Did God judge me?

General Faith
1

Trigger warning: heavier post than usual

I’ve wondered this for a few years. Did God curse me for a bad sin? Back in 2021 I was 14 and s*xually developing. The problem is as you may know because of issues caused possibly by experiences growing up, I found myself noticing other men. I’m not sure I was really a Christian then. Anyway, I had sinful thoughts multiple times at church. And since then, my life hasn’t been the same. I’ve constantly been feeling bad, with stomach issues and chest pain (which I went to the doctor several times and it is no real issue, nothing cardiac) and lack of energy. I never had those before what I did.

I do think God used the evil for good though, as it led me to the cross as I realized my sin and the thought of dying. However I still don’t feel like I used to. I’m 19 and I’m supposed to feel energetic and the world is my oyster, but I feel the exact opposite.

Do you think God judged me? If so why isn’t my judgment going away?

1 Like
2

When you speak you give off elements of a carnal nature and sin, as well as elements of the Lord’s Holy Spirit which constantly keep you thinking and rethinking. When you lean towards the Lord and His will, you will become a target for the enemy. Draw even closer to the Lord and they attack you ever harder. So I don’t think the things which have beset you are judgments from God, but rather spiritual attacks from the enemy. And the Holy Spirit is right there to work through your conscience to lead you back onto the right path.

I recommend that you read two chapters in the Bible today. 1 Corinthians 3 and Romans 8

3

@Josiah
At 19, you still have much time to grow in the grace and knowledge of Christ (2 Peter 3:18). May I ask, are you actively involved in a local, biblical church? Scripture calls believers not to neglect meeting together, but to encourage one another as members of Christ’s body (Hebrews 10:24–25; Ephesians 4:11–16). Online forums can be useful for discussion and learning, but they are not a substitute for the fellowship, shepherding, accountability, and corporate worship that God has ordained through the local church (Acts 2:42–47; 1 Timothy 3:15; Titus 1:5–9).

J.

1 Like
4

My parents are the leaders of my church and most of the congregation is sweet old people. So not many great people to talk too.

5

@Josiah, God taught me a biblical pattern of prayer that isn’t in western cultures, which he used to heal me of seven years of major depression for 39 years now. Read Job 10; Psalms 6, 22, 39, 88, and other psalms; Lamentations 3.

That pattern of prayer is lamenting. At the depth of my depression, God enabled me to lament, that is, privately express my honest feelings of anger and anxiety openly to him. It took 8 1/2 months three or four times a week of laments along with prayers for God’s peace of Philippians 4:6-7 until God gave me that peace. My depression has not taken hold of me for 39 years now.

The same thing can happen with feelings of guilt.

Finally, I had a lot of difficulty with lust for women, and it could also relate to homosexual lust, that God convicted me of its sin and taught me to praise him with my mind for his creative power in providing such creations in his universe. When I feel that urge, I focus my mind on him as the great Creator instead of my selfish pleasure of lust, and he relieves me of that sinful temptation.

You are on my prayer list, @Josiah.

1 Like
6

I think you can look at creation in two ways:

First, there are consequences to our actions, so if we do something bad, there is likely to be a bad outcome. For example, if I rob a bank, I go to prison. That’s one way to look at it.

The other way to look at it is: If we do something bad, God punishes us.

7

Older people are chock full of wisdom and advice. I bet they all have some great stories to tell.

I was the youngest sibling of four and when my dad went into business in plumbing I used to go hang out at my dad’s plumbing shop, I was the bosses kid so I thought it was cool! I’d stand back and watch so I didn’t get in the way and watch him run the men. I watched him send one of his top men home to take a shower one day, said, don’t show up like that…The guy left to go take a shower and my dad seen me watching and said, how can I send a dirty man into my Customers house?! You must be presentable! So I carried that wisdom (and a lot more) with me until I took the test and became a (HVAC) contractor myself. I hung around the men who worked for him in the back at times too. Hanging out with older skilled people is like free training.

One of my last jobs before I retired officially was one of my last side jobs and this was after my accident and I wanted to obey the Lord and help people and I could see that the guy needed financial help. Old house, furnace in disrepair and it was cold. I forget what was wrong but I didn’t have it on the truck in stock so I had to make a trip to the supply house to buy one. On the way back with his new part I was trying to figure out how much to charge the man? I wanted to give the man a smoking deal and tell him the Lord loves him, but it’s nice to at least get a few bucks, covers gas and stuff, right? But how smoking of a deal? So I prayed and asked the Lord, how much should I charge this customer Lord? and His answer was immediate, the Lord said, don’t charge him anything…Now I wanted to give the guy a great deal and brighten his day, but it would be nice if I charged him almost nothng and covered the gas, so what the Lord said then when I wasn’t happy about what He said, and He knew it, so said, didn’t you give your life to me? I said, yes Lord…then He said, then it belongs to me now, so it’s my business and my customer, don’t charge him…

Well…since He put it that way! Hard to argue with that logic. So the man was blessed that day through me, by the Lord. Why am I telling you this?

Because my friend, didn’t you give your life to the Lord? So you don’t work at a job for whoever, you are working for the Lord, like He said, it’s his business, scripturally (I found it.) So perhaps pray to the Lord and ask Him, Lord, what do want me to do? And listen. You’ll get an idea implanted in your mind, sounds like a thought but isn’t. Then you say, Lord is that you?

And then pursue whatever the Lord tells you to pursue as your day job and consider that Jesus is your boss, you work for Him now. Scripture says when you work, work as unto the Lord. Meaning work as if Jesus is the customer.

Colossians 3:23-24

**23 **And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;

**24 **Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ…/KJV

Brother, if you have given your life to the Lord, yet you are unemployed, right? Want to find a job? It seems to me that, you work for the Lord so if you have no day job, then you and the Lord should talk about it! Lord give me a job to do…The ball is in the Lord’s court then! Let the Lord find you a job, listen to what He says, He will say something!

8

First no. Well, not the way you are implying.

“Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man” James 1:13

God can indeed use something we call evil or bad for our good.

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

As for your last question.

From the perspective of the Gospel, if you truly have turned to God (Salvation), you are not under God’s judicial wrath or condemnation. The foundational message of Christianity is that for those who trust in Christ, the penalty for sin was taken at the cross

“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1

While God sometimes allows us to experience the natural consequences of our actions or past environments, consequence is not the same as condemnation. Consequence is a relational and temporal judgment in the penal sense that implies rejection, which God promises not to do to those who seek Him. John 6:37.

Perhaps you recognized Genesis 50:20

“As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.”

God often uses dark seasons to draw people to Himself, but the lingering heaviness doesn’t mean God is holding a grudge.

Why isn’t the feeling going away?

God isn’t actively punishing you; then why do you still feel depleted, unenergetic, and heavy at age 19? There are several very real, non-punitive reasons why someone feels this way after a traumatic or stressful spiritual/personal crisis. The main, you are still human and in the flesh.

When a person goes through a deep personal crisis, realizing their sin, facing fear of death, struggling with guilt, or enduring hard life circumstances, their body and mind are in high-stress survival mode. Once the spiritual resolution happens (coming to faith or repenting), the body often “crashes.”

Prolonged stress burns out dopamine and serotonin reserves. The nervous system takes months, sometimes longer, to recalibrate after chronic anxiety or distress. What feels like “God’s hand heavy on you” may actually be clinical depression, physical fatigue, or nervous system exhaustion.

You expect that coming to the cross should instantly produce youthful energy and a sense that “the world is your oyster.” But spiritual restoration does not automatically grant instant emotional high energy. Healing, emotional, mental, and physical, is often a slow, quiet process rather than a light switch.

Even when God forgives, human beings are notorious for refusing to forgive themselves. If Josiah is still carrying lingering guilt, his mind will interpret any lingering physical or emotional tiredness as “proof” that God is still angry with him, creating a self-fulfilling loop of anxiety.

Peter

1 Like