How do you talk to people the have different beliefs?

General Faith
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Hello guys, I just need some advice. For context, I was talking to my family member about drunkenness (we are both Christians). I had mentioned my concerns about another family member’s drinking habits and asked if maybe we should talk to them. I added the fact that the Bible doesn’t say we can’t drink, but it does warn us about falling into drunkenness. She started to go back and forth with me about how our family member is an adult and can make his own decision, and that we shouldn’t get involved.

She also mentioned that not every Christian thinks the way I do, and some people don’t follow the Bible, and it’s okay to have fun. She also mentioned how she’s gotten drunk, and that it’s normal as an adult. I told her even though it’s considered normal, it doesn’t mean it’s healthy or okay to do. She then argued that not everyone wants to live a ‘pure’ life like me and claimed that I was being a judgmental Christian.

I tried to tell her that I sin and I’m not perfect or pure, but we continued to go back and forth. She also said she doesn’t think as I do, and added that not everyone sees through my rose-tinted Jesus glasses. More was said, but you get the point.

I feel a bit discouraged by this interaction. Every time I talk to people who have different beliefs/opinions about God, I end up feeling a lot of regret. I try to speak with “wisdom”, but I don’t know if I have enough wisdom, so everything that I say comes off as me being harsh and judgmental. I also wonder if I said the wrong thing, but I’m new to discussing my faith and my beliefs with others. How do you know you’re saying the right thing? How do you engage with people who hold different opinions? Any tips?

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I find it beyond coincidental that before reading your post, this was my daily C.S. Lewis,

TO ARTHUR GREEVES: On his brother’s admission to an Oxford hospital, for treatment of alcoholism; and on the meaning of vicarious suffering, or what Lewis will call, in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe*, the “Deeper Magic,” mentioned above in his letter to Sister Penelope, 19 November 1941.*

2 July 1949

Thanks for your most kind and comforting letter—like a touch of a friend’s hand in a dark place. For it is much darker than I feared. W’s trouble is to be called ‘nervous insomnia’ in speaking to Janie and others; but in reality (this for your private ear) it is Drink. This bout started about ten days ago. Last Sunday the doctor and I begged him to go into a nursing home (that has always effectively ended previous bouts) and he refused. Yesterday we succeeded in getting him in; but alas, too late. The nursing home has announced this morning that he is out of control and they refuse to keep him. Today a mental specialist is to see him and he will be transferred, I hope for a short stay, to what is called a hospital but is really an asylum. Naturally there is no question of a later Irish jaunt for me this year. A few odd days here and there in England is the best I can hope for.

Don’t imagine I doubt for a moment that what God sends us must be sent in love and will all be for the best if we have grace to use it so. My mind doesn’t waver on this point; my feelings sometimes do. That’s why it does me good to hear what I believe repeated in your voice—it being the rule of the universe that others can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves and one can paddle every canoe except one’s own. That is why Christ’s suffering for us is not a mere theological dodge but the supreme case of the law that governs the whole world; and when they mocked him by saying, ‘He saved others, himself he cannot save,’ [Matthew 27:42; Mark 15:31] they were really uttering, little as they knew it, the ultimate law of the spiritual world.

From The Collected Letters of C.S. Lewis, Volume II
Compiled in Yours, Jack

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First, what you do is establish the epistemic foundation.
A Christian does not enter dialogue as a relativist negotiating truth claims, but as one who believes truth is objective and grounded in God’s self-revelation. “Sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you”[1] (~1 Peter 3.15). The term “answer” translates ἀπολογία, a reasoned defense. Therefore conversation is not mere opinion exchange; it is rational defense of revealed truth.

Second, regulate tone and disposition.
The same verse binds apologetic to character: “with meekness and fear.” Meekness is not intellectual timidity but disciplined strength under control. Paul likewise instructs, “The servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient”[2] (~2 Timothy 2.24–25). Thus correction is firm yet not quarrelsome.

Third, understand the spiritual anthropology involved.
Different beliefs are not merely intellectual variance; Scripture locates unbelief in the moral and spiritual condition of man. “The natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God”[3] (~1 Corinthians 2.14). Therefore persuasion is not manipulation; it depends upon divine illumination. This guards against pride and despair.

Fourth, expose underlying presuppositions.
Proverbs instructs, “Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit”[4] (~Proverbs 26.5). This does not endorse insult; it means entering a worldview to reveal its internal incoherence. One shows how alternative belief systems fail to account for logic, morality, meaning, or hope without borrowing from the very framework they deny. This is principled engagement, not hostile rhetoric.

Fifth, center the conversation on Christ crucified and risen.
Paul did not ground dialogue in abstract theism but in redemptive fact. “We preach Christ crucified”[5] (~1 Corinthians 1.23). The cross addresses guilt; the resurrection establishes divine vindication. “If Christ be not raised, your faith is vain”[6] (~1 Corinthians 15.17). Therefore conversation must eventually move from abstraction to the historical and theological claims of the gospel.

Sixth, aim at repentance, not victory.
Dialogue is not scored like a debate. The goal is transformation. “God… now commandeth all men every where to repent”[7] (~Acts 17.30). The Christian speaks as a witness, not as a mere intellectual combatant.

Seventh, guard your own speech.
“Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt”[8] (~Colossians 4.6). Salt preserves and sharpens; grace prevents corruption. Truth without grace hardens. Grace without truth dissolves.

In summary, you speak to those of different beliefs with rational clarity, covenantal confidence, spiritual realism, moral gentleness, and unwavering focus on the cross and resurrection. You neither dilute truth nor weaponize it. You reason, you expose assumptions, you proclaim Christ, and you entrust the outcome to God.

J.

  1. But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear. - KJV ↩︎

  2. And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth. - KJV ↩︎

  3. But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. - KJV ↩︎

  4. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit. - KJV ↩︎

  5. But we preach Christ crucified, unto the Jews a stumblingblock, and unto the Greeks foolishness. - KJV ↩︎

  6. And if Christ be not raised, your faith is vain; ye are yet in your sins. - KJV ↩︎

  7. And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent. - KJV ↩︎

  8. Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man. - KJV ↩︎