33 year relationship. She took a solo bike trip across country. A goal since age 19. My hard work made this possible. She told my boys she was not coming back months before I knew. She got tired of my chronic back and neck pain. What do I think of a person who would do this and how do I forgive when my daily life is already miserable with persistent pain? I pray continuously yet things get worse.Feel like I’m the devil as the physical and emotional pain have been with me lifelong. Read the Bible, repeat, Not my will be done, but yours. Have had counselling, meds, exercise, wt loss.
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I am so sorry for what you are gong through. I can’t imagine the physical and emotional pain your family is enduring, but I know your have to keep on enduring to the end. It is my storng belief that the outcome ofthese events will either add to your spiritual walk or take away from it. Yes Satan is near. He is waiting on you to grow waery and throw in towel on your relationship with God. He will use the pain as ammunition and target you till the day you leave earth. This will happem if you don’t hold fast to your faith. Show your boys how to live in this Ungodly world. Yeach them that many are going to depart from the faith. Many are going to willingly reject Christ. Teach them that you will not become one of those people and show them the amazing love of Christ. He will heal your heart, he may or may not heal your body but, you can find joy again. Praying for you 
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Hello Bibles, Nice to meet you. I’m responding in hopes to give you some perspective that you may have missed but I only know what you wrote here at this moment and I’m sure there is much more to this but hopefully this will give you some clarity, peace and reassurance to know that you have support.
From what you wrote I would say you still have time to bring her back into the marriage if it’s Gods will and if you are both in agreement to that. “Getting through” anything means to me that you are still in the process but even still there is a promise for you and her past any line of “the end”. How that works out is up to you and her to be obedient to God, are you both doing that? Was this biking adventure her goal, and if so how did you support her? What was the significance of the adventure and why was it important? Was your support only the funds to do so or were you a positive force to support her to experience that? Was that something she wanted to do with you but your physical limitations stopped you or was that something she wanted to experience alone with God? Was it the pain she was tired of or was it the way you handled your pain? How do you know it was because of the pain or could it be other reasons she feels she needs to stay away? Is it something or somethings as a Family unit that are being overlooked, or is it just about you or just about her or about the Family unit as a whole? How much of God’s influence is in all of it? These are questions to ask yourself and her if able, and to that I pray you discuss fully which may lead to other things, understanding and resolutions. I’m here to help so if God put’s something on your heart know I’m here to listen and help in what ways I can.
When I pray and things get worst I would suggest reflecting on how you are praying, how you are carrying yourself and evaluate what you are doing to be in line with the way Christ would have you do it. Then I reflect to fields of rollings hills in the way I see life. I see the opposition/stress as something I may be missing or time to be silent and still and to keep looking to pronounce a way through what Christ Jesus would say as “do this because it’s the only way” because it’s often something simple but the struggle comes when it’s time to treat the wounds. The paths God has shown me are all hills, peaks and valleys and the only straight path I have seen is the one laid out by Jesus.
If something feels like “the devil” or it you feel Lucifer influences (this part is heavy), the only thing I can say to you is at least you know who you are fighting and Praise God! If you feel like the devil ask yourself why you feel that way and know you are not and my shield is raised with you because you are my Brother. Look him/it in the eyeball and profess that Christ Jesus is with you! That thing is in your way and rebuke him until your way is clear because when God, His Son and The Holy Spirit are with you there is nothing possible to stand in front of you. You have to believe that and I believe there is still hope to rekindle what you think you may have lost because to do so is putting limitations on Christ, and we all know in that in His capacity there is no limit.
Be patient, hold tight to faith and God Bless you and your Family!
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Thank you LaToyax6,
It is good advice to hold fast to my faith yet this is where I prayed and asked for the help of the Holy Spirit. My cries seem to fall on deaf ears, making me believe in some way I am evil, especially when reading some of the Psalms. Yet, for the past 30 years I have worked literally day and night, weekends, holidays in thd past, curing, yes curing people of cancer. I know I have not cured them but it is the God we try to worship who has blessed those who develop new drugs, who put into the minds of the doctors that their role is one of healer. My journey started because I wanted to try to fix my mother’s mental illness, I needed knowledge to do that yet realized when I got older that I could not fix her. She eventually took her own life as did my brother at age 25. Now in my late sixties never having done much of anything but work, have no idea what to do as retirement approaches, let alone by myself. Looking by I grew up miserable, I am still miserable, and find my greatest joy is seeing and treating my patients and working with the team we have. I cannot do this work forever. I come home exhausted, have slept away many weekends over the years and that a part of why she left. I did not ask for this broken body and I have pushed myself for most of my life just to keep going. I have provided a good life, a privileged life, for my family, and through this all I could only show them how weak I am. Emotionally falling apart, physically breaking down daily. I did go back to work, but don’t know for how long. Thank you for your prayers. I have had some good support.
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Hello David,
I have thought on your words some. I try to believe that all things are possible with God. Wondering if this pain is God, yet if it’s his way of getting to me, where is the promised joy? I save lives in my work. I and what God has created, with the help of my staff, pull people from the edge of death. We see people we have treated for 15 years who 25 years ago would not have lived another month. I help those who are not up to treatment or have run out of options, accept their death with grace. If anything my mother gave me it was kindness. Yet I live exhausted with this pain and that did not help the marriage. She mentioned how miserable I was. It is the pain and depression. I have tried everything under the sun. Our marriage is over as we are now divorced and she is living with a guy half way across the country she met on her bike ride. My goal is to figure out how to get out my misery, yet the first step is trying to rid myself of the constant pain. I exercise, I do yoga, I have done yoga for 30 years. I read the Bible almost daily.
I am up against a wall that I cannot seem to get over. My sense is the only way out is to take the attitude of just give up, nothing has worked. I have prayed continuously all my waking hours since the age of 21. If you know Oral Roberts, his daily words, I starting saying them all waking moments when I could at the age of 21 and am now in my late 60’s.
The problem is if I just give up everything will fall apart quickly. Don’t really want to live in a retirement home. Don’t know who will help when I need it physically. Son’s cant they already told me. I am trying to clear our large house of her things. Our beach place for the past 15 years will be sold this week. I need to get rid of my motorcycle, too frail to ride it. A few other vehicles need to go. I am giving furniture away. Other things also and do not even know where I want to go after my youngest and I leave this house. My youngest is here finishing school and we have the option to stay four more years before we sell and split the monies for this house. The pain and the exhaustion from dealing with the pain are the things that seem to hold me back and I have no power over it. I have been praying and asking God how to cope for 25 year. I am not evil. I cure people of cancer with God, yet where is the joy from the one who always hears our words, and gives us what we ask in Jesus’ name. I feel like St. Paul, but that to me has been a lonely, miserable life even though I have two great sons. I am trying to live next to God yet feel condemned. Thank you again for listening. I understand you are new at this so maybe my garbage will help you later help others. It’s time to get ready and go to work and cure more people and help them feel better about their conditions.
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Brother this ain’t garbage!! Re-read what you wrote and then hear this. God is with you as much as He is with me. His hand is on you as it is on me, we’re all under the same palm. Our God is greater than anything set in front of you and you said it yourself. You, with God’s help destroy death. I want to wake up every day and be able to say that, actually I think I will. That’s what I heard and I think that’s awesome! That’s a superpower, but I don’t think you are seeing its value past when you have removed the cancers or other treatments you use to help, heal and save people because I’m sure your ways are many. Maybe you do but there is a spirit of doubt on you and it’s pulling you down because you do not see your own value. If that’s it I cast it out from there in the name of my Father Jesus Christ! You say you feel condemned also, this is something else I’ve felt and maybe a change of perspective will help you see differently.
You say you’re trying to believe in God, this is something to me but maybe it’s something misspoken. If you don’t feel the presence of God you need to press into your faith, and if you still don’t feel it just press harder. To reflect on that I see something that seems foundational to me and my walk with Christ. To consider me without my faith I have things I can hold onto that pull me to him and I wonder how much of those things or things alike other people have been blessed to receive and if they understand how to see those gifts and I can’t see anyone’s life being without some blessing since life it’s self is a reward. I know this because I’ve missed a lot and through my life, family, friends, experiences and education I can see them clearly and can draw lines to how those blessings impact other things and even generate/create new blessings and more.
Something I did was count my blessings but start from the beginning of how far you can look back. You are going to have to look through pain and it will hurt but in those moments I say to be strong and forward. I found a lot of healing this way because I also had to see some blessings I missed and this made me to call on that faith and it strengthened me more and for you it’ll do the same. I say to you to use your whole heart, and I reflect on my curiosities on the scripture regarding a circumcised heart and what that could mean and maybe there is something here for you or someone else.
Know that you cannot be condemned since you are free in Christ but don’t forget you are still wearing your armor, and for good reason because it can feel like War and your fight isn’t over. My burdens are heavy because my sins were great and I pray my armor be thick and heavy and add to it also. I’ve been told to give those burdens to our Father and that adds to my burden because I am learning how heavy His burden is from us as His Children. That shame is warranted because Christ is without sin so for Him to take that from me?! It’s easy for Him but hard for me but I surrendered and He set me free and will do for you the same.
I pray God gives you a renewed Spirit. I pray he lift you up to give you what you need to see this through. I pray he gives you the power of a Lion when opposition meets you and to give you new vision to see all his blessings, both to and from you! Thank you for being a healer and death destroyer.
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