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Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/26/2009 10:39:28 AM
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tafkam
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Okay, dilemma dilemma.....I enjoy acting whenever I can, and I recently landed a part in a play, a play I've been wanting to do for a long time. I'm in the "leading man" role, which I thought I was too old for, but the director thought otherwise.
The script calls for my character to kiss the female lead two or three times during the show. Nothing heavy, nothing over the top, just short pecks on the lips. I've never had to do a kissing scene before.
Problem: I don't really mind doing this....it's a stage kiss which I'm told is about the least romantic thing in the world, and I'm not even remotely attracted to the actress I have to do it with. However, my wife is not pleased. At all.
Anybody have any thoughts on this? Is it wrong for a Christian actor to kiss somebody other than their spouse in the course of a play or movie? Why or why not?
FYI, I'm probably going to ask the director if there is some way we can stage this other than actually kissing, simply out of respect for my wife, but I thought it'd make a good subject for a thread!
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Tafkam
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/26/2009 10:44:44 AM
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McFatty
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I have been an actor for a long time. I've never understood how anyone could get upset about a stage kiss. I don't think there are any religious no-no's associated with a stage kiss in general. I don't see any evidence in Scripture to support that being wrong. It's a kiss... it's not like you're playing naked twister.
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/26/2009 11:07:24 AM
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tafkam
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quote:
It's a kiss... it's not like you're playing naked twister.
I like that....can I use it when debating the wife?
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Tafkam
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/26/2009 11:13:37 AM
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agapetos
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I'd like to see you try!
Would your wife be more acceptable to you kissing the female lead on the cheek, or the hand?
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/26/2009 12:29:25 PM
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Ps103
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I worked in theatre for 27 years, and the *only* time a stage kiss was remotely romantic was when there was a relationship there to begin with. And even then, how romantic can you feel with a big bunch of people staring at you? Not very, at least for me.
You might enlist the help of your pastor in speaking with your wife.
But if all else fails, I think I would drop out of the show. If it comes down to a choice between peace at home and a good show, definitely go for peace at home. Then sign up for marriage counseling to help your wife overcome her insecurities.
A stage kiss is not a real kiss.
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/26/2009 12:34:43 PM
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Tinkerbell_
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You also might want to take your wife to rehearsal, let her meet the other actor and people involved...perhaps the actors husband/significant other to show your wife how truly harmless the kiss is.
If she still isn't comfortable then go from there. It could just be the factor of the "unknown" that she is uncomfortable with. Or the fact that many Hollywood marriages have broken up due to actors co-starring together. Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman (when Tom worked with Penelope Cruz on Vanilla Sky) and Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston (when Brad worked with Angelina Jolie on Mr. & Mrs. Smith) are two marriages that come to mind.
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/26/2009 12:37:59 PM
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rcjames
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quote:
ORIGINAL: tafkam
FYI, I'm probably going to ask the director if there is some way we can stage this other than actually kissing, simply out of respect for my wife, but I thought it'd make a good subject for a thread!
Kisses can be staged where you are not actually "Swappin' spit", or even lip to lip. This is very easy to do with stage place and can even be done for the Screen or TV.
I applaud you for not wanting to make you wife unconfortable.
Thanks
RC
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/26/2009 2:38:11 PM
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car2ner
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I agree with everyone above. See if the director and the story line will allow for a different kind of kiss, etc. The kiss is no more real than the story line that leads up to the kiss.
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/27/2009 1:22:30 PM
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AlabamaAlan
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I enjoy the occassional community theatre production or small work in films, as well.
I have portrayed an adulterer, a murderer, and been involved in other unseemly acts (nothing I would not allow my family to see, however) but none of those would bother my wife.
Nevertheless, she made it clear that she would never accept me kissing another woman on stage or screen for any reason. Is she being unreasonable? - From a standpoint of theatre, of course she is.
But as a husband who realizes that she needs to know her importance (and I did a play where I had a few *stage kisses* with different actresses when she and I were dating) I realize that it is a choice I had to make.
Fortunately, it's never even come up to be a dilema with me. It's safe to assume that your director, or fellow actors will probably think she demands too much, but we can not help our discomfort level, and if that is something that is really going to bother her, you need to try to work something else out.
Good luck with it. (I'm not going to wish a broken leg for this situation)
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/27/2009 3:05:39 PM
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car2ner
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quote:
a murderer, and been involved in other unseemly acts
Ah, my daughter is performing in a murder mystery this weekend. www.chateauelan.com
I don't know if she is kissing anyone or not.
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/28/2009 12:42:34 PM
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sue244
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I would talk to your wife and she what she wants and is comfortable with. While I don't think its wrong if each member has an understanding about stage kisses i know my respect for Kirk Cameron went up with him taking a stand on not kissing any actress but his wife. But if you wife is fine with it then i don't think you have much of a problem.
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/28/2009 6:25:54 PM
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evry1needsgod
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quote:
But if all else fails, I think I would drop out of the show. If it comes down to a choice between peace at home and a good show, definitely go for peace at home. Then sign up for marriage counseling to help your wife overcome her insecurities.
With all due respect, Ps103, this statement angered me.  Why does a wife need to go to counseling for some supposedly inherent poor qualities because she wants to keep an intimate, personal, and sentimental aspect of her marriage between her and her husband alone?
Now I'm not a girl, but I would never consider a women who'd rather her husband touch no one's lips but her own as having something wrong with her...as if desiring such a thing of her husband is a bad desire and a symptom of "insecurity".
Idk, but that angered me a lot because you just described many young women I know as being "less-perfect" than you because apparently they need counseling...not everyone in the world thinks it's okay to go kissing anyone they want, al beit a non-intimate and emotionless kiss. Some women actually consider kissing to be a reserved aspect of marriage between two partners...and no they do not need counseling.
In Christ,
ZG
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/28/2009 6:29:59 PM
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evry1needsgod
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
You also might want to take your wife to rehearsal, let her meet the other actor and people involved...perhaps the actors husband/significant other to show your wife how truly harmless the kiss is.
If she still isn't comfortable then go from there. It could just be the factor of the "unknown" that she is uncomfortable with. Or the fact that many Hollywood marriages have broken up due to actors co-starring together. Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman (when Tom worked with Penelope Cruz on Vanilla Sky) and Brad Pitt and Jennifer Anniston (when Brad worked with Angelina Jolie on Mr. & Mrs. Smith) are two marriages that come to mind.
Or maybe she doesn't need to be changed! Maybe she values a kiss a bit more than the actor does. Maybe she knows that the staged kiss means nothing, but would rather her husband keep such a special marital benefit between him and her.
Folks, women aren't wrong or bad or less perfect for not wanting their husband to kiss another girl.
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< Don't make fun of my deer. It's spethal!
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/28/2009 6:34:09 PM
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evry1needsgod
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AA,
quote:
Nevertheless, she made it clear that she would never accept me kissing another woman on stage or screen for any reason. Is she being unreasonable? - From a standpoint of theatre, of course she is.
Not at all. Nope, notta, never...you should take this as a compliment, actually. She loves you so much and she cares about the things you two have together so much that she wants you all to herself. Nowadays many guys, unfortunately, can not say that about their wives.
If I were you I'd be THRILLED and ECSTATIC that my wife is so selfish for me. Please honor her wishes. You'll be thankful that you did.
In Christ,
ZG
_____________________________
< Don't make fun of my deer. It's spethal!
Believers are saved from their sin, not merely in their sinning!--drmark
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/28/2009 6:41:31 PM
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McFatty
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All do respect, evry, but I 100% disagree with you. People get way too uptight about everything anymore. If a man lets his wife control every aspect of his life, he's not the family leader Christ called him to be. I don't know what I'd do in that situation, but it would definitely involve counseling... probably for the both of us. To me, it's ridiculous to be that jealous, especially in a Christian marriage.
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"O LORD, You have pleaded my soul's cause; You have redeemed my life." - Lamentations 3:58
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/28/2009 7:16:36 PM
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evry1needsgod
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quote:
ORIGINAL: McFatty
All do respect, evry, but I 100% disagree with you. People get way too uptight about everything anymore. If a man lets his wife control every aspect of his life, he's not the family leader Christ called him to be. I don't know what I'd do in that situation, but it would definitely involve counseling... probably for the both of us. To me, it's ridiculous to be that jealous, especially in a Christian marriage.
Why do you assume she's jealous in a negative way? Why can't kissing be something highly valued and special to her? I think if you expect to kiss other girls after your marriage you should make that known to your fiance first. Or before you begin your acting career, you need to talk to your wife about certain possibilities and what she thinks about it. We are all different, and we all value different things to different degrees. Some things are just very special to certain people, and as a husband I should have no problem with honoring my wife's desires.
Also, I said nothing of a man allowing his wife to control every aspect of his life. I hardly consider the topic of kissing as "every aspect of his life", MF. Idk about you but kissing is not every aspect of my life. But as a husband I should be more than willing to honor my wife's request if it does not contradict God's Word. And if my wife doesn't want me kissing another girl because she happens to value a kiss a bit higher than I do, I believe I would be a jerk for asking her to go to counseling. That's like saying "Honey, there's something wrong with you. You aren't supposed to value a simple kiss as much as you do, and there's something wrong with you that needs to be fixed. I'm going to take you to counseling to help fix whatever is wrong with you." Essentially that is what you would be saying to your wife, because counseling is not needed unless something is wrong with that person. That's so disrespectful to her opinion and values, and since her emotional attachment to kissing is by no mean un-Biblical I don't think I would have the right to take her to counseling.
There's nothing wrong with a Godly women who would rather her husband kiss no one but her. To assume she needs counseling just because her values are different than yours is horrible.....
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/28/2009 7:47:59 PM
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McFatty
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Did you miss the part where I said "both of us" going to counseling, which means just that. Together. That's possible you know.
If my passion for acting was at odds with her disdain for my portraying a kiss on stage, then it's something that should be worked out... or do you think every time a wife wants to stop a man from doing something, she just needs to say the word?
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"O LORD, You have pleaded my soul's cause; You have redeemed my life." - Lamentations 3:58
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/28/2009 8:53:22 PM
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Sideways
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So, would everyone here be giving the same advice if the wife had the part in the play and the husband didn't want her to do a stage kiss? Because then I wonder if we'd be hearing "respect your husband, submit, submit, submit, blah, blah, blah". But if a wife asks her husband not to do something, then she's trying to control his life and they need counseling.
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/28/2009 8:59:15 PM
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evry1needsgod
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quote:
Did you miss the part where I said "both of us" going to counseling, which means just that. Together. That's possible you know.
But obviously you don't believe that it is you who needs the counseling.
quote:
If my passion for acting was at odds with her disdain for my portraying a kiss on stage, then it's something that should be worked out... or do you think every time a wife wants to stop a man from doing something, she just needs to say the word?
As a husband you need to be willing to sacrifice, my friend. If your wife feels that kisses are sacred between the both of you, then let your wife be who she is. This does not mean that you need to let her control you....but again, I hardly consider a wife's value of kissing as controlling every aspect of her husband's life. You're exaggerating such a simple value.
Obviously if your wife habitual demands you to change for her benefit then counseling would be necessary. But come one now MF, you would seriously take your wife to counseling simply because she doesn't want you to kiss another girl?! Really???
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/28/2009 9:07:49 PM
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evry1needsgod
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
So, would everyone here be giving the same advice if the wife had the part in the play and the husband didn't want her to do a stage kiss? Because then I wonder if we'd be hearing "respect your husband, submit, submit, submit, blah, blah, blah". But if a wife asks her husband not to do something, then she's trying to control his life and they need counseling.
Yes, I would give the same exact advice. If I, the guy, did not want my wife kissing another man because I value our kisses as something special to be reserved between us, and she responds by asking me to go to counseling, I would be extremely offended. I don't know how anyone wouldn't be offended when their partner, who loves them, asks to take them to counseling over a simple difference is value. It really has nothing to do with submission or authority in marriage, but rather all about love.
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/28/2009 10:00:53 PM
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dnp200450
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Suppose I am a doctor and my Christian wife comes home one day and says, “ I don’t like the fact that you touch and perform examinations on naked women and I want you to quit”. Do any of you think she would be making a unreasonable request?
Let’s reverse matters a little. My wife is about to be licensed as a registered nurse in my State. I tell hear, “honey you can’t be a nurse because you should not be taking care of naked men.” Would any of you consider me to be reasonable? If so, should she throw away 4 years of college and “submit” to me?
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/28/2009 11:00:53 PM
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evry1needsgod
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quote:
Suppose I am a doctor and my Christian wife comes home one day and says, “ I don’t like the fact that you touch and perform examinations on naked women and I want you to quit”. Do any of you think she would be making a unreasonable request?
I would think that this ought to be discussed before a marriage proposal so that decisions and agreements/compromises can be made before any problems arise. If a woman marries you while you are a doctor (meaning she knows what you are required to do in your profession), then her request is certainly unreasonable because she agreed to your terms through marriage. This would be like a girl marrying me and then telling me she doesn't want me to leave the United States, even though the Lord has called me to the mission field.
However, not all actors are required to perform a love scene, but certain doctors are required to touch a woman. Therefore, the two are not the same and can not be compared.
quote:
Let’s reverse matters a little. My wife is about to be licensed as a registered nurse in my State. I tell hear, “honey you can’t be a nurse because you should not be taking care of naked men.” Would any of you consider me to be reasonable? If so, should she throw away 4 years of college and “submit” to me?
Well you either married a girl who had already attended/was attending college to be a nurse, or you allowed your wife to attend college to be a nurse. One of the two must be true, and in both situations you agreed to her career choice knowing full well what is required of nurses. If you married a girl who had already attended college or was currently attending college to be a nurse, you knew full well her career intentions. If you married a girl who decided to go to college some time after your marriage, you obviously allowed her to do so. Therefore, you would be unreasonable and unjust in expecting your wife to submit in this matter. You would have effectively deceived your wife by allowing her, through the agreement of marriage, to continue her career pursuits only to later expect her to waste the 4 years she spent in training.
< Message edited by evry1needsgod -- 10/28/2009 11:08:19 PM >
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/29/2009 12:04:33 AM
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dnp200450
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quote:
However, not all actors are required to perform a love scene, but certain doctors are required to touch a woman. Therefore, the two are not the same and can not be compared.
Yes but not all doctors are required to touch a woman either so the comparison is still valid. Many urologist only deal with male patients. If the urologist decided to specialize in obstetrics or became a cosmetic plastic surgeon I imagine certain wives would be uncomfortable.
Likewise if a woman decided to go in to nursing after she was married I can imagine certain husbands would have a problem with that. In which case a conflict could arise. He may say no but she may override him.
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/29/2009 7:34:23 AM
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car2ner
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IF the wife didn't want her husband to kiss another woman, I am fine with that...but we are talking about a stage kiss. It is not the same thing at all. I think that is the point. A stage kiss does not suggest real life initimacy anymore than the story line does.
This couple will work it out and our getting ticked off at each other isn't going to help them at all.
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