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[Poll]
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Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances?
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| Can only attend if parents are there |
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| Can attend dance or prom |
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| Can not attend dances but will allow Prom |
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| Can not attend dances or Prom |
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Total Votes : 49
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(last vote on : 10/28/2009 3:48:19 PM)
(Poll will run till: -- )
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 9:23:34 AM
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AslansChild
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quote:
You are again assuming that those of us who differ with you on this particular issue are socially lacking.
I believe we are OT. My experience has been in direct correlation to this topic. Of the three groups represented there is a direct link to who will allow their child to go to a dance with trust, those who won't allow their children to go to a dance and those who are in the middle. I also believe that due to cultural and geographical experience the type of dances and what is allowed vary as well. My experience comes from my own attendance of Catholic school dances both in my youth and now for my oldest (we are not catholic, the school is boys only and I believe that gender specific education works best for my son). I went to public school up to 11th grade and transferred to a Christian school. My oldest went to a public middle school in a school that was in a suburb but very close to a big city. Those dances were heavily influenced with Hip Hop music but he never mentioned any outrageous dancing. Proms are a different occasion. There is a lot of "expectations" especially for a senior prom for some. If your child goes to a school that has a prom I would think by pure association you would be hard pressed not to allow them to go. If you home school with a group and decide to have an event for the kids to celebrate the end of their senior year it is similar and that event will reflect the group. The question comes into play is if your home schooled child is invited to a Prom. Would you allow them to go? And that is where we part company because we do not home school. I would not fault a home school parent for preventing their child to go to a prom if asked.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 9:33:35 AM
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zoebob
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For those who say that if their child wants to go to a prom you should let them, what if a parents' objections are that it is a waste of money/resources. I mean really, most girls probably spend several $100 for prom by the time you count dress, shoes, purse, hair, tickets, etc. What if a parent can't afford that or think it's not a worthwhile use of money. Are they depriving their child then.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 9:44:20 AM
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stellaluna
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Some spend that much, but many more don't. And I can think of a lot of things I see people doing that I think are a waste of money. I'm sure it goes the other direction as well. As far as prom, that's one of those once-in-a-lifetime experiences that kind of round out a teen's high school years and some people feel it's okay to spend a little more to make it special. (I'm disinclined to spend hundreds on anything, but I understand that's a special occasion.)
There are many types of school dances and yeah, the vast majority of them are for private and public school kids, so if you're homeschooling you'll probably never have to worry about any of it.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 10:14:34 AM
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kohls356
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My oldest daughter didn't go to her junior prom because she wasn't that interested and so didn't want to spend the money to go. She did go to her senior prom and while it did cost some money we could have spent more. We bought her dress and shoes but she paid for her hair and nails to be done.
If they want to go to prom bad enough they can find away. I know a girl who had a beautiful prom gown that was close to $500.00 but she got it free because she worked at the shop. A lot of teens have jobs and help pay for the dress or tux, getting their hair done if they want, nails etc.
My husband is unemployed right now but we were able to let both of our girls go to homecoming this year. I think I spent a total of $40.00 for my youngest and that included her dress and shoes, I did her hair. My middle daughter wore a dress she already had and did her own hair. I did buy her shoes for $20.00. All the places where they wanted to eat were too busy to get a table so her group ended up at Wendy's so they didn't spend much on food. Her boyfriend bought her ticket.
Dances can be expensive but they don't have to be. I think there is a difference of not being able to afford for a child to go to a dance and just not letting them because the parent thinks it is wasteful. If the only reason for not allowing your child to go to the dance is thinking it is a waste of money would you allow your child to go if they worked and saved their own money to pay for everything or the majority of the expenses? There are a few of my daughter's friends that have everything paid for by their parents but most work and help pay for some of it?
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 10:24:33 AM
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mmartiandt
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You know, when I was a teenager I really had no desire to attend dances. I went to the ROTC ball every year because it was required for class, but other than that, I didn't really want to go to the dances.
Fast-forward 10 years and I'm teaching high school, chaperoning my first dance. I don't know if it is just my school that is more lax at dances, but we spent so much time as chaperones trying to find the drunk students, that we didn't have time to stop the dirty dancing that was happening. Honestly, the majority of the dance floor looked like one big orgy. The entire group danced so closely together and so provacatively, it was uncomfortable for me to watch. When I asked administration if we were supposed to stop that kind of dancing, I was told that it was impossible to stop. We had students leave with stains because of the prolonged rubbing up against each other. Before that dance, I probably would have let my kids attend a dance, but I honestly didn't want to be there myself, and I'm not sure I would want my kids there either. I guess if I was chaperoning, they probably wouldn't want to go anyway. 
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 10:42:29 AM
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cynthia
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mmartiandt  That is disgusting. Will you be required to "chaperone" one of those "dances" again? It sounds like a horrid experience. I know my children would be very unhappy attending something like that. My 15yo dd wants to go to dances because she loves to dance. She wants her friend to take her to homecoming next year and he said he doesn't know how to dance, so she told him "learn!" I am thinking of asking his mother if she would be interested in meeting as families once a month for ballroom dancing. There is a dance lesson before the dance begins.
For my daughter who so strongly wants to go to a dance, she has only been dancing at community swing dancing events and dances made up mostly of homeschoolers. People who actually know how to dance. She has one friend who is the brother of a close friend. He is a great dancer and she enjoys dancing with him. When her friend, who she wants to go to homecoming with, saw her dancing with this young man, I think he was very intimidated since they obviously knew what they were doing. I think my daughter doesn't realize that at school dances most kids do not really know how to dance.
ETA: My point is that I think my daughter's idea of a dance is simply a larger version of the homeschool dances she has been to. I don't know if she is correct or not. For some schools, that is probably true, but for other schools in our area, it doesn't seem to be the case. If it is a dance where the students are respectful, then I would let her go, but if it is one like mmartiandt mentioned, then I would not allow it. The problem for me is finding out in advance which it is. I'm not sure how to do that.
< Message edited by cynthia -- 10/13/2009 10:53:59 AM >
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 10:51:08 AM
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mmartiandt
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cynthia
mmartiandt That is disgusting. Will you be required to "chaperone" one of those "dances" again? It sounds like a horrid experience. I know my children would be very unhappy attending something like that. My 15yo dd wants to go to dances because she loves to dance. She wants her friend to take her to homecoming next year and he said he doesn't know how to dance, so she told him "learn!" I am thinking of asking his mother if she would be interested in meeting as families once a month for ballroom dancing. There is a dance lesson before the dance begins.
For my daughter who so strongly wants to go to a dance, she has only been dancing at community swing dancing events and dances made up mostly of homeschoolers. People who actually know how to dance. She has one friend who is the brother of a close friend. He is a great dancer and she enjoys dancing with him. When her friend, who she wants to go to homecoming with, saw her dancing with this young man, I think he was very intimidated since they obviously knew what they were doing. I think my daughter doesn't realize that at school dances most kids do not really know how to dance.
I'm required to chaperone 2-3 dances a year. I know that a few kids were really dancing, away from the "mass dance", and those are typically the "non-popular" kids. They also arrived to the dance first, since the cheerleaders and sorority girls and the other popular kids arrive late to dances, mostly because they are drinking beforehand, some at parent-hosted parties. It really is a different world than I had experienced before, but I've also never been to a high school that had one of the oldest sororities, complete with hazing rushing activities.
Before the sorority crowd arrives, the dancing is pretty clean, and looks like actual dancing. I hope my school dance is an anomaly, and that not all school dances look like what ours look like.
I think it is cool that your daughter is involved in swing dances and is possibly going to get to ballroom dance. I've always wanted to learn swing. 
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Sheltered from the storms of life, Free from pain and suffering,
Wrapped in the arms of Jesus, Forever in our hearts
January 31, 2009
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 10:54:56 AM
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mmartiandt
Posts: 2776
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cynthia
ETA: My point is that I think my daughter's idea of a dance is simply a larger version of the homeschool dances she has been to. I don't know if she is correct or not. For some schools, that is probably true, but for other schools in our area, it doesn't seem to be the case. If it is a dance where the students are respectful, then I would let her go, but if it is one like mmartiandt mentioned, then I would not allow it. The problem for me is finding out in advance which it is. I'm not sure how to do that.
I caught this after I responded. Do you know any of the teachers where she would be attending the dance? I'm guessing most schools require chaperoning on a rotation, so if you know teachers, they might be good sources of information beforehand. I'm told that our prom isn't quite the same as the dance I chaperoned, but I don't know that for sure. I guess because it is a formal event, the students "class it up" somewhat or something. 
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Sheltered from the storms of life, Free from pain and suffering,
Wrapped in the arms of Jesus, Forever in our hearts
January 31, 2009
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 11:20:40 AM
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coolfamily6
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DD's homecoming is $45 per person.
There was an article locally that showed how much you should spend on attire:
Males:Her male friend said he spending in bold
Tux $50 $200
Shoes $20 $50
Flowers $15 $40
Limo (cannot remember) $350 split with friends
Tickets $90
This is homecoming for a boy and doesn't include dinner and the game.
I cannot imagine what girls are spending with hair etc. My prom dress was $50, I did my own hair and I did not get a manicure.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 11:21:17 AM
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Tinkerbell_
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I voted can, but like most of the posters who did so, I say it goes with maturity level of my child. Thing 1 is in 8th grade and hasn't been to a middle school dance yet and has no desire to go. He said he may go to his senior prom but just to say he went. I went to many dances in high school and I can honstly say I didn't see any sex, drinking, or drugs afterwards.
Most of us did all of that during football season when parents would least suspect it.
When I went to my senior prom I went with a bunch of girlfriends, spent less than $100 on my dress, flowers, shoes, and jewlery. We did the whole after prom activities and I didn't get home until 6:00 the next morning. I did end up hooking up with a friend that night and he ended up bringing me home, but I can say that there was no sex or drinking that night.
As for the dancing and music...there isn't much that goes on at dances that doesn't go on in the hallways or football games. I however am one of those parents who actually listens to secular music and knows what's popular on the radio so there aren't too many surprises for me or them.
I think it is all a matter of what you teach your children. From day one Thing 1 and I have discussed why certain things shouldn't happen and he is perfectly accepting of it, and quite frankly relieved to have the restrictions. It sure does make his life easier when he can say he doesn't date because he's not allowed vs. because he doesn't want to.
I personally will encourage my children to go to prom...if they do, that's fine. If not, that's fine too. I figure Thing 2 will be 18 by then and I should have instilled as much of my beliefs into him that he will be ready to make wise decisions of his own.
Thing 1 will be 17 by that time, but again...I should be able to trust them enough to make wise decisions about the choices they face.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 11:49:01 AM
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cynthia
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mmartiandt
Do you know any of the teachers where she would be attending the dance?
No, but I do know two women that work in high schools in that district, but I don't know if they know anything about the dances at that particular school. One of them works with disabled students and the other works in the alternative high school. I will have to check into it further. I have a year before homecoming dance comes up again, but I do want to be informed and prepared. I also don't want to spring it on my daughter at the last minute if she will not be going, so I will have to be investigating in advance to know what we are going to do. I will have her do her own investigating as well, so she can hear it for herself and then report back to me. This is something I want to work together on.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 12:27:52 PM
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Consecrated2God
Posts: 4924
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quote:
I think my daughter doesn't realize that at school dances most kids do not really know how to dance.
Exactly. At school dances kids don't dance like they do in the old movies like "Sound of Music". They move their bodies to the music, sometimes together, sometimes separately, but it's not an actual, learned dance like waltzing or anything.
Here is a video of kids dancing at a prom. There's not much what I would consider dancing in this.
LINK
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 12:40:36 PM
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cynthia
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At the dance my daughter helped plan, she also taught dance steps as part of the introduction when the dance began, so the kids would at least have some idea of what they were doing. She thought the kids that didn't really know how to dance were funny to watch, because most of the kids had at least some dance instruction prior to the dance.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 1:02:30 PM
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cynthia
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By this time next year, TL will have been in a type of public school. She will be attending a vocational school part time. This will give her some experience spending a lot of time with mostly non-Christians in a public school setting and may prepare her and give her more of an idea what to expect at a public school dance. I don't think the vocational school she will be attending has dances, but that may change once she gets there, as I wouldn't put it past her to start something new. If she wants something, she knows one way to get it is to do the planning and get others involved.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 1:32:51 PM
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kohls356
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I can't imagine too many kids going to their school dances thinking they are going to dance the waltz, nor do I think they would want to. Prom and homecoming aren't dance recitals.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 1:40:34 PM
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cynthia
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quote:
ORIGINAL: kohls356
I can't imagine too many kids going to their school dances thinking they are going to dance the waltz, nor do I think they would want to. Prom and homecoming aren't dance recitals.
Whatever.
So you think that real dancing, as in dance steps that can be taught is a recital? Until recently that is what dances, including school dances were. I know lots of people that still think it's way more fun than wiggling one's body around like a fish. And it's infinitely better than the filth being practiced on some so called dance floor today. Some of what kids are doing is not dancing, it's foreplay.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 3:33:53 PM
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mmartiandt
Posts: 2776
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quote:
Some of what kids are doing is not dancing, it's foreplay.
That is the biggest problem imo. 3 hours of foreplay on a dance floor doesn't leave a teenager feeling like they have many options when the dance is done. I think that was the most disturbing part, was to see the look in the teenage boys eyes when the "stimulation" got intense. 
_____________________________
Lee Francis Peterson
Sheltered from the storms of life, Free from pain and suffering,
Wrapped in the arms of Jesus, Forever in our hearts
January 31, 2009
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 3:39:57 PM
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cynthia
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Oh dear.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 5:13:01 PM
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sharonjef2007
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Maybe it was just my area, but for the most part, people at school dances just danced in big groups. Then in couples during slow dances. There were some people who did the bump and grind kind of thing, but not so many that it was some mass orgy of dressed up kids. We did a lot of line dancing too. All that being said, it was a very diverse area just outside of Baltimore City. And, we did not have a bunch of drunk kids there either. And there were HUGE consequences, like being arrested, if you did show up drunk or start a fight or something. But again, we are talking 15 or more years ago. Wow I'm getting old!
If dances in this area when my kids get to that age are similar to the ones I went to and the kid in question has prooven himself/herself trustworthy, then I would have no problem letting them go. If it is like MM's school....uh....well....we can pass on that. That sounds more like a nightclub than a school dance.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 5:29:04 PM
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Krislynx
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My kids are very young, younger than anyone's but Sharon's! And one of those is still younger than hers. Anyway, I didn't vote because I have not formed a solid opinion yet. Dances (I only attended a few) when I was growing up were very much like Sharon described, in fact they probably took place an hour or so away. That type I would consider, the bump/grind/mass foreplay thing...ick/yuck/no way. I would have to know a lot about the group, school etc. before my children's maturity level even became a factor. My personal preference would be for some type of community dance that is attended by families, seniors, teens etc. and includes "real" dances. I don't think many of those exist though.
And on the HSers need to be exposed to people of different types...my 2 year old already plays with children of various race/ethnicities, religions and lifestyles (divorced, single by choice, same sex partners as parents). Now granted at his age they could be purple and practice the religions of Outer Antares for all the difference it would make in their interactions, but the point is that he is out there meeting lots of different types of people and that won't magically change at 5 when he becomes school age just because he doesn't get on the big yellow bus every day.
Kris
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 6:23:15 PM
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kohls356
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quote:
ORIGINAL: cynthia
quote:
ORIGINAL: kohls356
I can't imagine too many kids going to their school dances thinking they are going to dance the waltz, nor do I think they would want to. Prom and homecoming aren't dance recitals.
Whatever.
So you think that real dancing, as in dance steps that can be taught is a recital? Until recently that is what dances, including school dances were. I know lots of people that still think it's way more fun than wiggling one's body around like a fish. And it's infinitely better than the filth being practiced on some so called dance floor today. Some of what kids are doing is not dancing, it's foreplay.
Whatever, to you, feel free to move along and not read what I post.
I don't know know what you mean by "until recently" but when I went to my prom and homecoming we certainly weren't dancing the waltz and I have been out of school for 26 years. They weren't dancing the waltz at the sock hops in the 50's either. My goodness the dancing teenagers did in the 50s was considered lewd. I quite frankly don't care how it used to be, my children don't live in the past they live in the present. Just because kids aren't dancing a trained dance or dance steps does not mean it is filthy. Do some kids dance that way, yes they do, does that mean the entire prom or homecoming is filthy, no. I don't let a few bad apples ruin a good time my children can have because of the ones that do dance "dirty". They aren't little children anymore and are old enough to be able to enjoy a homecoming dance or prom without participating in certain behaviors that some are doing. They are going to be leaving home in a few short years and I would like to be able to see the choices they make, on their own not because I said so or wouldn't allow something or had to be there keeping an eye on things, while still living at home instead of seeing what happens after they leave when they don't have our direct guidance to fall back on.
If the majority of students are dancing like that, mmartiandt, then the dance should not happen. I can't imagine that the majority of the kids were like that if that was the case then I blame the chaperones for not controlling the dance more. It sounds like chaperones dropped the ball and didn't do what they were there to do.
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RE: Should Chrisian Teens attend Prom or Dances? - 10/13/2009 6:26:37 PM
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cynthia
Posts: 7000
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Who said anything about the waltz? No one said anything about the waltz. Ballroom dancing consists of a lot more than the waltz. It gives people an actual dance rather than just moving one's body around randomly. It's not old fashioned. Lots of people still dance that way and it's becoming more popular with young people as well.
ETA: Sorry about the "whatever" comment, Kohls. I should have just asked the above to begin with. I was responding to what seemed like a comment that my daughter was weird and I was irritated.
< Message edited by cynthia -- 10/13/2009 6:40:09 PM >
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