I ssek prayer over my marriage. We are at the 40 year anniversary and find our relationship stuck in past hurts. Treating each other with no grace that God provides us but buried in disrespect. We are broken and weak.
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Forgiveness can only happen when an offender repents of the hurt they have caused.
You both need to sit down and list the hurts both real an imaginary that the other has caused and without arguing over these lists apologise to each other.
Having done that you each must formally forgive the other for ALL the hurts they have done.
Spend some time praying about your relationship and each other.
Two final things.
You have forgiven and are going to forget every bad word, missunderstanding, spiteful act, look or sound from this moment onwards.
There will be no referring to past forgiven and forgotten incidents.
From now on arguments are based on how the others actions make you feel.
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Have you ever seen the movie Fireproof? It stars Kirk Cameron and is about a marriage gone bad, but with a happy ending. One person (the husband) had to be the hero in the marriage. It was hard for him at first but through it he changed. And when he changed, eventually his wife changed to. Might be something worth watching for the two of you. It’s a Christian movie.