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my wonderful teenage son grrr - 4/11/2008 3:11:01 PM
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hiphop4Jesus
Posts: 1
Joined: 4/11/2008
Status: offline
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hello everybody,
I am new here and seeking prayer and advice, although my friends don't hold back at all. I am a mom of three boys, the oldest being almost 18. He has always been a good kid basically, very involved with youth group and church friends. He is homeschooled also. Lately he got his first job, has new friends that are not christian and he is pushing boandaries with us. If you give him an inch he'll take a mile sort of thing. He is a night owl and wants to stay over friend's houses till 2-3 in the morning watching movies. He also has his very first girlfriend who is not a christian...yet so he says. He thinks he can convince her. We all know that seldom works. All my friends say I am too nice and I should just tell him no, period. It sounds so easy and I don't know what my problem is. Any thoughts other than nail him to the floor?
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RE: my wonderful teenage son grrr - 4/11/2008 3:39:59 PM
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MrsOliver
Posts: 88
Joined: 3/19/2008
Status: offline
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First off let me tell you I feel for you!!! I have 6 teenagers the oldest is 18 as well. You can set the rules while they live in your home, however, beyond that you are an advisor and a friend not a parent. It is tuff to watch our kids grow to adulthood and they don't seem like they can handle the weight of world, but don't fear, God is with them, and they will use everything you taught them. At this point in time, your son is a man and he will have to make his own mistakes what ever they may be. Love on his girlfriend, because she may be your daughter-in-law. One thing that is very important to remember is, when we grow up and start falling in love, our partner becomes more important than our parents. So you will have to embrace your son's girlfriend, to show your son you accept his choices. they may be wrong, but who hasn't made a bad choice? Everyone I know has. Talk him through it, allow him freedom to be a man and make a mistake or two.
Keep boundaries for your home, but outside of that, it is a whole lot of trusting in Jesus and praying for your children.
As far as protecting him: for instance staying out late at a friends house, "what is he doing", well what ever it is, he is going to do it weather it is a 2am or 2pm.
And as we must do for our spouses, believe in the God in your son. He knows right from wrong and he knows who he belongs to!
Be Blessed,
Mrs. Oliver
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RE: my wonderful teenage son grrr - 4/11/2008 3:43:47 PM
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MrsOliver
Posts: 88
Joined: 3/19/2008
Status: offline
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Is he is school? graduated? job? car? how independent is he? what are his plans for those questions?
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RE: my wonderful teenage son grrr - 4/11/2008 4:23:47 PM
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gengwall
Posts: 215
Joined: 4/12/2005
From: MN
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: hiphop4Jesus
hello everybody,
I am new here and seeking prayer and advice, although my friends don't hold back at all. I am a mom of three boys, the oldest being almost 18. He has always been a good kid basically, very involved with youth group and church friends. He is homeschooled also. Lately he got his first job, has new friends that are not christian and he is pushing boandaries with us. If you give him an inch he'll take a mile sort of thing. He is a night owl and wants to stay over friend's houses till 2-3 in the morning watching movies. He also has his very first girlfriend who is not a christian...yet so he says. He thinks he can convince her. We all know that seldom works. All my friends say I am too nice and I should just tell him no, period. It sounds so easy and I don't know what my problem is. Any thoughts other than nail him to the floor?
My first thought whenever I read about situations like this is "where is dad"? Frankly, his father should be dealing with him primarily at this age, guiding him into manhood. Are you a single mother? Is his father engaged in his upbringing? Does he have other Christian men as mentors?
_____________________________
DOGBERRY on posters:
They have committed false report;
moreover, they have spoken untruths;
secondarily, they are slanders;
sixth and lastly, they have belied;
thirdly, they have verified unjust things;
and, to conclude, they are lying knaves
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RE: my wonderful teenage son grrr - 4/11/2008 4:52:32 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1101
Joined: 4/29/2005
Status: offline
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Young adults rarely make wise decisions. It might be time for him to learn what the consequences of his social choices turn out to be. As mom, give your perspective and advice, ONCE, then back off. If your advice is good, he'll learn to trust you shortly.
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RE: my wonderful teenage son grrr - 4/11/2008 5:02:58 PM
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1love1God1way
Posts: 1937
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline
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Highschoolers don't need to be out that late all the time.
You're the parent. You set the rules. If you don't want him dating that girl, then he won't date her. Period.
_____________________________
-Ben-
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RE: my wonderful teenage son grrr - 4/11/2008 5:17:26 PM
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pbaribeault
Posts: 1101
Joined: 4/29/2005
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quote:
If you don't want him dating that girl, then he won't date her. Period.
You must have taken her very seriously when she said he was a good kid, if you really think the above statement is true. Really good kids will stop dating someone if their parents say so... but plenty of kids will choose to simply deceive their parents when it comes to matters of the heart.
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RE: my wonderful teenage son grrr - 4/11/2008 5:34:25 PM
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1love1God1way
Posts: 1937
Joined: 5/16/2005
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pbaribeault
quote:
If you don't want him dating that girl, then he won't date her. Period.
You must have taken her very seriously when she said he was a good kid, if you really think the above statement is true. Really good kids will stop dating someone if their parents say so... but plenty of kids will choose to simply deceive their parents when it comes to matters of the heart.
Maybe the statement came out wrong.
All I mean is, a parent can't be afraid to put their foot down.
_____________________________
-Ben-
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RE: my wonderful teenage son grrr - 4/11/2008 6:57:36 PM
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bryan24
Posts: 19
Joined: 9/13/2007
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MrsOliver
First off let me tell you I feel for you!!! I have 6 teenagers the oldest is 18 as well. You can set the rules while they live in your home, however, beyond that you are an advisor and a friend not a parent. It is tuff to watch our kids grow to adulthood and they don't seem like they can handle the weight of world, but don't fear, God is with them, and they will use everything you taught them. At this point in time, your son is a man and he will have to make his own mistakes what ever they may be. Love on his girlfriend, because she may be your daughter-in-law. One thing that is very important to remember is, when we grow up and start falling in love, our partner becomes more important than our parents. So you will have to embrace your son's girlfriend, to show your son you accept his choices. they may be wrong, but who hasn't made a bad choice? Everyone I know has. Talk him through it, allow him freedom to be a man and make a mistake or two.
Keep boundaries for your home, but outside of that, it is a whole lot of trusting in Jesus and praying for your children.
As far as protecting him: for instance staying out late at a friends house, "what is he doing", well what ever it is, he is going to do it weather it is a 2am or 2pm.
And as we must do for our spouses, believe in the God in your son. He knows right from wrong and he knows who he belongs to!
Be Blessed,
Mrs. Oliver
This is the perfect advice. Listen to this person.
Your son is going to have to make that jump into the world eventually. 18 is probably the age to do that. I can see a curfew being pretty reasonable. However dont make it unreasonably early. The other parts about him having a girlfriend and making new friends, that's pretty much up to him.
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RE: my wonderful teenage son grrr - 4/12/2008 7:33:56 AM
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happyhippie
Posts: 45
Joined: 4/7/2008
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: bryan24
quote:
ORIGINAL: MrsOliver
First off let me tell you I feel for you!!! I have 6 teenagers the oldest is 18 as well. You can set the rules while they live in your home, however, beyond that you are an advisor and a friend not a parent. It is tuff to watch our kids grow to adulthood and they don't seem like they can handle the weight of world, but don't fear, God is with them, and they will use everything you taught them. At this point in time, your son is a man and he will have to make his own mistakes what ever they may be. Love on his girlfriend, because she may be your daughter-in-law. One thing that is very important to remember is, when we grow up and start falling in love, our partner becomes more important than our parents. So you will have to embrace your son's girlfriend, to show your son you accept his choices. they may be wrong, but who hasn't made a bad choice? Everyone I know has. Talk him through it, allow him freedom to be a man and make a mistake or two.
Keep boundaries for your home, but outside of that, it is a whole lot of trusting in Jesus and praying for your children.
As far as protecting him: for instance staying out late at a friends house, "what is he doing", well what ever it is, he is going to do it weather it is a 2am or 2pm.
And as we must do for our spouses, believe in the God in your son. He knows right from wrong and he knows who he belongs to!
Be Blessed,
Mrs. Oliver
This is the perfect advice. Listen to this person.
Your son is going to have to make that jump into the world eventually. 18 is probably the age to do that. I can see a curfew being pretty reasonable. However dont make it unreasonably early. The other parts about him having a girlfriend and making new friends, that's pretty much up to him.
I also agree. One poster said something to the effect that he is in High school and should not be out that late. this kid is homeschooled and that leaves a lot of flexibility on Schedule. Our two teenagers are night owls and are up most of the night. School just starts later for them. It is easy.
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RE: my wonderful teenage son grrr - 4/12/2008 10:11:50 AM
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relady
Posts: 965
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Greater St. Louis Metro
Status: offline
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quote:
Really good kids will stop dating someone if their parents say so... Haha, I'm in my 50s and I have yet to meet the first one. Telling a 17 year old who he can date or not, and who his friends are or not, is probably not a wise move. He's going to have to leave the protected nest soon, he needs to be out there learning now with you to fall softly on if necessary. It sounds to me like you're overprotective.
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RE: my wonderful teenage son grrr - 4/12/2008 10:56:58 AM
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lightshineon
Posts: 3312
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline
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It is the age, 18, they start pushing the boundries, I think it is because they are not sure if they are adult or kid. It is hard, but, if living with you children remain under same rules.
_____________________________
Remember, whenever you have pearls, there are always plenty of pigs nearby who would be glad to step on them.
F.T., 2007
Be sure you vote for those, whose views you want your children to emulate.
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RE: my wonderful teenage son grrr - 4/12/2008 12:58:28 PM
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kohls356
Posts: 240
Joined: 8/22/2007
Status: offline
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My daughter will be turning 18 in May and also graduates from High School. I am realizing that my role as a parent is changing now. I can definitely see her wanting to take charge of her life so to speak, and we are letting her. She will be leaving for college in August so she will be on her own to make decisions and I would like to see what choices and decisions she makes until them.
One thing we have noticed is the more rules we place on her the harder she fights them. Curfew for instance, we have found that if we give her a later curfew or even tell her to use her own judgement she comes in way earlier than if we had told her what time to come in. When we set a curfew that is earlier than she likes, she stays out to the very mintue she has to be home.
She likes to remind us that she will be 18 and graduating soon so I let her experience some of that at times. We were having some trouble with this recently so instead of arguing with her I sat down and wrote out a letter to her explaining that since she is turning 18 soon the things she will now be responsible for. That was her cell phone bill, insurance for the car, rent to live here etc. I think it came to about $550.00 a month. Well I think she realized she has it pretty good and has started seeking our advice again.
She came home a couple of weeks ago and was talking about a float trip some of her friends are taking the week after graduation. They will be gone 3 or 4 days. She asked if she could go. I said well you will be 18 and have graduated so I guess you can. I don't know if she was expecting to have to fight to go or not but she didn't. She asked if we would pay for it and I said no. I said I can't keep you from going but I also don't have to pay for things like that anymore since you are legally an adult. Do I really want her to go, yes and no. I want her to have fun before she goes off and starts college. I am also still her mother and worried about what can happen but it is time to start letting her go.
It is harder for her dad because she is the oldest of three girls to "grow up" but for me I just have to look back on how we raised her and trust that we did the best job we could do. We have to turn her over to God and let Him take care of her. Now that doesn't mean we will not be there for her but she has to use her wings and learn to fly.
It isn't wrong to have friends that are not Christians. It is time for him to be sharing is faith and unless he is really getting mixed up with something bad or the friends are into the wrong things I would not discourage him from having non Christian friends. He just might end up leading those people to Christ.
I agree with Relady that the time they are home is when they should be learning some of these life lessons so they do have the protection of the parents and home to fall back on. We started doing this earlier actually because once they reach that age of 18 they are on their own, or at least think they are. I wanted to see the choices that my daughter would make so we were there to guide her along the way. She hasn't always made the right decision, some things we have been dissapointed with, but we were able to be there for her.
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RE: my wonderful teenage son grrr - 4/12/2008 5:23:47 PM
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lightshineon
Posts: 3312
Joined: 4/11/2005
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It is so hard to let go though, they are not as smart as they think they are for sure.
_____________________________
Remember, whenever you have pearls, there are always plenty of pigs nearby who would be glad to step on them.
F.T., 2007
Be sure you vote for those, whose views you want your children to emulate.
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RE: my wonderful teenage son grrr - 4/12/2008 7:39:59 PM
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kohls356
Posts: 240
Joined: 8/22/2007
Status: offline
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I know I haven't really had to let go just yet and didn't think it would be too hard, but the closer it gets I do realize it is going to be hard. But I keep telling myself that no matter how hard it is it has to be done.
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