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RE: Rachay's Rambles - 11/9/2009 12:49:36 AM
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rachay2
Posts: 834
Joined: 5/11/2005
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Well, I have officially unfriended a friend that my husband has been asking me for years to quit being friends with. Not 2 seconds later another friend caught me in chat. Someone who is also a friend of hers. I tried to explian why I did it but it never really made sense. Because my husband wanted me to sounds so lame. She couldn't understand that, I am sure my best friend who is no longer my best friend won't understand either. This friend of mine that I was chatting with also told me that I should tell her to her face. It was hard enough sending her a message to tell her. I hate guilt. I especially hate it when people try to push it on me. I shouldn't expect them to understand, I don't really understand myself.
I never told my husband that I did what he wanted. I don't want to talk to anyone about it anymore. What I did was the right thing in the sense that My husband asked me to, so out of respect to him I did. On the flip side, I feel she didn't deserve that, just becasue he doesn't like her. That's what it all comes down to really.
Another thing he has been bugging me about is why don't I want to go to church anymore? I haven't been in several weeks. I told him I don't want to drive his mother's car. If she wasn't getting flak from her husband about letting us borrow it every weekend I probably wouldn't mind so much, but I get tired of hearing about it. He said no really, why don't you want to go? I said, you don't think the answer I just gave you is a valid reason? Of course he doesn't. Why would he? Accepting the answer I gave him would be too easy. He said he thinks I would drive the car somewhere else if the opportunity came up. I drive the car when I have to. Forsome time it was to get to church. Lately to get him to work. I have no desire to drive her car if I don't have to. Geez!
I am really starting to hate it when he says, I have a question for you. It means let's talk about something that we have talked about a thousand times before but you just aren't getting it. So let me drill it into your head one more time and maybe you will finally agree with me. There is no such thing as agreeing to disagree with him. He doesn't know how to leave things be. Even when he says I will not bother you about this anymore, eventually he does. He can't seem to help himself.
Sometimes I feel like there will never come a day when he doesn't have some problem with me. Something that he is just compelled to change about me. I must be one very difficult women! Some things don't change. I don't waste my time telling him every little thing he does that I think he should change. Whose got time for that? So, he will joke about how perfect he is.  Maybe I should tell him a thing or two. No, that would be his way of dealing with things, not mine. Maybe if he spent more time looking at himself instead of always looking at me our marriage would be a little easier, a little happier at least. Maybe not. I expect something else would just come up to make life harder then it has to be.
Speaking of harder...I think I am pregnant again. I could be wrong, but I'm probably not. I will give it another week or so and then take a test. Lord knows I have had more then my share of those! They say God doesn't give you more than you can handle. I really wonder sometimes. This will make #9.
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 Rachael
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RE: Rachay's Rambles - 11/18/2009 12:02:16 AM
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rachay2
Posts: 834
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline
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Tonight was the last night of our monthly 3 nights in a row meetings. The first 2 nights were better than the last. More interesting to me anyway. I had a hard time focusing tonight and it felt like the 2 and half hours would not end quickly enough. I have all the outlines so I should probably go over them again.
I'm totally out of the habit of reading the word everyday. I am disapointed at myself a little becasue of that I was doing so good. Tonight the pastor suggestd we read the word out loud to help us focus better and remember what we are reading. I hate reading out loud, but I know I should do that. It's too easy to speed read through it and not really get anything out of it. Which is probably the reason why I now once again, have to get back into the habit becasue it is a good habit to have. Another thing I realized tonight is that I need to visualize what I am reading more to as well as taking time to think about it and repeat those parts that stand out to me. How did the pastor put it? The word of God is life changing but head knowledge is not enough, it's got to get rooted in your heart. I know this stuff. I don't know why I just don't do it already! I guess it's just laziness.
Well, I'm pretty sure #9 will arrive sometime in July. Which is good becasue noone in our family has a birthday that month and I won't be pregnant all summer. I need to make plans to get to the doctor, but I hate the doctor's apointments so I will put it off like I always do. I have insurance so that's not a problem. The problem will be getting there and I really don't want to think about it now. Another thing that bothers me about the doctors is they will emphasize the possibility that since I have had so many children I could have twins. That's not even funny to me.
I wonder what we will have. A boy or a girl. I'm guessing a girl. Gotta start thinking about names, but I have plenty of time to come up with some. I am naming this one. Sweety named our last one becasue I was having a hard time deciding so he just pointed to one in the name book. I still don't like it alot. It is boring to me and the nickname really bugs me, but the kids are the only ones that call him that. I haven't said anything about it but I refuse to use it. Better not complain about having a hard time deciding on a name. It's hard though after you've named so many.
Our youngest one fell today and hit his forhead on the hardwood floor. He hasn't been walking very long and I knew it was bound to happen eventually. He got a pretty nasty cut and Sweety asked if I thought he should get stitches. It didn't take long to stop the bleeding, so I didn't think so becasue the other kids have had worse cuts that healed just fine. He'll likely have a scar but I expect he will get his share of boo-boos just like the rest of them. If I could wrap him in bubble wrap I would, but that would just make him mad. 
Oh one more thing... tonight in church Sweety's aunt complimented me on my hair and asked if I did anything to it. I said I just didn't put it in a ponytail like I usually do and she said I hate you. I replied, but I love you! She said I know but you see what I have to deal with here. I was rather amused by her. She does have some weird hair though., but I have convinced myself that people ruin their hair by dying it all the time. I have decided that I am going to let my gray hairs have their way till they are really noticeable. I've been told by several people that it is a pretty color. I think it is too dark but my fear of winding up with some funky color will keep me putting off dyeing it as long as I can.
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Rachael
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What can I say? When I get upset my voice rises. Most of the time I am quiet, but when an emotion overtakes me I am not. Especialy when it comes to anger. I'm going to make sure I am heard no matter who hears me. Just one of my many character flaws. 
No, not really, another reason I yell sometimes is becasue I keep things bottled up. I'm probably good for another 3 months at least. 
Thank God they are small dogs. One of them is so old that it looks like it could fall over dead any second. It's really in bad shape too. I wonder why she hasn't had it put to sleep. It is covered in warts and actually has some strange growths on it that may be cancer. I felt bad for that dog becasue those growths were oozing. Gives me the heeby jeebies just thinking about it. She was suppose to leave some medicine so I could treat it but she forgot. (Of course) All I could do is keep it clean and hope it didn't keel over before I left. 