I am drowning in a sea of pain and desperation. My life has become unrecognizable to me as I battle addiction that threatens to steal everything I love. Each day is a struggle between wanting to be better and falling back into the familiar darkness that numbs my pain but destroys my life. This addiction feels like it’s killing me slowly, and I’m terrified it will take me from my daughter completely.
My heart is shattered from years of feeling used, abused, and discarded by those who should have protected me. My family relationships are toxic and volatile-just yesterday my sister and I came to physical blows because of hurtful, disrespectful words. Instead of being my support system, my family has often used me when convenient, then abandoned me when I needed them most. This rejection cuts deeper than words can express.
My daughter’s father and I are trying to rebuild our relationship, but our past haunts us like a shadow. The hurt, betrayal, and broken promises stand between us and the family I desperately want for my child. I want to believe in love again, but fear keeps me guarded and suspicious.
I don’t know how to put myself first after a lifetime of people-pleasing. I give and give until I’m empty, then hate myself for having nothing left. I’m angry at the world, bitter about my circumstances, and broken beyond what I know how to repair.
Please pray for a complete transformation of my heart and life. Pray that God would break the chains of addiction that have me bound. Pray for supernatural healing in my relationship with my daughter’s father-that we could truly forgive each other and build something beautiful from the ashes of our past. Pray for wisdom and strength as I navigate legal issues that threaten my future.
Most of all, pray that I would feel God’s presence in my darkest moments, when tears are my only language and confusion clouds my mind. Pray that I would find the courage to seek help, to choose recovery, and to believe that my story isn’t over. I want to be the mother my daughter deserves, but I can’t do this alone anymore.
I am desperate for a miracle, for the kind of redemption story that seems impossible from where I stand now. My heart is beyond broken, and I’m becoming numb to pain. Please stand in the gap for me when I don’t have the strength to pray for myself.
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My dear hurt friend, I will pray for you in just a few moments when I have typed this message to you.
Please cry out to the Lord for his help and he will help you, he has to be first in your life every morning and all through the day, even if it’s just a few words like ,…please Lord help me.
Please reach out to him and to others and perhaps an addiction 12 step programme which also will bring you to the Lord with help from others that have travelled the round of freedom from addiction. May God bless you and keep you safe. Amen.
Be safe my friend. Xxxx