Some people seem to define “love” as “being nice.” Here’s what the Bible has to say on the subject:
[2] By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey his commandments.
[3] For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments. And his commandments are not burdensome. 1 John 5:2-3 RSV
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
The two loves? Agape and Philia are two types of love that differ in their nature and significance.
Agape is a greater love that is characterized by commitment and sacrifice, often seen in the context of God’s love for humanity. It is the love that prompted God to sacrifice His Son for humanity’s sake.
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16
In contrast, Philia is a brotherly love that is more about mutual affection, trust, and camaraderie, often found in long-standing friendships. It is the love that fosters a sense of belonging and shared values among friends and family members.
Understanding the distinction between these two types of love is crucial for fostering healthy relationships and living out God’s command to love one another.
When Jesus told us to love eachother as He loves us, He was talking about the agape love.
“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13
When asking Peter, Do you? He started saying, Jesus: “Do you agapás me?”
Peter: “Yes, Lord, you know I philéō you.” Jesus: “Do you agapás me?” Peter: “Yes, Lord, you know I philéō you.” Jesus: “Do you phileís me?” Peter: “Lord, you know everything; you know I philéō you.” John 21:15-17
Jesus gently restores Peter after his three denials. The shift in vocabulary is often interpreted like this: Jesus first asks for the highest, deepest love Agapáō. Peter, humbled by his past failure, can only claim Phileō, sincere affection, but not bold self-sacrifice. On the third question, Jesus meets Peter where he is, switching to Phileō. It’s a moment of grace, not disappointment.
This exchange shows us that Jesus meets people at the level of love they can honestly offer. Restoration comes through honesty, not bravado. Love is demonstrated through action, “Feed my sheep”, not just emotion.
Hope this helps.
Peter
