. Something can happen to cause every physical desire you had to be gone.
You are making the mistake of assuming that initial attraction is the only plank in total commitment. (Most women seem to make this same assumption)
When we are single is the ONLY time we get to choose what we want. Once we say "I do" we are stuck with whatever the future brings (good or bad). So we may as well at least start off with somoene who fits what we want.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: You're not married? Why not?? - 10/6/2009 10:12:51 PM
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solo_soprano23
Posts: 2082
Joined: 4/27/2005
From: I'm a Southern girl
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano23
I want to say too, that physical beauty can fade in a day, and people need to make sure they're not going to drop their mate like a hot potato if things happen. Good looks are okay to want, but at a point, people make them necessities-- all or nothing.
We are not guaranteed to stay skinny, even with all the eating right and exercise in the world (or they may become disabled). We are not guaranteed to have the same hair color, or even to have hair. Something can happen to cause every physical desire you had to be gone.
You are making the mistake of assuming that initial attraction is the only plank in total commitment. (Most women seem to make this same assumption)
When we are single is the ONLY time we get to choose what we want. Once we say "I do" we are stuck with whatever the future brings (good or bad). So we may as well at least start off with somoene who fits what we want.
I'm talking about those people for whom it IS the total plank-- whether or not that other person knows it.
Plenty of men ditch their wives for physical reasons; I'm sure some women do as well, although I don't see it that often. I've heard of several men writing into prenups that the woman can't gain over x number of pounds and all this stuff. I wouldn't be a woman to marry one of them, knowing I can't guarantee I'll stay the same, and more than likely won't. :)
_____________________________
For God, For Learning, Forever.
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RE: You're not married? Why not?? - 10/6/2009 10:59:41 PM
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John_O
Posts: 7801
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano23
quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: solo_soprano23
I want to say too, that physical beauty can fade in a day, and people need to make sure they're not going to drop their mate like a hot potato if things happen. Good looks are okay to want, but at a point, people make them necessities-- all or nothing.
We are not guaranteed to stay skinny, even with all the eating right and exercise in the world (or they may become disabled). We are not guaranteed to have the same hair color, or even to have hair. Something can happen to cause every physical desire you had to be gone.
You are making the mistake of assuming that initial attraction is the only plank in total commitment. (Most women seem to make this same assumption)
When we are single is the ONLY time we get to choose what we want. Once we say "I do" we are stuck with whatever the future brings (good or bad). So we may as well at least start off with somoene who fits what we want.
I'm talking about those people for whom it IS the total plank-- whether or not that other person knows it.
None of the posters here have stated that and to accuse them of being that shallow with no supporting evidence is just uncivil.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: You're not married? Why not?? - 10/7/2009 7:02:45 AM
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serenitynow123
Posts: 82
Joined: 1/16/2009
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What I'm trying to say, and the previous "Settling" thread ties into this one.....that why some people are chronically single, is that they had set UN-realistic expectations in a mate.
THat would probably one the answers given to someone asking "Why aren't you married or have a boyfriend or even date?"
Why, "Because I have unrealistic expecations". Some singles have this long grocery list of criteria and expectations that if you dont meet ONE of them you're out...there's no flexibility.
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RE: You're not married? Why not?? - 10/7/2009 10:25:07 AM
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John_O
Posts: 7801
Joined: 9/5/2006
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quote:
ORIGINAL: serenitynow123
What I'm trying to say, and the previous "Settling" thread ties into this one.....that why some people are chronically single, is that they had set UN-realistic expectations in a mate.
THat would probably one the answers given to someone asking "Why aren't you married or have a boyfriend or even date?"
Why, "Because I have unrealistic expecations". Some singles have this long grocery list of criteria and expectations that if you dont meet ONE of them you're out...there's no flexibility.
And this is a very good point. We can be picky but being too picky will result in us being alone.
For example. I want a woman who is physically attractive to me. Picky but doable. If instead I said I wanted a woman who looked exactly like Anna Kournikova I'd probably end up never remarrying. Picky and not at all very doable.
_____________________________
Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.
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RE: You're not married? Why not?? - 10/8/2009 7:46:21 AM
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serenitynow123
Posts: 82
Joined: 1/16/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: John_O
quote:
ORIGINAL: serenitynow123
What I'm trying to say, and the previous "Settling" thread ties into this one.....that why some people are chronically single, is that they had set UN-realistic expectations in a mate.
THat would probably one the answers given to someone asking "Why aren't you married or have a boyfriend or even date?"
Why, "Because I have unrealistic expecations". Some singles have this long grocery list of criteria and expectations that if you dont meet ONE of them you're out...there's no flexibility.
And this is a very good point. We can be picky but being too picky will result in us being alone.
For example. I want a woman who is physically attractive to me. Picky but doable. If instead I said I wanted a woman who looked exactly like Anna Kournikova I'd probably end up never remarrying. Picky and not at all very doable.
Exactly.....I think there's 2 kinds of "Picky"
Sometimes it's actually GOOD to be picky, because considering the lack of quality people with morals I've been meeting, have some kind of criminal record, or just completely thoughtless....they seem to be "a-plenty".....so....from a PERSPECTIVE....let's say all I meet or the ones I just mentioned...and all 100 are like that, and I don't consider dating them....that's a GOOD kind of picky.
Because it's good I don't date scrupulous and thoughtful people, but if that's all I ever meet....then that's considered a good kind of picky.
But then there's the unhealthy "picky" where people are meeting quality people, but....turning them down because they are under 6 feet tall, a few extra pounds (I don't mind that), or a balding 30 year old.....doesn't make tons of money, etc, etc.
I have had known single people to have BOTH friends and family at their single friend and shake their head when they introduce them to another single person (not a fix up or anything) but, just some nice person that she probably would be compatible with.
Even their own friends and family can see how unrealistic they can be....and just sometimes shake their heads.
When you're own friends and family can see something is "off", then you know that's an unrealistic "picky"
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RE: You're not married? Why not?? - 10/8/2009 2:07:15 PM
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WilliamtheConqueror
Posts: 153
Joined: 7/31/2009
Status: offline
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Q; You're not married? Why not??
A: "He who marries her who is divorced committeth adultery."
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RE: You're not married? Why not?? - 10/8/2009 2:23:32 PM
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dnp200450
Posts: 397
Joined: 5/30/2009
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WilliamtheConqueror
Q; You're not married? Why not??
A: "He who marries her who is divorced committeth adultery."
That will scare them away for sure! 
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RE: You're not married? Why not?? - 10/8/2009 2:24:30 PM
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SavedByGraceMD
Posts: 1263
Joined: 2/13/2008
From: the poconos
Status: offline
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Easy answer to a tough question...
I am not married because I wasn't ready for it. Ha... and neither was she, so that turned out to be a real blessing in disguise.
_____________________________
Isaiah 41:10
"Fear not for I am with you,
Do not be dismayed for I am your God,
I will strengthen you and help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand"
http://followtheleader-mat1624.blogspot.com/
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RE: You're not married? Why not?? - 10/8/2009 3:02:31 PM
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WilliamtheConqueror
Posts: 153
Joined: 7/31/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: dnp200450
quote:
ORIGINAL: WilliamtheConqueror
Q; You're not married? Why not??
A: "He who marries her who is divorced committeth adultery."
That will scare them away for sure!
"That's just what I'll do." Sargeant Striker (John Wayne) to John Agar as he takes his M1 Garand off safety, The Sands of Iwo Jima (1949)
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RE: You're not married? Why not?? - 10/8/2009 3:48:29 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 4012
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SamsonUSA
No you are not at all curious since you already know that at the present time I have no interest in dating, let alone to "play the field."
You my north of the border friend, must be really bored today or just in a fiesty mood and trying to get a rise out of me.
Sorry to rain on your parade. 
Oh rather presumptuous of you to say I'm not curious. Really, I am curious. I wonder what goes through the minds of men who are very sought after. I mean, you had always said chicks dig you, and so, I'm curious....is that the reason why you're single? But no need to reply. I read your post. And also, I really don't know much about you to know if that was tongue in cheek or not.
_____________________________
Search me, Oh God, and know my heart
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me, and
Lead me in the way everlasting Psalm 139:22-24
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Go Steelers!!!
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RE: You're not married? Why not?? - 10/8/2009 3:49:35 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 4012
Status: offline
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ALso, it's a slow day at the office and my mind tends to wander...LOL!
_____________________________
Search me, Oh God, and know my heart
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me, and
Lead me in the way everlasting Psalm 139:22-24
-------------------------------------
Go Steelers!!!
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MARRIED TO A MILITARY PILOT ~ PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR TROOPS! 
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