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My wife is divorcing me and I am not sure what to do. - 11/18/2009 10:07:43 AM
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AboundinginHisGrace
Posts: 269
Joined: 4/28/2008
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My wife is divorcing me. She said she doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to work it out. The ministers have talked with her, deacons, friends etc and she refuses to go to counciling or anything. So it is going to happen, but I am to the now what stage. We do have a 3 year old and we are going to have joint legal and joint physical custody. I am just in state of limbo, I am not sure what to even pray for at this point. She has brought me so much pain and depression. Trying to make someone love you for 5 years and them not responding has just beat me down. Pray that I will have wisdom to now how to move foward. If anyone has and advice it would be great. After the divorce is final should I start dating? Should I wait? There are so many questions. If there is anyone on here that has been trhougha similar event please give me some input.
< Message edited by AboundinginHisGrace -- 11/18/2009 10:14:02 AM >
_____________________________
Some want to live within the sound of church or chapel bell; I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of hell."
- C.L. Studd
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RE: My wife is divorcing me and I am not sure what to do. - 11/18/2009 10:37:54 AM
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madlyrics
Posts: 17
Joined: 10/29/2009
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I feel your pain  and am so sorry for you and the child. I have been through 2 divorces and am on my 3rd marriage. When I met my recent husband I decided no matter what it was gona work well the devil has really worked his magic on our relationship but I keep focused on God that is all I can do. I ask God to give you the strength and wisdom to get through this. As far as dating after the divorce Let God handle it for you He will send you the right women when the time is right stay focused and just know God hears your prayers and feels your pain. Sorry if this is not the advise you are looking for.
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Loving and living for Jesus one day at a time
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RE: My wife is divorcing me and I am not sure what to do. - 11/18/2009 10:43:46 AM
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Liveloved
Posts: 1819
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AboundinginHisGrace
My wife is divorcing me. She said she doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to work it out. The ministers have talked with her, deacons, friends etc and she refuses to go to counciling or anything. So it is going to happen, but I am to the now what stage. We do have a 3 year old and we are going to have joint legal and joint physical custody. I am just in state of limbo, I am not sure what to even pray for at this point. She has brought me so much pain and depression. Trying to make someone love you for 5 years and them not responding has just beat me down. Pray that I will have wisdom to now how to move foward. If anyone has and advice it would be great. After the divorce is final should I start dating? Should I wait? There are so many questions. If there is anyone on here that has been trhougha similar event please give me some input.
Oh (((Abounding))), you know you are in my love and prayers.
DON'T JUMP AHEAD.
DON'T EVEN THINK THE QUESTIONS YOU ARE ASKING.
You need to be in the place you are right now. I know it is painful. I know you want to escape. I know you want things to change. I know you want things to get better.
But what you need to do is trust. And believe.
The Lord loves you and is fighting for you, Abounding. The Lord hates divorce. The Lord's desire is for your family to stay together.
You cannot change your wife. You've tried. But the Lord can.
Pray, Abounding. Pray for a miracle. Pray that the Lord will change her heart and yours. Pray that He will be glorified through what He is going to do in your wife, in you, and for your family.
Don't run ahead.
Wait on the Lord.
Give Him time to work.
Thank Him. Praise Him. Love Him. And come to us for the love and encouragement you need right now. Blessings, LL
(And read my signature. . . that verse is for you. . . from Him.)
_____________________________
Liveloved
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Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
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RE: My wife is divorcing me and I am not sure what to do. - 11/18/2009 11:38:00 AM
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KaptZ
Posts: 158
Joined: 10/28/2009
From: The swamps of Jersey
Status: offline
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You have my sympathies as well. I've never been divorced myself, but I have seen this happen to several of my friends and it is always heartwrenching. It is especially so when one of the parties does not want the divorce.
I would advise several things-
1) If divorce is imminent, then play nice and get through it as quickly and politely as possible. The faster you do, the faster you can move on with your life.
2) Get yourself settled wherever you choose to live ASAP. This will help you and you child have as normal and as routine a life together as possible.
3) From now on say only good things about your ex to others and ESPECIALLY to your child. Kids pick up on acrimony and it only makes them feel worse about the situation.
4) I wouldn't rush into dating again for a while. You need time to put this all behind you. I think you'll know when the time is right.
5) Seek counselling. Your minister, a professional, your family, your friends....... It's a good time to circle the wagons.
6) Forgive yourself. You WILL get through this.
My prayers are with you-
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RE: My wife is divorcing me and I am not sure what to do. - 11/18/2009 1:22:50 PM
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herestoresmysoul
Posts: 1455
Joined: 3/13/2009
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I am so sorry for your suffering . Both my husband and myself and I have been through a divorce, after long marriages (25 and 23 years) neither was wanted by us.
If your wife is divorcing you then you cant do anything about it I assume? (In the UK if you dont agree then the other spouse has to wait 5 years before they divorce you unless they can prove unreasonable behaviour) Is she able to complete the divorce even if you refuse to sign anything? What are her grounds for divorce as a Christian?
How long will it be until it is complete?
You cannot be responsible for her behaviour only she can. if the divorce is imminent then there is little that you can do unless legally you can stop it.
Yes God does hate divorce, but he hates it becuase of the pain it causes to both adults and children.
As for the dating question, you did mention your depression and pain. So give yourself time to recover and mend and
be able to let it go and look ahead, before you do that is my advise. It was about 3 years before I could even think of dating but maybe that was becuase my marriage was so long and becuase my marriage berak up was so sudden. My husband was ready much sooner. Jim Smoke, who does loads of counselling with divorced people and has written many books, recommends 2-5 years before starting a new relationship. Speak to your pastor or another mature Christian and get godly advice.Dont date to fill a hole or to try to get rid of the pain it wont work. Do it because you are ready to begin a whole new relationship and phase of your life.That may take time.
God Bless
< Message edited by herestoresmysoul -- 11/18/2009 5:44:09 PM >
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RE: My wife is divorcing me and I am not sure what to do. - 11/20/2009 12:40:21 PM
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AboundinginHisGrace
Posts: 269
Joined: 4/28/2008
Status: offline
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Would love to have you guys continue to pray for me.
_____________________________
Some want to live within the sound of church or chapel bell; I want to run a rescue shop within a yard of hell."
- C.L. Studd
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RE: My wife is divorcing me and I am not sure what to do. - 11/21/2009 9:22:34 PM
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Child4Jesus
Posts: 428
Joined: 5/24/2005
From: Long Island, Nassau, Elmont, NY
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AboundinginHisGrace
My wife is divorcing me. She said she doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to work it out. The ministers have talked with her, deacons, friends etc and she refuses to go to counseling or anything. So it is going to happen, but I am to the now what stage. We do have a 3 year old and we are going to have joint legal and joint physical custody. I am just in state of limbo, I am not sure what to even pray for at this point. She has brought me so much pain and depression. Trying to make someone love you for 5 years and them not responding has just beat me down. Pray that I will have wisdom to now how to move forward. If anyone has and advice it would be great. After the divorce is final should I start dating? Should I wait? There are so many questions. If there is anyone on here that has been through similar event please give me some input.
Is there a reason behind this other than, "She said she doesn't love me anymore and doesn't want to work it out?" I ask because not loving someone anymore is not a reason to divorce. Did you cheat? Did she?
_____________________________
In Christ,
Richad
The greatest heresy to American Christianity is that if you ask Jesus to come into your heart, he definitely will.
Paul Washer
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RE: My wife is divorcing me and I am not sure what to do. - 11/21/2009 10:25:01 PM
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timbo4
Posts: 11
Joined: 11/11/2009
Status: offline
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On TV sitcoms and soap operas, disloyalty and divorce are recurring themes. But a real-life divorce is no sitcom, whereby the sitcom seems to be entertaining for those that have little regard for the marriage covenant. On the contrary, the process is painful. M. Gary Neuman in his book, Emotional Infidelity, said that "divorce is litigation...The second you decide to divorce, you are giving up control over your child. You are also giving up control over your finances, and perhaps even where you live. You may resolve your issues in mediation, but maybe not. Ultimately, a stranger called a judge could be the one to tell you how often you will see your child and how much of your money you will keep. Unfortunately, that stranger doesn't think exactly like you."
Often, divorce exchanges one set of problems for another. Indeed, everything from living arrangements to financial status may change - and likely not for the better. And then there is the impact divorce has on the children. Divorce can devastate children, regardless of their age. Some claim that adolescents fare better. After all, the reasoning goes, they are more mature and are in the process of separating from their parents anyway. However, researchers see a flip side to the coin. They have found that because of those very factors, divorce can hit adolescents the hardest.
What if you are in a troubled marriage and have thought about divorce ? Divorce is not a cure-all for marital misery. The answer is not simply to tolerate a bad marriage. There is another option - If a marriage is in trouble, why not work to make it better ? Do not hastily dismiss this idea by asserting that your marital problems are incurable. Here are some questions to ask of ourselves:
' What qualities initially drew me to my spouse ? Are not these qualities still there to a degree ? ' (Prov 31:10, 29)
' Can the fellings that I had before marriage be rekindled ? ' (Song of Solomon 2:2; 4:7)
' Despite the actions of my mate, what can I do to apply in having:
(1) the right priorities, whereby in a successful marriage, each spouse puts the other's needs ahead of self. [ Phil 2:4]
(2) commitment, in which couples that are successful view their marriage as permanent,
(3) teamwork, which means that successful couples respect God's headship arrangement,
(4) respect, whereby both troubled and successful families have disagreements, but successful families can discuss their differences without resorting to sarcasm, insults, and other forms of abusive speech. Family members treat one another as they themselves would like to be treated.[Matt 7:12]
(5) reasonableness, in which successful families, husbands and wives make allowances for each other's mistakes or errors. [Rom 3:23]
(6) forgiveness, whereby couples that are successful have learned from the past and not keep track of old grievances. Both husband and wife believe that "it is beauty....to pass over transgression."[Prov 19:11]
(7) a firm foundation, in which the Bible is the source to turn to continuously and not just when problems arise.[Ps 119:105]
' Can I explain to my mate (fact-to-face or in writing) just how I would like our relationship to improve ? ' (Job 10:1)
The Bible says: "The shrewd one considers his steps."(Prov 14:15) This principle applies not just when choosing a mate but also when considering what to do about a marriage relationship that is faltering. Even successful families have problems, but the difference is how they handle them.
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