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[Poll]
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Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances?
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| Can only attend if parents are there |
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| Can attend dance or prom |
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| Can not attend dances but will allow Prom |
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| Can not attend dances or Prom |
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Total Votes : 49
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(last vote on : 10/28/2009 3:48:19 PM)
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/12/2009 8:07:12 PM
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WomanOfVictory
Posts: 16
Joined: 10/12/2009
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How old is (s)he?
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/12/2009 8:25:07 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 7000
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
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It is true that homeschoolers are not excluded from dances. My daughters have been to dances put on by homeschoolers. They were both involved in planning a semi-formal dance this past spring. It turned out lovely. The other dances they have gone to were also very nice.
My eldest is now fifteen. She has attended some local swing dancing where they start off with a group lesson first, then go into the dancing. Lots of homeschooled kids and various people from the community attend. I would only let my children go if they were with an adult I trusted or with us due to the variety of people.
We live in a very liberal area. It has one of the lowest percentages of Christians in the nation. I spoke to one mother whose daughter had attended a dance at a local high school. She said her daughter was appalled at the grinding and so forth that was going on at a dance her daughter attended, so I am very concerned about this aspect of dances in our area.
My fifteen year old wants to go to a homecoming dance. One of her friends (a girl) went to homecoming and asked TL if she wanted to go. I said absolutely not. I will have to find out more about how it went, as it was at a different school than the one my friend was upset about, so it may be more carefully chaperoned. TL is hoping to go to homecoming next year with a particular young man who is also homeschooled, but he is on the football team at a local high school, so he could take her to homecoming next year. TL seems quite set on going to a dance, but I will have to know more about the dances at that school before allowing it.
As far as parents attending, since my daughter doesn’t attend the school or participate in sports there, I don’t think I, as a parent, would be able to attend a dance with her. I am not concerned about what she might do, but like someone else mentioned, I don’t think she needs to witness overtly sexual behaviors like that and especially not with a young man that shares feelings for her who are dedicated to chastity. I don’t think that helps them or is necessary.
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We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/12/2009 8:42:56 PM
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AslansChild
Posts: 66
Joined: 6/30/2005
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quote:
Do what you like with your own kids. Just don't insinuate that my kids will be socially lacking as adults because they didn't got to a school dance.
That is not my intent. I believe that limiting socialization leads to fear and stereotyping. As for the music at dances, I would think the more liberal High Schools will err on the side of cencorship is wrong so they can champion the freedom of expression.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/12/2009 8:57:42 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3364
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Homegrownkids
I guess I feel that our body and what we do with it should be all about serving God as a living sacrifice and this seems like it would be offering ourselves to the world's system and it's ways.
Anyways, we homeschool and at my Dd's age of 14 we have told her "no". She has been confronted by other christian homeschooled kids to go and I posted to see how many christian kids do attend and I guess I am stunned.
I don't think any Christian spends all of their waking hours in active worship or service to God. Lots of us attend movies, concerts, etc that aren't specifically Christian or read books other then the Bible. Where we disagree is whether or not it is displeasing to God to allow a youngster to attend a dance. Personally, I think much of it depends on the setting, the child in question and what kind of friends/peers they have.
There can be dirty dancing, but as many of us have seen ourselves, not all dances are like that. There can be sex and drinking afterwards, but many of us have also kept sober and virginal on our Prom nights, even while attending post-Prom parties going until dawn.
_____________________________
Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/12/2009 9:22:19 PM
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kohls356
Posts: 642
Joined: 8/22/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
There can be dirty dancing, but as many of us have seen ourselves, not all dances are like that. There can be sex and drinking afterwards, but many of us have also kept sober and virginal on our Prom nights, even while attending post-Prom parties going until dawn.
I agree. Just because some kids do things they shouldn't be doesn't mean they all do. My daughters just had their homecoming a few weeks ago. They have fun, and so do I, shopping for their dresses, doing their hair, taking pictures etc. My older daughter came home after her homecoming because some of her friends decided to party, but she chose not to. I am glad when I see my children making wise decisions, if she wasn't allowed too how would I ever know what choices she will make. When I see her making wise choices it shows me I can trust her in the decisions she makes in certain situations. If she wasn't making good choices then she wouldn't be allowed to do the things we allow now.
My girls have told me that there is the bumping and grinding going on but that doesn't mean they do it. Usually from what they tell me, the peers have a bigger influence on that than the chaperones. A chaperone can come around and tell them to stop but it doesn't have as much affect as the kids their ages going up to them and telling them in teen terms to knock it off it is trashy.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/12/2009 9:24:54 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 3404
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
And, especially at Prom, there seems to be an expectation of partying/ getting drunk and sometimes sex after.
I went to more then one prom, and I have to say, I never got drunk or had sex after any of them  In fact, for 3 of them our parents hosted bonfires and family oriented parties. They bought party platters and stuff for s'mores. It was a ton of fun. For my senior prom I ended up going with my boyfriend, his sister, my brother, my best guy friend, and his sister. Our younger siblings were Freshmen but we were all close and went to church together. We had an absolute blast and I don't think any of us danced, lol.
I think if I can't trust my child to make the right decision by the time he/she is a Junior or Senior in highschool then something is wrong with my parenting. Or, the child is just generally rebellious in which case restricting something like prom isn't going to make much of a difference.
_____________________________
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I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money- you can keep "the change."
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/12/2009 9:45:14 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 7000
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: offline
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I think that limiting certain types of socialization leads to a happier, better adjusted child. Sometimes that means limiting dances. There is a huge difference in limiting social interaction to healthy interaction and hiding a child away from interacting with others. I have been pretty careful of the types of interaction my children have and it appears to be working rather well for us. I get lots of compliments on my children who are from ten to fifteen. I limit their social interaction to things that I believe are healthy for them.
I have been very careful about what types of social settings my children have been involved in and have allowed them to do things as they were ready. We limit the types of music they listen to, what they watch on television and video and who they hang out with. They are friendly and they like people. One of my children is shy by nature, but the other two aren’t.
Dances can be a wonderful part of learning good social skills. The dances that my children have been to have been a great part of their learning experiences. However, part of teaching children proper social skills is to prevent them from being subjected to raunchy music and raunchy dancing. No one, including adults, needs to be subjected to that. That is a way to teach poor social skills, not proper social skills. A parent has to be aware of what environment they are placing their children into before making a decision.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/12/2009 9:57:27 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 3404
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
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quote:
ORIGINAL: 3cappuccinosmom
I don't think that anyone has said that every teen who goes to prom gets drunk and has sex.
What some people object to is sending teens into an environment where that is an expectation by the majority. That doesn't mean the child is untrustworthy, but that the atmosphere is not healthy. I trust myself not to do anything unGodly if I walked into a dance club where I was surrounded by unGodly behavior, but that doesn't mean I need to go there to make sure I am "properly socialized". 
Honestly, I don't think prom/homecoming/dances have anything to do with proper socialization. For me, it's just not my hill to die on. Even if it's not an environment that my kids would normally be exposed to I don't think it will harm them for 2-3 hours if they really want to go.
_____________________________
Ryanne- trying hard to be my husband's girlfriend and my daughter's mother.
I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money- you can keep "the change."
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/12/2009 10:08:57 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3364
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Mrs.Wifey
Honestly, I don't think prom/homecoming/dances have anything to do with proper socialization. For me, it's just not my hill to die on. Even if it's not an environment that my kids would normally be exposed to I don't think it will harm them for 2-3 hours if they really want to go.
I agree with you again.  I'd actually be more concerned about my teen wanting to "just hang out" with a group of kids, as in, having no set plan or activity, especially past a certain hour of night. In my opinion, that's when there's real potential for trouble, as opposed to waggling their hips in the school gym.
Now, if hanging out means going to a friend's house for a few hours and I know the friend's family, that's different. But I knew a lot of kids who would just roam the mall or even the streets, way to late at night looking for something to do, and that could lead to trouble.
_____________________________
Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/12/2009 10:18:31 PM
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relady
Posts: 679
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Greater St. Louis Metro
Status: offline
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quote:
Honestly, I don't think prom/homecoming/dances have anything to do with proper socialization. Probably not. But depending on the child they could have a WHOLE LOT to do with that child's happiness, even into adulthood. If a parent wants to listen for the rest of their lives about how they ruined their child's life by not letting her/him attend Prom, by all means have at it.
I'm actually being a little sarcastic here, but seriously, if you have a child for whom attending a specific event is extremely important and you say no and cannot make the child understand a valid reason behind the no you risk sinning by frustrating and angering your child. Just something to keep in mind when weighing the options. Of course, knowing whether or not it is very important to your child requires listening to and knowing your child. I do believe most parents out here do that.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/12/2009 10:27:40 PM
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AslansChild
Posts: 66
Joined: 6/30/2005
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quote:
My limiting certain events is not the same as "limiting socialization". So you are still implying that I am socially damaging my children by not having them attend school dances.
Again, not my intent. My point is that there is a certain judgment of situations by parents that are passed to the children when general statments are made. THere are social benefits to attending a High School dance, especially the Prom, which is a right of passage for a large number of kids. Having your kids believe that something is too evil when it is not sets them up to pass that judgement on.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/12/2009 10:36:22 PM
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3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 3577
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I don't think I ever used the word "evil".
There are many rights of passages, in many cultures, that as a concerned Christian parent, I would not want my children participating in. It doesn't even mean those things are "evil" or that it's participants are evil. Nor does it mean that we cannot relate as fellow human beings to the participants in these particular events. Just that they do not fit our values and convictions and the way we believe God has called us as a family to live, or that we can find a more appropriate way to "graduate" from childhood to adulthood.
lol. I'm thinking of the "rite of passage" that is common (actually, practiced by close to 100% of the population) in my husband's country. It has far more far-reaching implications than a highschool dance. It's going to take way more gumption for my daughters (if God gives them) to stand up against that rite-of-passage (as they should, it's an awful one  ) than to say to an American friend, "Oh, you went to prom? How was it? Can I see your dress? Nah, I didn't go. So, what are we doing this weekend?"
< Message edited by 3cappuccinosmom -- 10/12/2009 10:49:53 PM >
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/12/2009 10:38:05 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 7000
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AslansChild
Having your kids believe that something is too evil when it is not sets them up to pass that judgement on.
Huh? I don't see anyone here doing that. What are you talking about? Do you think that all dances are fine and that parents who disagree are wrong and passing on bad judgment to their children?
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 12:07:18 AM
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whoz-it
Posts: 6
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My sixteen year old, home schooled, baby girl went to her third public school dance Saturday.
I voted "Can attend dance or prom", but if given the option I would have voted "Can go to school dances depending on age/maturity level and who attending with".
Why...for me..."Who attending with"...is important---
My daughter's date was her boyfriend, (someone I know well and like); her group was the same group of friends she goes to church with and hangs out with every weekend. This time she got to hang out with them in heels and a fancy dress...ya'll know it's all about the dress right?
The way it works here is even though a person has a "date", it is more like group dating. The group of friends make plans on: when and where to meet for pictures, (parents show-up to take loads of pictures); where to eat, (this time it was Red Lobster); when to head to the dance, (one must *never* show-up right when it starts LOL); when to leave, where to go and what to do, (this time it was Starbucks and then one of the girl's homes where they changed into comfortable clothes and watched DVDs and acted silly).
Why...for me..."Maturity level"...is important---
As far as the actual dance: some students are bored and leave after an hour; some stay a little longer and dance, laugh, and/or make fun of the nasty dancers; 'cause yep...there is some nasty *nasty* dancing taking place. So far the school administration, teachers and chaperones haven't succeeded in stopping it. My daughter says that most of the students who are corrected for their dancing don't even pay attention to the chaperones. Sad, these kid's don't have any respect for authority or for themselves.
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< Message edited by whoz-it -- 10/13/2009 12:17:53 AM >
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 7:50:54 AM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 4924
Joined: 4/4/2005
From: Formerly Jesus Land
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WomanOfVictory
Honestly, I feel as though that a teen should not be deprived of his/her school dance. Reason being is because its a once in life time kind of thing. I'm 20 yrs old now and My mom is a pastor. When the time came she allowed me and two of my sister to go to our proms. I don't believe that its a sin to go to a prom or school dance. If you are worried that your child may compromise in standards, don't. Trust that all you've instilled into your child(ren) and that they don't do anything out of God's will. When I went my school prom, I did not dance because the music was against my belief. But what I did was stepped out on the dance floor and walked around communicating with my friends...tuning the music out. Some teenagers sneakily brought liquor into the ballroom but I allowed the Holy Spirit to hide me so that I would not get any spiritual affects of it. My experience at the prom was amazingly unforgettable!! Why am I telling you all of this? I'm just simply explaining to you that the same God that you prayed to for your child is that same God who dwells within your child and with Him are precepts, instructions and convictions. Hope that this was helpful God Bless!!
I just had to respond to this. I was raised in a Christian home, too, and my parents instilled all sorts of wonderful values in me that I still hold. However, I went through a phase in my teen years where I was very susceptable to peer pressure. I know everyone is different, but when I attended the two dances at the 4-H function I mentioned, I was ashamed at the way I behaved. No, I didn't engage in dirty dancing, but what I did do was slow dance with a complete stranger. I put my hands around his neck and he put his arms around me and we were standing very close to each other--full body contact. I know some people might not think that's a big deal, but I didn't even know the boy's name. I had never even met him before, and I never saw him again afterwards. I had no business being that close to someone I didn't know.
_____________________________
"A faith that can be destroyed by suffering is not faith."--Richard Wurmbrand
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 8:07:19 AM
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Sideways
Posts: 3364
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
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Although I do understand why parents would choose to keep their kids out of environments that they deem unhealthy, I can guarantee you that not going to dances won't ensure that your kids don't ever make a foolish choice or witness someone else doing so.
_____________________________
Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 8:07:53 AM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 4924
Joined: 4/4/2005
From: Formerly Jesus Land
Status: online
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
Although I do understand why parents would choose to keep their kids out of environments that they deem unhealthy, I can guarantee you that not going to dances won't ensure that your kids don't ever make a foolish choice or witness someone else doing so.
That's very true.
_____________________________
"A faith that can be destroyed by suffering is not faith."--Richard Wurmbrand
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 8:15:59 AM
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AslansChild
Posts: 66
Joined: 6/30/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
Huh? I don't see anyone here doing that. What are you talking about? Do you think that all dances are fine and that parents who disagree are wrong and passing on bad judgment to their children?
I believe TOS prevents me from directly answering the first question. I did not say all dances are fine but it seems like some feel as if no dances are fine. I have interacted with a varied group and it seems like the smaller circle the larger generalizations. Children will hold on to the values their parents instill in them sometimes without thinking. It is a fine line between rebellion and thinking for yourself but we do have to be able to trust our children, especially at highschool age, to be able to think.
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