|
|
|
|
RE: RE:UUpset at husband for forcing me to paddle stepson
View related threads:
(in this forum
| in all forums)
|
Logged in as: Guest
|
|
Users viewing this topic:
none
|
|
Login  | |
|
RE: RE:UUpset at husband for forcing me to paddle stepson - 6/29/2009 5:03:24 AM
|
|
|
Hislittleone
Posts: 681
Joined: 7/13/2007
From: The South
Status: offline
|
quote:
At this point, this mother has committed what I think is sexual child abuse.
That was one of my first thoughts upon reading the OP. When a child goes through puberty, spanking on the bottom (especially a bare bottom) takes on a sexual connotation.
This poor boy probably feels majorly embarrassed and grossed out and a whole host of other confusing emotions.
Sarah, I'm glad you are seeking help from family and a former pastor. But you really, really need to get some professional counseling. Pastors can give great counsel but sometimes they are ill equipped to deal with issues like this.
ETA: Trying to put this in perspective, how would you feel if a man who wasn't much older than your 14 yr old daughter spanked her on the bare bottom? At 14, no man should be touching her bare bottom unless it's a doctor in a medical setting.
_____________________________
Galations 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: RE:UUpset at husband for forcing me to paddle stepson - 6/29/2009 11:34:19 AM
|
|
|
cynthia
Posts: 7000
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: offline
|
I'm glad you are seeking help for yourself and your family, Sarah. May the Lord guide you every step of the way to safety, repentence, healing, and peace.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: RE:UUpset at husband for forcing me to paddle stepson - 6/29/2009 1:07:19 PM
|
|
|
myka
Posts: 978
Status: offline
|
quote:
I don't know why he doesn't do 'it' in the shower or bath, but it is always in his room..it is a small room, and he was in PLAIN view...that is another issue....
Sarah, this is really bothering me... I think that there might be more to your stepson's actions than strictly rebellion. It is not 'normal' for a person to be doing 'it' in plain sight -- rather than privately. It indicates a lack of appropriate boundaries regarding sexuality. Sometimes, this can be a sign of someone who has been abused. If that is the case, the abuse needs to be addressed with love and compassion rather than harshness. Please, have it checked out...
|
|
|
|
|
RE: RE:Upset at husband for forcing me to paddle stepson - 6/29/2009 2:19:32 PM
|
|
|
buckifn
Posts: 1740
Joined: 5/23/2006
Status: online
|
to the poster about spanking stepson
You are in SERIOUS NEED of prof. help. A pastor is not going to be able to help you. There are LEGAL and CRIMINAL elements involved in the situation you describe. Your best bet is find an attorney and do as advised. Your post is beyond alarming. I STRONGLY URGE YOU do NOT post any more details here or anywhere about what you have done.
The words I have about your husband can't be typed here. Beyond reprehensible. He needs to be reported to his level of command for contributing to the abuse of a minor.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: RE:Upset at husband for forcing me to paddle stepson - 6/29/2009 2:28:33 PM
|
|
|
cynthia
Posts: 7000
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: offline
|
A pastor might be able to help her by directing her to further help. Also we do not know what credentials the pastor has, but he may have experience in these matters that will be of great help. I agree that this is extremely serious on many levels, but in these types of situations it is very unusual for a woman to seek help at at all. Sarah is young and probably has a background that would make her vulnerable to this type of situation in order to get involved with a man like this in the first place. She is certainly taking steps in the right direction. It is amazing that she has responded so well to begin with by taking her family and going for help. Hopefully the people she has told and is going to be working with will help guide her to get help that is as serious as the situation is. The 14yo young man is in need of help for some serious emotional issues, which is evidenced by his perverse behavior and the perverse way in which he has been treated. Hopefully while she in the hands of people who love her they will be able to truly assist her in getting the level of help necessary to correct these issues and to deal appropriately with the man behind all this.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: RE:Upset at husband for forcing me to paddle stepson - 6/29/2009 3:18:54 PM
|
|
|
DaveW
Posts: 3798
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: MD suburbs of Washington DC
Status: online
|
Sarahdear: I am somewhat afraid for your son when your husband gets back to the states. There are many red flags here, the fact that you all seem to be from such a strict patriarchal system and your husband's outrage at his teen son masturbating. The piercing and acting out in front of the whole world looks to me like his reaction to the harsh system he was raised in.
Back in the day, I knew kids whose dads almost killed them for finding out they masturbated. Not only did they beat them, they then went on to shame them in front of family and friends incessantly. That was considered ok back then (40-50 years ago) but not today. This sounds like a very unwelcomed flashback.
_____________________________
Avatar is my daughter Laura and SIL David on their wedding 9/20/09 ====================================
Our CD is now available here:
http://cdbaby.com/cd/dswaggoner
|
|
|
|
|
RE: RE:Upset at husband for forcing me to paddle stepson - 6/29/2009 4:56:42 PM
|
|
|
buckifn
Posts: 1740
Joined: 5/23/2006
Status: online
|
quote:
A pastor might be able to help her by directing her to further help.
Don't you think this is too serious to rely on "MIGHT" help her? She needs serious help and so does the stepson. Like YESTERDAY.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: RE:Upset at husband for forcing me to paddle stepson - 6/30/2009 11:58:36 AM
|
|
|
W.O.F.
Posts: 1652
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: buckifn
quote:
A pastor might be able to help her by directing her to further help.
Don't you think this is too serious to rely on "MIGHT" help her? She needs serious help and so does the stepson. Like YESTERDAY.
don't assume that the pastor cannot help. Most of the pastors I have had growing up and as an adult were clinically licensed therapists as well. It is almost a necessity anymore, and all the pastors I have had had a list of resources that took up an entire file drawer that they pulled on when situations like this arose.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: RE:Upset at husband for forcing me to paddle stepson - 6/30/2009 12:44:45 PM
|
|
|
myka
Posts: 978
Status: offline
|
Licensed counselors are not 'allowed' to have other relationships with their clients.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: RE:Upset at husband for forcing me to paddle stepson - 6/30/2009 1:34:12 PM
|
|
|
W.O.F.
Posts: 1652
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: myka
Licensed counselors are not 'allowed' to have other relationships with their clients.
yes...but they (pastors) are allowed to refer them to other licensed therapist with whom they are connected.....my point was that assuming that pastors do not have the resources or the ability to evaluate a problem appropriately was unjustified....most are more than equipped and have more resources at their fingertips than most people realize.
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: RE:Upset at husband for forcing me to paddle stepson - 7/1/2009 3:46:19 PM
|
|
|
cynthia
Posts: 7000
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: buckifn
quote:
A pastor might be able to help her by directing her to further help.
Don't you think this is too serious to rely on "MIGHT" help her? She needs serious help and so does the stepson. Like YESTERDAY.
No. She has to try something. If that doesn't work, she can find another avenue. She needs to make forward moves. In situations of abuse, many people don't do anything at all. She is making moves in the right direction. That in itself is wonderful. We need to encourage her, not shoot down her attempt to find help. I think the pastor is as likely to help her as any other person whose profession it is to minister to people and help them. If someone in this situation went to my church for help, they would get real, solid help. I know this is true in many churches and probably will be at the church she is going to for help. I don't know why someone would think going to the pastor is not good enough. That is the first place I would personally go in this type of situation.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: RE:Upset at husband for forcing me to paddle stepson - 7/1/2009 4:24:04 PM
|
|
|
buckifn
Posts: 1740
Joined: 5/23/2006
Status: online
|
quote:
I don't know why someone would think going to the pastor is not good enough. That is the first place I would personally go in this type of situation.
Because a crime has already been committed and a pastor has no authority over a judicial system and also because pastor's in almost every state are considered mandated reporters when it involves abuse of children. AFTER this woman has legal advice and representation there will be plenty of time to talk to a pastor as much as she needs to. Delaying proper action is not a positive thing.
How may I ask is telling her she needs legal help shooting her down. If you committed a crime would you not want legal representation? If you even suspected your child was a victim of abuse would you not want help for them? If your husband were telling you to do criminal things would you not cut right to the chase and put an end to it?
|
|
|
|
|
RE: RE:Upset at husband for forcing me to paddle stepson - 7/2/2009 10:47:19 AM
|
|
|
buckifn
Posts: 1740
Joined: 5/23/2006
Status: online
|
quote:
Who said that telling her she needs legal help is shooting her down?
That sounded like what you were saying in post 585.
If she had already went to the pastor then I am sure it's pointless to discuss it now anyhow.
However, if it were me in legal trouble, I would want a lawyer first, and a pastor later.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: RE:Upset at husband for forcing me to paddle stepson - 7/17/2009 12:46:05 AM
|
|
|
toryjoe1109
Posts: 50
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline
|
OK. I am curious and haven't had a chance to read this whole thread but have any of you read the book "To train up a child" by the Pearls? And what do think about using a "rod"?
_____________________________
Love covers all sin.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: to spank or not to spank - 7/17/2009 11:20:53 AM
|
|
|
cynthia
Posts: 7000
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: offline
|
I think the Pearls are sick heretics.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: to spank or not to spank - 7/17/2009 11:29:10 AM
|
|
|
kohls356
Posts: 642
Joined: 8/22/2007
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: cynthia
I think the Pearls are sick heretics.
I do too.
I also agree that two people can read the same thing and take away totally opposite opinions.
I had a friend who read To Train Up a Child and told me how good it was and how another friend of ours should read it. I told her that if she thought it was good then I would like to read it as well. She gave me the book and when I returned it she asked me what I thought about it and I told her I was sorry but I thought it was a bunch of garbage and I there just was no way I could "train" my children like they do.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: to spank or not to spank - 7/17/2009 1:25:53 PM
|
|
|
cynthia
Posts: 7000
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: offline
|
The thing about the Pearls is that their methods probably produce obedient children, but they go about it in what I consider to be a sinful manner. I can see how people would like their methods, because they are effective in maintaining order, but as a parent, order is not my primary goal or responsiblity. My primary goal is to teach my children self control and to work with them as individuals to raise them up in righteousness.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: to spank or not to spank - 7/17/2009 1:28:53 PM
|
|
|
W.O.F.
Posts: 1652
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: cynthia
The thing about the Pearls is that their methods probably produce obedient children, but they go about it in what I consider to be a sinful manner. As parents it is our job to instruct our children, but their methods are about controlling their children.
I am NOT a Peal fan in the least...but I do have to say this..they are not merely about controlling their children, they are also about instructing them...however...they are WAY heavy on the controlling part, and in fact do things that are VERY VERY inappropriate for the age and ability to understand of a child. Many things they suggest are harmful in fact. That is wrong. That is sinful.....but to say that they are merely about controlling their children is also off base.
Would I recommend them to anyone?
NO WAY!!!! Would I take some of their principles (such as having clearly defined boundaries)? yes...but that is because those are the types of things that any solidly grounded person realizes...
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: to spank or not to spank - 7/17/2009 1:49:12 PM
|
|
|
cynthia
Posts: 7000
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: offline
|
WOF I know what you are saying and I know they say they are about instructing their children, but I think they are instructing their children in how to be controlled and to live under their authority.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: to spank or not to spank - 7/17/2009 2:03:19 PM
|
|
|
cynthia
Posts: 7000
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: offline
|
In an effort to clarify my views on the Pearls. I do understand what you are saying WOF and I have read a lot of the Pearls materials, thought mostly years and years ago. My perspective in reading their materials is that they are instructing their children into their way of thinking and a set of rules to live by more than they are in a relationship with the Lord. I do not see them instructing their children how to know and follow the voice of the Holy Spirit, but see them instructing their children in unquestioned obedience to parents to the point of not even being legally married. I don't see that as true instruction, but as control and manipulation, especially in light of how they teach.
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
|
|
|
|
|
RE: to spank or not to spank - 7/17/2009 2:55:23 PM
|
|
|
W.O.F.
Posts: 1652
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: an ignoble beginning
Status: offline
|
quote:
ORIGINAL: cynthia
In an effort to clarify my views on the Pearls. I do understand what you are saying WOF and I have read a lot of the Pearls materials, thought mostly years and years ago. My perspective in reading their materials is that they are instructing their children into their way of thinking and a set of rules to live by more than they are in a relationship with the Lord. I do not see them instructing their children how to know and follow the voice of the Holy Spirit, but see them instructing their children in unquestioned obedience to parents to the point of not even being legally married. I don't see that as true instruction, but as control and manipulation, especially in light of how they teach.
Like I said...I am not a Pearl fan....I would NOT recommend them to anyone!
I have had the pleasure (?) of hearing them speak...and perhaps they just do not communicate in their books what they do in person...but they do teach a lot in perspective to relationship with the Lord...do they teach it enough? NO NO NO...
I have not seen the extreme that you mention...but do not doubt that they could go there.
They do NOT understand the difference between authoritarian (bad) and authoritative (good) parenting....
It is kind of like the Growing Kids God's Way curriculum....there is good and bad in it...and I wouldn't recommend it overall to anyone who didn't already have a good understanding of what their role as parent is supposed to be.....
_____________________________
Live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the floor in the morning, Satan shudders and says, "Oh no, she's awake."
|
|
|
|
|
RE: to spank or not to spank - 7/17/2009 3:32:20 PM
|
|
|
cynthia
Posts: 7000
Joined: 3/31/2005
From: Beautiful Puget Sound Region
Status: offline
|
Link to crazy article by Michael Pearl. I recall a page dedicated to the marriage of one of his children, which stated that they did not have a marriage license, but that was a number of years ago and I don't know if it's still up or not.
I'm passing on this information not to refute anything that WOF said, but to put more information out there for those on the fence about the Pearls.
< Message edited by cynthia -- 7/17/2009 4:00:04 PM >
_____________________________
My husband and I have a motto:
We are the leader. We are one.
|
|
|
|
 New Messages |
 No New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/ New Messages |
 Hot Topic w/o New Messages |
 Locked w/ New Messages |
 Locked w/o New Messages |
|
 Post New Thread
Reply to Message
Post New Poll
Submit Vote
Delete My Own Post
Delete My Own Thread
Rate Posts |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Forum Tools
Printable Version
). It's a catch-all term for spanking/discipline. 
Some think the Pearl's are wicked advocates of sick child abuse, some think they are paragons of Godly disciplinary advice, and a whole bunch of others think they have some good stuff and some not-so-good stuff and are neither devils nor angels. 
