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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/22/2008 3:04:04 PM
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manda59
Posts: 5190
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: DenimDiva
You are correct that it's not the reason for the slip, but the slip might have been easier to avoid if I had someone IRL to talk to about it.
Sorry, but this isn't about making things easier for you. Recovery is tough, it's hard - it HAS to be, in order to last. You have to be able to do it while there is no-one to listen to you on an everyday basis, otherwise, if your recovery becomes dependent on having someone to talk to, you will likely relapse every time that person isn't around or available, or doesn't say the right thing, or whatever.
It can be helpful to have a supportive friend around occasionally, but it should not become a need, a "must".
Also, the decision to drink is made long before the drink is poured, and it starts with addictive thinking. And you (and the Lord) are the only ones who can do anything about the addictive thinking.
quote:
That requires a behavior change that is hard for me to make. I've always held myself to a standard of perfectionism that I would not dream of placing on others.
This might actually have something to do with the root cause of your alcoholism: setting standards for yourself that you can't possibly achieve. Learning to be "good enough", rather than having to be "perfect", and permitting yourself to be a person who is doing the best with what she has, but who will sometimes make mistakes, is going to be vital for your recovery. Yes, it will be hard, but it will be worthwhile. Getting somewhere worthwheil in anything usually takes hard work.
Being a perfectionist is do with control - it's about trying to control yourself, your world, everything.
It is a common reaction to bad things happening in childhood - to feel like you HAVE to be there for you because no-one else was .......................... but it is not healthy. And it is not what God wants for us - for what He wants is for us to give ourselves over to Him, to hand over the controls to Him, and to rely on Him, not on ourselves.
(btw this is an issue I have had to deal with myself - and from time to time have to go back to basics on all over again)
You have already taken a giant step in admitting that you have a problem. Some people never even take that step. Showing your sin to the light is the best way for it to lose its power. As you become more able to be more open about it, its hold over you will weaken and weaken. You are already taking steps towards being free of this. I expect even that freedom is a scary thought. But it will be wonderful, and you're going to get there. Slips are just slips, they don't have to be relapses. Be encouraged, you are doing great.
_____________________________
"I have nothing to add, except to agree with Manda."
(agapetos, July 2008)
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/22/2008 3:10:47 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 5107
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteNarcissus
Okay so one of my posts was discontinued :(
It was about how I'm in a relationship with someone just like me. I'm not saying that I have full blown narcissism... because I'm really not that bad. I think I just have traits. And I don't see a problem with having traits. Anyway I really like this guy (not as much as my old therapist) but he is only in love with himself. He is very fit 200 solid and only cares about his appearance. Now I only date men who do look good but this is way over the top. I would like to marry this guy and have children since I know our children would be beautiful because both their parents are beautiful. Question: How do I make him pay attention to me and less on himself? and why do I seem to attract narcissistic guys? Is it because I'm narcissistic I dunno? Any thoughs?
I know very little about this disease/disorder so I am not much help to you. Sorry.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/22/2008 3:22:40 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 5107
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I'm not going to say anything else right now about my struggles in this thread for a couple of hours, maybe days, because I need to let some things sink in that have been posted.
I am going to say thank you to Beth, agapetos, Fritz and manda for your imput. Y'all could've slammed me harder than I did myself, but you didn't do that at all. That has brought me to tears, literally, and made me think. Thank you! ((((hugs))))
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/22/2008 8:17:58 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 5107
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Hi jlp1- I'm just saying welcome because I don't think that I've had a chance to "meet" you yet.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/23/2008 12:57:53 AM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 5107
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My therapist wants me to write a letter to myself. As I think about different times, good and bad, the letter is supposed to be me as an adult writing to the child. Kind of an "inner child" concept. It's always been hard for me to understand the point behind the "inner child" concept. I love to write and I love to journal, but just getting this started is turning out harder than I thought it'd be.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/23/2008 8:14:48 AM
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agapetos
Posts: 5354
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
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quote:
That requires a behavior change that is hard for me to make. I've always held myself to a standard of perfectionism that I would not dream of placing on others.
quote:
My therapist wants me to write a letter to myself. As I think about different times, good and bad, the letter is supposed to be me as an adult writing to the child. Kind of an "inner child" concept. It's always been hard for me to understand the point behind the "inner child" concept. I love to write and I love to journal, but just getting this started is turning out harder than I thought it'd be. Roberta, these seem (in my mind) to be associated.
When I was seeing my therapist she would ask about how I would treat my best friend or my identical twin or the little me in similar situations. It ain't easy. I wonder if you can tell that you're beating up on yourself (it's not always easy)? Learning to stop for a minute and thinking 'Ok, if this was my twin sister, would I beat up on her, or ???' and then look at something that you can do to instead of beating up on yourself ~ if not entirely, a little bit. A warm bath with lots of bubble bath, candles, soft music, etc are just easy ways to take care of yourself a little.
I have an essential oils blend that is used as a roll on, it smells good and helps lift my mood a little (has citrus in and the smell of citrus always makes me feel good!). For a long time, I kept it for when 'things were really bad'. Took me a long time to figure out that putting off using it didn't help me and that using it (when things were simply 'bad') did help me. Yes, I still had the problems but I'm learning that being nice to myself isn't a bad idea and it helps reduce the pressure I've placed on myself.
Writing to yourself can be very difficult. I found it helpful though. Part of the reason I started my blog was to write to 'myself' ~ there is much I've left out of it but it works of a reminder to me to give myself a break. You may want to talk more about your therapist about the concept though and, if you are finding it difficult, she'll probably be able to suggest a different angle.
quote:
I'm not going to say anything else right now about my struggles in this thread for a couple of hours, maybe days, because I need to let some things sink in that have been posted. Roberta, know that there are people who are thinking of you and praying for you. Again, you've taken some big steps over the past few weeks so acknowledge that. Perhaps you may want to consider posting (if you need to) and asking that no one responds to that post?
_____________________________
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not using them in fruit salads!
My blog
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/23/2008 8:22:47 AM
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agapetos
Posts: 5354
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
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quote:
I would like to marry this guy and have children since I know our children would be beautiful because both their parents are beautiful. Question: How do I make him pay attention to me and less on himself? and why do I seem to attract narcissistic guys? Is it because I'm narcissistic I dunno? Any thoughs? Well now, you don't know that you'd have beautiful children with this man ~ you can only imagine that you would!
You want him to pay more attention to you? What about if you and he were to have children ~ you'd have to give up a large portion of the attention he was giving you to give to the children. How would you cope with that?
[Personal attack removed.]
< Message edited by Fritzpw_Admin -- 4/23/2008 11:20:07 AM >
_____________________________
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not using them in fruit salads!
My blog
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/23/2008 11:32:52 AM
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womaninchrist
Posts: 418
Joined: 4/14/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: agapetos
quote:
I would like to marry this guy and have children since I know our children would be beautiful because both their parents are beautiful. Question: How do I make him pay attention to me and less on himself? and why do I seem to attract narcissistic guys? Is it because I'm narcissistic I dunno? Any thoughs? Well now, you don't know that you'd have beautiful children with this man ~ you can only imagine that you would!
Yeah it's definitely a guessing game what kids would look like - and even if there'll BE kids. I have illnesses my parents had - but don't really look like either of them. I look so little like them and my sister looked so much like them that schoolmates often thought we were joking when we said we were sisters, that we were "at most" cousins "of some sort". I tried for years with my husband to have kids and never even got pregnant. You never know ahead of time what God has in plan for you....
Sorry, I've missed your name... Speaking from experience, people with personality disorders - out of all mentally ill - seem to have on average the toughest time admitting their behavior is a problem and seeking treatment. Odds are you won't get his attention and having grown up with somone and now being married to someone who at least "had narcisstic tendencies" I must admit I find myself wondering if you might be understating the extent of your own condition, it's pretty common for people with personality disoders (esp.Narcissistic PD) to do so.
Me, sorry I haven't been around. I've felt anxious and whiny. Probably due to the situation at home. Oh, and my vision thing turned out to be ocular migraines and I have an endoscopy tomorrow for the GI stuff.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/23/2008 3:38:25 PM
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WhiteNarcissus
Posts: 40
Joined: 4/18/2008
Status: offline
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yeah, my aunt whom I'm really close to urged me so seek therapy, I have my first appt next monday. My aunt, whose also a therapist and I talked for about 2 hours last night. She pulled out her DSM IV and was looking at the narcissistic disorder and wanted to see truely how man I seemed to have. Supposedly I have 6/9 criteria. You nonly need 5. I've already been diagnosed with borderline disorder and don't really want another disorder on my plate. Ugh, the borderline one seems easier to accept then the narcissistic one since I don't see why society thinks it's wrong to be narcissistic. I don't think it's wrong, But I think it's wrong in other people like my current boyfriend who I suspect has NPD as well. By yeah my aunt can't really diagnose me cuz she's my aunt and not my therapist, so I'm gonna see what the therapist has to say on Monday.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/23/2008 10:05:55 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 5107
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quote:
ORIGINAL: agapetos
Roberta, know that there are people who are thinking of you and praying for you. Again, you've taken some big steps over the past few weeks so acknowledge that. Perhaps you may want to consider posting (if you need to) and asking that no one responds to that post?
Thank you. I don't think that I would ever post a post and ask people not to respond to it though. If I write something that I don't want people to feel free to respond to, I write it in my journal.
I like the twin sister analogy.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/23/2008 10:10:45 PM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 5107
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteNarcissus
yeah, my aunt whom I'm really close to urged me so seek therapy, I have my first appt next monday. My aunt, whose also a therapist and I talked for about 2 hours last night. She pulled out her DSM IV and was looking at the narcissistic disorder and wanted to see truely how man I seemed to have. Supposedly I have 6/9 criteria. You nonly need 5. I've already been diagnosed with borderline disorder and don't really want another disorder on my plate. Ugh, the borderline one seems easier to accept then the narcissistic one since I don't see why society thinks it's wrong to be narcissistic. I don't think it's wrong, But I think it's wrong in other people like my current boyfriend who I suspect has NPD as well. By yeah my aunt can't really diagnose me cuz she's my aunt and not my therapist, so I'm gonna see what the therapist has to say on Monday.
There are a lot of therapists who like to "start over" when they see a new client. It's pretty common and nothing to worry about.
The therapist and pdoc I'm now seeing asked me for no other medical info than meds and possible allergies. My old therapist & pdoc came up with bipolar and a panic disorder. The new ones came up with bipolar 2 and a panic disorder triggered by severe PTSD.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/24/2008 1:47:53 PM
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WhiteNarcissus
Posts: 40
Joined: 4/18/2008
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So my previous diagnoses no longer stand...? That would be nice.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/24/2008 7:36:34 PM
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WhiteNarcissus
Posts: 40
Joined: 4/18/2008
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Even clinical psychologists who have their doctorate cannot diagnose? I'm confused now.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/24/2008 7:59:06 PM
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womaninchrist
Posts: 418
Joined: 4/14/2005
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Clinical psychologists - if their training includes how to make a diagnosis - would be the one exception...but not all PhD's in psychology have that particular training...
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/24/2008 8:03:13 PM
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agapetos
Posts: 5354
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
Status: offline
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A psychologist (PhD or not) doesn't have medical qualifications (ie they cannot prescribe or diagnose). They can make suggestions (if they work with a psychiatrist or medical doctor) about a patient's mental health issues and medication though.
My psychologist and psychiatrist work together ~ but my psychiatrist doesn't know all the events that have gone on in my life that has affected me (even though he's been seeing me as a patient for much longer than my psychologist). My psychologist knows what medication I take and the health issues I've been diagnosed with and works with me to help me deal with the issues they raise in my life.
_____________________________
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not using them in fruit salads!
My blog
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/24/2008 8:15:03 PM
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Golden1
Posts: 14
Joined: 4/20/2008
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Am new to the site, I have mental health issues but am also very spiritual. I dunno if i am even doing this right, but i just wanted to post and introduce myself Goldie
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/24/2008 8:35:56 PM
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WhiteNarcissus
Posts: 40
Joined: 4/18/2008
Status: offline
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My psychologist and psychiatrist also work together. All I know is what my chart says and it says I have borderline personality disorder all because I've self-injured in my past. Sure I fear abandonment but a lot of people my age do. I don't like to be alone... I just don't have the other DSM criteria for this disorder.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/24/2008 8:44:05 PM
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agapetos
Posts: 5354
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
Status: offline
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Looks like you did it right Goldie! Welcome to CW and this thread. Don't worry about reading the past pages (unless you really want to!)...
_____________________________
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not using them in fruit salads!
My blog
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/25/2008 2:52:43 AM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 5107
Status: offline
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Hi Golden1 and welcome!
quote:
ORIGINAL: WhiteNarcissus
My psychologist and psychiatrist also work together. All I know is what my chart says and it says I have borderline personality disorder all because I've self-injured in my past. Sure I fear abandonment but a lot of people my age do. I don't like to be alone... I just don't have the other DSM criteria for this disorder.
What is DSM?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I went to my Celebrate Recovery meeting tonight. All day long I had tried to figure a way out of going to it, but couldn't come up with one.
I met with the leader of my group (Abuse Recovery) and the SA group leader. They both felt that I needed to work on the SA issue since I'm seeing a counselor for the abuse issues. So, next week, I join the SA group.
The meds are proving harder to give up than the alcohol so far. I may wind up having to be hospitalized to give up the meds. I've already been hospitalized once because of an addiction to these meds. I'd rather remove my appendix through my nose than to go back to the hospital.
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/25/2008 4:47:26 AM
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agapetos
Posts: 5354
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: This side of the lil duck pond!
Status: offline
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The DSM is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).
_____________________________
Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not using them in fruit salads!
My blog
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/25/2008 11:55:14 AM
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DenimDiva
Posts: 5107
Status: offline
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Thanks agapetos!
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RE: Mental Health Encouragement. - 4/26/2008 7:41:14 PM
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Golden1
Posts: 14
Joined: 4/20/2008
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Ty u all for the warm welcome. I hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the weekend. I dunno if i will go back thru all the posts or not (sorry everyone). I am still trying to figure out this site, so apologize for the delay in responding. I am trying to find a bible study group. is there one here? like in chat where certain topics or chapters are discussed? I introduced myself somewhere with a little blurb. Right now I am hot cuz the a/c isnt working. I called and left a message for the landlord. One of the blessings of not owning ur own place is that u dont have to pay to have things fixed. lol. I took Annie to the vet and 230.00 later, she has lost six lbs and i will find out next week lab results on thyroid. I love my animals but they r expensive. too bad the government doesnt issue them social security numbers so i can take em off my taxes LOL.. Ok I wish u all much abiding peace.. Goldie
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