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Joined together - 10/29/2009 7:40:43 AM
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cposey
Posts: 298
Joined: 8/20/2009
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I would like to hear some people opinion on this statement. When you are married, the bible says you become one flesh with the other person. Why then do we enter into marriage with pre fashioned ideas of what the other person and ourselves should look like. Are we as guilty of being willing to change ourselves to the likeness of Christ as we are of trying to change our spouse? Does anyone really look at themselves and say this is what i think i should be like and then heap condemnation, anger, judgement, non understanding, no patience upon ourselves. why then do we put the same things off on our spouses?
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RE: Joined together - 10/29/2009 8:04:16 AM
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Eutychus
Posts: 6339
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Dothan, AL
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I don't. Been married almost 38 years to my one and only.
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Jesus answered and said to them, "This is the work of God, that you believe in Him whom He has sent." -John 6:29
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RE: Joined together - 10/29/2009 9:01:18 AM
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SurpassingPeace
Posts: 811
Joined: 11/21/2007
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I don't either. I have only been married 5 years but I married the man I love not the man I thought I could turn him into. Does he do things that irritate me from time to time? Sure, but I do they same. We are broken humans. We both work on being better for each other but we don't try to change each other.
quote:
Does anyone really look at themselves and say this is what i think i should be like and then heap condemnation, anger, judgement, non understanding, no patience upon ourselves. why then do we put the same things off on our spouses?
Actually, I know far more people like this, that run themselves down and beat themselves up over every little thing. So yes, sadly many people look at themselves with an overly critical eye.
Karen
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RE: Joined together - 10/29/2009 10:09:29 AM
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cposey
Posts: 298
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That is a wonderful and encouraging thing to hear that y'all truly love your spouse as yourself. I know some people like y'all, but read the posts in this forum and see if you don't see what i see in their complaints and problems. But again it is very encouraging hearing your testimonies.
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RE: Joined together - 10/29/2009 12:50:25 PM
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SurpassingPeace
Posts: 811
Joined: 11/21/2007
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People tend to post threads in Marriage because they are having problems. It can lead to a skewed perception. I wouldn't start a thread saying, you know we have some hard times but all in all we are doing pretty good. There really isn't alot to comment on there and you don't need advice.
Karen
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RE: Joined together - 10/29/2009 2:02:53 PM
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Liveloved
Posts: 1819
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Marriage can be difficult. We've been married for thirty four years. We both love Jesus and He is the reason our marriage continues. In many ways, we are our spouses 'crucifying agents'. The things that irritate become the very things that the Lord wants to use to change us. And if you long to be conformed to His image, He will continue to use these 'irritants' as long as you live. It's like stone polishing. He's taking our sharp edges off and that happens by rubbing us up against something or someone like our spouse until the sharp becomes smooth.
Some of us have more sharp edges than others. Or some of us are just more willing to be conformed. But this is the Lord's desire. That's why His instructions for marriage are so very beautiful as found in Ephesians 5.
He commands husbands to love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. Wow! That is love, the love a husband is to live out to his wife, just as Christ lived it out to us. It is a sacrificial, servant life of love the husband lives to his wife.
Why? That He might sanctify her. Our husbands are our sanctifying agents. They are to love us as they love their own bodies, nourishing and cherishing us just as Christ does the church!
Love does the work. Our part is to love Him. He will accomplish ALL for us, conforming us to His image, making us the beautiful bride of Christ that we are. It's all very lovely. . . not easy. . . but lovely.\o/
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Liveloved
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Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
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RE: Joined together - 10/30/2009 6:39:17 AM
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cposey
Posts: 298
Joined: 8/20/2009
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SurpassingPeace
People tend to post threads in Marriage because they are having problems. It can lead to a skewed perception. I wouldn't start a thread saying, you know we have some hard times but all in all we are doing pretty good. There really isn't alot to comment on there and you don't need advice.
Karen
The purpose in what i posted originally was not to say people shouldn't seek advice or post on here, but rather our reactions. We advise people to read this book and that book, listen to what this person has to say. When in all reality, what i was trying to get at is the things that hinder our relationships, are the same the hinder our relationship with God. It is the immovable, self serving will of this is what I expect and want. Looking at these things will bring about resolution. Why do we refer people to truths, others proclaim, instead of directing people to the heart of the matter and addressing the deep rooted issue of self serving adn idealism.
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RE: Joined together - 10/30/2009 6:51:28 AM
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SurpassingPeace
Posts: 811
Joined: 11/21/2007
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I may be misunderstanding you, but when a woman comes on here because she is devastated by her husband's porn problem, I don't see how telling her she is being self serving will help her. Her husband probably is but he isn't the one here for advice. That can apply to a variety of reasons people will post here. People advise a book or a method of counseling, often, because it was useful to them in their problems.
Being self serving is not the only reason peole have problems in a marriage. Often we communicate poorly, so we are not able to get across what in our heart we are trying to say. We bring a ton of baggage and issues from our families of origin. It isn't always "this is what I expect and I want"., sometimes it is that the person doesn't know any other way.
I think you are oversimplifying a set of complex and diverse problems. Most peopel are really trying the best they can. God can and will change us and our hearts to enable us to do better by one another. But sadly, so many people are so screwed up they are just not there yet.
Karen
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RE: Joined together - 10/30/2009 10:15:28 AM
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Anon101
Posts: 181
Joined: 10/21/2009
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Do I love my husband as I love myself? Yes, I think more or at least I do more for him than I do for myself. Sadly, when a marriage dies or goes through problems, we lose so much love for ourselves that we don't recognize or even see the two people who stood before the Lord and family and took those vows.
When a marriage fractures you end up with two dysfunctional halves. Most of the people coming on this forum looking for advice from the church body are people who are hurting and have many emotional, mental, and some physical scars. When we go to counseling it is an attempt to find and become those two whole people who stood before God and made those vows. Until then, we rely on getting by, sometimes moment to moment, day by day.
Some of us are also guilty of being selfish. I'll never claim to not have my selfish moments/days. I'm so glad God loves me enough to convict me in those times.
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RE: Joined together - 10/30/2009 10:21:58 AM
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SurpassingPeace
Posts: 811
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline
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((((Lorilynn))))), what a good way to put it. You are so right.
Karen
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