|
|
|
|
|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: 2nd Marriage in trouble - 11/13/2009 11:46:52 PM
|
|
|
georgerobbyjr
Posts: 39
Joined: 9/2/2006
Status: offline
|
quote:
I know our spouses are supposed to come before our children, but where do we draw the line?
I disagree, the kids come before the spouse. At least they do for me. When you're being threatened or given ultimatums regarding your son you're not being treated with love and respect. He knew the deal when he married you, if you don't want your son to move out he doesn't have to. If he's too violent and it's for your own protection it's another story. I don't know the whole story, but it sounds like your husband isn't very understanding. Whatever help you can get your son is good, he should be glad you're supportive instead of complaining about 2 or 3 saturdays a month where an hour is lost.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 2nd Marriage in trouble - 11/15/2009 12:14:39 AM
|
|
|
Chrim
Posts: 8
Joined: 11/6/2009
Status: offline
|
I have always been told that in a Christian marriage (and maybe any marriage?) that your relationship with your spouse should come before the children. In an ideal situation...ha ha, as if that exists...a mature spouse understands when the other spouse has to take time for the children, especially when they are younger and need more attention. But ultimately the best families are when the spouses are the most important and take care of their relationship. After all if the marriage isn't healthy that isn't good for the family as a whole, right? And when someday (again in an ideal situation) the children leave the family home the marriage is still good and solid.
All this of course would depend on two mature, loving adults who have the best interest of the whole family. Alas, that isn't always the case.
So...I guess I already failed because today I went to my daughter's college to see her perform in a Gospel Choir concert. My husband went to his friend's house to watch college football and drink beer. As a good Christian wife I should have not gone to see my daughter and stayed with my husband to watch football and drink beer.
Ha...no wonder my marriage is failing...I failed to submit to my husband.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 2nd Marriage in trouble - 11/16/2009 1:53:09 PM
|
|
|
doinkdom
Posts: 5581
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The higher lowcountry
Status: offline
|
It really isn't about "coming first" in a family and submission has nothing to do with this. Nothing...at least from scripture.
Husband and wife are the parental units within a particular home. Any separation of relationships...mine, yours...is a slippery slope for ANY marriage. While the divorced parents do have authority in the lives of their children, they DO NOT have that authority in the other parents home and should have already made the decision between the divorced parents about all this so future confusion, etc. can be avoided.
When husbands and wives use separating language when talking to or about their children (your son, my stepdaughter, etc.), they have done a terribly disservice to the child and to the future unity of that blended family.
God placed those children in your life for a reason. If a spouse can't handle that, then some strong counseling should take place especially in a situation such as the OP - the husband should be strongly admonished by their home church family and his Christian friends to get over himself and do the right and godly thing.
_____________________________
Rest assured, dear friends, that where your pleasure is, there your heart is.
- Charles Spurgeon
|
|
|
|
|
RE: 2nd Marriage in trouble - 11/20/2009 9:08:13 PM
|
|
|
timbo4
Posts: 11
Joined: 11/11/2009
Status: offline
|
Unfortunately, many marriages have either crumbled or the fractures are widening. Jesus made a notable prophetic statement to his disciples concerning the time period we are living in now, Jesus "promised presence"(2 Pet 3:3), also called the "last days".(2 Tim 3:1) In answering their question of how to determine when he was invisibly "present", he told them one feature of the "sign" was that "because of the increasing of lawlessness the love of the greater number will cool off. "(Matt 24:12)
Hence, because the godly quality of love has been cooling off ("wax cold", King James Bible), there is a continuing proliferation of marriages "on the rocks". And concerning second marriages, studies reveal that these have a higher failure rate than first ones, and third marriages fare even worse. In his book Emotional Infidelity, M. Gary Neuman point out one reason for this: "If you have difficulties in your first marriage, it's not all about your poor choice of a spouse. It's about you. You fell in love with this person. You worked with this person to create whatever you have or don't have." He concluded: "It's better to get rid of the problem and keep your spouse than to get rid of your spouse and keep your problem."
Some mates though are unwilling to work at resolving any marital problems, even becoming unfaithful to their marriage mate. And when there is a disabled child to care for, some in effect "jump ship." To become a caregiver with compassion requires that one have genuine love. What is portrayed on TV or the love songs on the radio, does not cause one to to build the genuine love that Jesus displayed. Rather, TV and so-called love songs more readily focus on erotic love, not agape love or principled love of which Jesus was a perfect example. Jesus told his apostles that "I set the pattern for you, that, just as I did to you, you should do also."(John 13:15)
For any marriage to survive the turbulent times we are presently in, there are seven "secrets".
(1) The right priorities, whereby in successful marriages, each spouse put's the other's needs ahead of self.(Phil 1:10)
(2) Committment, whereby successful couples view their marriage as a permanent union.(Matt 19:6)
(3) Teamwork, whereby successful couples respect God's headship arrangement as outlined in the Bible.(Eph 5:22-24)
(4) Respect, whereby successful couples, though there is a disagreement, discuss matters without resorting to sarcasm, insults, and other forms of abusive speech.(Eph 4:29)
(5) Reasonableness, whereby in successful families, husbands and wives make allowances for each other's mistakes.(1 Kings 8:46)
(6) Forgiveness, whereby successful couples learn from the past; but they do not keep track of old grievances and then use these to make sweeping assertions, such as "You are always late" or "You never listen."(Prov 19:11)
(7) A firm foundation, whereby strong families do not endure automatically, any more than a house just keeps standing for many decades. Only by application of Bible principles can any marriage have success.
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
