|
|
|
|
|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: Advice Needed - Husband's job - 11/21/2009 8:12:17 AM
|
|
|
spotnapp
Posts: 53
Joined: 7/19/2009
Status: offline
|
Your husband was coming to you in hopes that you would assure him of his manhood, and you didn't validate his feelings of doubt, and didn't give him the affirmation he was seeking. Guys rate their manhood on how successful they are in their careers. So, for your husband do be "demoted" back to his old position, whether their is more chance for better pay, etc..., he most likely sees it as a demotion to his manhood and as the provider he strives to be. Maybe he is sensitive to things because THEY ARE sensitive issues to HIM, even though they may not matter in the least in your mind. It's no surprise that he withdraws and gets upset, he don't feel like you are "listening to his concerns/feelings and are just brushing them off with out giving them any validation. Try to see it this way; if your husband was staring at another woman (something that steals our womanhood, when we feel our man doesn't desire us and is seeking elsewhere) and you tried to bring it up to him and express your hurt, and he just brushed you off saying it doesn't mean anything ,you're lucky I'm with you ain't I. If the tables were turned that way most likely you would be very hurt, feel less of a woman and feel like he didn't even care how you felt.
I would suggest praying that God would give you wisdom to have a more compassionate heart for your husband and that He will give you ears to hear what your husband is taking great efforts at risking opening up to you.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice Needed - Husband's job - 11/21/2009 8:22:08 AM
|
|
|
colnhausen
Posts: 3
Joined: 11/21/2009
Status: offline
|
Thank you spotnapp, I appreciate your insight and know I am being insensitive. I do pray that the Lord give me compassion and the words to properly communicate to my husband. Please pray for us.
_____________________________
Your Sister in Christ,
Cynthia Ramos
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice Needed - Husband's job - 11/21/2009 9:35:54 AM
|
|
|
stamper_ben
Posts: 8022
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Lone Star State
Status: offline
|
As a man I can somewhat agree with the "manhood" argument above. BUT, your husband needs to "man-up" realize indeed what the state of the economy is at this time and do whatever is needed to provide for his family. A demotion to a 5% lower paying job where he can more than makeup that 5% with overtime is a blessing compared to being laid off and in the unemployment line.
I have taken jobs as paper delivery, backroom stocker and would have worked at McDee's if needed to provide income. So I'm not having much compassion here I know. And if he sticks it out this slow period will end and he just might end up back where he is being demoted from now.
And that's what I would advise you to tell him, that this will probably only be temporary and he will be right back where he wants to be soon.
_____________________________
We will be known as His by the love we show one another.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice Needed - Husband's job - 11/21/2009 10:17:13 AM
|
|
|
3cappuccinosmom
Posts: 3569
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
|
Would he have responded differently if you had said something along these lines:
"Wow, I guess I can see how you might feel that way, though I really hadn't thought of it from that perspective. But I am *so* glad they didn't fire you, and I am *so* glad that you are willing to work so hard to provide for our family!" along with a big hug?
Maybe he is a wretched ungrateful whiner, but you don't have to comment on it every time it happens. Sometimes it's OK to just be loving towards him and model a healthier way to react to stresses like this.  If you feel something *must* be spoken to, speak it in love. My dh is really sensitive as well. Actually, I think most men do have feelings and emotions  maybe a lot of them just bottle it all up. I learned a long time ago that aggravated snipping at him (no matter how righteous my aggravation) is really not helpful at all. Honestly, if you were having a hard time, feeling beaten down would you respond well to your husband saying "Suck it up and quit whining?". They could be a hundred percent right about that, but would you consider that a lovingly spoken and helpful sentiment?
If he has a habit of complaining, and you have a habit of trying to knock some sense into him every time he does, you are into a cycle that isn't working. You can't change him, but you can choose to step off that merry-go-round and do something different. 
< Message edited by 3cappuccinosmom -- 11/21/2009 10:26:12 AM >
_____________________________
 Moo
The Ballad of Bad Biruk
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice Needed - Husband's job - 11/21/2009 3:33:04 PM
|
|
|
cynthia
Posts: 7000
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: online
|
Maggie’s post was very good. The Bible tells us that we should build up our house rather than tearing it down. It is a wife’s duty to encourage and build on her husband’s strengths rather than dwelling on or picking at his weaknesses.
Part of what happened in your conversation with your husband was that he came to you with his sorrow and you basically told him to suck it up. Your attitude is one of irritation, when it should be one of submission. The way to build on your husband’s strengths in this is exactly what Maggie said. Express concern for his feelings, but do not dwell on them, then counter them with joy at how proud you are of him that his employer is working to help him keep his job because they value him. Tell him how proud you are of him and praise the Lord he is going to be able to make more money that you can put into a nest egg in case of trouble.
A wife should be her husband’s main supporter and encourager. Do you pray for him daily? Do you notice what he is doing right and comment on it? The Bible says to overcome evil with good. Ask the Lord how you can do that in this instance.
The only person you can control is yourself. Do not try to change your husband. Change how you relate to him and seek to be the best thing that ever happened to him.
Maggie, It is a joy to see how the Lord is working in your marriage. Your posts show how much you have matured over the years. I remember when you ran off to Africa to get married. Now you are a godly young wife able to use your early experiences to bless others in their marriages. Your husband is a blessed man.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice Needed - Husband's job - 11/21/2009 8:13:27 PM
|
|
|
colnhausen
Posts: 3
Joined: 11/21/2009
Status: offline
|
Everyone, thank you all for such great advice. I knew I needed to hear what was said that's why I posted knowing I would be set straight. Yes, I do pray for my husband and I recently fasted for him that's when he was moved over. I can only hope this is just part of God's hand on him even though it is a humbling experience. I think the Lord does this kind of stuff so we don't get so puffed up think of ourselves better than we ought to.
_____________________________
Your Sister in Christ,
Cynthia Ramos
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice Needed - Husband's job - 11/21/2009 8:22:51 PM
|
|
|
cynthia
Posts: 7000
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: online
|
colnhausen, I am impressed with your response. With an attidue like that to being corrected, things will continue to improve in your marriage.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: Advice Needed - Husband's job - 11/21/2009 8:28:19 PM
|
|
|
Liveloved
Posts: 1819
Status: offline
|
I do agree that it sounds like the Lord is blessing your husband. And it sounds like he is not seeing it that way.
From what you've told us, it sounds like your husband is really struggling with his self esteem right now. Men tend to see their value through their work and so in his eyes, his 'value' is going down. That is very hard when that is your perspective.
What can you do? Instead of telling him to not complain, be thankful, and how blessed he is (which is all true), tell him you love him. Tell him you appreciate his faithfulness to his work, to you and his family. Find the good in him and focus on that. Every time he has a complaint or negative thought, return with some word of encouragement.
Scripture provides us with all kinds of encouraging words and thoughts. Write down some of God's thoughts and have them handy to remind him when he seems down and discouraged.
Just returning with the words 'I love you' can really change things. Bless ya. LL
_____________________________
Liveloved
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
