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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 1/2/2007 9:18:55 PM
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songsofthenight
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I think spanking is alright when it truley is needed. When I was younger, I was spanked, but I must admit, i deserved it. I think its nesseary if lets say, the kid was talking back to the parents (maybe even calling them names), then I think thats a good time.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 1/2/2007 10:20:44 PM
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GraceAbounds
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Spanking, talking with your child, putting them in time out, taking away a toy, letting them suffer natural consequences, setting boundaries are all forms of loving discipline when administered by a loving heart.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/5/2007 5:05:51 PM
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coach_bob1
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I wanted to let y'all know where I stand. I came from a family where I was spanked until the age of 7 (that is when I outgrew my mother) My wife was not spanked as a child. Before we had children, we decided we would treat each child as individual cases. My oldest daughter is a special education student with multiple therapists for physical conditions. All I have to do to make her start bawling is look at her funny. My youngest daughter is almost two and within normal age standards. We don't spank my oldest daughter but we do spank my youngest. I have been told by my church that we are not being effective parents b/c we don't spank the oldest and that spanking is the only acceptable form of discipline. I responded that that is an old covenant view of things and that if our God can show us grace, we need to model grace as we correct our children.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/5/2007 8:36:56 PM
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W.O.F.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: coach_bob1
I wanted to let y'all know where I stand. I came from a family where I was spanked until the age of 7 (that is when I outgrew my mother) My wife was not spanked as a child. Before we had children, we decided we would treat each child as individual cases. My oldest daughter is a special education student with multiple therapists for physical conditions. All I have to do to make her start bawling is look at her funny. My youngest daughter is almost two and within normal age standards. We don't spank my oldest daughter but we do spank my youngest. I have been told by my church that we are not being effective parents b/c we don't spank the oldest and that spanking is the only acceptable form of discipline. I responded that that is an old covenant view of things and that if our God can show us grace, we need to model grace as we correct our children.
Actually..I would say you are being effective...because each child is different...the rules may the same but what each child needs to help them learn is going to differ greatly! Our oldest child would just get angry and do the thing that got her spanked again, but if we put her in time outs...it worked for her. That was punishment. My second child...LOVED time outs....but spankings were quick and over and he wouldn't repeat the behaviour.
Of course, you have to teach them what is right and wrong before you use any punishment.
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[Deleted] - 3/5/2007 10:28:41 PM
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/6/2007 8:35:48 AM
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David7112
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I would just like to say that I am both reassured and comforted by the comments I read here.As a child I experienced violent physical punishment in the name of discipline.It was both unpredictable and excessive,but I now understand that my mother was under much strain and never intended to damage me.
Ever since I have found myself more concerned with how spankings are handled than with the question of whether it is right or not.I expect there is some reason for this even though it might seem strange that I'm not opposed to it altogether.
As I've already said,I'm reassured and comforted by knowing that there are parents who ARE able to spank in a controlled way and who,I'm sure,do not threaten their children's sense of being loved and valued.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/6/2007 9:27:40 PM
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W.O.F.
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Daniel-j
My dad took off his belt and we got a strap on the bare bum. That isn't a spanking..that is a beating and an act of humiliation.
quote:
Spanking is I feel that hitting a child only produces a hitting child, even if an explanation as to why the hitting is taking place is given. I also feel that there are far more effective methods of punishment. The removal of privilages and freedom are non violent and can be much more effective.
There are other forms of punishment...but each child is different....and what works for one will not work for another one...and NO FORM of punishment will work if you do not first discipline (train) your child.
In my experience...the only hitting children I have known...have been those that came from either abusive homes, or homes where they weren't spanked....that doesn't mean NOT spanking them makes them hit....
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[Deleted] - 3/6/2007 9:37:57 PM
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/6/2007 9:40:09 PM
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peculiar_lady2
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quote:
In my experience...the only hitting children I have known...have been those that came from either abusive homes, or homes where they weren't spanked....that doesn't mean NOT spanking them makes them hit....
I was going to say the same thing...just wasn't sure how that would come across. It is true though...the only kids I have ever seen that had a problem with hitting (and by problem I mean an on-going disciplinary problem) were in situations where they lived around abuse or where they were not disciplined OR spanked. Spanking in and of itself isn't the problem, it's that it is such a relative thing...if you can't handle approaching spanking with an appropriateness then of course there will be a problem arise (like a child that is beaten or humiliated)...but when used in an appropriate manner and on a child that responds to it then it can be the best thing for them.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/6/2007 10:25:43 PM
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cynthia
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Daniel-j
But none the less, I do sincerely hope that I won't spank and that it'll work! Here's to hoping! 
Daniel, spanking doesn't happen by accident, so if you do not want to spank you won't. I am thinking, however, from the way you worded this, that you think spanking is something that comes over a person, like anger. This is not true. Abuse comes from anger. Spanking should not come from anger. It should be a predetermined consequence for bad behavior, not an emotional response. It sounds like you had a very poor example on raising children and what proper discipline is. I am sorry that you were humiliated and hurt and hope you either have found or will find healing in your life through Jesus in that area.
Seeing something through the lens of abuse from one's childhood gives a distorted picture, because abuse is a distortion.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/6/2007 10:54:03 PM
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jawsmetroid
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Hmmm...
Well, I'm not a parent, but I have heard arguments for spanking, and before hearing them I will tell you that I thought it was a mortal sin. I'm still a bit wary about thinking that I would use it on kids should I have them someday... anyone want to try and convince me? I'm here to listen to your thoughts.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/6/2007 10:57:56 PM
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karlie
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quote:
anyone want to try and convince me? I'm here to listen to your thoughts
I'd say read over the last 15 pages if you're really interested in the subject.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/6/2007 11:06:16 PM
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karlie
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quote:
then I can tell you right now that I really don't have the time to read the other 14 pages of stuff you guys/gals have posted.
that's totally your choice 
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/6/2007 11:14:36 PM
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cynthia
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quote:
ORIGINAL: karlie
quote:
anyone want to try and convince me? I'm here to listen to your thoughts
I'd say read over the last 15 pages if you're really interested in the subject.
That is exactly what I was thinking, along with "no" I'm not interested in trying to convince you of anything.
quote:
ORIGINAL: jawsmetroid
If you can't convince me to totally side or at least think about agreeing with spanking in a few posts, then I can tell you right now that I really don't have the time to read the other 14 pages of stuff you guys/gals have posted.
Well then I guess you aren't that interested. Besides it's not up to any of us to convince you of anything.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/7/2007 8:41:48 AM
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Sunnymom
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quote:
ORIGINAL: peculiar_lady2
quote:
In my experience...the only hitting children I have known...have been those that came from either abusive homes, or homes where they weren't spanked....that doesn't mean NOT spanking them makes them hit....
I was going to say the same thing...just wasn't sure how that would come across. It is true though...the only kids I have ever seen that had a problem with hitting (and by problem I mean an on-going disciplinary problem) were in situations where they lived around abuse or where they were not disciplined OR spanked. Spanking in and of itself isn't the problem, it's that it is such a relative thing...if you can't handle approaching spanking with an appropriateness then of course there will be a problem arise (like a child that is beaten or humiliated)...but when used in an appropriate manner and on a child that responds to it then it can be the best thing for them.
This verse came to mind- Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. because I have also seen very violent children from homes where they did not spank. Obviously there are other factors that contribute to children hitting, biting, etc...
I was spanked as a child, and had no doubt it in my mind that my parents loved me and used spanking to punish rebellious behavior. Fortunately I was a quick learner, and after the first few times, seldom needed more than a warning. And that, boys and girls, is how it is supposed to work. You find the child's 'button' and when they misbehave, you push it. Their button may be isolation, loss of privileges, or receiving a spanking. Since kids don't come out of a vending machine, or with a set of instructions, it is up to each parent to ascertain these things about their child, and it takes prayer, discernment and wisdom.
And never say 'never', because God, who invented humor and irony, will immediately give you a strong-willed child that will respond to nothing else but a whoopin'!
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/7/2007 9:49:35 AM
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3cappuccinosmom
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quote:
Daniel, spanking doesn't happen by accident, so if you do not want to spank you won't. I am thinking, however, from the way you worded this, that you think spanking is something that comes over a person, like anger. This is not true. Abuse comes from anger. Spanking should not come from anger. It should be a predetermined consequence for bad behavior, not an emotional response.
I missed that part of the post, but I totally agree! *If* a spanking is done in reaction to a child's behavior, out of anger or frustration, it's hitting. But if it is decided on before the situation arises, the child know's it's the consequence, and the parent does it calmly and out of love and a desire to correct the behavior, it's not "hitting" or abuse.
I think that's what many people misunderstand about spanking. All they ever experienced was a parent's violent reaction to some behavior.
OTOH, I have seen some anti-spanking writing that says calm, deliberate spanking is even worse--it means the parent is "cold and heartless". 
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/7/2007 10:07:52 AM
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HenriettasCat
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I've never spanked and don't intend to. My second son is very strong willed and I wasn't even sure he understood the word 'no' for a while. It was very tempting to spank as a quick solution to his stubborness but i have never felt right about that course of action and I am more interested in long term goals. We just removed him from whatever he was doing wrong and kept being gentle, firm and consistent. At 20 months it is suddenly clicking with him, he is now responding to 'no' (well at least he hesitates now) and will walk holding my hand without running off etc etc.
My eldest son in 4 and an absolute pleasure to be with. Other people compliment us a lot on his behaviour. We have never spanked him either.
Whilst I accept that some people do spank thier children I think its sad when they assume that it is something they will have to do. Actually the spanking deal is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to children's behaviour and when children are badly behaved there are a whole load more things going on besides whether or not they are physically punished.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/7/2007 10:56:59 AM
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peculiar_lady2
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quote:
You find the child's 'button' and when they misbehave, you push it.
excatly!!!!!!!!! for one of mine the absolute worst thing you can do is make her stand still and not talk...so she has to stand in time out (well, it's a little different...it has evolved. She was constantly getting out or playing instead of standing there, so now she has to hold a penny on the wall with her nose...if she moves around it falls and I hear it and her time starts over again). Spanking does nothing to her. For our two year old it crushes her whole being to be spanked (even a little tap where she can't even feel anything). So we only spank her for safety things (like touching the stove, which she is smart enough to never do). She is better dealt with in other ways...but spanking, while it is effective it totally crushes her spirit, and we choose to not do that because then it's more about her crushed spirit then what she did wrong.
quote:
*If* a spanking is done in reaction to a child's behavior, out of anger or frustration, it's hitting. But if it is decided on before the situation arises, the child know's it's the consequence, and the parent does it calmly and out of love and a desire to correct the behavior, it's not "hitting" or abuse.
very well put Maggie. We also have set things that WILL get a spanking...used to all be the same for every child but we have had to start tweaking that in the last few years to be individual for each one of them...especially when it comes to disciplining a child that is autistic. He resonds very differently then the other kids.
quote:
Whilst I accept that some people do spank thier children I think its sad when they assume that it is something they will have to do.
it's not about assuming that you will have to, it is about taking the emotion out of it. When you react out of emotions then that is when beatings and abuse take place...but taking that factor out, it is easier for a parent to DISCIPLINE (whether that be spanking or other methods such as time outs). I have learned that kids respond better to the disciplinary action if they do not see an emotional reaction from me but instead see a real reaction to their action. My kids KNOW the rules, they know the consequences and that keeps them in line most of the time. When they do need correcting we do so in a calm manner and they respond best to this. The only time they have ever responded well to an outbreak of emotions is when they see how their wrong behavior has affected others (such as hitting your sister hurts her and leaves a bruise on her back...therefore they see the hurt and pain that they caused)...but they do not respond well (at least mine don't) to an emotionally charged disciplinary action...that has to be kept neutral.
Does that make any sense to anyone else?? I am not sure if I am saying it right or not.
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[Deleted] - 3/7/2007 11:35:04 AM
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/7/2007 11:36:29 AM
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HenriettasCat
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I had a friend who had a strong willed toddler. She was told to spank until the child 'repented' and said sorry. If the child said 'no' it meant another spanking. Sometimes these battles would go on for ages and the child would get so tired of crying she would fall asleep (she was under 2 years of age). The mother was told to wake her and spank her again because the idea was that the mother had to 'win' and break the child's will (the child was not to use sleep as a way of 'winning' eg it would all be forgotten about when she woke up).
This was all done very calmly and 'in love' but to this day it makes me shudder. At the time I accepted it because it was the advise of the elders of the church. Today I believe it was abuse born out of ignorance.
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[Deleted] - 3/7/2007 11:39:49 AM
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/7/2007 11:40:52 AM
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karlie
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From: Central California
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quote:
I had a friend who had a strong willed toddler. She was told to spank until the child 'repented' and said sorry. If the child said 'no' it meant another spanking. Sometimes these battles would go on for ages and the child would get so tired of crying she would fall asleep (she was under 2 years of age). The mother was told to wake her and spank her again because the idea was that the mother had to 'win' and break the child's will (the child was not to use sleep as a way of 'winning' eg it would all be forgotten about when she woke up).
HC, in my opinion what you described was abuse. I did use spankings(needed very rarely) when my kids were little(and neither of them are hitters and never have been), but I would have never, ever taken it to the extreme you described. I find that very disturbing, most especially for a child less than 2. With those kinds of examples of "spanking", I'd have a very negative attitude about them too!
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/7/2007 11:41:50 AM
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cynthia
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Yes, that disturbs me too. That's ridiculous.
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That kind of spanking shames the child and remembering back to when I was a kid, I can totally see how it would have prompted anger and rebellion. My husband had a similar experience with his mother's method of spanking. 
