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To the married posters here - 11/21/2009 1:40:16 PM
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manda59
Posts: 8202
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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Are your in-laws in-laws or "outlaws"?
What kind of relationship do you have with them, and are they a help or a hindrance to you/your marriage?
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: To the married posters here - 11/21/2009 1:44:12 PM
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Mrs.Wifey
Posts: 3404
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: The Gorgeous plains of Colorado
Status: offline
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I have the most wonderful in-laws. Both siblings and parents. Even when they drive me nuts they are still great.
My parent-in-laws consider me their daughter and treat me just the same as any of their biological or adopted children. They have been exceptionally supportive with everything that DH and I have been going through. Praying with me, helping with DD, just overall letting me know that they love and support me.
I feel very blessed and lucky to have them as part of my family 
_____________________________
Ryanne- trying hard to be my husband's girlfriend and my daughter's mother.
I'll keep my guns, freedom, and money- you can keep "the change."
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RE: To the married posters here - 11/21/2009 2:21:56 PM
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HomeSpunLady
Posts: 485
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Lovely Pennsylvania!
Status: offline
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I LOVE my inlaws. I got a card from them for my birthday that basically said they considered me a daughter and was very glad I married their son. I prayed for a great relationship on both fronts and we have it. If I have a question about cooking or something I usually call my mil first.
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Kathryn
Just Me
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RE: To the married posters here - 11/21/2009 2:56:28 PM
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danas_mom
Posts: 498
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
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My in-laws are (were) great. (FIL passed away five years ago.) I started dating hubby when he was 16, so I pretty much grew up with their family, you know?
It's funny, not long after FIL passed away MIL wanted to do a baby photo collage of the kids and grandkids and FIL. She asked for a baby photo from me without even thinking about the fact that I wasn't one of "their" kids. Heh.
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I will not sacrifice to the LORD my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing. ~ 2 Samuel 24:24
Spirit of Ashes Creations
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RE: To the married posters here - 11/21/2009 3:25:14 PM
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peculiar_lady2
Posts: 4330
Status: offline
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uuuggghhhhh....my in-laws. OK...here goes....
Paul's parents divorced when he was 3yo...his dad remarried when he was 9yo. At that time he and his brother went to live with him since their mom felt it would be a more stable family. So, joy of all joys, I have two sets of inlaws...and BOTH hate me.
Paul's step brother got married a month before we did...and we had the first grand baby three months before they did. Yet they acted like the other baby was their first grandchild. They have always done a ton for him and have never even sent my kids birthday cards (IF they even know their birthdays). They have sent some stuff for one or so kid(s) at Christmas, but nothing for the other kid(s). They were on us constantly about us having too many kids. Now they aren't as much because we just never call them. Every phone call is horrible though and they push guilt like it's their right.
However, they are the good set of IL's.
Paul's mom (and step dad) are horrible...like threatening to call CPS because I dared have a lived in apt and needing to go to do laundry when she decided to just come in for Thanksgiving one year with no notice. She didn't care if I did have a baby and toddler to take up my time, she feels my house should be spotless. She is constantly criticizing me for anything and everything to do with God. She blames me for her son being a Christian now and not drinking (this is the same woman that would drink and smoke/do drugs with him before he got saved). She blames me for every faulty Christian she has ever run into...including my dad. She is no longer allowed in my house because of the stress she puts me under and the things she has said through the years. She has never sent any of my kids even an email or card for their birthdays...not ever sent anything for Christmas to any of them...and most of the time doesn't even get their names right when we talk to her on the phone. A few months ago she cussed me out over the phone calling me every name in the book...no real reason. I just sent her a picture of the kids, and next thing I know I got a phone call out of the blue cussing me out. So I hung up on her and she called back and left more cussing and such on my answering service message. Paul told her to stop it, and didn't call her for a few weeks. So then she wrote the nastiest email I have ever seen about me to my mom, saying that me and my mom were trying to keep her son from her and that we could just go to (you know where) for all she cared and that she could and WOULD cause hell to break lose in my household if my mom and me didn't "allow" Paul to call and have a relationship with her. Blaming us for the fact that Paul "couldn't" go visit her when she had cancer in 2005-2006.....umm, ok, for those that remember, where was he then? Hmmmm...that's right...IRAQ...yeah, like we had ANY say in that decision!!!! My mom smartly forwarded the email to Paul and he wrote her back trying to refute all the allegations she put in it, but of course she doesn't want to accept any of what he says cause after all, he is under my control. uuuggghhhh. She has alienated him so much that he doesn't even want to move to a post on that side of the US cause it would be too close to her...and now says that being back overseas would be close enough for him.
So there you go...that's the sorted nasty details about my in laws.
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Proud to be...  
"When God said 'brains', some thought He said 'trains' and got on the wrong track" -Maxine
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RE: To the married posters here - 11/21/2009 3:53:24 PM
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Mollymouser
Posts: 3915
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: california, land of the happy cows
Status: online
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My wonderful DH's family play very little, if any, role in our lives. (This is a good thing.)
MIL ... We haven't seen or heard from her since the wedding in 2003.
FIL ... He and his wife live about 5 hours away. We've seen once a year for the last few years. We do best with just excganging the occasional emails, phone calls and greeting cards. They are not christians, not especially helpful/supportive/encouraging/understanding, and the time spent with them is usually ... strained.
DH's BIL ... lives in a different part of the state. We last saw him in 2002. He didn't bother coming to our wedding in 2003. Not a christian. No calls, emails, or greeting cards exchanged.
DH's SILs (2) ... we hear from them sporadically, usually about once a year or so, and always when they want or need something. Not christians. No calls, emails, or greeting cards exchanged.
_____________________________
 MARRIED TO A MILITARY PILOT ~ PLEASE PRAY FOR OUR TROOPS!
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RE: To the married posters here - 11/21/2009 4:16:20 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3361
Joined: 4/12/2005
Status: offline
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My in laws are good people. We're very different in some ways, but they love me, and stay out of my marriage and my parenting policies for the most part. Sometimes I feel a little sad, because my MIL wanted to be called "mom" by her two daughters-in-law, but neither of us feels quite that close to them.
They live out of state, and SIL and I both have our parents close by, so they are always the "holiday grandparents" and not the "regular grandparents". They are a little eccentric, but then, so are my parents, just in different ways.
So... not the enemy and not "just like mom and dad".
ETA: My husband's brother drives everyone nuts (even his own parents), but he's a good husband and father, and my SIL is a good friend when her babies get a little older. Haven't seen much of her lately, but she's a decent soul.
< Message edited by Sideways -- 11/21/2009 4:23:48 PM >
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Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream.
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RE: To the married posters here - 11/21/2009 5:31:57 PM
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uponeagleswings
Posts: 675
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Out here in the desert
Status: offline
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My MIL and FIL are nice enough, but not wonderful. DH's mom is a habitual worrier who tends to nag him about whatever her current worry is. She tends to make him feel like a failure because he's still in school and doesn't have a job (which is a situation DH and I have agreed on for the time being). DH has started putting his foot down about this, and its gotten better. My FIL is a workaholic of the highest order, and we haven't seen him since a few months after we were married. DH talks to him on the phone once a week or so but they don't have much common ground. Living 3000 miles from them definitely has had its benefits, especially when we were newly married and still figuring things out.  DH and I started dating when I was 15, and he always spent lots of time with my family.
On the other hand, I have nothing but good things to say about DH's aunt and uncle. They live about 10 minutes from us, and are some of the most giving, generous people that I've ever met. They don't have children of their own, and have sort of adopted us. DH and I lived with them for a few months after we married and moved out here. Nearly every time we go over there, his aunt has something that she picked up at the store just because she was thinking of us. Its not usually big things...some ingredient here or there that she thinks my hubby will like, or some project she thinks I'll like.
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RE: To the married posters here - 11/21/2009 6:19:10 PM
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Conundrum
Posts: 85
Status: offline
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My MIL is an angel. I love her to death. She's not as wonderful as MY mommy, but she's close.
My FIL is... a little more difficult. He's a bit on the critical side, and he loves to pick on people. One of the signs that he likes you and accepts you is when he picks on you.  He thinks he's joking and teasing, but if you're not used to it, it can really rasp. It's taken a lot of getting used to; I'm still not completely used to it after 4 years of marriage. But he's a strong Christian and takes his faith seriously.
They live about 10 minutes away from us. We're over there often after church or on other occasions. We attend the same church.
Hubby's two sisters and their husbands are great. The older sister and her family live about 4 hours away, so we rarely see them. The younger sister and husband are a lot of fun, and I enjoy them a lot. They live about 2 hours away. We see them more often than older sister.
Hubby's one, younger brother still lives at home with his parents. He's about 25. We communicate with him weekly, if not more often. A little bit of a black sheep - well, more like light grey. He isn't as conservative as his parents, drives a motorcycle, spends money...which FIL doesn't appreciate. But he is responsible, for all that. He's got a kind, giving heart. I really hope he finds a wonderful, loving Christian wife that will bless his socks off.
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RE: To the married posters here - 11/21/2009 8:34:37 PM
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Shells54
Posts: 208
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline
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My MIL is great most of the time. Although, she is a constant worrier. The kids and I had a cold and of course it wasn't a cold it was H1N1. We get along as long as we don't talk about hubby. As she says she loves him but doesn't really like him.
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Michelle
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RE: To the married posters here - 11/21/2009 9:25:40 PM
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Krislynx
Posts: 667
Status: offline
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Mil passed away a few years ago from breast cancer. I miss her a lot. Fil is a good guy and we see him several times a year for birthdays, holidays and sometimes just because he wants to see the grandkids. When he comes up he makes a loop between us an Bil. Bil took a bit of getting used to but we understand each other now. Same with his wife, she and I are both kind of shy and took a while to warm up to each other. Now we like to hang out and have a lot of fun together.
Kris
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RE: To the married posters here - 11/21/2009 10:32:07 PM
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peace77
Posts: 274
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
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I never knew my inlaws. DH is the youngest in his family and we met and married later than most folks.
My FIL passed away before I met my DH and my MIL already had dementia and was in a nursing home when I met her. She has since passed away.
I wish I could have met them earlier. From what I've heard they were wonderful people.
The SILs are another story. One refuses contact with either of us.
The other contacts us by email once in awhile. Very short messages or a few pictures.
The problem people are my parents. My mother manipulates people until she gets her way. My father usually says nothing until he explodes in anger.
I'm glad we live far apart.
Peace,
Anne
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RE: To the married posters here - 11/21/2009 11:22:18 PM
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IAMJulie
Posts: 132
Joined: 4/18/2005
From: WA
Status: offline
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My FIL and stepMIL are a couple of sweeties. They treat me like a daughter and accept us warmly on the few times we've been able to get across the country to visit. My stepMIL has a bad heart and I dread the day we lose her, she's a dear. Old-fashioned, never learned to drive a car, serves 5 vegetables at one dinner. My FIL still runs a 9-hole public golf course that he and my BIL own. He's kind and generous.
My MIL can be odd at times, she laughs constantly even when there's nothing to laugh at and says "OK" every few words no matter what she's talking about. She once called and invited herself over for my hubby's birthday without asking if it was convenient for us but when I told her we had already planned an out of state week away she was fine with it and ended up coming for Thanksgiving instead. I thought it additionally odd that she would come that August for hubby's birthday when I was pregnant with #2 at the time and due in October. Why come to see me all big and tired when you could come just a little later and see your new grandchild? But she's nice too, can't complain. I adore her sister, though. She and I have very similar personalities. They live together along with the sister's husband and came for a visit in October. It was very nice to have them.
My BIL is a nice enough guy but he makes bad choices. I am glad that we have the distance of a few states between us so that we don't have to make excuses why we don't want to hang out with them.
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Julie, wife to Rob, mom to son Gabriel (2/04), daughter Zion (10/06), son Gideon (4/08) and one more due June 29, '10, dog Towzer, cats Benny and Maisy, Allie the rabbit and a few fish. www.wellblessed.blogspot.com :)
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RE: To the married posters here - 11/22/2009 3:42:38 PM
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evegirl22
Posts: 80
Joined: 10/9/2005
Status: offline
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For myself, it honestly depends on the day as well. When my hubby and I were dating, there is a 13 yr age difference between us and my in-laws had a hard time with it, and I was definetly more younger and immature when I met them and that started us off on a bad note. It didnt help that we had our 3 yr old before we got married. My parent-in-laws were so upset about it at first, it really hurt our relationship with them because they were mad and didnt support the fact that we were going to have a child before we got married. But later on, a couple months into my pregnancy they started treating us like normal people again and were supportive. My MIL passed away actually 4 months before we got married, so even though by law she wasnt my MIL I loved her like she was. Now my FIL is still alive, and our relationship with him is kinda wierd. We actually feel more distant from him then from our church family, like saying that there are people at church that we feel are more family then him. We have had our problems, where my FIL honestly treats us like we are still children. We have issues with him favoring our niece more then our oldest child, and now with our littlest one being born on his birthday, we have issues of him favoring Dylan over Matthew. There are ongoing problems between us, but we get along, but it is definetly conditional.
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~*Jamie*~
For we walk by faith, not by sight. -- Corinthians 5:7
Mommy to Matthew (9/19/06) and Dylan (10/6/09)
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