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Protection - 10/12/2009 8:50:22 PM
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AslansChild
Posts: 66
Joined: 6/30/2005
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I came up with this question whilst in another topic. As Christian parents when are we protecting our kids too much and when can we be accussed of "Christian Child Neglect". Is sending our kids to public school opening them up too much to worldly temptations. If we allow them to listen to secular music are we setting them up for sin? My oldest went through a period where he was listening to some interesting secular music (Screamo). He went away with the youth group and came back and all he listens to now is Christian music. If I would have forbidden him listening to the music I'm sure it would not have been his choice to change. I trusted that his Christian upbringing, and prayer and it worked out. And now we can talk about how it was his decision.
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RE: Protection - 10/12/2009 10:02:30 PM
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jhuperetes
Posts: 472
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I found similar genre music that my son liked, but by Christian bands. He got his style of music, and know that he is not listening to vile content.
I try raise my kids with the notion of hedges. As long as they stay within the hedges, I allow them to make their own decisions. Some places the path is wider, some places narrower.
Since my kids attend public school, we have a routine where they tell me how their day impacted them both the positive and the negative. It is often weaved into our evening devotional. Next morning reading, while waiting for the school bus, is usually a continuation on the night before, or introduces a new scriptural behavior.
< Message edited by jhuperetes -- 10/12/2009 10:09:21 PM >
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RE: Protection - 10/12/2009 10:03:21 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3363
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: online
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Very few parents would allow everything, and most of us here agree that parents shouldn't be controlling every single decision a child would ever make. Some families that are ultra-controlling are going to have rebellious children, and some parents that are very lenient will have terrific kids. And sometimes you'll have two kids from the same set of parents turn out very differently.
One reason places like CW even exist is that we all have different boundaries, different lines in the sand as to what we will allow in our homes and when we would allow it. There is some secular music I would not allow in my house, but there is also plenty we would allow. I'll happily hand my kids a copy of Harry Potter when they're old enough to read it, but I'd respect the wishes of parents of other children who felt differently.
Can parents over protect? In my opinion, yes, especially when it comes to their female children, but I know very, very few folks who would go to far to the point of calling it neglect or abuse. The OP made a good statement about actually talking to your children about the choices they make and why they're making it.
_____________________________
Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream.
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RE: Protection - 10/12/2009 10:17:36 PM
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AslansChild
Posts: 66
Joined: 6/30/2005
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quote:
Surely, there are things that you would restrict your child from doing? Porn? Full-body tattoo at 15? A regular habit of not coming home until 2am? Drinking? "Horror-core" rap (a fan of which played out the lyrics in 4 gruesome murders in small-town VA this week)? If so, why not let him make his own choices in these things, if that is the best route to a healthy adult?
A bit severe. All things in moderation. I believe that as parents we are able to gauge our children's capabilities. If a 15yo wants a full body tattoo there is some deeper things going on. As far as the music went for my son, he shared the names of the bands and we read through the lyrics together and listened in the car. There were a few bands that I put on the list that could not be listened to. Again, I do not think the kid listening to the Horror-core music was raised in a Christian home. My OP is in direct relation to how Christians over protect their kids instead of allowing them to work there way through age appropriate issues so they are prepared for adulthood.
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RE: Protection - 10/13/2009 12:51:53 AM
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whoz-it
Posts: 6
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Over Protect/Under Protect...it's all based on personal opinion...unless there is actual abuse...when it comes to judging other parenting styles...we Christians need to give it a rest...'course that's just my personal opinion 
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< Message edited by whoz-it -- 10/13/2009 12:58:15 AM >
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RE: Protection - 10/13/2009 9:07:53 AM
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Sunnymom
Posts: 1521
Joined: 4/11/2005
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quote:
Psalm 1:1-2 Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.
Proverbs 13:20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.
1Corinthians 15:33 Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.
Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Ephesians 6:4 And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.
Romans 13:14 But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.
1Timothy 4:12 Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.
Children are individuals, and must not be treated as products coming down an assembly line. We have many, many Biblical principles to use as guidelines when it comes to making decisions about what is best for our kids. What works great for one child might lead another one into temptation. What weakens the character of one might strengthen another.
That is why parents have an awesome responsibility and must bathe themselves each day in the Word of God and prayer. We have to surrender to God's will for us, humble ourselves, draw near to Him- so that we might have discernment when it comes to nurturing and teaching our children.
_____________________________
Susan R
Sunniemom's Survival Guide
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RE: Protection - 10/13/2009 11:44:08 AM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 8033
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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I think some parents can be too stifling with their children, and I think some parents can be waaaay too lenient.
If you take a group of me and my friends you will find that we all think some are too lenient and some are too strict. It's all just a matter of perspective.
I do what I feel is best for my family and I, and the biggest thing I notice that the boys and I do that I don't see a lot of other parents do is talk about why we have such restrictions.
I don't allow my 13 year old to have girlfriends. It's not a, "You can't have a girlfriend." and that's that. We discuss why waiting to be in relationships is wise, and we discuss what relationships are for...etc., etc.
I don't restrict my 9 year old from shopping at Hot Topic (primarily a goth/emo store) but there are guidelines that he has to follow. I know that for him it's a matter of style and what he likes and not a matter of behaviour. He is the sweetest, kindest, most well mannered child who likes to wear black. *shrug* that's just his thing.
I don't limit music per se, but they aren't allowed to listen to something that I wouldn't listen to.
I don't mind violent movies, but draw a line at movies with sexual innuendo or a lot of blatant sex.
So we're all different and we all do things differently for our children but most parents believe they are doing the best they can by their children.
The hard part is when people aren't open minded enough to consider they may be hindering their child with leniency or strictness. I think occasionally we have to take a look at ourselves and make sure we are basing our choices with prayer and careful consideration and not out of fear or lack of knowledge of something.
_____________________________
When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?
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Just understand that it may not have been your less-restrictive parenting, but the grace of God that caused that. 
