I married a man who has many autism traits (30!years). He doesn’t have full blown autism but does have severe ADHD. He didn’t know any of this about himself and I didn’t either. He was diagnosed after 27 years of marriage. He’s never been unfaithful but it’s been very hard and I’m extremely lonely, and now have a terminal illness also. I was seeking God and had been praying for a husband for 14 years when we met. He is a believer but we have had a very difficult relationship. I need to know why God allowed this to happen to me. I have had so much hurt and anger. We would like to have a loving and strong marriage. I don’t know if it’s possible now. Please pray for strength, clarity and peace.
2 Likes
Praying for you!!! That sounds hard
Hi Sje,
We make choices, not God. However, I do feel for you as it would be very difficult. Yet, knowing the Lord is the one thing above all others. Remember we are all damaged people and your husband is just one of them. Try and focus on what he is good at or his good traits.
The hurt and anger needs to be given to the Lord. We all experience that in this life for life does not give us what we want. We live in a damaged world with damaged situations and people.
This is your anger and hurt situation, but people have that everywhere. So it is not about getting our life all fixed up so we can be happy etc, but it is about giving God all these bad attitudes that arise in all our hearts.
When you really give these attitudes to the Lord then a great burden will be lifted as you will not be always wanting your way and your nice life, (which is normal, but we don`t live in a ormal world).
So, repent of carrying this great load and give it to the Lord. Ask Him to help you be comtent with all the things you do have - your Saviour, a home in heaven, food, shelter, here etc.
praying for you. Marilyn.
1 Like
The pain God’s people go through can be very severe. It can be so very, very hard. Through the darkest of my tough times I’ve sometimes thought of Revelation 21:4:
“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; grief, crying, and pain will be no more, because the previous things have passed away.”
That’s our hope, our promised future. But even so, when the way ahead seems filled with yet more hurt and cruel trials, and when we have been through too much already, our faith can falter—it can seem like God isn’t there, or doesn’t care. I know what this is like.
I can relate to what Marilyn has told you: “It is not about getting our life all fixed up so we can be happy etc, but it is about giving God all these bad attitudes that arise in all our hearts.” This is wise advice.
Doing it is hard when life hurts really bad and hope is gone. But He will see us through to the end, even though we don’t understand why He allows these things to happen to us.
Wow wow wow Marilyn. What do you know about ongoing relationship trauma in a neurodiverse/neurotypical marriage? You wouldn’t be so judgmental if you knew the details. I recommend you study it. “Always wanting your way and your nice life” what do you know about me? Nothing. Nothing at all. Be very careful of your hurtful words.
I agree completely with this: I do know to give it to God and I have over and over and over and over again over 30 years. I also know WE make choices; but I was really seeking God on this. So, I believed He was guiding me. I’m not a new believer and I wasn’t then either.
Thank you for your prayers. Please though do read. I think you might be surprised.
Thank you. I appreciate your kind words and your prayers; none of this is new to me. It’s just very hard and it’s ongoing. I’ve never asked for prayer here.
Thank you again —
1 Like
Thank you so much, Josiah.
Marilyn, I sent and then was sorry for my quick response. I don’t think I was wrong just too fast and not gentle. I’m sorry for that. This is not a “normal” marriage with “normal” marital issues. It has been very hard for both of us.
I will take your words to heart, but your response gave me pause about asking for prayer again. It was hurtful, no matter how wise. I think you should know that.
Hi Sje,
Sorry I came over unthoughtful and rather harsh to you. My desire was to help. Seems I didn`t.
Hi again Sje,
Seems we got off on a wrong footing. Let`s try again. You are right I do not know of being in a marriage with someone with severe ADHD.
You also wrote you have a terminal illness, sorry to hear that, yet to go to glory is a release from these earthly woes. I too have an illness that cant be cured. I`m looking to the Lord coming soon for us all.
Now I was concerned that you have been carrying hurt and anger, which we know the Lord desires for us to give to Him. It seems like that would be daily in the situation you are in.
1 Like
Thank you, Marilyn. There is nothing easy about it; on the other hand, he’s very forgiving because he needs a lot of forgiveness so — there is that.
Iron sharpens iron. It’s all good. I appreciate the feedback even if I had to filter it through hurt feelings. I can be VERY direct; so I know I have done the same thing.
I was talking with hubby, (we have had major difficulties over the years but learning now to see from the others view) and he thinks that there are no normal` marriages.
I thought of all the divorces, and those who were and are physically hurt by their partner. A lot of pain and suffering in marriages as we are all damaged and a work in progress.
That is good your husband is forgiving and faithful. You are too.
Then I think of believers in prison for the gospel, or killed, or war damaged, or ostracized by family etc etc. So much torment in this world Praise the Lord He died for us and we have a home in glory waiting for us. Not long now, I believe.
Sje----
I’m brand new to the board so this is one of the first posts I saw. You asked:
“I need to know why God allowed this to happen to me”. So many of us ask that very same question (though some don’t want to admit it). And it’s a very valid question. I’ve asked the same thing many times. The key word is “allowed”. He wasn’t the author of what happened to you—He just “allowed” it. He is now USING it to change you. “All things work together for good for those who love God; that are the called according to His purpose”. (Rom. 8:28).
It’s very hard, but God is working to refine you. I have made many choices in my life that I KNOW God would not have wanted for me. I regret some of those choices—but I cannot change them now. But the Lord is USING what and where I am right now to a good end. “I know the thoughts I think towards you saith the Lord; thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you and expected end”.
The Lord is FOR you and loves you very much. I will pray for strength, clarity and peace as you asked above. And I truly wish you the very best. I know words like this do very little to physically change what you are going through—but it does help to know others are praying for you. God bless you!
1 Like
Thank you for your prayers. God alone knows all the details. Thank you, again.
1 Like
Praying for strength for you!
“The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped; Therefore my heart greatly rejoices, And with my song I will praise Him.”
Psalm 28:7
Thank you for sharing your struggles and trusting us with prayers for you and your husband. This sounds like you are in quite a spot. Praying for your heatlh, your marriage, and connection. Keep the faith. 
The Lord IS with you.
Thank you for your prayers, your kindness and your encouragement, JennyLynne.
Praying for you in this difficult time. May God be with you.
1 Like
God doesn’t stop bad things from happening. Good people can suffer while bad people can have it easy. Don’t give up on God, my friend. I suffer with mental illness and from people’s hate. We must look to heaven where there is no more pain.