Could it be God’s will for me to marry someone I don’t love?
While I can’t tell you “yes” or “no” for your specific life, I can lay out the different ways this is usually understood from a theological and practical perspective to help you navigate it.
Eros vs. Agape: The Bible focuses heavily on Agape—a sacrificial, committed choice to seek the best for another person. The “Will” Argument: Some argue that love is a command (Ephesians 5:25, Titus 2:4). In this view, you don’t find love; you build it through obedience and commitment. From this angle, someone might believe God is calling them to a marriage based on shared values and mission, trusting that the “feeling” of love will grow over time.
On the other hand, many theologians point to the fact that God generally leads through peace, not through a sense of dread or emotional coercion. If God is a loving Father, would He desire His child to enter into a lifelong union characterized by a lack of affection?
The “One Flesh” Union: Marriage is meant to be a reflection of Christ and the Church. That relationship is built on mutual delight and intimacy, not just a cold contractual obligation.
May I ask you some questions? Are you considering this for Cultural or family expectations? Fear of being alone? Could you be misinterpreting “signs”?
If the idea of marrying this person brings a sense of heaviness or “spiritual suffocation” rather than a “quiet peace,” it is worth pausing. Generally, God’s will aligns with the gifts and desires He has placed in your heart, even if the path requires sacrifice.
Is it a lack of “spark” or a lack of respect? You can build a life without a “spark,” but you cannot build a godly marriage without deep mutual respect and a desire for your companionship.
Are you saying “yes” out of love for God, or out of fear of disappointing people?
Do your values and life-goals align? Sometimes God’s “will” is more about the kind of person we marry rather than a specific “assigned” individual.
Marriage is a profound commitment. Entering into it while feeling a fundamental “no” in your heart can lead to resentment, which is a difficult foundation for a “one flesh” union.
Hope this helps. God bless.
Peter
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I am not qualified to answer this question, but I agree with @PeterC that there must be respect. To enter into a relationship with someone you don’t respect at the gut level is a recipe for disaster. Peter asked some good questions and I hope they help.
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This is a bit confusing because there are two types of “love” The first type is what songs are about (how one feels) these feelings make people think they fall into and out of love.
The second type of love might be valled biblical love and is more like a decision
1Co 13:4 Love suffereth long, and is kind; love envieth not; love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
1Co 13:5 doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not its own, is not provoked, taketh not account of evil;
1Co 13:6 rejoiceth not in unrighteousness, but rejoiceth with the truth;
1Co 13:7 beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
Biblical love is essentially selflessness. This is the love Christ has for us.A marriage based on biblical love has a better change than one based on song lyrics love.
Correct @timf
Agapao and Phileo – It is commonly taught that these two words, usually translated as “love”, describe two different types of love.
Agapao is often used to refer to God’s “divine” love for people, whereas phileo speaks of a “friendly” or “brotherly” love, one that is not divine and is to be distinguished from God’s agape love.
Carson notes that agapao and its related noun agape are used in 2 Sam. 13:15 (LXX) to describe Amnon’s incestuous rape of his half-sister Tamar.
See also 2 Tim. 4:10 (agapao); and compare John 3:35 (agapao) with John 5:20 (phileo). See also the famous exchange between Jesus and Peter in John 21:15-17.
None of this is to suggest that there isn’t a special quality to God’s love for us. Certainly his love is sacrificial and divine, etc. But this is not because of some intrinsic meaning in the verb agapao or the noun agape.
When looking at the Greek text, we have no reason to derive any hidden or special meaning of word usage in the exchange between Jesus and Peter and the supposed two types of love. (Exegetical Fallacies, p. 29-30)
Biblical Greek Blog - NT GREEK STUDIES)
Agapaō and phileō overlap heavily in semantic range.
Agapaō is freely used for unbelievers, sinners, apostates, and evil attachments.
Phileō is explicitly used for the Father’s love for the Son.
Theological weight comes from actors, objects, and redemptive action, not from the Greek lexeme itself.
Also…
When Carson compares John 3:35 (ἀγαπάω) and John 5:20 (φιλέω), he is dismantling the idea that John is signaling two different qualities of love within the Trinity. John is not suddenly switching from divine love to friendly love inside the Godhead. He is varying vocabulary, as he does constantly, without pausing to warn future preachers not to overinterpret it.
Shalom.
J.
Dear Lord! I’m off topic, my apologies.
J.
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I dont think God wants you to be miserable or unhappy if this is what you are asking. And if its Gods will for you to marry someone you dont love how would you know the answer to that. Only God would know this, not me, peter, johann, or any of us. I agree with what peter has said he explained it perfectly. But if God is telling you to marry a certain person that you dont love than there has to be something there. I mean i am baffled by the question i guess because i dont know the whole situation and what leds you to think you should be getting married to this person. You know like the signs or whatever that it is to even make you question it. I mean it is possible that it is his will for you to marry someone you dont know at all, because its his plan and he knows even before we know.
A guy loves me,
but I love him only as a brother, not as a future husband. He is very good, and he does everything for me.
A very large number of people (from the church),
as well as my parents, tell me to take a closer look at him and give him a chance. More than a year has passed, and I still haven’t developed any feelings, but everyone continues to talk to me about him.
I apologize if anything is written incorrectly, because I am writing with a translator.
And I’ve started to think that maybe the Lord is speaking to me through these people.
So whats the problem? Are they or is he pressing for you to marry him? Why do you have to be married? I mean if its not broke dont fix it. If this guy is who God wills to be your husband than i dont think you would be questioning it. Just continue as you are and if he loves you and if he is whom you are to marry then it will happen no matter what. Gods will doesnt change so dont rush or be pressured into anything. If its meant to happen than it will happen and God will change your heart and you will feel different and you will know that he is who you are to marry.
@Zhanna, I suggest you tell him, tell him exactly what you told us. Tell him your heart in all honesty and candor. That act of honesty alone may resolve your dilemma.
My 2-cents (probably not worth that much)
KP
Thanks for the additional information. I can’t tell you what to do, but I take it you’re not sexually attracted to him. That is only a part of marriage. The intense feelings couples have for each other dims over time. I’ve heard of arranged marriages where the couple learn to love each other. It sounds like your saying he would make a good husband, but for you there are no romantic feelings. The feelings are all on his side.
The other considerations are the culture you live in and its expectations. Your age and whether marriage is something you want for yourself. No one here can tell you what you should do. Only you can decide and I believe you are praying about it.
Would you be happy if you said no to him and then never married at all? What is it that you want from a marriage and how important is that to you? Do you have fun together? In all other ways, do the two of you get along? These are all things to consider and its not easy.