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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/9/2009 12:34:28 PM
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ctpruitt
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This post made me think of something:
(1) Last year my brother and I were out on the carport cooking on the grill. His phone buzzed and he picked it up. It was his youngest daughter. The conversation went like this:
Him: "Hello?"
Him: "Hey darling, what are you doing?"
[silence for a few seconds]
Him: "Uhhh..., okay, thanks for telling me, I guess..."
So he closes his phone and has this strange look on his face. I asked what she wanted and he replied:
"She told she just started her period and wanted to call some family members and tell them. She called our mother, my niece, my wife and my grandmother. My grandmother nearly had a heart attack; she told me later:
"When I was her age, that was not discussed with anybody...including your dad. That was considered a topic men should never have any knowledge of..."
(2) In 1991, I was at the University Of Ga when the office lady came to me and told me I had a phone call. I got the phone and it was my niece. That conversation went like this:
Me: "Hello?"
Niece: "Hey! I need a real favor.."
Me: "Ok, what is it?"
Niece: "Well, Melody has an appointment with the gynecologist today in
Athens. Her mother was supposed to with her but now
something has come up at work and can't take her. Can you
come and pick Melody and I up and take us to her appointment?"
Well, I knew why the girl was going to the doctor, 'cause my niece told my grandmother about it and I happened to be in the room for the explanation:
Niece: "Melody hasn't started yet and her mother is freaking out over it. She is 16 and her mother is really worried about it..."
Grandmother: "Well, Gartrell's (my grandfather) father had a sister who
never started at all. By the time whe was 20, she was in
a mental home in South GA, where she stayed until her
death 30 years later. The doctors always blamed her
mental problem on the fact that she never started her
period."
Ok, so I agree and drive 25 miles back home and get my niece and her friend. I then go back where I left from, because the doc's office was about 2 blocks from the building I was at. When we arrived, my neice and her friend would go in and sign in!
Neice: "We're just too embarrased; you go in and sign our names..."
Well, I went in. When I got to the front office I signed Melody's name. The lady looked at me with very suprised look and asked,
"Can I help you?"
Well, for some reason I said:
"Yeah...I haven't started my period yet and my momma is really getting upset about it.."
To which she replied:
"Is your mother aware than you cannot even have one?"
Then I realized what I had said and promptly turned around and went back out. I got a total of $10 from Melody's mother for my troubles.
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/9/2009 2:30:56 PM
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Brandy
Posts: 1459
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From: Los Angeles
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My mother made sure that my stepdad knew what was going on.
My mother was big on education because her mom had a horrible experience.
My grandmother had 8 sisters. EIGHT. NOT ONE of them told her about her period. Her mom assumed the sisters would and the sisters assumed mom would.
So there she is at school in the play yard and starts bleeding. She thought she had sat on glass and cut herself. The school nurse had to explain everything to her and show her how to use the products. (I cannot imagine having a belt that clipped on the pads. ew)
Just having that experience in my family history I know I will educate my children and husband and make sure to include him when the time happens.
On the other spectrum I knew a few girls whose parents wanted to throw them "Period Parties".
NO THANKS!
_____________________________
~Brandy
Our world of us.
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/9/2009 3:07:07 PM
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kohls356
Posts: 644
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It never occured to me not to tell my husband when our daughters started their periods.
I am showing my age Brandy because I used a belt for awhile that the pads clipped onto. Until my friends told me about the ones that just stick in your panties. I brought Mom out of the dark ages then lol.
I have heard of the period parties and that would not fly with my daughters. My brother-in-law took his daughter out for ice cream so they could discuss her "becoming a woman". My daughters would have been so uncomfortable with their father doing that. I know my husband wanted to know and needed to know but the ins and outs of it were dealt with by me.
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/9/2009 8:49:44 PM
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Krislynx
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My mom didn't tell me until the day I started. In her defense, I was barely 8. Fortunately it started overnight so no embarrassing school problems! So I will be having this chat with our little girl fairly early on and DH will know about it.
Kris
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/10/2009 6:58:03 PM
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jhuperetes
Posts: 473
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I am a single father of 2 boys & a girl.
I discussed it with my daughter on a date with her (I take her on dates sometimes), casually last year, and made a game of perusing in the store for the "right material".
When time came this year, she had no problem bopping up to me, and telling me.
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DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/11/2009 4:17:34 PM
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PinkCarnations
Posts: 10819
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I wouldn't leave out any other detail of health, why would I leave that one out.
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/14/2009 11:57:39 AM
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GraceyGirl
Posts: 348
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I will have a little talk with Paul about it, but not in front of DD. She's quite, reserved, a little shy. While she has no trouble at all hassling him about "baby facts" (she loves TLC) I think this would be a little more personal for her.
On an aside - we have friends whose DD is our god-daughter. A few years back, GD called me in distress. She had a swim meet (state qualifying level) and was in hysterics b/c her father had discovered her "stash" of tampons. Apparently, he'd handed down the law that tampons were not approved products for his daughter. Long story short, she missed qualifying rounds b/c she couldn't swim in products he "allowed." I went to Atlanta one weekend, and talked at length with he and my friend. I think that fathers should indeed have information pertaining to their daughters, but determining what feminine products are and are not allowed is crossing a line to me. The old wives tale about not being a virgin if your use this product over that is simply ridiculous, and her virginal state had much more to do with her heart than with the physical changes her body underwent by using certain products.
What do you think about fathers having a say over this matter?
_____________________________
God called. He'd like His church back.
~John Wimber~
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/14/2009 2:32:38 PM
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Krislynx
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This is one area where Mark gets to have opinions, but not make the rules. And I am sure (because of his nature) that any opinions will be filtered through me! If our daughter starts as early as I did (young 8) I will probably make the decisions (type, not brand or style like wings or not etc) for a few years and then allow her to research, discuss if she wants and then choose her own products. I don't have a precise age in mind for choosing, we'll play that one by ear.
Kris
ETA: I mean that I will take his opinions into consideration, not blow him off entirely. And I'm sure that he'll consider that sometimes "Mother Knows Best".
< Message edited by Krislynx -- 10/14/2009 2:39:43 PM >
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/14/2009 8:17:02 PM
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kohls356
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My husband doesn't care what products our daughters use. My dad didn't either. I think this is one time I would have to tell him that he didn't have any say in what products they use. As a man he has no idea what having a period is like and doing certain activities at that time of the month, like a swim meet couldn't be done wearing a pad.
There are four in our home right now that I buy products for and not all of us use the same things. We each have our preferences so sometimes I buy three different brands. They don't all seem to work for all of us.
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/16/2009 6:11:00 PM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 2646
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quote:
Well, smaller than a fitted king size sheet, but larger than a band-aide?... She did not think it was funny either!
ROFLOL! I have to remember that! I think it is funny!
With tampons, there is the worry of Toxic Shock Syndrome (I hope I got that right). I can see a Dad worry about that and not want his daughter to use them for that reason, especially if she has a history of poor hygiene or if your family history shows a sensitivity that might make her more prone to it.
_____________________________
"You can" makes no difference. "You will" changes the world.
~BillyBob Jones in Grey soon to be authored by Caleb (12) for NaNoWriMo
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/16/2009 8:59:25 PM
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Sideways
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I know dads who don't want their daughters to use tampons because it "opens her".
_____________________________
Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream.
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/16/2009 9:00:31 PM
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manda59
Posts: 8231
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
I know dads who don't want their daughters to use tampons because it "opens her".
Why do they think that would that be any of their business?
To me it's highly intrusive and even a bit creepy for a father to be concerned/express an opinion about those things.
< Message edited by manda59 -- 10/16/2009 9:08:45 PM >
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"It is a serious stellar day when I agree with both Ruth and Manda." Surpassing Peace, November 2009
Proud Member of the Imperfect Wives' Club
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/16/2009 9:20:49 PM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 2646
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What i was talking about is basically a medical decision concerning his child. Nothing creepy about that.
_____________________________
"You can" makes no difference. "You will" changes the world.
~BillyBob Jones in Grey soon to be authored by Caleb (12) for NaNoWriMo
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/16/2009 9:22:30 PM
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myka
Posts: 981
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I think that sometimes dads don't realize the details about feminine protection. Like, sometimes, a woman needs to use something that is internal vs. external (swimming, dancing, etc). Sometimes, there are other problems with different products.
When my dd started, I needed to tell dh because he was making remarks that could be 'embarrassing' in the circumstances; he hasn't done it since I told him. He also would be very uncomfortable with the more 'crunchy' versions of protection. But, he hasn't investigated much and doesn't really want to do that...
A couple of years ago, dd was going to invite a friend to a swimming/sleepover for her birthday, but the plans had to be changed because the friend started her period just before the party. Dh asked why it was a problem, so I told him that sometimes girls have problems with certain products... I'm not sure he appreciated the information though...
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DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/16/2009 9:23:11 PM
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PinkCarnations
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ellie-Mae
What i was talking about is basically a medical decision concerning his child. Nothing creepy about that.
I agree with you. My dad didn't allow my sister or I to use tampons because of TSS and I refuse to buy them for my dd. Her dad won't buy them for her either because his sister had TSS when she was a teen.
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Thank you Veterans.
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/16/2009 9:27:19 PM
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manda59
Posts: 8231
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From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ellie-Mae
What i was talking about is basically a medical decision concerning his child. Nothing creepy about that.
Ellie-Mae
If you read my post again you will see I was referring to what Ruth (Sideways) posted.
_____________________________
"It is a serious stellar day when I agree with both Ruth and Manda." Surpassing Peace, November 2009
Proud Member of the Imperfect Wives' Club
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/16/2009 9:32:24 PM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 2646
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Well, quite honestly a daughter's purity is the business of the father as well as the mother. They may be ignorant, but it doesn't make it none of their business.
_____________________________
"You can" makes no difference. "You will" changes the world.
~BillyBob Jones in Grey soon to be authored by Caleb (12) for NaNoWriMo
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/16/2009 9:34:20 PM
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manda59
Posts: 8231
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PinkCarnations
I agree with you. My dad didn't allow my sister or I to use tampons because of TSS and I refuse to buy them for my dd. Her dad won't buy them for her either because his sister had TSS when she was a teen.
I'm surprised that at 17 your dd isn't buying her own sanitary protection - I did! And my dd will be as soon as she finds herself a part-time job.
I find that POV rather extreme btw; there's practically no risk of TSS if the tampons are changed every 2-3 hours (no more than 4-5 hours), if the minimum absorbency is used, and if a pad is used instead overnight.
When my daughter started, I showed her both tampons and pads, explained how they worked, and let her choose. She has chosen pads, but I would have been fine with her choosing the tampons, and would have made sure she knew (and was reminded of) how to use them safely.
_____________________________
"It is a serious stellar day when I agree with both Ruth and Manda." Surpassing Peace, November 2009
Proud Member of the Imperfect Wives' Club
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/16/2009 9:35:06 PM
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Sideways
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ellie-Mae
Well, quite honestly a daughter's purity is the business of the father as well as the mother. They may be ignorant, but it doesn't make it none of their business.
Tampons have no effect on a girl's purity. It's not like we're still waving the bloody sheets on a girl's wedding day. I agree with Manda; it's creepy.
_____________________________
Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream.
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/16/2009 9:36:53 PM
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manda59
Posts: 8231
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From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Ellie-Mae
Well, quite honestly a daughter's purity is the business of the father as well as the mother.
I disagree; I also disagree that it's the business of the mother. I believe it's the parents' business to educate and guide, but that their son's or daughter's purity/sexuality is their own business.
_____________________________
"It is a serious stellar day when I agree with both Ruth and Manda." Surpassing Peace, November 2009
Proud Member of the Imperfect Wives' Club
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RE: DD's & DM's opinions on daughters starting menstrating - 10/16/2009 9:38:32 PM
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Ellie-Mae
Posts: 2646
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
quote:
ORIGINAL: Ellie-Mae
Well, quite honestly a daughter's purity is the business of the father as well as the mother. They may be ignorant, but it doesn't make it none of their business.
Tampons have no effect on a girl's purity. It's not like we're still waving the bloody sheets on a girl's wedding day. I agree with Manda; it's creepy.
I never said that tampons did affect the girl's purity. I said that it was ignorant. It is not creepy for a father to be concerned with the health of their daughters.
_____________________________
"You can" makes no difference. "You will" changes the world.
~BillyBob Jones in Grey soon to be authored by Caleb (12) for NaNoWriMo
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