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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 10/16/2008 2:05:19 PM
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Hislittleone
Posts: 681
Joined: 7/13/2007
From: The South
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quote:
3cappuccinosmom: Whatever you do, be consistent. And win. Every time. Even if it takes an hour or two (or more) out of your day.
If I had an out of control young toddler, I might use gentle restraint. If she hit, I'd immediately grab her arm and hold it, with a firm "NO!". If she resisted or tantrumed, I'd pick her up, sit her on my lap, and wrap my arms around her so she couldn't get down. And then I'd wait for however long it took her to realize she lost that round. Then turn her around to face me, give her a smile and a kiss and a hug, and then let her get down.
I like this advice. It's what we would probably do in such a situation. I've never experienced a child that age having actual temper tantrums. Is it even possible at that age? Ours would bite or hit or pull hair occasionally but it was more out of curiosity/excitment or teething than anger. A firm "No", gentle physical restraint (holding hand so he couldn't hit/pull hair) and redirection worked for us.
I've read that it's not good to spank children until they are at least 18 months old. We spanked occasionally with our oldest son but aren't going to use corporal punishment with ds#2. He is 2 yrs. old and people always comment on how happy and well behaved he is. So I guess we're doing something right.  (Ds#1 turned out really well too though....  )
I do think that 2 yr old's can be reasoned with to an extent. It's just a matter of putting it in very simple and direct terms.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 10/18/2008 12:07:59 AM
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TammyIsBlessed
Posts: 630
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Oh yes it is definitely possible!!! If you haven't had one that can lose it that young - be thankful! 
_____________________________
I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do. Helen Keller
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 10/18/2008 10:34:08 AM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1653
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
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one thing I have found that helps with tantrums that take place in public....simply remove them from the public eye. period.
We leave the store or at least find a private corner. usually a child who is upset enough to tantrum just needs to be calmed down.
There are also the whole trigger factors...making sure they are napped up, snacked up and hydrated up before you go.
NEVER take a strong willed child out if they are hungry, tired or thirsty....that is asking for a meltdown!
That said...consistancy is the key.
We (at home) walk away from tantrum throwers....it is amazing how, if the audience goes away...so does the tantrum (and one reason why taking them out of a public situation works too).
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 10/18/2008 12:18:31 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3367
Joined: 4/12/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: W.O.F.
one thing I have found that helps with tantrums that take place in public....simply remove them from the public eye. period.
We leave the store or at least find a private corner. usually a child who is upset enough to tantrum just needs to be calmed down.
Some parents tell me that their kid throws a tantrum because they want to get out of the public eye, so removing them actually means the child wins.
Except for that, though, I agree with your policies on this.
_____________________________
Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 10/18/2008 12:35:39 PM
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manda59
Posts: 8208
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
Some parents tell me that their kid throws a tantrum because they want to get out of the public eye, so removing them actually means the child wins.
Why might a child want to get out of the public eye? I'm curious.
The only time I could think of would be if the child was already being shamed or humiliated in public.
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 10/18/2008 12:52:09 PM
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Sideways
Posts: 3367
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A poster no long with us told me her son would tantrum to get out of the store/get the shopping over with. I guess you could move to the restroom or changing room, but she said that going to a private place was a win for her kid. And I don't think she was humiliating him at the time, he just didn't want to be out in public.
And she's not the only mom to tell me that.
_____________________________
Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream. If you see a crocodile, don't forget to scream.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 10/18/2008 12:58:33 PM
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manda59
Posts: 8208
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
A poster no long with us told me her son would tantrum to get out of the store/get the shopping over with. I guess you could move to the restroom or changing room, but she said that going to a private place was a win for her kid. And I don't think she was humiliating him at the time, he just didn't want to be out in public.
Weelllll, unless you actually took the child to the car and went home, they wouldn't be winning, as far as I can see. I don't accept that going somewhere out of the public eye would be letting that child "win", as provided the shopping continued afterwards, and you didn't take them home, but just for a time out away from everyone else's actual eyes, you'd still be keeping to what you'd wanted to be doing. You'd still be out in public, ie away from home, just away from their gazes and stares.
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 10/25/2008 11:18:00 AM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1653
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
quote:
ORIGINAL: W.O.F.
one thing I have found that helps with tantrums that take place in public....simply remove them from the public eye. period.
We leave the store or at least find a private corner. usually a child who is upset enough to tantrum just needs to be calmed down.
Some parents tell me that their kid throws a tantrum because they want to get out of the public eye, so removing them actually means the child wins.
Except for that, though, I agree with your policies on this.
that is when you have to KNOW your child and work with what the situation is.
I have friends whose kids were like this and what they did was tell the child BEFORE they went "we are going shopping...we will be gone for this long (fill in approx. number) and we will finish what I need to do." They then made sure that these shopping trips took place when child was well rested, well fed, and well hydrated (the the main triggers of tantrums being the opposite of this). IF the child did well...they would sometimes get a small treat that was A SURPRISE and not consistantly given. IF they threw a fit, mom ignored them and did what she needed to do...they came home and had to lay down again for an extra rest period.
It doesn't take long for a child to engage in what is called the 10% rule....if they can get something 10% of the time....they will almost always do what they need to get that thing.
The positive reinforcement of the OCCASIONAL reward (as opposed to a bribe)...worked well.
IT took a long time....but it did work.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 10/25/2008 11:19:25 AM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1653
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
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quote:
ORIGINAL: manda59
quote:
ORIGINAL: Sideways
A poster no long with us told me her son would tantrum to get out of the store/get the shopping over with. I guess you could move to the restroom or changing room, but she said that going to a private place was a win for her kid. And I don't think she was humiliating him at the time, he just didn't want to be out in public.
Weelllll, unless you actually took the child to the car and went home, they wouldn't be winning, as far as I can see. I don't accept that going somewhere out of the public eye would be letting that child "win", as provided the shopping continued afterwards, and you didn't take them home, but just for a time out away from everyone else's actual eyes, you'd still be keeping to what you'd wanted to be doing. You'd still be out in public, ie away from home, just away from their gazes and stares.
yes yes yes...as long as you followed up with finishing your shopping.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: To Spank - 11/16/2008 6:46:51 PM
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DrIjames
Posts: 44
Joined: 11/16/2008
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I have been looking through this site and I really enjoy it. My name is Dr. Jason Ijames and I would like to say something about the ,"rod of Discipline". When we read this scripture and study the hebrew we can understand that this scripture does not imply that we use a rod to discipline our children. It also does not say, "spare the rod and spoil the child".
In Proverbs 13:24 it says, "He that spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him CHASTENETH him betimes." Now, I am not stateing my oppinion or to push my thoughts, I am writting this as information and to give everyone something to ponder. The hebrew word for "rod" is "shebet" and the word rod means discipline and correction. Discipline can come in many forms and spanking is usually a last resort. If talking to my children and explaining to them that a certain behavior is wrong and this works, then thay have been disciplined. I do spank my children but only when everything else has failed. God wants us to discipline our children. If we do not teach our children right and wrong then we do not love them the way God wants us to. 0y 17 year old daughter has had 2 sankings in her life, while my youngest boy has had many. You always discipline them prayerfully and you will never go wrong. I know of a lady that allows her kids to smoke and even smoke Pot. and the youngest is ten. This is not discipline. All of the children in this world belong to God, He gave them to the parents to love and nurture and teach. We will all answer to Him for the Job we have done.
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RE: To Spank - 11/17/2008 10:46:45 AM
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DrIjames
Posts: 44
Joined: 11/16/2008
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Thanks for the feed back. By last resort, I tell my 5 year old not to do somaething and if his behavior continues then he gets a spanking. My older kids are more mature (or should be) so they know the rules better and know what is expected. I do n ot spank my kids for childish behavior, likeforgetting to put up the bike. this is just kids and they do forget. How ever, rebelion and disrespect is not tolerated, this will get them a spanking. Each parent knows what works for their children. I know that when I tell my daughter not to do something( or To do somathing) then she does it, and this usually works for her. My 12 year old however is a different story and usually a spanking is called for.
NO CARES HOW MUCH YOU KNOW, UNTILL THEY KNOW HOW MUCH YOU CARE
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RE: To Spank - 11/18/2008 11:27:07 AM
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bzirk
Posts: 1429
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From: Where the deer and antelope play
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I said this somewhere else in this thread or another on this subject, but it cannot be said enough that kids do not respond to the same. I have two kids who have hardly needed much in the way of punishment to get the point across about being disciplined. I have two others who were not quite so biddable, and one of those two has had a head like a rock at times. She never just received instruction and did it. She challenged everything and things like time out were a joke for her. Read that: it DID NOT work. She had to be shown very dramatically where the boundaries are. I'm happy to say that she is a young woman of much backbone and conviction. That stubborn and questioning personality has been tempered somewhat into determination and eagerness to learn. I'm proud of her, but it was not a cakewalk getting to this point. The Lord has heard my frustration many times along the way, and I've had to be still and listen to Him and be willing to go where He leads with my children. To me this is the bottom line. What does the Lord want? If it means not spanking, so be it. If it means spanking, so be it.
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bZirk
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 12/10/2008 4:06:05 PM
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journeyman7
Posts: 54
Joined: 11/11/2007
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So much has been said on this topic and this thread seem to have lost its posting/reading audiences based on the dates, but I will still offer my opinion on the topic.
Ultimately, I really feel it is up to parents to make the decision to spank or not spank in their child rearing practices. I normally try to live life by first asking if the Bible has a clear stance on an issue, I would do not believe I have ever read a verse that directly tackles this issue, thus it is left up for us to decide.
As for me, I have on daughter who is three years old and I would never spank as a type of punishment. To me, I see spanking as a way to punish in a short term manner. It is more important to me than anything else that my daughter learns to make good decisions, not to live based on fear or make decisions based on fear. I use time outs/the corner currently and this has worked just fine. I am sure as time progresses, new types of punishment will take place, but never of the spanking type.
Just a few cents tossed in about what I think.
God Bless
_____________________________
Mt 16:24 -
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 12/11/2008 7:09:03 AM
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HenriettasCat
Posts: 130
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Try this at the point before a total tantrum takes place - it works a treat with both of mine (even my strong willed 3 year old).
First get down to child's level, look them in the eye and speak firmly
"Here is the deal, I have already told you that you cannot snatch toys, that is why I have brought you out of the room. Now, I want you to stay here for a couple of minutes whilst you calm down, you do not kick me. you must change your attitude. I am going to close my eyes and count to five and you need to decide what attitude you will have, a good attitude or bad attitude. Good attitude means that I will take you back in and help you find another toy, bad attitude means I take you home. (cover eyes with hand) OK 1...2...3...4...5 (open again) What have you decided - oh what do we have here" child says "good attitude mummy" "a smiley face a good attitude, well done (take child's hand) - lets go back in and say sorry so that we can find another nice toy to play with."
The 5 seconds gives an opening of grace for the child and helps them to think about the situation, the parent helps the child and gives them space (by hiding their eyes) yet remains a comforting presence whilst they get a grip of their emotions again.
As I said this has been very, very helpful for both of my children. It might be worth a try.
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 12/12/2008 10:41:08 PM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1653
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
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quote:
ORIGINAL: journeyman7
As for me, I have on daughter who is three years old and I would never spank as a type of punishment. To me, I see spanking as a way to punish in a short term manner. It is more important to me than anything else that my daughter learns to make good decisions, not to live based on fear or make decisions based on fear. I use time outs/the corner currently and this has worked just fine. I am sure as time progresses, new types of punishment will take place, but never of the spanking type.
God Bless
I agree that it is up to the parents...but I want to point out something in the part of your post I quoted. You said that spanking is a short term manner of discipline...but it is not IF it is being used as a part of DISCIPLINE and not merely as punishment when a parent has had it up to whereever. Any time of punishment is a short term thing IF THE TRAINING has not been given to a child as to what is expected and why and consistant training given everytime a situation arises.
Even time outs are only short term things, IF the proper training is not also given.
Punishments, no matter what type, instill a form of fear...and punishment is really just a VERY VERY SMALL part of training a child...
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 12/13/2008 8:33:43 AM
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blondie583
Posts: 2
Joined: 12/13/2008
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How do you help a lost child
Recently my son ran away from home I was devasted I did not know what to do or where to think. I prayed all day long for the Lord to find and and bring him home safe. This did eventually happen but after he was arrested for a runaway and then went to a mental hospital. When this all happened I was questioning myself what did I do wrong or was I a bad mother. I know this is not true, after God straight
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 12/13/2008 8:43:50 AM
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manda59
Posts: 8208
Joined: 9/22/2005
From: Hampshire, UK
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: blondie583
How do you help a lost child
Recently my son ran away from home I was devasted I did not know what to do or where to think. I prayed all day long for the Lord to find and and bring him home safe. This did eventually happen but after he was arrested for a runaway and then went to a mental hospital. When this all happened I was questioning myself what did I do wrong or was I a bad mother. I know this is not true, after God straight
Welcome blondie!
Somehow you've posted this in the Spanking Thread - I'd suggest you post it in the main Parenting folder, where you will likely get more replies!
_____________________________
"Manda.....you said what I tried to say, just much better"
sharonjef, October 2009
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 12/13/2008 10:30:05 AM
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stampinlady
Posts: 2590
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Northern IL
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quote:
Even time outs are only short term things, IF the proper training is not also given.
A fond memory I have is when dd was little we used the time out method frequently and sometimes she'd sit in her corner and sit. It was just so cute.
I work retail and sometimes I pray for parents that are struggling with their kids. I worked really hard to get this one family out of the store because two of their kids were just very disobedient, to the point that the older one was actually hittng the grandmother. After they left my line I overheard the mom complian about the dirty looks some were giving her. Sorry, but when you choose to ignore bad behavior you will get looks.
_____________________________
Deb
"When the fufillment comes the types and shadows cease."
Author unknown
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 12/13/2008 4:20:19 PM
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W.O.F.
Posts: 1653
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
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quote:
ORIGINAL: stampinlady
quote:
Even time outs are only short term things, IF the proper training is not also given.
A fond memory I have is when dd was little we used the time out method frequently and sometimes she'd sit in her corner and sit. It was just so cute.
I agree...sometimes they are really cute when they sit in time out...our oldest son actually ENJOYED time out...so we quit using it for him...but my point was that without the training needed to understand WHY something is not acceptable...any form of punishment is short term and will not have lasting effects. It is the TRAINING part that is important...without that...any form of punishment is simply not going to work.
quote:
sometimes I pray for parents are struggling with their kids. I worked really hard to get this one family out of the store because two of their kids were just very disobedient, to the point that the older one was actually hittng the grandmother. After they left my line I overheard the mom complian about the dirty looks some were giving her. Sorry, but when you choose to ignore bad behavior you will get looks. and sometimes when you deal with the bad behaviour you still get looks.....
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 12/13/2008 6:54:49 PM
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stampinlady
Posts: 2590
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: Northern IL
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quote:
you still get looks.....
You should get applause!!!!!!!!!!!
_____________________________
Deb
"When the fufillment comes the types and shadows cease."
Author unknown
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RE: To Spank Or Not To Spank - One Stop Thread - 3/17/2009 8:03:28 PM
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suziblues2000
Posts: 3
Joined: 3/17/2009
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"Maybe we are supposed to take the stick, wave it over the child, and say "Abracadabra".
MAYBE this 'rod' mentioned in the Bible was meant to 'guide'. as the shepards used it for their sheep....
Another words: they did NOT beat or HIT their sheep with their 'rod', they gently and lovingly 'guided' them with the rod.
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) but they're definately tantrums. 
