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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/5/2009 9:30:50 PM
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mrf084
Posts: 247
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: online
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A struggle indeed. Wishing to help and not being able to do anything at all is a sickening quandary. I sometimes wonder how God must feel when we as his children flounder and stray from all the good things he has for us. And yet, He doesn't force us to see things His way. He provides a path and assistance if we repent and ask for it. I believe he provides multiple opportunities for many of us more stubborn creatures. Ultimately we have to make the decision in our own time no matter the frustration we engender in those who love us. God allows this because He is the source of our ability to love and knows it is of no value if forced. How can we as humans beings in all our fallibility expect to do anything more than following His perfect example will provide.
Love in its ultimate form is sacrifice and at times we might have to sacrifice more than other people or than at other times. It appears that your choice now is how much are you willing to sacrifice. Understand God won't give you more than you can bear, but it might seem like it at times if you take this on. Pray continually because you will need His strength. I hope and pray that it all works out speedily and well in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. God Bless
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/7/2009 9:32:36 AM
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mariamaria
Posts: 203
Joined: 2/28/2007
Status: offline
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update:
I was finding it hard to talk to my sister so I emailed her telling her very nicely that I was having trouble getting over the fact that she sold me out to this man but that being a christian I realize I have to forgive and asked her to give me time to do so.
she wrote back and was really mean.Later I caught up with her on msn messenger and she wasn't nice to me at all, saying I had to except her new man and that Christians are a bunch of non loving, non forgiving hypocrites. She can not understand why I am bringing this all up again and has no idea why I am not over it yet!
I felt bad about this conversation as it ended bad so I called her a little later to say sorry that the discussion got out of hand and that I love her and didn't want to fall out as we are close, and again she went off and started going on about how she seems more emotionally settled then me and doesn't judge like I do (which I think she has a point) and she hasn't got God in her life, trying to tell me that she has got life and treating people right and I haven't and I'm the christian and should be getting it right.
we finally agreed that I would go over on Wednesday so we can keep the peace and break the ice with her new man.
I feel gutted that I now look like the villain that is trying to make life tough for her...
Not sure if how I have left things is right
< Message edited by mariamaria -- 11/7/2009 9:39:10 AM >
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/7/2009 9:59:03 AM
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bolt.
Posts: 1761
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Canada
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The problem with your approach is that you are somehow viewing her as a painter in restoring your relationship and a confidante in your struggles about it.
She's not.
She's a ministry to you. If you want to bear the love and grace of God into her life, it will have to be through strategy, discernment and self control, not through the kind of 'help me help you' thing you were trying to do.
Now you've got yourself trapped and bullied into an open, "Come over on Wednesday to prove to us that you are not a hateful witch" situation.
Think about it. You don't write to a new neighbour, "I'm having trouble dealing with the fact that you own your house and can do what you want with it. I hate the colour you've painted it. But I'll forgive you and get used to it if you give me time. God loves you!" If you want to minister to your neighbours, you keep your personal feelings to yourself and open yourself intentionally in pre-determined ways. It's not hard, it's just that you wish your sister would do more.
She won't.
And Wednesday is possibly going to be a free "beat up the Christian with snide remarks and see what she does" session. At least from him, possibly both. Do you have a plan for that? If you want to repair things and are willing to go a long ways, personally, I'd suggest (1) changing the subject (2) asking for a glass of water - and remembering the verse and (3) having 'plans' made as an easy-out after a certain time (4) crying... she is your sister. If you are not willing to go that far, pick a point at which you will go home, and go.
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/7/2009 11:18:09 AM
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mariamaria
Posts: 203
Joined: 2/28/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bolt.
The problem with your approach is that you are somehow viewing her as a painter in restoring your relationship and a confidante in your struggles about it.
She's not.
She's a ministry to you. If you want to bear the love and grace of God into her life, it will have to be through strategy, discernment and self control, not through the kind of 'help me help you' thing you were trying to do.
Now you've got yourself trapped and bullied into an open, "Come over on Wednesday to prove to us that you are not a hateful witch" situation.
Think about it. You don't write to a new neighbour, "I'm having trouble dealing with the fact that you own your house and can do what you want with it. I hate the colour you've painted it. But I'll forgive you and get used to it if you give me time. God loves you!" If you want to minister to your neighbours, you keep your personal feelings to yourself and open yourself intentionally in pre-determined ways. It's not hard, it's just that you wish your sister would do more.
She won't.
And Wednesday is possibly going to be a free "beat up the Christian with snide remarks and see what she does" session. At least from him, possibly both. Do you have a plan for that? If you want to repair things and are willing to go a long ways, personally, I'd suggest (1) changing the subject (2) asking for a glass of water - and remembering the verse and (3) having 'plans' made as an easy-out after a certain time (4) crying... she is your sister. If you are not willing to go that far, pick a point at which you will go home, and go.
You are right I have delt with this all wrong..I was stupid enough to think that being honest would work after all me and my sister have that kind of relationship where we have always been honest and up front, I had no idea that had changed but now I do I'll know better.
I don't feel good about how I am dealing with this at all...oh well, welcome to being me!
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/7/2009 4:27:38 PM
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bolt.
Posts: 1761
Joined: 4/29/2005
From: Canada
Status: offline
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It seems to me that you will be fine to go over Wednesday and prove you are not hateful. Especially if you follow the 4 steps above.
But it might be wise for you to take the weekend to acknowledge what you have lost in terms of the person your sister used to be, and the relationship you used to have. Take the time to grieve your loss. It's very real, and you can't go on pretending that those elements of your life are not gone. They are gone. She took them away from you when she abandoned the life of a Christian woman of virtue. The bond that makes you sisters is now blood but not Spirit. It must hurt. Don't run from the pain.
After you have grieved your loss, you should be better able to face the practicalities of ministering to her in a responsible and effective way. And also you will be better able to give a polite Joe-on-the-bus face towards her boyfriend without much strain, if you find your way towards forgiving him for targeting her with temptation and successfully drawing her into this apostasy and debauchery.
_____________________________
Are you having trouble getting your daily dose of the life changing Word of God?
Let my friend Brian at Daily Audio Bible help you too.
>>audio link<<
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/8/2009 2:46:05 AM
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mariamaria
Posts: 203
Joined: 2/28/2007
Status: offline
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Bolt,
you have been of great help..I see things clearly now . I am just so glad that God still loves me even when I mess it up as I have.
God bless
Maria..x
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RE: advice plz :-) - 11/8/2009 2:53:27 AM
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rgod
Posts: 1930
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: offline
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It sounds to me like this guy is trying to be as obnoxious as possible so that he can control and isolate your sister. Keep visiting your sister, loving her, and inviting her to spend time with you. Keep loving her and most of all keep praying. Keep talking to her about Christ. It sounds like this guy has some sort of demonic hold on her - sounds very much like a soul tie to me at the very least.
Keep praying and don't give up on that. But you can't control your sister's choices. You can't make her leave him and you can't make her see what you see. You can pray though and keep letting her know you are in her corner. Chances are, this man will leave her for someone else fairly soon since he has the ability to control and intimidate women - and she'll be devastated again. Just keep praying for her.
_____________________________
We are His portion and He is our prize, drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes! If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking ...
- Kim Walker "How He Loves Us"
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