I wish this could be a praise report. I have no home church b/c of the ones I attended long enough to see Holy Spirit was not there so I wasn’t going to be there. I came back to the Lord in 2023 after deliverance. I faithfully devoted everyday since then praying and devotion and reading Scripture on my own with no church. I did my best to lead a Holy life. After awhile I felt bored with the Bible-- After losing our place to live, losing my cat when he was an indoor cat of 6 yo, he was like my kid, loss of my job of 4 years, loss of use of my voice which was devastating as I use my voice in my line of work as an over the phone customer service representative. I repented of my discontinuing my devotion times and prayer life but I couldn’t help it and after the calamities i stopped all entirely. Maybe He will listen to you-- it is worth a try. I need prayer for:
1–to understand why God is ignoring me and doesnt want me I have started to doubt my salvation
2–healing for my vocal cords so I can maintain gainful employment and support myself
3 – healing for my depresssion
4–an answer as to how God can use me
5–to find a church and congregation of believers where the Holy Spirit is invited because in nearly every church I went to the Holy Spirit was not invited and after quickly figuring that out–I left it like a bad habit. Thank you to whoever would pray about the above. I hope to come back with a praise report.
That is a raw, agonizing list. It’s clear you aren’t just frustrated; you are facing a full-blown crisis of faith, identity, and survival all at once. When someone’s physical livelihood, their voice, and mental health are failing simultaneously, it makes complete sense why you feel abandoned and are doubting your very standing with God.
Anger requires a relationship. You can’t be genuinely angry at someone you don’t care about or don’t believe is there. In a way, being angry with God is a very honest form of communication. It means you are still engaging, even if that engagement is full of pain right now. Throughout history and ancient literature, people have wrestled, argued, and cried out in frustration over silence. It’s a deeply human response.
Even Jesus experienced the agony of unanswered prayer in Gethsemane when He asked for the cup to pass, and the absolute silence of God on the cross when He cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Matthew 27:46. If the Son of God experienced the silence of the Father, silence cannot mean that God has discarded this person.
Salvation is based on the immutable (unchanging) character of God, not the fluctuating feelings of man. Romans 8:38-39:
" For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
It is completely valid to cry out for physical healing, especially when your livelihood depends on it. God cares about our daily bread and physical frames. In the Gospels, Jesus routinely healed those whose illnesses isolated them from community and work (like the blind man by the roadside or the lepers).
“Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits—who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases.” Psalm 103:2-3
While we pray boldly for immediate, miraculous healing of your vocal cords, we also anchor our trust in the God who provides through unexpected means when healing takes time. Depression makes the sky feel like brass and the ground like iron. The Bible does not ignore mental anguish; it gives it a massive voice.
Elijah, one of the greatest prophets in history, sat under a broom bush in deep depression and prayed that he might die. 1 Kings 19: God did not rebuke Elijah for his despair. Instead, God gave him food, let him sleep, and met him in a “gentle whisper.”
Remember
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
God does not look at your depression as a sin or a lack of faith; He looks at it with deep compassion. When we are broken, we feel useless. But the economy of God’s kingdom operates on a completely inverted logic compared to the world. The world uses the strong; God uses the broken.
God rarely used people who had it all together. He used a stutterer (Moses), a fugitive (David), and an outcast (Paul). Paul begged God to remove a physical “thorn in his flesh,” and God’s response is the ultimate answer for anyone wondering how they can be used while broken.
I am standing with you in prayer for every single one of these points. Please know that your anger and your doubts do not scare God away. When you cry out, wondering why He is ignoring you, you are echoing the Psalms and even Christ on the cross. Silence is not rejection. Your salvation is anchored in His promise, not your feelings.
We are lifting your vocal cords to the Great Physician for total healing so you can work, and we are asking Him to meet you in the heavy fog of depression just as He met Elijah in his darkest hour. You feel unusable right now, but Scripture says His strength is made perfect in our absolute weakness. May He lead you to an authentic, Spirit-filled community of believers who can help carry this heavy weight with you. Hang on to that tiny ember of hope for a praise report. He hears you.
Peter
Thank you for responding. I’m grateful for your prayers, Peter. Not many places in the church know what to say about the above and many churches darkness has crept into the church and honestly even in the church it is very much a bad spirit there. I just want to know when this season will end or will it? I refuse to go back to the way I was before deliverance. Please pray that I remember God’s works that he did before all this (like David said in Psalms) the works of old. I play the Word on yt audio–so maybe that is something. But if you could please continue to pray for me until I find a body of believers. Thank you. I may add more prayer requests as they come up. I hope one day that I can start working for the Kingdom in some way.
Praying for you through this. I think it’s actually a very common Christian experience to feel like God’s ignoring you or to have doubts. Many of the psalms express similar emotions and anguish.
Praying for encouragement, healing, Christian community, and for God to restore the “joy of your salvation” (Psalm 51:12).
I’m in agreement with you and prayed with you for what you need.
I was sent to a church one time for some work on either their plumbing or heating unit, I forget. But after I was done, realizing I had no church I wondered about this one as I walked out. And the sanctuary said, look in here, so I did. The Holy Spirit just fell on me when I walked in. It was powerful! There wasn’t even a service going on it was the middle of the week. After I prayed in the sanctuary I headed out and knew, I have a church now! So keep your heart open and you’ll find a church, and a good one, even if it’s a small gathering of Believers. Which is how Jesus meant for it to be in the beginning of the church. Until Rome butted in and institutionalized most churches.
I watched a video this morning about fisherman developing illnesses along the Carolina coast that are so similar to yours that I had to sit up and take notice. Some organism. I don’t know where you are but if you spend any time near waterways it may be worth looking into. It is attacking the fish and killing them in large numbers and in the lab they found out that it’s even more aggressive with humans. Pfisteria or something like that? But remember that’s only a name, and the Great Physician’s Name is above that name so you can be healed.
Thank you for the response. I guess it is. Once the work thing is fixed and my voice is fixed–I think things will be much better.
That’s encouraging. That is the type of church I need. Baptism will help. I will mention that when I go see the specialist. It could be a contaminant. I think it is overuse, possibly—we get a lot of phone calls–er said it was severe laryngitis but specialist will know more–I will mention the bug or Pfisteria. All the prayers here from kind people mean everything. Thank you.