How do you forgive someone who isn't sorry?

Relationships
1

pablo - 2021-03-26T144858.499

Every time I’ve reached a point when I thought I had forgiven this person and moved past the bitterness, something else would happen and I would realize how ready I was to pick up the burden of unforgiveness again. I’ve asked God over and over to let me see this person through His eyes, because I know that “if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:15), but — and I know I’m stating the obvious here — it’s just so hard to do. Maybe that’s why I needed to write this. I need to force myself to focus on it — to think about it. I need to search God’s word and find everything I can about forgiveness, because there is nothing in the Bible that says I’m off the hook if they don’t ever feel sorry. That’s not how it works.

How do you forgive someone who isn’t sorry?

[Click here to read the article]

5 Likes
If Erika Kirk can forgive the man who murdered her husband, who will YOU forgive today?
Struggling with forgiveness
2

You dont, because you cant. No more than God can forgive the unrepentant who does not confess sin. We are commanded to forgive from the heart them that turn to us to repent (Luke 17:4). Confession from the heart is necessary for the Lord to forgive (I john 1: 9), and so we like Christ are bound to do the same, IF they confess. Otherwise, like Christ we cannot forgive what is not confessed, and we are not greater than our master (Matthew 10:24) (John 13:16).
Forgiveness is not so much a reflection of the state of our heart towards someone, as rather a willingness to set past sins aside and no longer acknowledge them. The key is NOT to allow an open wound to fester in resentment, anger, and poisonous hatred! We can only bestow forgiveness on them that repent and confess, else our ‘forgiveness’ is held in contempt by the unrepentant. But we can through the Spirit and love of God not allow unconfessed sin to poison our hearts.
I have not offered forgiveness to them, for they have not offered confession to me, but neither do I have hatred remaining in my heart for the transgression and fault.

5 Likes
3

God has forgiven me for my sins, which are many, yet through His grace I’ve gotten what I don’t deserve (His forgiveness) and not what I do deserve (condemnation). Talk about Amazing Grace. How dare I not forgive someone else. Maybe some should read the Lord’s Prayer. “forgive my trespasses as I forgive others”. I’ll take grace any day and be mightily grateful…

1 Like
4

Simply put, that just simply has nothing to do with it. Forgiveness is for you, so you can be forgiven by God the Father, unforgiveness keeps us separated from God. I love this analogy
“Holding unforgiveness in your heart is the same as drinking poison and expecting it to kill your enemy” I’ve been there and I know initially some ppl seem or feel like it’s too hard to forgive, but that is why we do it, it’s not supposed to be easy to become better and grow… It is so freeing though. Besides, why waste your life and joy being hurt/offended/etc by someone? Forgiving them NEVER means that what a person did is “Ok” or “not wrong” you can forgive and never speak again. Just don’t You get bogged down by It!

Scriptures;
Luke 6:37
Mark 11:25
Matthew 6:14
Matthew 18:35

1 Like
5

I’ve gotta agree… I think Jesus set the record very straight… we are to forgive others as we have been forgiven.

6

The conversations been over for about 3yrs, but I’m going to reply anyway:

If that’s true, then why did Jesus say, “Forgive them for they know not what they do”? It’s obvious that those who He forgave weren’t sorry. Why would He have said that if it was impossible to forgive someone who didn’t ask for forgiveness?

1 Like
7

It’s mind blowing.

"While we were yet sinners…Christ died for us.

This is our example.

My wife and I are being sued. How do we forgive someone so unfair, so vindictive, so dishonest? - So unforgivable> >?

In our own strength, we cannot. Yet we have an advocate. We relinquish our claims, to Him. We hand over our case. We surrender to the Judge who sees.

4 Likes
8

Amen brother. I’ll be praying for you.

9

This statement right here. I love love love this.

10

If they ask your forgiveness. Yes you must forgive. I believe it applys to Body of Christ, Christianity
Matthew chapter 18:21
If fellow Christian asks your forgiveness, you must forgive. But no one has license to sin. I don’t believe it applys to heathen and false brethren.

2 Chronicles 7:14
If my people who are called by my name humbke themselves, and pray and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and forgive their sin and heal there land.

Reprobates are not in this category. They are habitual sinners. Won’t repent and don’t care.
Colossians chapter 3 :13

Christian must forgive another Christian, if they ask.

Non believers, and reprobates don’t apply.

They’re not of Body of Christ.

Peace.

11

I understand, if it is all up to you, you won’t forgive someone who does not feel sorry.

However, this is a situation the Holy Spirit will encourage & strengthen you to forgive.

So yes, it’s difficult but you ought to listen to the Holy Spirit. And forgive and keep a clean and healthy heart.
God Loves you

1 Like
12

Oh my… I see people here read the theoretical part on the issue and are aware of those same few quotes from the Scriptures. Nice! Sorry for my language and being open.
Few years ago I was betrayed by my family, the closest ones, in a very shameful way. But being sort of Calvinist they believed in eternal salvation, and it’s ok to sin because God forgives. No matter what we might think theologically it doesn’t change the fact of some people’s stubborness and believing they are righteous. So, the question of forgiveness is mostly affecting your mental health and heart condition rather than theirs. Forgive and Forget, Start anew. I’m still struggling financially and spiritually. Sometimes I think I cand stand any longer. But life happens.

13

If “forgiveness” is releasing the offender from paying a debt owed, even though the offender is released from his debt, it seems the greater credit for the altruistic act goes not to the offender, but to the forgiver. Others have testified to the same in this thread.

But here’s another way to look at it.

What if forgiveness is not a requirement, but a gift; what if rather than feeling commanded to do it, we look at it as though we are invited to do it? What if the act of “forgiving” is a heavenly invitation to enjoy the satisfying rapture of being Godly; to embody the Spirit of God, to testify to God’s forgiving heart. What if forgiving is given to us as an arena to live out our gift of holiness as He is Holy? What if forgiving others is an excellent way to testify to our own, personal, deep appreciation at having been graciously forgiven so much. What if God actually allowed the offence just so we could have the transcendent joy of experiencing His heart, and expressing His response. Can we see forgiving an unworthy offender as a way we tithe our emotions, an offering of thanksgiving, a sacrifice of praise, an expression of worship? Can forgiving an unworthy, unrepentant, ungrateful, offender who does not deserve our forgiveness be not a “necessity” but a glory? I think it is worth considering. Is being Godly hard? Sure is. Is it worth every effort? We consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. Romans 8:18.

FWIW
KP

Teaching scriptures

Matthew 6:12
And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors.

Matthew 6:14-15
"For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Matthew 18:21-22 (NKJV)
Then Peter came to Him and said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.

Matthew 18:35
So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."

Mark 11:25-26
“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.”

Luke 6:37
"Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Luke 7:47-48
Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little." Then He said to her, “Your sins are forgiven.”

God said this about Himself:
Exodus 34:6-7
“The LORD, the LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children’s children to the third and the fourth generation." *

2 Likes
14

Our example is always God and Jesus. They forgive all who repent and they keep on forgiving us when we repeatedly sin and repent.

The really difficulty is dealing with both those who will not acknowledge they have hurt/offended one and ones feelings about them.
One deals with these by handing everything over to God, telling him about the incident, the people and ones feelings.
Then one prays for the good of the offenders and prays regularly.

Its not a case of graciously forgiving the unrepentant, but a case of letting God deal with them and with oneself, while seeking their benefit/good.

15

Who-me, I respect your pursuit of truth. You’re bringing the pain to God, praying for the offender, and seeking their good. That’s commendable and biblical.

But forgiveness in Scripture is not delayed until repentance shows up. It’s modeled after Christ. He forgave while they were still driving nails through His hands. He didn’t wait for their hearts to change. He moved first.

You said it’s not about graciously forgiving the unrepentant. But that’s exactly what Jesus and Stephen did. They didn’t excuse the sin. They didn’t reconcile. But they released the debt and entrusted justice to God.

Forgiveness is not a reward for good behavior. It’s a reflection of the cross. It frees you. It honors God. And it clears the bitterness that creeps in while we wait for an apology that may never come.

Pray. Set boundaries. Seek their good. But forgive. Not because they deserve it. Because Christ already paid for it.

Sincere Seeker. Scripturally savage. Here for the Truth.

2 Likes
16

You are the one who must forgive, not them. When you want to learn what it means to be a Christian, expand Matthew 5-7, then turn to John 3:1-21, and always read slowly and say each word clearly.

I us an outline when reading or studying the Bible, It is far superior to chapter and verse numbers. A reason for the decline in Christianity is a watered down Gospel. Add to that incomplete scripture and it is washed away. This is where the outline shines, it tells you where it begins, where it ends and who is speaking.

Just 1 verse (Matthew 6:15) does not provide you with what your looking for, but reading Matthew 5-7 does. Ask questions, I will answer them

17

The world is sick in sin. People are lost in the weeds. We cannot expect people to act as if they have been perfected yet.

Even Christians are still working through their salvation, being transformed by the Holy Spirit. Awareness, healing, being challenged to mature and rise up out of the muck- that is where we are.

On one hand, we forgive others to pass the blessing on. As God keeps this world in His Grace, we are representing that grace in this world. This is why we forgive them for their sake.

We also forgive them for our sake. Becauae unforgiveness can block our healing. We must let it go in order to be free of it. Holding on to unforgiveness hurts us more than the other person, especially someone who cannot understand the hurt they have caused.

Forgiveness is not the same as creating and maintaining healthy boundaries. The law of love is a balanced law. We love others as we love oursleves which means we must love ourselves too. Recharging, healing, giving oursleves what we need.

We can love someone without letting them willingly harm us. And parents must love their children in a manner that ensures their survival, that the child does not harm themselves. Allowing a small child to have free reign without question can lead to them getting hurt. Love must include saying, “NO,” on occasion. This does not mean a parent goes on to disown the child if love is not returned when the rule is set or correction is given. Nor does it mean that the parent’s love is any less real for setting a boundary in place.

Mental illness is on the rise in our country as is a definciency of mental capacity. There is a reason why test scores keep getting worse each year. There is a willing ignorance of common knowledge, a lack of interest in knowing facts or truth. Along with this, not all adults understand boundaries. They are little more than children themselves in this respect except they have way more capacity to cause harm with the limited understanding that they have. Gun violence is on the rise because people believe being angry is a good enough reason to shoot. There is a disconnect in reason that prevents them from seeing that the reaction is extreme. And they don’t have the skills to deescalate confllict. The assault to the ego is treated like a mortal wound that must be avenged, because they cannot accept being shown up..

When Christ said to turn the other cheek, this is meant to counter, “EYE FOR AN EYE” vengeance. We are called to end the cycle of violence. Someone must accept thay blow to the ego and walk away to stop the killing blow.

But Turn the Other Cheek has nothing to do with willingly putting ourseleves in harm’s way with someone who does not mean our best good. We are called to be wise as snakes but innocent as doves. Understand the situation and act from a place of knowledge rather than respond based on hurt feelings and expectations of behaviors that not everyone shares. Especially people who cannot accept blame or personal responsibility.

18

Sorry both Jesus and Stephen prayed to God the Father for Him to forgive.
It shows there willingness to forgive, but that they were not forgiving their killers at that moment.

19

@Who-me.
I see what you are saying here, and I understand that perspective. Ultimately, all sin is against God Himself, as he is the standard of righteousness. Even sins we commit against each other are sins against God and His righteousness. David, when he was confronted with his horrible sin against Bathsheba, Uriah, and the entire nation of Israel prayed:

“Against You, You only, have I sinned, And done this evil in Your sight-- That You may be found just when You speak, And blameless when You judge.” Psalm 51:4

These two examples given by @SincereSeeker were men who understood this reality; who knew the sins committed against them were ultimately against the righteousness of The Only Righteous One; and thus they prayed His forgiveness on their behalf.

Most, if not all sins committed against us are probably at least partially deserved, if not directly, indirectly. Only the one who is without sin is eligible to cast any stone. We forgive others as we have been forgiven by God. If God waited for our repentance before he forgave, not only would that make our salvation a response to our works, but I have no doubt God would be waiting still.

Peace, in Jesus the ultimate forgiver.
KP

20

There are two aspects of forgiveness by God.
1/ Through Jesus’s death and resurection ALL sins are forgiven.
2/ That forgiveness is only applied when a sinner repents.

We must be willing to forgive, in cases of severe hurt that is often only through the given grace of God, recieved through praying about the incident, the people involved and about ones feelings.

If they say sorry we then have to forgive.
If they don’t we continue to pray about the incident our feelings and for the people.