What if a guy in your church comes to you personally and says he thinks his family (parents, siblings) is keeping him out of relationships with women because of some “special needs” or/and they think they see something in him that scares them. But whatever the scenario, you know this guy enough that what they are supposedly saying about him doesn’t match up to what you see or know about him…???
I guess it would depend on several factors right? I know it’s not an easy question…
Well.. first off my parents divorced when I was 11 and they died hating each others guts.. I come from a broken family but the thing is it’s complicated to explain my circumstances… I’m 55 living with my sister and her family she’s basically my caregiver..She looks out for me more or less. But all through these years it seemed that I have been prevented from certain kinds of relationships.. it was only confirmed more or less. Besides they really didn’t have to put much effort into that anyway because of my social problem or special needs or whatever I was unable to emotionally connect with another person. I even tried to force myself but… I can’t even explain that.. But what I ALWAYS found frustrating is why people on the outside of my family like church seems so astonished and shocked that I am in this position.. And I can’t even explain myself. This leads me to believe that my family was wrong in doing what they did with me. BUT they have seen things in me that no one has seen. I keep conveniently forgetting that. And that makes me feel like a 2-faced phony…
What do you do in the way of work?Do you have a job that enables you to contribute to the household expenses or do you help clean the house, do dishes, laundry etc
I ask this because if you don’t do either of this things there will be a valid reason why you have been discouraged from forming a relationship with women.
I think the first part of your message got deleted, because I never saw the question… I’m on my iPhone so maybe if I switched I can see the whole message.
Ok I saw it on my Mac. It’s in one line.. I can do basic cleaning. I can do my own laundry. I can’t cook… I can’t watch over babies and children. I don’t really have that authoritive quality to be responsible for children. I tend to panic when something goes wrong with children. That seemed to be my family’s main concern.
What I was trying to get at was, if you can hold down a job that enables one to rent an apartment and pay the bills etc, then one should also be able to have a relationship with someone.
The other issue is have you been diagnosed with a form of learning disability?
A therapist would be most qualified to deal with this situation.
If there is a special need, the therapist can help while remaining neutral and unbiased in the situation.
If the person needs an advocate because his family is gaslighting him or there is some other issue involved like a cult influence, a therapist would be able to spot it and connect him to some resources to help him get away..
@Dbay You may be the best person to answer your question. If you are looking to meet other singles, get out to your church, library or get online; it certainly seems people find romance (or it finds them) in all ways - ever watch TV, such as the TLC channel?
Or, perhaps you should embrace your lifestyle of singleness. This is a great topic with accompanying article Is Singleness a Season to End—or a Calling to Embrace?
No im not looking for any relationship anymore. Basicly, it’s like this: After what my family has experienced from me over the years and the way society is now, their biggest fear is those 2 elements do not mix. In me sister’s words I am a target not not just for being a white Christian male who’s probably a MAGA but special needs with “intellectual disability” what my mom used to say… I shouldn’t even be walking around in town by myself. I even had a stepfather that said we’re protecting you from yourself” In my younger years they have seen and experienced emotional instability, even altercations from me. I have trusted people who should not have been trusted, I’m unable to hold a job. Ironically the only member of my family that ever said if I continue on this path, you will never have a wife was my bio blood dad who converted me to Christ but did NOT live it, please refer to one of my other posts. You might find that all my posts here are somewhat connected. This is why I wanted to PM. In all this you might find I brought this on myself. There was a friend in Mexico whose father was a pastor the last thing he told me was “Your family was only reacting to what you shown them.” If I can ask one thing, what do you think of that statement?
Part of it is… and I’m afraid to say this because I never said it before because I know what it implies… so I’m really sticking my neck out. My family was always afraid that I would be abusive to a wife and child… Please don’t ask why I felt like I already TMId… I wish I could share more…
