Right now, I’m just struggling emotionally, my latest music writings reflect my mental state, getting my mind off things the way I know how, I worked out until my feet bled and kept pushing, leaving stains on the concrete, sometimes the sadness creeps back up on me out of nowhere and it sucks because right when I’ve gotten to a point of happiness, It seems the darkness pushes back, I pray that light enters this pit of sadness, loss, and regrets and guides me back. I’m tired, of carrying a broken heart, how long will it take to forget the memories and move on.
praise Him, I need His mercy, Amen.
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I’m writing as someone outside your situation, so I could be totally wrong. You seem to be in a place where I have been. The head and the heart are at odds with each other. I say that because you’ve shared you were in an abusive relationship. By your reckoning, it’s good you got out, but now you miss it and your heart hurts over it. Your head says one thing, and the heart says another. That’s a tormenting place to be.
If it was a first love and if the two of you were intimate, that adds to the problem. Your heart hurts because it longs for those feelings again even though you know it will only bring you more pain. It’s possible that your under oppression from the enemy and the thoughts that come to mind are not coming from you. I say this because I’ve discovered that not every thought or feeling I have is from myself. The enemy can manipulate our emotions just like he tries to manipulate our thoughts. This is something to keep in mind.
You may think that you’ve made your choice and going back to her is not something you will do, but you are vulnerable as long as you’re in this divided state. You can make a firm choice even if you’re feelings don’t line up with that choice and you can reject the thoughts that bring the emotions as something you refuse to consider.
Jesus holds the victory for us. We are not helpless when it comes to our emotions. I would say you’ve become overwhelmed by your feelings and you should consider that your feelings are not right. Either there’s something in you that needs and longs for this relationship along with the abuse, or your feelings are being toyed with.
Don’t lose the battle. Make a firm decision. Understand that the Lord is your helper, refuge and Savior. Turn to Him whenever your feelings take hold. If you reject any possibility of going back to her and turn decisively to Jesus, He will rescue you.
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let Jesus love fill your heart
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Praying for you big bro.
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