The holidays are coming up which means many of us will be with family who we may or may not agree with on political, spiritual, and other issues.
I don’t want my personal beliefs and opinions to get in the way of being present and kind and enjoying the brief time we’re together. At the same time, I want to be honest and not shy away from telling the truth, especially when it comes to Jesus.
What’s the middle road here? Is there one? Open to hear your experiences and wisdom you’ve gained in these tricky situations!
I find its better to not even bring up a subject if there are opposing thoughts that would cause issues. depending on the gathering i’ve even asked that we dont ruin our time together by bring things up. and if people deside to, and i know a fight will occur, i’ll walk away.
i get not wanting to shy away from your truth. but is it worth ruining family time?
I’ve noticed in Scripture that Jesus didn’t answer every provocation. Sometimes He spoke directly, other times He stayed silent (Matthew 27:12-14). There’s wisdom in discerning the moment.
For me the “middle road” isn’t about hiding truth or forcing it, it’s about timing and tone.
A few anchors I keep in mind:
• speak when there’s openness, not when there’s heat
• answer questions, don’t argue positions
• keep the fruit of the Spirit in view (Galatians 5:22-23)
Sometimes the most Christlike way to honor the conversation is to decline the argument.
Truth doesn’t lose its power by waiting for the right moment.
That balance is so tough to find! I usually do err on the side of keeping the peace because I don’t like conflict, but I also don’t want to wish later that I had been more forthcoming because sometimes I think opening up a tough discussion can be a way to achieve better understanding. It’s a risk, though, for sure!
What you are saying sounds to me like setting helpful, respectful boundaries. That’s something I want to prioritize both for myself and for the good of those I love.
@DaughterOfEve24 it is a hard balance. usually if the subject comes up i’ll feel out the enrgey first. but i’m also lucky that my friends/family know through experience (not all good either) what not to bring up to each other. if it does its usually a passing statement and move on
Scripture does not command Christians to shrink from heated conversations, but to engage them with Spirit-led boldness, discernment, and love. Jesus answered the Pharisees’ traps decisively (~Matthew 22:15–22) and promised the Spirit would give wisdom when facing opposition (~Matthew 10:19–20, ~Luke 21:14–15). Paul tells Timothy to preach the Word, ready in season and out of season, to reprove, rebuke, and exhort with patience (~2 Timothy 4:2), showing that silence is not the default. We are to be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger (~James 1:19–20), using soft words that turn away wrath (~Proverbs 15:1), while refusing to compromise truth (~Galatians 1:8–9).
The apostles reasoned openly from Scripture (~Acts 17:2–3), and God commands us to warn the wicked (~Ezekiel 3:17–19). The pattern is clear: discernment, patience, gentleness, and Spirit-guided courage, speak truth boldly, love relentlessly, and let God handle the response.
This admonishment is paramount; but only with the realization and application that children of God do not define “Spirit-led boldness”, “discernment”, and “love” the same way the world does.
“Spirit-led boldness” is nothing like fleshly brashness, it is not “running ahead of The Spirit” with our “best human efforts”; with a full head of steam. Spirit-led fearlessness is comprised of waiting, listening, and only then obeying exactly what The Spirit of God leads in that situation. If The Spirit of God is silent, we should be too. This is hard.
…This they said, testing Him, that they might have something of which to accuse Him. But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear. **John 8:6 **
Discernment is not reading into a situation emotional provocation, and then reacting in overly-sensitive defensiveness. Discernment is aligning the situation to The Word of God, and understanding how The Word of God applies to the conversation. It may not be obvious, or sitting right on the surface, so spiritual discernment takes practice, and a solid familiarity with The Word of God to be able to “discern” how it applies to your situation. This may take some time to form in your mind, so quick ready-made responses to provocation are seldom wise.
Finally “Love”. Love, in this situation, means trying to understand the other person’s point of view, where they are coming from, what is the basis of their current belief, and making every effort to meet them at that point. Love cares about the other person, does not see them as an adversary, but as one beloved for whom Jesus died. Let every disciple be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. The simple gift of listening intently to another person, with the purpose of understanding, and not for the purpose of refuting, probably will actually say more than your words ever will. Love cares about the needs of the other person.
Christmas is a great time to share the love of Christ with those who are unbelievers. It seems people are much more open to hearing about Jesus during the holidays than any other time, so the Christmas card suggestion that could pave the way for deeper discussion is a good idea.
Absolutely. So true. Unfortunately, I think we as Christians aren’t always very good at this, even though we ought to be the best at it. It’s so easy to get caught up in the emotional charge of a conversation, as you said, or to allow our worry for family members who are believing untrue things about God to take control, instead of trusting God with the outcome of a conversation.
Amen. Jesus “Shepherds” His flock, He doesn’t “Wrangle” them. We should take this page out of His book. If we are trusting in ourselves to “convince” we will most surely fail our friends/family. If we are trusting in The Only Faithful One to do exactly what He said He would do, we can simply listen and obey with perfect peace.