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need help with parenting in blended family

 
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need help with parenting in blended family - 6/11/2008 10:58:14 AM   
corsonw

 

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline 		I am the step parent of 2 daughters and the biological parent to 2 daughters. ages are 19, 16, 16 &11. recently my 16 year old step daughter has been snooping in my daughters room and found a paper she had written for her exam in creative writing class at school. this paper was fiction based on the other stepchilds relationship with her parents. no names were used and no harm was intended. yet this step child has used this school paper to cause enormous conflict in my marrage to her father. I can't get him to see that my daughter did not have any intention of hurting anyone with this paper but his daughter has done just that. she has lied on many occasions to blame my child for things she did not do. night before last my husband and his daughter both started screaming and yelling at me saying its my fault and I am wrong!?? I am planning on getting professional christian counsel with help with this. in the mean time I am scared and need your prayers and advice
Post #: 1
RE: need help with parenting in blended family - 6/11/2008 12:24:31 PM   
YZGUY

 

Posts: 260
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline 		How long have you been married? Is this the first time this happened (both or hubby yelling at you)? Good idea for counseling.
Post #: 2
RE: need help with parenting in blended family - 6/11/2008 5:44:22 PM   
MyMasquerade

 

Posts: 167
Joined: 5/16/2008
Status: offline 		Why did your daughter write about his daughter? I would have a real problem with that too.
Post #: 3
RE: need help with parenting in blended family - 6/12/2008 9:58:48 AM   
Ellie-Mae


Posts: 4274
Joined: 4/9/2005
From: The EMPIRE state!
Status: offline 		What specifically are you afraid of?

_____________________________

Isaiah 40:29
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292 more miles to go!
Post #: 4
RE: need help with parenting in blended family - 6/12/2008 4:04:15 PM   
allisonbrett


Posts: 126
Joined: 5/29/2008
Status: offline 		I'm so sorry you are having such conflicts. TBlended families aren't easy, are they?

I have questions too. I'm trying to figure out how your family is blended.

How long have you been married?
Is your husband the father of your daughters?
Do your step daughters live with you full time or part time?
Do they share rooms/living spaces?
Husband Christian? Actively growing?

Personally, I don't see how you are to blame for 1. what your dd wrote in a creative writing class. 2. for the step sister to have found it and read it. 3 for her and your husband's reaction to the paper and to you. 4. for your husband not talking to you privately about this situation instead of making it a public scream fest.

It seems to me that your husband isn't handling this properly. It may be that his daughter sees that this situation may drive a wedge between you two and is wanting daddy to take her side. In marriage both husband AND wife have to stand united and work out issues with kids together even if they are blended. To start this your, mine and ours mess isn't good.

There is a Christian book on blending families. I can't remember the name but it discusses everything a husband and wife need to do to solidify their marriage and not sacrifice the kids. There is also a Christian website for blended families. Googled it. You should find it.

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Post #: 5
RE: need help with parenting in blended family - 6/12/2008 5:45:13 PM   
YZGUY

 

Posts: 260
Joined: 3/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

There is a Christian book on blending families. I can't remember the name but it discusses everything a husband and wife need to do to solidify their marriage and not sacrifice the kids. There is also a Christian website for blended families. Googled it. You should find it.


www.succesfulstepfamilies.com - Book = The Successful Stepfamily - Ron Deal
Post #: 6
RE: need help with parenting in blended family - 6/16/2008 12:47:13 PM   
corsonw

 

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline 		My husband and I have only been married about 8 months! There has been an underlying tention for about a year. His girls do very little to be a family. My husband has always had sole custody but since we have been married they spend more and more time with mom or their boyfriends and even when they are with him for scheduled weekends they are not there other than to sleep. I know this has hurt him deeply but he continues to let them do as they please and will not "daddy up" for fear of loosing them. He is a Christian but really needs to have the faith that God has put him in charge and if he stands up and does the right thing God will be there for him. He reads his bible and prays everyday and then just sits and does nothing at all to improve the situation. The paper my daughter wrote was fiction and loosly based on the situation at hand. Had her intentions been to hurt she would have used real names and facts and spread it around school. The only one who read this was her teacher and she has no clue that it is based on any real person. As far as my "fear" im afraid that this will ruin my marrage. I am currently waiting on a call back from a Christian counsler to set up an appointment. In the meantime my daughter and I have enlisted our friends to just pray for our family - no reason given.

< Message edited by corsonw -- 6/16/2008 1:45:51 PM >
Post #: 7
RE: need help with parenting in blended family - 6/17/2008 9:07:02 AM   
Row1

 

Posts: 200
Joined: 12/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

His girls do very little to be a family.


Your husband is the head of the household. If he doesn't fulfill this role, things will not go well. This can't be left to 'his girls' to decide. He needs to get started. The Bible has info on fathers as leaders of the home. Jesus' stepfather Joseph is a good example. So maybe a book abt the role of fathers in the Bible.

I have prayed for your family! -Row1
Post #: 8
RE: need help with parenting in blended family - 6/17/2008 2:46:23 PM   
corsonw

 

Posts: 3
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline 		thats exactly what i have been trying to get through to him. Thank you for your prayer! We have a counceling app. tomorrow so please pray that God will guide and use this councelor to rebuild us and unite us.
Post #: 9
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