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proposing to boyfriend. - 5/26/2008 1:12:17 AM
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slimon11
Posts: 141
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I know someone who wants to propose to her boyfriend. They are in a happy relationship and have been for over a year. She thinks he is scared to marry due to past hurts but, that he would say yes. She plans to buy him a ring, get down on her knee and all. What do you guys think about that?
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 5/26/2008 2:42:57 AM
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vikingfan
Posts: 68
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no thank you. the friend needs to talk to her boyfriend about it and perhaps have other trusted male friends work it through.
If she trusts God, she can trust Him to have him ask. otherwise it just makes me think of Sarai telling Abraham to sleep with her servant. Good things ALWAYS come when we follow God's plan. Which is not to say that God will automatically bless us if we follow Him- but God's blessings will come.
If she is struggling with this, she needs to take it to God in prayer that God will direct the whole situation.
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 5/26/2008 4:00:54 AM
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Single4Life
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That would NOT be an event I'd happily share w/ friends and family. The fact that I was "too afraid" to ask my girlfriend to marry me after a year of dating?? It wouldn't be a proud moment for me. Seriously, would this GUY wear an engagement ring?? Bizzare!!
The girlfriend had better not assume that he is "too afraid" either. He may not be ready to ask her or he may not WANT to ask her...yet. It might not be fear, but rather common sense. She may be trying to force something when the timing ain't right.
If my girlfriend got down on one knee, presented me w/ a ring, and proposed to me, I'd feel as if she should be the one to wear the tux at the ceremony. 
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 5/26/2008 11:24:47 AM
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beyond
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No I wouldn't like that if i were him! She should discus marriage with him and let him know her desire for their future but not propose!
Is 1 year long enough to know that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone??
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 5/26/2008 11:59:52 AM
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Marcus.
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I agree with Single and beyond.
One year isn't long enough for me. They need to be spending some time with their families to see how the interaction is and get their families insights into their match.
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 5/26/2008 1:42:26 PM
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ChoirDJ
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So NOT a good business move in my opinion. Any further advice depends on some of the particulars (I.e., Christian or non, pre-marital sex happening or not, have they talked about the future of their relationship, etc.). Does sound like he's ready to settle down for some reason.
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 5/27/2008 12:39:40 PM
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APZR
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Well I disagree with "tradition". Ruth didn't sit and wait... SHE made the suggestion of marriage.
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Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 5/27/2008 10:02:10 PM
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colliefan
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Need to have a serious talk(s) about marriage and all it entails. Let him know she wants it and with him. But he needs to take the lead and ask her,
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The grace of God is infinite and eternal. As it had no beginning, so it can have no end, and being an attribute of God, it is as boundless as infinitude.
A. W. Tozer (1897–1963)
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 5/28/2008 4:26:05 PM
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jn1010lf
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Hello slimon11
Well, I'm from the old school. The guy proposes to the girl. If the girl has to do the asking, and he accepts, she will keep him, support him and have to be the boss of him for the rest of her life. If she overlooks past hurts as an excuse for his lack of back bone, they will haunt her for the rest of her life.
She may love this guy deeply but believe me, she will never respect a guy if she buys the ring and does the asking. Either he's got something wrong in the male department or she is a bossy woman that could drive a man to drinking.
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 5/28/2008 9:01:00 PM
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PreserveWildlife
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The whole idea of a woman proposing to a man is just so wrong to me.
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 5/28/2008 9:13:09 PM
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buckifn
Posts: 1668
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NO WAY. I'm afraid that is one time a female would get her feelings hurt really bad by me. I just cannot see that as ok under any circumstances.
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 5/30/2008 6:00:39 AM
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StephenJ
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I don't think there's anything wrong with the woman doing the asking.
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 5/30/2008 9:39:55 AM
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iwillfearnoevil
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i don't see a problem with a woman bringing up the subject to discuss ... not sure how i'd feel about her proposing with a ring out of the blue ... however i'd have imagined they'd have several conversations about marriage already if it's a serious relationship ...
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 6/1/2008 11:34:02 PM
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mayfly
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quote:
ORIGINAL: PreserveWildlife
The whole idea of a woman proposing to a man is just so wrong to me.
I think so too. I consider myself to be pretty liberal and all, but that is just weird. Some traditions are in place for a good reason... I don't think a Godly woman would be the one proposing.
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I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I put my hope.
Psalm 130:5
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 6/2/2008 8:20:54 AM
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PromiseLander
Posts: 358
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mayfly
quote:
ORIGINAL: PreserveWildlife
The whole idea of a woman proposing to a man is just so wrong to me.
I think so too. I consider myself to be pretty liberal and all, but that is just weird. Some traditions are in place for a good reason... I don't think a Godly woman would be the one proposing.
It has nothing to do with being Godly... My wife is as close to a Proverbs 31 woman I have ever seen - and she asked me to marry her in a pancake house... Look, it may not be the most romantic setting for an engagement, but what is "normal" anyway? Normal is boring. We are a Christian couple, isn't that all that matters? I love my wife like Christ loves the Church. Jesus never quarreled with His Church - I don't quarrel with my wife. Jesus never irritated His Church for anything selfish - I'm not selfish with my wife... There is nothing in this life that I wouldn't be willing to give up for the happiness of my wife. And she feels the same to me. I will never be convinced that there is a "right" or a "wrong" way to come to the agreement that a couple should marry, given a Christian courtship... I'm a "show me" kindof guy - if God dictates that a man ask the woman to marry Him then show me... How was the first marriage done? It was arranged by God! Adam didn't ask Eve. God brought her to him. They knew they were husband and wife because God told them so. The whole "guy getting down on one knee" thing is nothing but silly man-made tradition.
Honey, if your friend wants to ask her beau to marry her, then you tell her to go right ahead. There is nothing better to make a man feel wanted by his woman than for her to do something like that. OO-RAH!
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 6/2/2008 11:13:53 AM
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APZR
Posts: 742
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From: GA
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quote:
ORIGINAL: mayfly
quote:
ORIGINAL: PreserveWildlife
The whole idea of a woman proposing to a man is just so wrong to me.
I think so too. I consider myself to be pretty liberal and all, but that is just weird. Some traditions are in place for a good reason... I don't think a Godly woman would be the one proposing.
Then you might want to read the story of Ruth. Being Godly has nothing to do with who proposes.
_____________________________
Ya can't keep trouble from visitin, but you don't have to offer it a chair.
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 6/2/2008 12:32:11 PM
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buckifn
Posts: 1668
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quote:
Then you might want to read the story of Ruth.
There is also a story of "Jonah and the whale"...but does that mean it's the solution God is suggesting today?
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 6/4/2008 9:47:12 AM
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Coffee_Drinker
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Question for those that don't think "one year" is long enough...
If one year is not long enough to then how long is long enough?
I dated my wife for a year before we married. That was 26 years ago. My brother dated his wife for about a year. They have been married for over 30 years.
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 6/4/2008 10:55:53 AM
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TomTurn
Posts: 758
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quote:
ORIGINAL: slimon11
I know someone who wants to propose to her boyfriend. They are in a happy relationship and have been for over a year. She thinks he is scared to marry due to past hurts but, that he would say yes. She plans to buy him a ring, get down on her knee and all. What do you guys think about that?
So in what other areas does she not respect him?
"She thinks he is scared to marry due to past hurts"
So rather than work on that with him in a womanly way she would rather possibly emasuclate him and most likely set a wrong tone for their entire future?
< Message edited by TomTurn -- 6/4/2008 1:14:40 PM >
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 6/6/2008 3:53:22 PM
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NealIRC
Posts: 68
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I don't see any difference between which gender asking which gender for marriage.
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 6/7/2008 1:10:59 AM
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slimon11
Posts: 141
Joined: 2/10/2008
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Hi guys,  I forgot I posted this question, some strong opinions, I was expecting that... I was really just curious what Christian men thought about this, I have to admit, this is not a current issue for my friend.
But, she did do this, it was about 3 years. She did it when going on a vacation with his family at the beach. His family approved and he sad yes. They were really young, 19 when they got married. Last I heard, they were still married and happy. I guess it depends on the couple.
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 6/7/2008 1:57:35 PM
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colliefan
Posts: 2459
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From: Raleigh, NC
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Currious? Did she give him an enagement ring?
_____________________________
The grace of God is infinite and eternal. As it had no beginning, so it can have no end, and being an attribute of God, it is as boundless as infinitude.
A. W. Tozer (1897–1963)
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RE: proposing to boyfriend. - 6/7/2008 7:19:07 PM
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slimon11
Posts: 141
Joined: 2/10/2008
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quote:
ORIGINAL: colliefan
Currious? Did she give him an enagement ring?
Yes, she did but, he did get her a ring with in less than a week. I know not many of you would have guessed but she is the quiet, shy type too.
Oh and as a female, I would much prefer to be proposed to. Thank you for all you answers. God bless.
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