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Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 10/31/2009 9:36:20 PM
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PinkCarnations
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quote:
ORIGINAL: KaptZ
That's the problem. 'Sin' had nothing to do with it. Either you trust your partner or you don't. Marriage can be a challenge, but if you have to live walking on eggshells around your spouse how healthy is the relationship in the first place? What's next? Not allowed to talk to another woman? Not allowed to go on a business trip with a female coworker?
Jealousy may not be a 'sin', but it certainly is a marriage killer.
If it bothers your spouse, then you shouldn't do it. It really doesn't matter if I, you or any other person posting in this thread thinks that tak's wife is overreacting. What matters is her feelings on this. She is bothered by it. That is all that matters.
_____________________________
Thank you Veterans.
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/1/2009 9:02:52 PM
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KaptZ
Posts: 172
Joined: 10/28/2009
From: The swamps of Jersey
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PinkCarnations
quote:
ORIGINAL: KaptZ
That's the problem. 'Sin' had nothing to do with it. Either you trust your partner or you don't. Marriage can be a challenge, but if you have to live walking on eggshells around your spouse how healthy is the relationship in the first place? What's next? Not allowed to talk to another woman? Not allowed to go on a business trip with a female coworker?
Jealousy may not be a 'sin', but it certainly is a marriage killer.
If it bothers your spouse, then you shouldn't do it. It really doesn't matter if I, you or any other person posting in this thread thinks that tak's wife is overreacting. What matters is her feelings on this. She is bothered by it. That is all that matters.
He asked my OPINION. I offered it. No apology.
His wife, his marriage, his problem and I wish him luck.
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/1/2009 9:24:42 PM
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KaptZ
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quote:
ORIGINAL: evry1needsgod
quote:
ORIGINAL: KaptZ
quote:
ORIGINAL: evry1needsgod
quote:
ORIGINAL: KaptZ
For what it's worth, here is my opinion. Just remember, it is ONLY my opinion.
I couldn't marry someone who was that insecure about our relationship. Honestly, I just couldn't imagine being in your situation. It's just so far removed from the reality of my own marriage that I can barely get my mind around it. A 'stage' kiss is causing all this?!? I could see my wife laughing at me bad about it and coming on to my best friend in front of me as a joke for 'revenge', but to actually get upset about it? Are you kidding?!
Counselling my friend, counselling. 
Yup, Heaven forbid someone have a different value than their partner. She sure needs to be counseled for her sin...tisk tisk.
That's the problem. 'Sin' had nothing to do with it. Either you trust your partner or you don't. Marriage can be a challenge, but if you have to live walking on eggshells around your spouse how healthy is the relationship in the first place? What's next? Not allowed to talk to another woman? Not allowed to go on a business trip with a female coworker?
Jealousy may not be a 'sin', but it certainly is a marriage killer.
That's the problem. Since when is a wife's higher value of kissing concidered micromanagement of a relationship, or "walking on eggshells"? Give her a break. Not everyone shares the same values, and to ask her to go to counseling simply because she's a little different that you is selfish and disgusting, imo.
FOLKS!!! IT WAS A STAGE KISS!!!!! Oh, for the love of the Cubs!! He is a ACTOR. The woman is a ACTOR. He wasn't making out with the woman behind the White Castle!
I do get it, his wife is bothered by it. Like several others on this thread, I suggested counseling because he obviously enjoys acting and this kind of thing will come up again and again in his marriage unless he resigns himself to giving the theater up entirely. Does his wife REALLY want him to give up acting? Something he is passionate about and had been doing for sometime? Some joint counselling might help them find a compromise to help their marriage. It doesn't have to be a zero-sum game.
Selfish and disgusting? IMO denying our spouses their passions because we cannot overcome our own insecurities sadly fits that bill.
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/1/2009 10:56:34 PM
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bolt.
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Counselling is not an insult, and it's not designed to 'fix' people.
Counselling is an excellent venue for married people to discuss their slightly different values, honour each other, and come to an accommodation that works. It can be much better than getting bothered at one another in private and coming away hurt.
If you think that would help, you are free to invite her to such as session.
If you'd rather just honour her in this for the rest of your acting engagements, that's fine too.
What would not be OK would be (in the generic) if people disregard their spouse's sentiments in this area and go ahead with their right to use their lips as they like. That's dishonouring your spouse.
In the generic, if the spouse is OK, then it's a perfectly moral thing to do.
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/1/2009 11:03:34 PM
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evry1needsgod
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bolt.
Counselling is not an insult, and it's not designed to 'fix' people.
Counselling is an excellent venue for married people to discuss their slightly different values, honour each other, and come to an accommodation that works. It can be much better than getting bothered at one another in private and coming away hurt.
If you think that would help, you are free to invite her to such as session.
If you'd rather just honour her in this for the rest of your acting engagements, that's fine too.
What would not be OK would be (in the generic) if people disregard their spouse's sentiments in this area and go ahead with their right to use their lips as they like. That's dishonouring your spouse.
In the generic, if the spouse is OK, then it's a perfectly moral thing to do.
If couples went to counseling over every single difference that they have, counselors would be billionaires!
No, she does not need to go to COUNSELING because she values a kiss to a greater degree than her husband. That's insulting.
_____________________________
< Don't make fun of my deer. It's spethal!
Believers are saved from their sin, not merely in their sinning!--drmark
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Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/1/2009 11:12:31 PM
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PinkCarnations
Posts: 10815
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bolt.
Counselling is not an insult, and it's not designed to 'fix' people.
Counselling is an excellent venue for married people to discuss their slightly different values, honour each other, and come to an accommodation that works. It can be much better than getting bothered at one another in private and coming away hurt.
If you think that would help, you are free to invite her to such as session.
If you'd rather just honour her in this for the rest of your acting engagements, that's fine too.
What would not be OK would be (in the generic) if people disregard their spouse's sentiments in this area and go ahead with their right to use their lips as they like. That's dishonouring your spouse.
In the generic, if the spouse is OK, then it's a perfectly moral thing to do.
That's what I was trying to say.
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/2/2009 10:56:43 AM
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Auben
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I think we're going in the wrong direction here. Has anyone done a stage kiss before? This is not a movie. There are no close ups and not every part of you is in focus with the audience.
In fact, in high school we had a brother and sister have to share several stage kisses. You better believe their lips never touched. Since it was a comedy basically he dipped her with their heads facing back stage and she put the her inside hand between them. No one could tell.
For less comedic, more romantic roles you can twist your heads sideways to the audience and kiss near, but not on the mouth. Its all about what the audience can see. There's nothing romantic about a stage kiss unless the people involved make it so.
If you have a director with any experience he can help stage this so its not a real kiss on the lips.
_____________________________
Tamara
~Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time~
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/2/2009 11:03:27 AM
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bolt.
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quote:
No, she does not need to go to COUNSELING because she values a kiss to a greater degree than her husband. That's insulting.
Would it make a difference if we said it that 'they' (not she) 'might benefit' (not needs to go) from counselling because 'he' (not she) values a kiss to a lesser degree than his wife? Or because he feels oppressed by the way their values differ and he feels like he has to cave? (Not that he does, but in a generic sense, some one might.)
I really don't see where the insult is. If couples availed themselves of counselor instead of arguing out these sorts of painful things, or just swallowing them without having their side heard... well, there would probably be a lot more happy marriages.
The reason this difference might be worth due care and attention is because if it festers it might damage the relationship. The wife might begin to feel (1) as if her husband resents her, and/or (2) as if he really does wish he could kiss other women with romantic intentions; whereas he might begin to feel (1) as if he is always under his wife's thumb and can't get going in drama because of her and/or (2) as if she is intentionally using overreaction to manipulate him.
If these things are not a danger, then counselling might only enhance their relationship and ability to communicate (what an insult!)... but if there are seeds of those things then they might be settled by counselling and never rise up to hurt anyone. I really don't understand why that would hurt or bother anyone either. I think that getting good counselling, even in good times, as a gift one can give to everyone around them, especially their spouse and family.
And as for good, qualified, Christian marriage counselors... I think they deserve to be billionaires. The role of helping preserve and enhance the covenant between spouses is a much more valuable thing than whatever the other billionaires are doing for their money. Of course, they probably wouldn't keep the money, or would charge less if they were working more -- but that's beside the point.
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/3/2009 8:22:54 AM
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car2ner
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Some of us think a stage kiss is no big deal. Some think it is. I agree with Bolt that the issue is, can the couple come up with a win-win compromise. That is the real issue. How well will they work this conflict out? I am sure this isn't the only conflict this or any other couple will have. If they have a hard time finding a way for both sides to feel atleast part of a "win" then finding a nutural party (i.e. counselor) might be a good idea.
_____________________________
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http://car2ner.imagekind.com
"May your days be long and your hardships few".
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/3/2009 10:36:08 AM
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dnp200450
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quote:
ORIGINAL: car2ner
Some of us think a stage kiss is no big deal. Some think it is. I agree with Bolt that the issue is, can the couple come up with a win-win compromise. That is the real issue. How well will they work this conflict out? I am sure this isn't the only conflict this or any other couple will have. If they have a hard time finding a way for both sides to feel atleast part of a "win" then finding a nutural party (i.e. counselor) might be a good idea.
How about this for a compromise. She does not go to a plays where he stage kisses. From this point he never tells her he when/if he in involved in a stage kiss.
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/3/2009 2:05:10 PM
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tafkam
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While I appreciate the discussion this has generated, I just want to make sure everyone knows.....the actress and I have agreed to "fake it" out of respect for my wife's feelings.
Now, carry on..... 
_____________________________
"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' - Ronald Reagan
Tafkam
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/4/2009 6:58:07 AM
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keithyhuntington
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yeah, i wouldnt feel comfortable about my wife doing this... i'm not jealous, it would just weird me out.
i told her i'm not comfotable with her seeing a male "lady dr." either. she asked "why? its their job to do examinations" i said "you say examinations, i say free peep show. i would go through 8 yrs of school to be a gyno, and put up with unatractive women, just on the chance of getting to enjoy an attractive woman as yourself every few days, why wouldn't another guy, as well? its a brilliant plan!" she said "what if hes gay?" i said "being gay is an act to see naked women. its been going on for 100s of years. those 'gay cheerleaders'... yeah, its an act to get in the locker rooms and score a free peep show. again, a brilliant plan!"
that sounds crass, but i believe it. :P
_____________________________
Jesus Christ please help me 'cause i'm lonely. Whats the use in living, if you can't make a good living?
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/4/2009 4:43:14 PM
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tafkam
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quote:
Now hopefully there won't be someone in the wings trying to get you to laugh during the scene.
Oh, I can pretty much guarantee it....
_____________________________
"The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' - Ronald Reagan
Tafkam
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/9/2009 7:59:01 PM
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walterquez
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I agree with some of the posters, the wife does not need counseling, because she doesn't want her husband kissing another woman under any circumstance. It implies that there is something wrong with her when there is not.
Personally, I believe many of us have become desensitized. It is only a stage kiss; it is only a stage sleeping together; it is only a stage shower scene, no one can really see anything; it is only a stage sex scene, we are not really doing it; it is only a stage full sex scene, yes we are doing it, but it is all done professionally.
If counseling you must go then go talk to your pastor at the church and ask him not his opinion, but to show you from the Holy Scripture what is God's opinion.
_____________________________
St. Athanasius the Great
For our Canons and our forms were not given to the Churches at the present day, but were wisely and safely transmitted to us from our forefathers.
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/9/2009 8:16:28 PM
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walterquez
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I am not convinced that a compromise is the solution, or a win win situation. A compromise is also a lose lose situation. You don't get what you want, and you lose some of the benefits. Take for example one umbrella and three people needing it to help them stay dry in the rain. They compromise on the following; one takes the handle, another takes the fabric and the other takes the rest of the wired frame. Despite the compromise, they will still get wet.
_____________________________
St. Athanasius the Great
For our Canons and our forms were not given to the Churches at the present day, but were wisely and safely transmitted to us from our forefathers.
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/9/2009 9:26:25 PM
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MrFribbles
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quote:
Personally, I believe many of us have become desensitized. It is only a stage kiss; it is only a stage sleeping together; it is only a stage shower scene, no one can really see anything; it is only a stage sex scene, we are not really doing it; it is only a stage full sex scene, yes we are doing it, but it is all done professionally.
I have not read this entire thread, so could you please direct me to the post #s that are advocating staged sex and staged sexual nudity?
_____________________________
"To the humble man, and to the humble man alone, the sun is really a sun; to the humble man, and to the humble man alone, the sea is really a sea."
-G. K. Chesterton
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/9/2009 9:51:32 PM
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walterquez
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You clearly missed the point.
_____________________________
St. Athanasius the Great
For our Canons and our forms were not given to the Churches at the present day, but were wisely and safely transmitted to us from our forefathers.
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/9/2009 9:59:27 PM
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MrFribbles
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quote:
You clearly missed the point.
You clearly missed this lesson during logic classes. It is not valid to say, "Well, it only starts with a stage kiss, but soon they'll be having on-stage orgies!" That would be like saying, "It's starts with one Snickers bar a week, but soon they'll be eating five sticks of butter with every meal!", or "It just starts with reading Harry Potter, but soon they'll be sacrificing infants over bloody pentagrams!" It's not logical to assume that going to one level and being OK with it automatically means that they'll be OK with each and every subsequent level.
_____________________________
"To the humble man, and to the humble man alone, the sun is really a sun; to the humble man, and to the humble man alone, the sea is really a sea."
-G. K. Chesterton
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/10/2009 3:12:38 PM
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car2ner
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quote:
the logic of progressive desensitization
I don't need to take a class to understand this. I have used it on my students to lead them towards becoming braver and overcoming some of the things that children fear, such as spiders, storms and speaking in public. I think perhaps you should take an acting class next.
If someone is going to have an infatuation or affair with another, they don't need a stage kiss to get the ball rolling.
_____________________________
http://www.car2ner.2ya.com
http://car2ner.imagekind.com
"May your days be long and your hardships few".
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/10/2009 7:18:15 PM
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evry1needsgod
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quote:
If someone is going to have an infatuation or affair with another, they don't need a stage kiss to get the ball rolling.
So iow it is predestined fate that said individual would have an affair, therefore we do not need to take any precautions because, after all, what was going to happen would have happened anyway? Come on now...
_____________________________
< Don't make fun of my deer. It's spethal!
Believers are saved from their sin, not merely in their sinning!--drmark
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/10/2009 7:21:17 PM
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MrFribbles
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quote:
So iow it is predestined fate that said individual would have an affair, therefore we do not need to take any precautions because, after all, what was going to happen would have happened anyway? Come on now...
I don't think that's what they were saying. They're just getting at the fact that if someone is going to have an affair, chances are a stage kiss is not what's going to be the starting point. Unless feelings of improper infatuation are not there to begin with, a stage kiss is, in most cases, not going to produce said feelings.
_____________________________
"To the humble man, and to the humble man alone, the sun is really a sun; to the humble man, and to the humble man alone, the sea is really a sea."
-G. K. Chesterton
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/10/2009 7:28:11 PM
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evry1needsgod
Posts: 1766
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MrFribbles
quote:
So iow it is predestined fate that said individual would have an affair, therefore we do not need to take any precautions because, after all, what was going to happen would have happened anyway? Come on now...
I don't think that's what they were saying. They're just getting at the fact that if someone is going to have an affair, chances are a stage kiss is not what's going to be the starting point. Unless feelings of improper infatuation are not there to begin with, a stage kiss is, in most cases, not going to produce said feelings.
Except Idk how you can say so emphatically that this is true--that a stage kiss will hardly ever be what starts the temptation. I'm willing to bet you're quite wrong, brother. And if the wife would rather kissing stay between her and her husband alone, praise God!
_____________________________
< Don't make fun of my deer. It's spethal!
Believers are saved from their sin, not merely in their sinning!--drmark
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RE: Actors And Romantic Scenes.... - 11/10/2009 7:40:47 PM
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MrFribbles
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quote:
Idk how you can say so emphatically that this is true--that a stage kiss will hardly ever be what starts the temptation. I'm willing to bet you're quite wrong, brother.
Have you ever been involved in the theatre/television/film realms on the acting side of things?
quote:
And if the wife would rather kissing stay between her and her husband alone, praise God!
Oh, I'm not disagreeing with that. If it's making one spouse especially uncomfortable, then the other spouse should respect that and abstain. I'm just saying that, "It'll lead to temptation and affairs!" is a light-weight at best argument against kissing on stage.
_____________________________
"To the humble man, and to the humble man alone, the sun is really a sun; to the humble man, and to the humble man alone, the sea is really a sea."
-G. K. Chesterton
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