|
|
|
|
|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: Bitter or angry about being single? - 11/6/2009 1:39:40 PM
|
|
|
trainfan
Posts: 2375
Joined: 7/26/2007
From: The land of confusion
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: ShallbeRebuilt
quote:
ORIGINAL: teacher1982
I believe in Free Will, and it is God-given Free Will. God wants us to choose Him, but He doesn't make us. He has ALL power, but He still does not make us choose Him or live according to His commandments. He does not design every single step of our lives. If He did, then we wouldn't have Free Will. Therefore, my Free Will IS stronger than God in a way because that is what FREE WILL is. Choosing to follow God or not. God tells us, guides us through His Word. If we decide not to follow, He allows us to do what we want to. I am sure that it grieves Him, but He allows us to do what we want to do. That is what makes him Omnipresent. God wouldn't be the God that He is if he MADE us do what He wanted us to do.
The devil does not have more power than God, but he certainly influences us to do "our own thing" and to also go against God.
There are THREE "wills" in our lives. God's Will, OUR will, and the devil's will. MOST of the time, people do what is THEIR OWN will. Sometimes it goes against God's will it follows the temptations of the devil.
BUT, when bad things happen to us, we can not and should not say it is God's Will. MY God doesn't do bad things to His children, no more than I would do bad things to my children.
So.....in answer to ShallBe, I have to say that God did NOT bring me where I am at the present time. I made choices and my ex made choices (since we are talking about being single). I knew God's commandments and so did my ex. We both chose, at different times, to follow our own wills. And to be blunt about it, my ex chose to to follow the devil's will. Where I disagree with ShallBe is that things that happen to us is ALWAYS God's will.
In the end, we are doing what is OUR will and it depends on who we are listening to and following. But God does NOT guide our every single second decision for our entire lives. He gave His Word to guide us and then He leaves us alone to chose to follow it or not.
It may comfort people in times of heartache, trouble, sickness and griefs to say "this is God's will", but I reject that. Too many situations are caused by the devil or by the person's will (choices). I refuse to attribute the state of my life right now to God. I wouldn't serve a God that would do these things to me. I would feel like He hated me if He chose this for my life and did all these horrible things to me. The God I serve is LOVE. The God I serve comforts and helps me. But the God I serve would NEVER be mean and cruel and hurtful to me.
Teacher, you'll have to back all that up with scripture. I stand on what I said before, having studied carefully God's power and His action in our lives from the perspective of scripture. Love is not always sweetness, mercy and light, but is also discipline and justice. I know this because I'm a mom as well as from scripture.
After reading your posts, which I would rate excellent for transparency, I would guess that a proper understanding of love may help you avoid further pain in your life.
Since a discussion of the theological principle of the Sovereignty of God and the doctrines of grace is not the topic of this thread, I invite you and anyone else interested over to my PFY, Shallbe's Batty Belfry where a fuller conversation of the subject is always welcome.
shallbe
Thank you Shallbe.
I was about to suggest keeping this thread on topic which is "bitter or angry about being single".
Here is another thread with an attached article about the Sovereignty of God.
_____________________________
Disappoints are inevitable, discouragment is a choice.
Dr. Charles Stanley.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Bitter or angry about being single? - 11/6/2009 2:45:20 PM
|
|
|
teacher1982
Posts: 190
Joined: 10/11/2009
Status: offline
|
Yes, I guess we did get off topic. I was responding to ShallBe. She has God either Black or White. Either He does ALL, or He does nothing. I have learned that life is all shades of grey and that God has NOT planned out my life to be this way. It was hindered by people who made bad choices, by myself who made bad choices, and by the devil who tempted others to make bad choices that hurt me.
I don't want to get in trouble here, but I will just say one more thing. I don't have to prove with Bible scriptures that we have Free Will. Everyone knows that we do. God doesn't FORCE us to do anything. So I don't see why ShallBe is disagreeing and asking for proof of the things I said.
Back to the OP, I think that I may have days of being bitter and angry - the days where I get slammed with problems on top of problems and feel overwhelmed trying to handle them all. 95% of the problems that I am dealing with are still after-effects of what my ex did to me over three years ago. On those days when I think that I just can't take anymore and I cry out for peace, I can't but think how good my ex has it. How happy he and his girlfriend are. How they have no problems, no worries, no financial concerns. I think how I am here trying to survive by counting pennies and selling my own clothes out my closet on eBay; he and she are going on monthly vacations to Florida, driving new cars, and living the good life. (The reason I know these things is his children and parents still call me because they hate what he has done to me and is doing in his life right now. Although I love them, I know that they are just more that I will end up losing as I must cut off contact with them. It only hurts me.)
So yes, on the burdened-down days, I feel resentment, which is probably bitterness. The innocent pay and the guilty are happy.
< Message edited by teacher1982 -- 11/6/2009 2:51:30 PM >
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Bitter or angry about being single? - 11/6/2009 6:11:26 PM
|
|
|
ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1598
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
|
A sound heart is life to the body,
But envy is rottenness to the bones.
Do not fret because of evildoers,
Nor be envious of the workers of iniquity.
2 For they shall soon be cut down like the grass,
And wither as the green herb.
These thoughts bring me peace when I see the prosperity of the wicked, and encourage me to think about other things when I am tempted to envy them.
Teacher, I have posted HERE in answer to your questions above. I’ll be looking forward to chatting with you and anyone else who might be interested to join the discussion concerning this doctrine.
I’ll be over there dusting the Belfry, starting the fire in the fireplace and heating up the espresso machine…y’all come on over as soon as you're ready!
shallbe
_____________________________
has decided that the command against forsaking the assembling of ourselves together shall henceforth be considered satisfied when she wakes up each morning and finds that all her body parts are still assembled...
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Bitter or angry about being single? - 11/6/2009 9:17:38 PM
|
|
|
WilliamtheConqueror
Posts: 153
Joined: 7/31/2009
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: rgod
trainfan - glad to see that you are a moderator! Congrats - Fritz made a good choice :)
And now to keep it on topic:
I've been single all of my life. I've had many many times (especially when I was in my late 20s and early 30s) when I was on "melt-down mode" - bitter and angry about being single, wanting so desperately to be married. I blamed myself - thought I was too ugly, too fat, too nerdy, too intimidating, or was somehow just unattractive to men. I've cycled through the range of emotions many times. Bitterness - Anger - Fear - Contentment - Joy and back again. There have been times when I've raged at God for making me be single, times when I was glad that I was single, times when I was just content.
Then, the Lord revealed to me exactly why I wasn't married. The Lord clearly told me that marriage any sooner would have destroyed me. He revealed inner vows that I made that needed to be renounced. You see, at the time, I had so many wounds and hurts, that I wouldn't have been able to handle everything that comes along with a marriage relationship in a healthy way. Heaps of married people are unhealthy emotionally, many of them end up divorced. I had prayed for a healthy marriage that honored God and for a husband of integrity; but to have that, I needed to be restored.
After I was healed emotionally, I was strong enough to date, I saw that I was avoiding the unhealthy relationships and patterns that my friends were falling into. But I still wasn't letting men get too close to me. I'd decided that maybe this was the way it was going to be, I didn't like it, but would accept it and be content. Then God started sending all of these people to me, who didn't know each other, to tell me that they felt that they were having dreams and visions and hearing from God during prayer time that I would be married and that my husband was coming. None of them even knew that I wanted to be married (except one) - 'cause I don't talk about it much. Well. It was exciting to hear all of that, but I wanted action. Days turned into weeks, turned into months, maybe will turn into years. More cycles of up and down, content and discontent - being afraid to believe God on this - driving those who were really close to me crazy with my incessant worrying.
Then I realized that no matter what we seek or desire, after we get it eventually becomes routine - with the exception of God. Every other earthly thing brings along its own set of problems and joys. And nothing or no one satisfies like God. When I get married, there will be'a whole other set of issues to deal with and joys to experience. I realized that, now is a good time to practice being content, to get into the habit of being thankful for exactly what I have right now. I have friends and family. I have a house. I have time and freedom. I have opportunities to get education. I have health. And mostly, I have the Lord who meets all of my needs. I am learning to be content no matter what circumstance while being open to change. I'm excited about the man to come - (and men are coming out of the woodwork - goodness - where have they been hiding?) But mostly, I am excited about my life right now too. I didn't ever think I'd get to this place, but God brought me to contentment, and he used the periods of bitterness and discontentment to do it.
"...and those who get married will have problems in the flesh, but I would spare you that..." St. Paul
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Bitter or angry about being single? - 11/7/2009 12:13:36 AM
|
|
|
actorguy282
Posts: 215
Joined: 1/31/2009
From: dusty west texas
Status: offline
|
I was reading this in psychology today and he might as well been saying this about all of us single men psychologytoday.com/blog/addiction-in-society/200911/lonely-men-commit-mass-murders gee is it any wonder I want to just give up sometimes.And the awful thing is I see this in a lot of churches too.I f you want to read it just cut and paste the link in your browser.
< Message edited by actorguy282 -- 11/7/2009 12:20:05 AM >
_____________________________
There are no stupid questions just stupid answers
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Bitter or angry about being single? - 11/8/2009 6:27:52 PM
|
|
|
johnny103068
Posts: 107
Joined: 7/30/2009
Status: offline
|
I feel the same way too married couples are going to places like The Grand Canyon or WWD where i go nowhere. I hate it myself i feel as though married couples are enjoying a great feast by God and i feel God only gave me worthless crumbs.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Bitter or angry about being single? - 11/8/2009 8:13:10 PM
|
|
|
Katie-Scarlet
Posts: 295
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
|
I'm sorry but I'm really not understanding the theory that married couples are able to go more places than single people. Would someone explain it to me.
Here is how I see things.
First not all married couples travel, some are homebodies and just lounge around. Their idea of travel is going to the backyard.
Second why can't you go to these places that its assumed only married couples go? I can't say I remember hearing or reading about a security gaurd keeping all single people out.
God isn't to blame for anyone sitting around doing nothing. There are means of transportation to every location, pick one and go. If you don't want to go alone (which I understand as I don't much care for that myself) enlist someone to go with you, if you find it hard to get someone to do things with you in your circle of friends get more friends. All you have to do is join groups, clubs, or volunteer, the options are endless.
Aren't there single people on these boards who live in the same area. Get together and do something. Or even force yourself to do things alone. After a while you might find you don't hate it as much anymore.
Trust me I'm the biggest hermit I know but I like being indoors most of the time but when I want to go somewhere or take part in an event I find someone to do it with me if I don't want to do it alone. Married people... they have nothing on me when it comes to travel and enjoying life.
< Message edited by Katie-Scarlet -- 11/8/2009 8:22:10 PM >
_____________________________
Satans job is 24hrs 365 days a year and he never takes lunch, vacation or has a sick day.
Are you ready to join the war? Know your enemy, prepare yourself.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Bitter or angry about being single? - 11/8/2009 8:31:27 PM
|
|
|
agapetos
Posts: 9760
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
Status: offline
|
quote:
I'm sorry but I'm really not understanding the theory that married couples are able to go more places than single people. Would someone explain it to me. I'd like to know too.
_____________________________
Stovie, Stovie, what am I going to do with you!
Maggie
September 09
My blog
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Bitter or angry about being single? - 11/8/2009 9:18:57 PM
|
|
|
ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1598
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
God isn't to blame for anyone sitting around doing nothing. There are means of transportation to every location, pick one and go. If you don't want to go alone (which I understand as I don't much care for that myself) enlist someone to go with you, if you find it hard to get someone to do things with you in your circle of friends get more friends. All you have to do is join groups, clubs, or volunteer, the options are endless.
quote:
We restrict ourselves by our own thought patterns. If we think nothing will be any good unless we have someone to share it with then nothing will be any good. If we think that we can live fully in any situation then we will live fully.
One of the biggest lies singles tell themselves goes "I'll be happy when..." The real truth is that if we aren't or cannot be happy right now, we will never be happy because every set of circumstances has it's own set of problems and things we'll dislike.
  
Exactly.
Precisely.
Without question.
Indubitably.
Dead-on.
I also find that I have to discipline myself to find joy in everything...sometimes all I can find is a little tiny atom of something positive.
But when I find it, then a hundred others will suddenly emerge and become visible.
Of course, it works the other way, too...if you're just determined to only see bad, negative things about your situation, then that's all you'll see, and you might see so much of it that you get angry and bitter at the Best Person in the Universe.
Not a good plan, I'm thinking.
shallbe
_____________________________
has decided that the command against forsaking the assembling of ourselves together shall henceforth be considered satisfied when she wakes up each morning and finds that all her body parts are still assembled...
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Bitter or angry about being single? - 11/8/2009 9:43:51 PM
|
|
|
CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 4193
Joined: 12/30/2007
From: Inside my head
Status: offline
|
quote:
I also find that I have to discipline myself to find joy in everything
Absolutely. WE are TRANSFORMED by the renewing of our MINDS. That takes mental discipline. That takes deliberate effort. And that takes practice.
The other thing that I'd suggest is asking God for a thankful heart. He is our Source for everything. Including the capacity for being grateful to and praising Him. This is something I cannot stress enough. We need to be thankful and He provides for all our needs. It is an inexpressible blessing that He will do even this.
_____________________________
Everything I say is fully substantiated by my own opinion.
What have we to fear?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Bitter or angry about being single? - 11/8/2009 9:50:32 PM
|
|
|
ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1598
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
The other thing that I'd suggest is asking God for a thankful heart. He is our Source for everything. Including the capacity for being grateful to and praising Him. This is something I cannot stress enough. We need to be thankful and He provides for all our needs. It is an inexpressible blessing that He will do even this.
I have often asked God to "help me know how to think" about a situation or thing. I realize I simply do not have the mental capacity nor the spiritual maturity to know the right way to think about things sometimes, but HE does, and promises us wisdom when we ask.
It works, people! He will answer this prayer!
shallbe
_____________________________
has decided that the command against forsaking the assembling of ourselves together shall henceforth be considered satisfied when she wakes up each morning and finds that all her body parts are still assembled...
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Bitter or angry about being single? - 11/8/2009 10:07:40 PM
|
|
|
stellaluna
Posts: 4168
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
|
I am not surprised that the man in the OP is still single. He sounds miserable and who wants to be around that?
As someone married not too long ago, I'll say that I am thoroughly enjoying married life. But I also thoroughly enjoyed single life. I just don't do pity parties and I am in total agreement with Coeur:
quote:
One of the biggest lies singles tell themselves goes "I'll be happy when..." The real truth is that if we aren't or cannot be happy right now, we will never be happy because every set of circumstances has it's own set of problems and things we'll dislike.
God's will is fully laid out and easy to understand in 1 Thessalonians 5:
16 Be joyful always; 17 pray continually; 18 give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
This is going to sound crazy, but when I was single and started feeling down about stuff (and even now sometimes, too), I would think about The Hiding Place and Betsie and Corrie laying in a flea-infested concentration camp bunk, pressed up against the filthy bodies of other prisoners, naming off a list of things to give thanks for because it was God's will. God brings me everywhere I go and He is the one that will lead me back out. It's quite comforting.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Bitter or angry about being single? - 11/8/2009 10:09:58 PM
|
|
|
CoeurdeLeon
Posts: 4193
Joined: 12/30/2007
From: Inside my head
Status: offline
|
quote:
This is going to sound crazy, but when I was single and started feeling down about stuff (and even now sometimes, too), I would think about The Hiding Place and Betsie and Corrie laying in a flea-infested concentration camp bunk, pressed up against the filthy bodies of other prisoners, naming off a list of things to give thanks for because it was God's will. God brings me everywhere I go and He is the one that will lead me back out. It's quite comforting.
No kidding, this is exactly what taught me to be thankful for everything. I am totally serious.
_____________________________
Everything I say is fully substantiated by my own opinion.
What have we to fear?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Bitter or angry about being single? - 11/9/2009 6:06:32 AM
|
|
|
rgod
Posts: 1929
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: online
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: ShallbeRebuilt
I have often asked God to "help me know how to think" about a situation or thing. I realize I simply do not have the mental capacity nor the spiritual maturity to know the right way to think about things sometimes, but HE does, and promises us wisdom when we ask.
It works, people! He will answer this prayer!
shallbe
This is so good! I don't know why I've never thought about doing this. I've often asked God to give me clarity on situations, but not to help me think about things. This is exactly what I needed to hear today. Thanks Shallbe!
_____________________________
We are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes! If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking ...
- Kim Walker "How He Loves Us"
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Bitter or angry about being single? - 11/9/2009 8:14:52 AM
|
|
|
ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1598
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: rgod
quote:
ORIGINAL: ShallbeRebuilt
I have often asked God to "help me know how to think" about a situation or thing. I realize I simply do not have the mental capacity nor the spiritual maturity to know the right way to think about things sometimes, but HE does, and promises us wisdom when we ask.
It works, people! He will answer this prayer!
shallbe
This is so good! I don't know why I've never thought about doing this. I've often asked God to give me clarity on situations, but not to help me think about things. This is exactly what I needed to hear today. Thanks Shallbe!
I'm usually so blessed by your posts, rgod; I'm glad this time it was the other way around.
I just finally realized that in some situations I flat can't figure it out even with scripture; some situations are just so twisted that I can't figure out what scriptural principles apply. And especially when I'm feeling sorry for myself...that messes with your mind, you know? So that's when I have to ask God to help me know how to think about things.
Let me know how it goes for you, ok?
shallbe
_____________________________
has decided that the command against forsaking the assembling of ourselves together shall henceforth be considered satisfied when she wakes up each morning and finds that all her body parts are still assembled...
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Bitter or angry about being single? - 11/9/2009 8:28:14 AM
|
|
|
Tinkerbell_
Posts: 8033
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Katie-Scarlet
I'm sorry but I'm really not understanding the theory that married couples are able to go more places than single people. Would someone explain it to me.
Here is how I see things.
First not all married couples travel, some are homebodies and just lounge around. Their idea of travel is going to the backyard.
Second why can't you go to these places that its assumed only married couples go? I can't say I remember hearing or reading about a security gaurd keeping all single people out.
God isn't to blame for anyone sitting around doing nothing. There are means of transportation to every location, pick one and go. If you don't want to go alone (which I understand as I don't much care for that myself) enlist someone to go with you, if you find it hard to get someone to do things with you in your circle of friends get more friends. All you have to do is join groups, clubs, or volunteer, the options are endless.
Aren't there single people on these boards who live in the same area. Get together and do something. Or even force yourself to do things alone. After a while you might find you don't hate it as much anymore.
Trust me I'm the biggest hermit I know but I like being indoors most of the time but when I want to go somewhere or take part in an event I find someone to do it with me if I don't want to do it alone. Married people... they have nothing on me when it comes to travel and enjoying life.
Beautifully said!
quote:
ORIGINAL: CoeurdeLeon
We restrict ourselves by our own thought patterns. If we think nothing will be any good unless we have someone to share it with then nothing will be any good. If we think that we can live fully in any situation then we will live fully.
One of the biggest lies singles tell themselves goes "I'll be happy when..." The real truth is that if we aren't or cannot be happy right now, we will never be happy because every set of circumstances has it's own set of problems and things we'll dislike.
Masterpiece as always, Lioness. 
Many words of wisdom are being spoken in this thread and it all boils down to one thing: life is what you make of it. If you put all of your eggs into one basket and the bottom of that basket falls out...guess what? You're out of eggs.
_____________________________
When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Bitter or angry about being single? - 11/9/2009 2:42:44 PM
|
|
|
saraimay75
Posts: 8862
Joined: 5/11/2005
From: Wherever God plants me.
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: Katie-Scarlet
I'm sorry but I'm really not understanding the theory that married couples are able to go more places than single people. Would someone explain it to me.
Here is how I see things.
First not all married couples travel, some are homebodies and just lounge around. Their idea of travel is going to the backyard.
Second why can't you go to these places that its assumed only married couples go? I can't say I remember hearing or reading about a security gaurd keeping all single people out.
God isn't to blame for anyone sitting around doing nothing. There are means of transportation to every location, pick one and go. If you don't want to go alone (which I understand as I don't much care for that myself) enlist someone to go with you, if you find it hard to get someone to do things with you in your circle of friends get more friends. All you have to do is join groups, clubs, or volunteer, the options are endless.
Aren't there single people on these boards who live in the same area. Get together and do something. Or even force yourself to do things alone. After a while you might find you don't hate it as much anymore.
Trust me I'm the biggest hermit I know but I like being indoors most of the time but when I want to go somewhere or take part in an event I find someone to do it with me if I don't want to do it alone. Married people... they have nothing on me when it comes to travel and enjoying life.
Very true.
quote:
ORIGINAL: johnny103068
I feel the same way too married couples are going to places like The Grand Canyon or WWD where i go nowhere. I hate it myself i feel as though married couples are enjoying a great feast by God and i feel God only gave me worthless crumbs.
God does not give anything that is worthless. If you want to go then go. Nothing is stopping you. If you fee you need to share it with someone the take a friend. Will it be the same? No. However if you are not happy now having someone will not make you happy.
I don't drive this means I take the bus 90% of the time. I take the bus to school. Ia take the bus to church. I take the bus to my volunteer work. I take the bus to meet friends...
As you can see I have a lt going on in my life. I am doing what I enjoy doing therefore being single is being single. That all nothing else. Find something you enjoy doing volunteer work wheither it at your church or some place else is a great way to do this. You get to meet people. You get to help people.
_____________________________
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.
~Dr. Seuss
http://forums.crosswalk.com/Saraimay75_Cruising_Around
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Bitter or angry about being single? - 11/9/2009 3:13:17 PM
|
|
|
Tinkerbell_
Posts: 8033
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: saraimay75
God does not give anything that is worthless. If you want to go then go. Nothing is stopping you. If you fee you need to share it with someone the take a friend. Will it be the same? No. However if you are not happy now having someone will not make you happy.
Quoted for truth as this is the crux to this ENTIRE thread.
Beautiful, mah dahling. 
_____________________________
When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
